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1995 10

From: Roger Noe (noe_sal.cs.uiuc.edu)
Subject: Re: Askme Hell
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/10/01

Aaron Mandelbaum <adm4_po.cwru.edu> wrote:
>jfurr_acpub.duke.edu (Joel K. Furr) writes:
>>IMHO, askme should be disabled except when the queue is very full.
>How big is the queue, anyway?

Mine's 9 inches. How big's yours?

Oh, you said QUEUE...never mind.

From: Tom Harrington (tph_...)
I *think* he meant the *Oracle's* queue...

From: Tom Harrington (tph_...)
Subject: Re: The Anti-Oracle's Digest
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/10/26

Richard_molerat... wrote:
: This is an unsettling issue you've raised, Tom. Like, I suspect, many other incarnations, I have no conscious control when possessed by the muse of the Oracle. I just wake up hours later with a blinding headache (mortal brains being poor vessels of omniscience), surrounded by empty beer cans and the occasional pool of vomit, and no recollection whatever of what I have written.

Me, too. That's why I don't answer questions at work any more. But life's a lot better since I got a laptop and declared myself a "performance artist". Now the NEA (that's "National Endowment for the Arts", to non-'Merkins) funds my responses.

: Nevertheless, I faithfully believed until now that it was the Oracle using me to spread sweetness and light.
: Now you're suggesting some other, more sinister power could be at work.

As I understand it, the Anti-Oracle is not "sinister", but rather the opposite of the Oracle's omniscience. He's as dumb as the Oracle is wise, as crude as the Oracle is eloquent, etc. So it's more of a hopelessly clueless moron incarnating as you... For certain authors, the difference is no doubt a slight one.

: How can we protect ourselves? How will we even be able to tell? Hmm... I wonder if I can turn my neck around 360 degrees? Nnggg... nnnggkkk... ow!

If you *think* you can do this, but can't... I'd watch my step.

From: iddavis_vms.cis.pitt.edu (iddavis_vms.cis.pitt.edu)
Subject: Re: #784-01: only 2.8? It's a sore point.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/10/25

tph_... (Tom Harrington) writes:
> What happened to Preparations I, J, and K? Should I ask the Oracle? And is it true that "Preparation X" was actually a secret military project in the 1950s, designed to give the Soviets terminal hemmorhoids?

Hmm, terminal haemorrhoids. Horrible nasty painful things hanging off a computer terminal. AKA supplicants, sysadmins... Not Priests. Definitely not. On second thoughts, please disregard this post.

From: Roger Noe (noe_sal.cs.uiuc.edu)
Subject: Re: Undigested and uneaten.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/10/20

Aaron Mandelbaum <adm4_po.cwru.edu> wrote:
>grryph_aol.com (Grryph) writes:
>>> Can you give me the top ten ways to make sure you get an answer published?
>>} 4. Bribe the Oracle Priests.
>For the record, this doesn't work.

For the record, you have to go higher than $5.

From: Richard Wilson (Richard_molerat.demon.co.uk)
Subject: Re: lemurs and woodchucks?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/10/09

jdweller_csupomona.edu "JUSTIS WELLER" writes:
> I am a clueless newbie, but really dig the greatness which is the mighty Usenet Oracle. I am, however, curious about the references to lemurs and woodchucks. Will anyone fill me in?

Readily explained. Lemurs irritate the Oracle by continually bombarding him questions about one Joel Furr; we have no idea who this person is. If you've seen any of the Oracle's responses to these questions, you'll have noticed he tends to get a trifle tetchy.

W**dch*cks played a significant role in an embarrassing and fairly salacious episode early on in the Oracle's career, which none of his devotees would ever be so indiscreet as to refer to except by allusion. You'd best ask the Oracle himself. He won't ZOT you. Well, he mightn't. Um... but just in case, don't tell him I suggested it.

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