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1995 09

From: Tom Harrington (tph...)
Subject: Re: repeated Q's [was: Re: automatic custom-made questions]
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/10/02

jfurr... (Joel K. Furr) wrote:
: tph... (Tom Harrington) wrote:
: > jcl1008... (Jeremy Longley) wrote:
: >> Nathan D Green : <ngreen...> wrote:
: >>>You don't need an original question to get an original answer....
: >> exactly... What about it then, guys? Joel?
: > That's just what I was wondering. What, exactly, does Joel Furr think about all this?
: It's kind of pointless.
<Joel's views on the Oracle snipped>

YHBT. YHL. HAND. <You Have Been Trolled. You Have Lost. Have A Nice Day.>

From: Tom Harrington (tph...)
Subject: Re: This is lame.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/14

cpsmile... (Christine L. Penney ) wrote:
: Whoever answered my very creative and painfully thought out supplication to Oracle from his long lost triplet Andacle with a thougtless one-line zot, you suck.

"Andacle"? Let me guess, the third triplet was "Notacle", right?

And then, of course, there are the triplet anti-Oracles, Noracle, Nandacle, and, uh, "Bufferacle", right?

From: iddavisvms.cis.pitt.edu (iddavisvms.cis.pitt.edu)
Subject: Re: This is lame.
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/14

CPsmile... (Christine L. Penney ) writes:
> Well, actually it was Adacle, Oracle, and Butacle, but those were nice guesses. =)

Lucky you didn't include the test model. <Testacle. Argh. -Hetta>

From: Tom Harrington (tphrmii.com)
Subject: Re: Questions for the Priesthood
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/24

noe... (Roger Noe) wrote:
: >2. Do you ever edit before placing in digests?
: Occasionally. There are probably a few Priests who never do, but almost all of us, if given a brilliant but horribly formatted submission, will do something about it (without changing the content) before approving it for the Digest. If we don't, Kinzler probably will, since he's the Digest editor. I've corrected spellings here and there, where it had nothing to do with the humor and was simply the result of user ignorance.

Occasionally you also mess up the spellings! Like in 651-08, when the words "potato shaped" came out in the digest as "potatshaped". But it was well-received so I guess I can drop the grudge, take your picture off of my dart board, recall the hit men, remove all that nasty stuff I added to your credit report, etc.

From: Mike Means (meansbigdog.engr.arizona.edu)
Subject: Re: Questions for the Priesthood
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/28

Roger Noe (noesal.cs.uiuc.edu) wrote:
[High quality snipage for half the price!!!]
: Please also erase the falsehoods you've written about me on women's toilet stalls. There seem to be a great many women who are avoiding me, apparently because they believe I've taken some holy vow of chastity.

A quote from a psuedo-friend of mine:
"I'm not celibate by choice, I'm celebate by popular appeal."

From: David Sewell (dsew...)
Subject: Re: Clueless Oracles?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/13

Tom Harrington <tph...> wrote:
>Am I really the only one here who has heard of Larry Canter and Martha Siegel?

Actually, as Brad Templeton of Clarinet has been urging, the more we can do to insure they are forgotten (i.e., to let their urge for publicity sputter and die), the better, so maybe it's a good sign you hit a lot of people who haven't.

I wrote a little fantasy on this topic a while back; if AT&T would fix the !#$#$#$ microwave relay linking my Web server to the universe I could just post a URL to it, but I'll have to strip out the HTML and plug it in here:

[The quotation is from ad copy for their Harper-Collins book, which also referred to C&S as "trailblazers" on the Internet:]

If you're on the Net, you know who they are. If you've ever been interested in the future of on-line communication, you should find out.

True, so far as it goes. But then if Harper-Collins had been peddling "Mein Kampf" in the early '30s they with equal truth could have written, "If you're in Europe you know who he is. If you've ever been interested in the future of the industrial democracies, you should find out."

You know, I'm beginning to see Canter and Siegel as almost irrelevant. It's all in Tolstoy, in "War and Peace": they're the village idiots who just happened to be in the right place when History caught them up and made them into petty Napoleons. I don't think their decline is going to be quite so noteworthy, though. Actually the ad folk got it right with the "trailblazer" parallel: most of the mountain-men, fur trappers, and Indian scouts on the Western frontier were opportunistic mercenaries whose brief freedom to flout civilization lasted only until the railroads and Eastern capital caught up with them, made them outmoded, and left most of the ones who survived penniless and forgotten.

Yep, one can imagine Larry and Martha in a cyber-bar 5 or 10 years from now, blearily buttonholing some rising young hacker or exec who looks with some dismay on their threadbare clothes and manic eyes as they shout, "We're Canter and Siegel, dammit! CANTER AND SIEGEL! Don't tell me you never heard of the Great Green Card Spam of '94?"-- pulling out their torn, faded, beer-stained copy of the New York Times ad as their quarry backs away with a polite "I'm sure that's wonderful, I've got to get back to the office, Linux 5.0 just got uploaded to sunsite, I'm sure you'll understand..." ... Telling his or her spouse that night, "I met the *strangest* pair of bums today, claimed they practically *invented* the Internet..."

From: Richard Wilson (Richardmolerat.demon.co.uk)
Subject: Re: Help
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/24

ebolapaol.com "EbolaP" writes:
> Please send help re: how to use this group.
This is worrying. Some months ago the Oracle assured everyone that the Ebola virus could not be transmitted through the Net. Orrie, you forgot to take AOL into account again -- *anything* is possible there.

From: Roger Noe (noesal.cs.uiuc.edu)
Subject: Re: University of Illinois
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/21

James C. H. Lee <jcl5...> wrote:
>Why doesn't the people who are responsible for Usenet Oracle (i.e. U. of I, Steve Kinzler) participate in this newsgroup?

Wrong "I", James. The Oracle's mailbox is in INDIANA, a Midwest state which can only dream of being as great as its magnificent neighbor Illinois. So far about the only things Indiana is known for are The Usenet Oracle, a car race, and Dan Quayle. But at least Indiana isn't Wisconsin, which is known only for its cheese. And Wisconsin is a step above Iowa, which isn't known for much of anything except cow poop. One of these days they're going to get their first computer in Iowa, to be located in the cleverly named Iowa City, which will be used for keeping track of the total amount of methane emitted by the millions of cows that outnumber the people in Iowa three to one, although they're nearly equal in aggregate weight. (Iowans eat lots of Wisconsin cheese.)

So much for Midwest geography. The Oracle's mailbox is in Indiana merely for the reason of minimizing the average e-mail latency throughout the Internet. The professors, deans, and trustees of the University of Indiana (motto: "If Dan Quayle can get in, so can you") have nothing to do with the Oracle, whose existence is beyond their comprehension. Steve Kinzler was consigned to a lifetime of watching the Oracle's mailbox for committing unnatural acts with woodchucks, he's usually too busy to post here. The rest of the Priesthood wouldn't be caught dead in Indiana, except for the ones who have been exiled to Penn State and (gasp) North Carolina. However, some of us do occasionally post here when we've got nothing better to do.

You owe the Oracle a bust of Dan Quayle molded from 2.507 million cubic meters of Iowa cow poop.

From: iddavisvms.cis.pitt.edu (iddavisvms.cis.pitt.edu)
Subject: Re: University of Illinois
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/22

jfurracpub.duke.edu (Joel K. Furr) writes:
> I'm a Virginian.

And you should be proud! It's so unusual these days to find somebody willing to save themselves for Ms. Right, let alone having the strength of character to admit it to everybody on the net. Still, now at least now we know the root cause of your problem.


From: Don Schneider (dondobest.com)
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularities Digest #777
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/20

jkluckhohnjk.win.net (James C. Kluckhohn) wrote (to rhod, not TIO):
> Oh great omnipotent, omnicient, and omnipresent Oracle, answer my question please:
> How are clouds held together?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

> Duct tape.

From: Drew Clark (clarkcpd125.cpd.ford.com)
Subject: Re: Anyone know what this one means?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/20

pkittynetcom.com (Pee Kitty) writes:
|> > Oh wise Oracle, whose tellme queues are always the highest in demand, please answer my humble question...
|> >
|> > Why do some potato chips have ridges while others don't?
|> And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
|> } The feather is full of huge ants.

[Introduced with a Don Adam's "Would you believe..."]

The ridges are produced in a manufacturing technique called 'feathering'. This derives from definition 2c of feather: ATTIRE, DRESS and related to definition 2d: CONDITION, MOOD.

Potato chips are known myrmecological attractants (that is, attract ants). If you have a picnic with potato chips present, it is tautological that you have ants present.

There is a limit to the number of large ants any single ridge, or feather, can accomodate before prompting a morphological morphallaxis. This critical point occurs when "the feather is full of huge ants."

To provide this answer without proper explanation is a solenaceous solecism.

From: Nemosoft Unv. (nemosoftvoid.uucp)
Subject: You know when you've read too much Oracularities...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/18

...when you begin to type this in your source code at 6 in the morning:

else {

/* The source of wgetnstr() is clearly bugged. If echo() has been set prior to this function, characters are put on the screen but not put in the buffer. If echo() is off you don't see what you type!

So what do you do:? You patch ncurses. :-P
The workaround would have been to scan the screen directly from the window. Nice when you're getting some garbage over your screen:
"What is your name?": Jeol[D[D[Doel Furr

"What is your quest?": T0 D3STR0Y TH3 U$ENET 0RACLE, D00D
*duh? something's wrong here...*

"What is the speed of an unladdened sparrow?": *GLUP* Uhm...
Orrie... please?

i = wgetnstr(stdscr, Help, VeldenLen[HuidigVeld] - 1);

I admit, I was bored because I had to recompile the whole ncurses-lib because of one friggin' bug :-(.

<JF was really annoying, back in '95, on rhod. Do a google search for "From: Joel K. Furr" and you'll see what I mean. -Hetta>

From: Richard Wilson (Richardmolerat.demon.co.uk)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1995/09/09

stefraffelaol.com "StefRaffel" writes:
>Candy466 (candy466aol.com) wrote:
>>HELP! I hate being ignorant and I hate taking up your time, but I am so new to this whole online/internet thing. Please please be patient with this virgin. I really want information about what Oracles are and how to properly utilize this area.
> All right you guys, bite your tongues. No wise cracks. On your best behavior. We have a virgin amongst us and she should be treated with the sincerest kindness (we were all there once ourselves; remember YOUR first?) I think I need to have a heart-to-heart with the potential supplicant here. Candy, I'll e-mail you directly :-)

My first what? Am I missing out on something?

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