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1996 12

From: Tom "Tom" Harrington (tph,rmii.com)
Subject: Re: Welcome a new Priest to the ranks?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/12/05

Paul <zymurge,atl.mindspring.com> wrote:
> sford,MCS.COM (Steve Ford) wrote:
> >*Sigh* Anybody want to buy a 4" spanner, cheap?
> Oh boy, am *I* embarassed. I went out and bought a 4" spammer. Still for nothing.

Send him to me. He'll get along well with my 12" pianist.

From: Tom Harrington (tph,rainbow.rmii.com)
Subject: Re: Funny New Site
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/12/13

Richard Wilson (Richard,molerat.demon.co.uk) wrote:
: I was tempted to make some cheap crack about AOLers and moving their lips when they read, to tie in with the thread higher up, but Bigfoot lists about 20 Richard Wilsons with aol.com addresses, so it's too risky.

What, you mean that you're not sure if one of them is you? Thanks to Alta Vista, I discovered that there are in fact several Tom Harringtons posting to Usenet. So far, though, I still know which one is me and which ones aren't.

From: Mark Lawrence (lawrence.4,pop.service.ohio-state.edu)
Subject: Re: Clueless supplicants, I expect. But...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/12/06

Ben Fisher wrote:
> The scary thing is, I saw in my local CompUSA a book actually titled: "America Online for Dummies"

I saw it too...actually, I saw a placard for it, but not the actual book. Apparently, you have to ask for it, and they screen you, making certain that you really ARE a dummy. The screening process involves calling AOL and confirming that you are a member.

From: Tom "Tom" Harrington (tph,rmii.com)
Subject: Re: Knowledge Page for Singles
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/12/19

Anthony F. Badalamenti <afjb,ix.netcom.com> wrote:
> Success FAQs on Singles, Dating & Relationships.

From the table of Contents:

1. Singles

  1. 45 RPM Vinyl Records
  2. Cassette singles
  3. CD Singles

2. Dating

  1. Basic Concepts of the Calendar
  2. Establishing the current date
  3. Milk-carton expiration dates
  4. Carbon Dating

3. Relationships

  1. < and <=
  2. > and >=
  3. ==
  4. !=
  5. strcmp

> Based on decades of research and testing.

...just in case you REALLY want to know about the above topics.

From: Bill Sutton (wrs,hpuerca.atl.hp.com)
Subject: Re: Xmas Humor
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/12/23

Richard Wilson (Richard,molerat.demon.co.uk) wrote:
: tph,rmii.com "Tom "Tom" Harrington" writes:
: > Richard Wilson <Richard,molerat.demon.co.uk> wrote:
: > > Trying to figure out how to add the Southern Hemisphere to his killfile
: > Just killfile everything with a From: that matches *.au and *.nz, it does wonders. I hear that doing the same for *.uk has a most pleasing effect as well.
: That still leaves Easter Island, South Georgia and 3 complete continents. Some of those GET RICH QUICK!!! spams from penguins really get on my nerves.

Southern Hemisphere spams, HA. I think it's purely temperature related. I want to killfile most of the northern tundra (I'm really getting tired of MAKE MUKLUKS FAST!!! and NEW WORLDWIDE WALRUS SITE!), but as the domain names keep changing (nwt? inu? tba?) I can't keep up ...

From: Paul (zymurge,atl.mindspring.com)
Subject: Re: Paper
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/11/27

eek,escape.ca (Tony Mantler) wrote:
>} If still in doubt, read "Johnathan Livingston Seagull"!

I missed the first book, but the second one was great! It was called "Jonathan Livingston Sequel."

From: Al Corvino (corvino,rohan.sdsu.edu)
Subject: Re: Deviation from standard Q&A format risky...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/12/27

Just to keep the topic drifting right along..... Over in the news.admin.abuse.email (not the right name by I'm too lazy to look it up) someone is trying to start a new urban legend about MMF scams. The idea behind it is that serial killers are getting the names of their victims off of the 5 names on the MMF list... Look for the FBI warning on your local 5 o'clock news soon....

From: Tom Harrington (tph,rainbow.rmii.com)
Subject: Re: Thought you'd like this one...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/12/24

Ariel Scolnicov (ariels,pita.cs.huji.ac.il) wrote:
: kirsten,spike.wellesley.edu (Kirsten Chevalier) writes:
: > John Harrington (mesmer,ix.netcom.com) wrote:
: > [snipped: last two elements of Digest #874 with no commentary added]
: > Tom, I think you forgot to give your evil twin his medication today.
: ? evil quintuplets, no?

No. Did you ever see "Buckaroo Banzai", where all the aliens were disguised as humans, and all used the first name "John", with a variety of last names? It's just like that but in reverse; we're an invasion force, all using the last name "Harrington".

: Is this one John "Tom", Tom "John", "John" Tom, or "Tom" John Harrington?

I don't know about "John", but in my case it's "Tom ""Tom"" 'Tom' <Tom> (Tom) Harrington".

From: Richard Wilson (Richard,molerat.demon.co.uk)
Subject: Re: Ahem. Excuse me...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/12/29

jwilloug,gate.net "Jason Willoughby" writes:
> Tony (tonyh,xmission.com) wrote:
> : Arranging his smegma shields ( he's got 'em even though he has no idea what "smegma" is)
> It's, uh, well... Shoot, just go to Europe, everyone over here is circumsized...

You mean I've been Jewish all this time and never realised it? Oy gewalt!

Oh no, hang on, he says "circumsized". It must have something to do with distance around the waist. Hey! Who you calling fat, putz?

From: Tom "Tom" Harrington (tph,rmii.com)
Subject: Re: luncheon "meat"
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/12/30

Prime <Prime,AMX.NET> wrote:
> All right, i'll bite - what IS the chemical make up of Spam?

Actually, it turns out that Spam is an element, one of the fundamental building blocks of the universe. Spam (symbol: Sp) has an atomic weight of 10.5 from Monday to Friday, 12.5 on weekends, and 8.75 on national holidays. It is highly toxic.

It's also one of the many things that make Wendy, Wendamatica feel faint. I still don't know if this is because she finds it repulsive, or because she finds it so wonderful that she just can't deal with it any other way.

Date: 25 Dec 1996 14:33:53 GMT (date may be off; it's not in dejagoogle; instead, it's rescued off ahbou)
Subject: Re: Thought you'd like this one...
From: jota,laraby.tiac.net (Admiral Jota)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d

magick,newshost.li.net (Magick Man) writes:
>Michael Will (michaelw,worldnet.att.net) wrote:
>: WAY K3WL!
>Is it just my imagination, or did the average IQ in here just go negative?

It's just you're imagination. It's always been like that around here.

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