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1996 07

From: Kim Moser (kim_crossover.com)
Subject: Re: New!!! Exciting!!! Well, almost exciting!!! (Spam parody for rhod)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/07/22

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply <on rhod>.
Your question was:

> Oracle, would you please dial 1-800-AUTO-ZOT? Thanks!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle <on rhod>:

} [Scene: some time in the 1970's. The Oracle is dialing the phone.]
}
} "Thank you for calling Auto-*ZOT* Enterprises. If you have a touch-tone phone, please press 1 now. If you have a rotary phone, please stay on the line."
}
} [Oracle presses "1."]
}
} "Thank you. Using your touch-tone keypad, please spell the make and model of the auto you wish to *ZOT*. For Q and Z, use the zero key. When you are done, please press the pound key."
}
} [Oracle types F-O-R-D-#-P-I-N-T-O-#.]
}
} "Thank you. You have selected...FORD...PINTO...If this is correct, press 1 now."
}
} [Oracle presses "1."]
}
} "Thank you. The...FORD...PINTO...will be *ZOT*ted upon rear impact."
}
} [Oracle hangs up.]
}
} You owe the Oracle a G.M. pickup truck with side-mounted fuel tanks.


From: Tom "Tom" Harrington (tph_rmii.com)
Subject: Re: New!!! Exciting!!! Well, almost exciting!!! (Spam parody for rhod)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/07/23

Kim Moser <kim_crossover.com> wrote:
> } "Thank you. Using your touch-tone keypad, please spell the make and model of the auto you wish to *ZOT*. For Q and Z, use the zero key. When you are done, please press the pound key."
> } [Oracle types F-O-R-D-#-P-I-N-T-O-#.]

Oh, my. I guess the Oracle had a lot of free time on his hands, with nothing better to do than dial this code over and over...

> } "Thank you. You have selected...FORD...PINTO...If this is correct, press 1 now."
> } [Oracle presses "1."]
> } "Thank you. The...FORD...PINTO...will be *ZOT*ted upon rear impact."

Did the Oracle ever call this number and dial "T-W-A-#-8-0-0"? Or would this be the wrong phone number for that code?


From: David Hinerman (dhiner_freenet.columbus.oh.us)
Subject: Re: New!!! Exciting!!! Well, almost exciting!!! (Spam parody for rhod)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/07/29

Shawn K. Quinn (skquinn_brokersys.com) wrote:
: Brent Eric Edwards <edwardsb_hotplate.cs.rpi.edu> wrote:
: >----========> 1 - 800 - AUTO ZOT <=========-----
: >This little number can provide you with hundreds, even THOUSANDS of dollars! By stealing^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H researching the technology used by the very Internet Oracle himself, we have stolen^H^H^H^H^H^H duplicated the very powerful Wand of Zot that the Oracle himself uses!
: No, no, no...
: 1-900-AUTO-ZOT
: 900, not 800! $5 for the first one zillion volts, $2.50 for each additional zillion volts.

Overheard last night:

[sounds of phone being dialed]

"Hello, operator? I'd like to make a conference call. Yes, charge it to my phone card."

[caller recites card number]

"Two other numbers. The first is 1-900-AUTO-ZOT...No, ZOT. Zee-Oh-Tee. Right. Yes, I understand the charges. The second line is 1-800-PSYCHIC."

[pause]

"What's that? They're ALREADY IN CONFERENCE? Cool! Tell you what - go ahead and give the 900 number another twenty bucks from me.

"Yes, I understand the charge. I'll bet the psychic does to, by now."


From: Richard Wilson (Richard_molerat.demon.co.uk)
Subject: Re: Internet Oracularities Digest #842
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/07/06

tph_rmii.com "Tom "Tom" Harrington" writes:
><oracle-request_cs.indiana.edu> wrote:
> } ZADOC: It's often hard to tell. The Mysteriously Moving One can be incarnated in the most unlikely guises. I think further questioning is required. Um, let's see now... How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
> }
> } SUPPLICANT: Gee, I don't know...
> }
> } ORACLE: You blasphemous snotmonkey!!!
> }
> } >> ZOT <<

> Oh no! The Oracle killed Zadoc! What a horrible tragedy! Does this mean there's now an opening for his old job?

You mean *you* want to clean out woodchuck cages, strangle lemurs and be more or less continuously shouted at and humiliated?

In that case, you've got what it takes.

Richard Wilson, the man behind the first occurrence of the term "snotmonkey" in the digests


From: Al Corvino (corvino_rohan.sdsu.edu)
Subject: Re: Mr.Davis has a point...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/07/05

Tom "Tom" Harrington (tph_rmii.com) wrote:
: Carl Gustafson <carl.gustafson_ece.drexel.edu> wrote:
: > "Sanford M. Manley" <afn39579_afn.org> wrote:
: > > .BTW we need to post the FAQ more.
: > Is there a woodchuck-eating carnivore?
: I'm sorry, but for posting this response I must place you under arrest, on the authority of the Oracle Himself. You are hereby charged with attempting to instigate a cascade; should a cascade begin, the charge will be upgraded to first-degree cascading (a felony).

27 years? I doubt any cascader would make it that long. Watch:

Hardend Criminal: So, what'ca in for?
Cascader: Your mothers a whore?
[Hardend Criminal pulls out a shank]
Hardened Criminal: What'ch you say, Mother&*$#!
[Cascader dies before he can say: "It's calm on the bay with Mort Ducker?"]

Kinda fitting though....

Al



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