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1996 11

From: Kyle R. Hofmann (rhofmann;crl.com)
Subject: Re: Newbies
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/11/11

Ariel Scolnicov wrote:
: jota;laraby.tiac.net (Admiral Jota) writes:
: > s3864881;techst02.technion.ac.il (Itamar Netzer) writes:
: > >I just got a reply saying:
: > >"Duh... Whose Lisa?"
: > Why, Orrie's Lisa, of course! Do they think it might have been someone else's Lisa? I wish she were mine...
: Then how do you explain the time I entered this restaurant, and Lisa and Zadoc were just coming out together?

I'm not sure if I'd call having Zadoc wrapped up with a chain and being pulled roughly across the pavement "together". It looked more like Lisa was having fun after an escape attempt. The screams should have told you that Zadoc wasn't having fun.

From: Zadoc (lawrence.4;pop.service.ohio-state.edu)
Subject: Re: Newbies
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/11/11

Kyle R. Hofmann wrote:
> The screams should have told you that Zadoc wasn't having fun.

Ok...the truth is, I _was_ having fun...the chains were to weigh me down, as I have lost so much weight by employing Lisa's "Lose 100 Pounds in 100 Hours" excercise plan that I have literally become lighter than air. Just one thing...please don't tell the master.

From: Paul (zymurge;atl.mindspring.com)
Subject: Re: Internet Oracularities Digest #869
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/11/22

boblamb1;aol.com wrote:
>4 4 3 2 2 2 2 3 1 3

I guess this is what happens if you don't get your voter registration form mailed in on time -- your votes just get posted to a discussion newsgroup.

From: Tom "Tom" Harrington (tph;rmii.com)
Subject: Re: Never amusing, always useless
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/11/16

<iddavis;vms.cis.pitt.edu> wrote: (about a cascade)
> You know, if you screw up your eyes just right and squint at this, it sort of looks like a giant > followed by drivel.

If your eyes are screwed up, I'd be happy to recommend an optometrist.

> Sort of a macrometasupplication. Come to think of it, it looks like a > followed by drivel even if you don't screw up your eyes, but I digress. I wonder what the appropriate } oracle response to this crap would be?

I asked the Oracle, and he told me that in his experience, ALL ">"s are followed by drivel.

From: Tom "Tom" Harrington (tph;rmii.com)
Subject: Re: Why the heck are there no questions when i take askme?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/11/30

Richard Wilson <Richard;molerat.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> What! The Midnight Queue Drainer lives? Wasn't he killed in that daring Entebbe-style raid on his New Zealand home by the priesthood earlier this year? Does this mean the priests got the wrong man?

They should have expected as much when they decided to take Zadoc with them.

> Just goes to show omniscience doesn't rub off.

No, but if you're not careful, you might step in it.

From: David Hinerman (dhiner;freenet.columbus.oh.us)
Subject: Re: gfjgf
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/11/27

mutara (mutara;creative-net.net) wrote:
: ghjfghjgh


Sorry - this test message got posted to the wrong newsgroup. It was supposed to go to alt.compression.test instead.

We're working on a method of data compression, called THROTTLEtm, that executes on the user instead of his computer. That way, both spoken and written communication may be compressed with the same algorithm and transmitted by any means available.

Compression is executed by the system administrator wrapping his hands around the user's neck and squeezing tightly.

This message was a transcript of a test subject reading aloud a recent MAKE.MONEY.FAST posting while THROTTLEtm is in effect. As you can see, the result is most satisfying.

If you'd like to experiment with this new technology, all you need is a willing (or unwitting) subject (we've found AOL to be a useful resource) and a burly SysAdmin. Just tell the SysAdmin you want him to THROTTLEtm the user. He'll gladly comply.

From: David Hinerman (dhiner;freenet.columbus.oh.us)
Subject: Re: The Unachucker (was Re: MAKE ENEMIES FAST!)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1996/11/26

: : Take the first name off the list. Add yours to the bottom. Send it out to twenty people selected at random from a list of petroleum executives, airline CEOs, and University staff. But DON'T POST IT ON THE INTERNET. TECHNOLOGY IS THE TOOL OF THE DEVIL, WHO WILL REPLACE YOUR TESTICLES WITH TRANSISTORS...

Uh-oh. That explains why I keep mistaking heat sink grease for jock itch cream.

From: Tom "Tom" Harrington (tph;rmii.com)
Remind me to never use any circuit you've built.

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