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1997 11

From: Daniel E. Macks (dmacks.sas.upenn.edu)
Subject: Re: Is this too esoteric?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1997/11/08

Coach (connorbd.cleo.bc.edu) said:
: Okay, I've been working on this one question for a while now, and it seems that virtually everyone who's answered it has completely avoided the cliche I'm trying to get at. What it comes down to is "spank the monkeys" or some variant thereof. If anyone who reads this group gets this question, you'll know what it's getting at.

Okay, how many of y'all read this message and then immediately sent an askme?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are suffering from Carnal Tunnel Syndrome

From: Kirsten Chevalier (kirsten.spike.wellesley.edu)
Oh, a form of Repetitive Drain Injury? *rimshot*

From: Dr.Rob (rhampson.bgsm.edu)
Subject: With apologies to...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1997/11/11

"Would Chuck", want to know?
"*How much*" (is it so?)

See the duck that chucks the wood,
Duck down good, and miss the wood!

Flying wood from Chuckie's Duck.
Flying wood makes Chuckie duck!

If you choose to chuck wood too, sir!
Like the Chuck' Duck, you, sir, do sir.

Chucking wood for Duckie's chucking!
Chucking wood has Chuckie ducking!

Would he chuck wood if he could?
Should we duck wood if he would?

Chuck the Duck to duck the chucking,
Duck with Chuck then stop the chucking.

Would Duck do it, Chuck, with wood?
Would Chuck do it, Duck, he would!

Duckie's pluck has Chuckie ducking.
Chips and snips from Duckie plucking

Duckie's luck runs out, Chuck's ducking...
Ducking chunks of flying Duckling.

Lightning thunks 'mid flying chunks.
Chucking duck in bits and hunks.

Chuckie ducks, but ZOT him too, sir!
With the ZOT staff, do, sir, too, sir!

You owe the Oracle an apology to Dr.Seuss.

From: Richard Wilson (Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk)
Subject: No way to tickle Lisa
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1997/11/17

I do my best. I try to make it up to Otis for missing him out of
the priestly philosophers' song, but do I get any help from the
rest of the priesthood? Do I heck. It's a thankless task being
an incarnation...

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

What's that make you think of? Right! World War One and all those great old songs our brave boys sang when they went to serve their country in the field of battle. Who can forget the likes of "Over There", "Pack up Your Troubles" and "It's a Long Way to Tipperary", eh?

Well, you'll be thrilled to know that my priests have converted many of those wonderful tunes to marching anthems for a new generation. And now we at Oracular Industries, Inc. have brought out the CD of all your old favorites as performed by the massed ranks of the Oracular Tabernacle Choir. Terrific value at only $9.99! Here's some of the great songs you'll be able to enjoy:

Charge up the batteries of your old Zot staff
And Zot, Zot, Zot!
While there's a supplicant still alive
Give him all you've got
If he isn't groveling
Reduce him to a blot
So, charge up the batteries of your old Zot staff
And Zot, Zot, Zot!

There's a right way to tickle Lisa
There's a wrong way as well
If you don't know how to please her
Boy, she sure will give you hell!
Forget rubber outfits, that just ain't her bag
Cause there is just one way to tickle Lisa
It's Darkmage in drag

Otis Viles, Otis Viles
Never smiles, he's got piles, Otis Viles
But he'll fill the digests, he'll fill the digests
With various answers in all styles
Wait a while, how it riles!
You're not there, you're not there, not by miles!
Face it, you'd better face it
You won't get selected till you notice Otis Viles

I'm the grand old David Sewell
David Sewell is my name
A primal prelate of the Oracle
Everyone knows of my fame
You can keep your frinking lemurs
Si'mese fighting fish and so
David Sewell is immortal all thanks to his burro
I speak from experience, you know

Kirsten-n-n, Kirsten-n-n
You're the teen pin-up queen for the men-n-n
Though a novice priest as yet
You'll get right to the top, I bet
Kirsten-n-n, say when-n-n
You'll make me the happiest of men-n-n
Although your brain I do not disdain
I'd love some gifs of Kirsten-n-n

Kinzler has only got one ball...

What the...! What's that doing in here? Zadoc! Zadoc, come here, you little scumbag! Is this your doing?

Richard Wilson

Okay, so I'm using the expression "make it up to" loosely

From: David Sewell (dsew.packrat.aml.arizona.edu)
Subject: Re: No way to tickle Lisa
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1997/11/21

Richard Wilson <Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> David Sewell is immortal all thanks to his burro
> I speak from experience, you know

Incidentally, modesty has heretofore prevented me from pointing out on this newsgroup (I was waiting for someone else to do it) that there are clear allusions to the "Oracle's Cancun Vacation" oracularity, as well as to 474-04, the 3 Yaqui Wise Men, in one of the best episodes of "The Simpsons", 3F24: "El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer (aka The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)".

Rumor has it that Matt Groening reads every Oracle Digest, and has had a half dozen or so responses published.

(Eh, you hadn't heard that rumor? Well, you have now!)

From: Richard Wilson (Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk)
You know, this does nothing at all for my mental image of the Oracle's faithful companion Lisa.

From: Paul (zymurge_ululating_auntyhistamine.mindspring.com)
Subject: Re: Internet Oracularities Digest #957
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1997/11/12

Ian Davis <davis.licre.ludwig.edu.au> wrote:
>Paul L. "Explain it once again for me" K. wrote:
>> All in all, not a bad digest. A couple of gems, and nothing I thought was completely unfunny. But none of mine this time :(
>I explained it to him last time, it's someone else's turn.

[reading from the manual]

"Extend the tongue approximately one and one half inches out from the lips. Place the thumb of each hand in the ear on the side of the head corresponding to the side of the body to which the hand is attached (warning: do not attempt to transpose the position of the hands! This causes the gesture to backfire.) Next, exhale forcefully, making sure the air passes over both the top and the bottom of the tongue, thus causing it to vibrate rapidly. During the exhalation process, flex and extend the fingers of both hands, repeatedly, while leaving the thumbs inserted in the ears."

Paul, whose world famous bright red Siamese fighting fish says, "Phphphththththbbbbbbbbbbbbbbttttttttt" and waggles his fins.

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