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1998 04 B.

Subject: Re: What's HTH
Date: 1998/04/21
From: Tom Harrington <tph.rmi.net>
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d

Lionel Lauer <longword.newsguy.com> wrote:
: It's a techo joke, if you turn it sideways, it looks like a schematic for a bilaterally-modulated differential amplifier.

Um, sure, maybe if you're using a really bizarre font...

: The joke being that it's known as a 'helper' circuit in the part of the electronics industry concerned with epitaxial vapour-phase deposition.
: HTH, HAND.

"HTH" derives from the old Cab Calloway song "Minnie the Moocher". In the chorus to this song, Calloway sang "Hi tee hi tee hi tee ho!". If you've seen the movie "The Blues Brothers", then you've seen this song performed. Anyway, around the time that movie came out, in the very early days of Usenet, it became common to begin posts with "Hi Tee Ho!", as a friendly way of saying hello. For reasons now lost to obscurity, this phrase gradually migrated, until it usually appeared at the end of posts rather than the start. Later, as with all commonly-used Usenet phrases, it was shortened to its initials. It's beeen "HTH" ever since.

I'll let someone else tackle "HAND".


From: George (smooth.aloha.net)
Subject: Re: What's HTH
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/14

Home, Tweet Home! : )


From: Eric Schweitzer (eschweit.shiva.Hunter.CUNY.EDU)
Subject: Re: What's HTH
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/21

On 21 Apr 1998, Tom Harrington wrote:
> I'll let someone else tackle "HAND".

A logical operation, like AND, OR, NAND, or a gate that implements that operation. HAND is derived from Hyper And. It takes four input lines (often refered to as 'fingers') of one type one input line of another type (the 'thumb'), and one output line (the 'wrist'). Although logically complete, its action is too complicated for me to fit into this marginal note, as the output depends not only on the various inouts, but on the state of other gates (the 'other hands'). This of course gives rise to the need for posts to refer to OTOH, the various values of (that is 'on') the other gates in the circuit.


From: DMP (dmparker.usa.net)
Subject: Re: My first one - what do you think?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/23

John wrote:
>matanywira.starplace.commander (Maxim Westman) wrote:
>>Will eating DMP^H^Hinner ever become a religious ritual?
>Eating a newbie *should* become an annual ritual in rhodism.

How will 'newbie' be determined? I mean are we talking new to the group? I've been here for several months now? Do we mean new to the Newsgroups? Cause I've been around these for a mighty long time (don't get me started or it will end up at the level of "I remember when we didn't even have 1's, we were forced to use all 0's....). But I've been around a long, long, long time. (In fact if anyone here was a BBS's fanatic in Houston many years ago, we need to chat, I used to run a rather popular board...gawd, how long ago was that?...on Waffle which was the first system that let you do uucp to DOS platform so you could get usenet feeds and I had partial backdoor feed for newsgroups coming from Rice (which was to forever stay partial since I could only afford a 2400 baud modem and the feed I had took like 4 hours a night)...my board was the Existential Dread Complex. I even hit the big time for a bit when I had two phone lines coming in! (I hated upload/download ratios at the time so I had a 1:75 ratio, and I didn't censor anything. I ended up with a huge adult section that seemed pretty wild, but compared to what I find on the binary groups these days was pretty tame (although, with some regularity I see some of those same pictures float by (interestingly I was running this system on an AT&T 6300 which had a monochrome EGA card. At first I was forced to use a green monochrome monitor and I had to scroll around the screen in sections to determine which body parts I was looking at, later I got a paper-white monitor and thought I was hot-shit)))).

Anyway, I've been in the newsgroups way too long to be a newbie. I just didn't hang out with you people till recently (actually I never meant to stay, but my car broke down and while I was waiting for the garage across the street to fix it I came in here to relax. After that I decided to get a job at the filling station (they were hiring) and hang around here for while. Now I've got a room at the Squire and I figure I can eat every night/what the hell have I got to lose.../I've got a crazy sensation/its just an invitation to the blues./But I can't take my eyes off her/as she pours another cup of java/just the way she pours it for you/joking with the customers/mercy mercy Mr. Percy/there ain't nothin' back in Jersey/except a broken down jalopy, of man I left behind....)

Sorry, if I start think Tom Waits, I start singing Tom Waits...

What the hell were we talking about?


From: Kimberly Chapman (aq593.FreeNet.Carleton.CA)
Subject: Re: Pinky & The Brain (tellme trouble)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/18

Jeffrey Kaplan (jkapllan.world.std.com) writes:
> David McAuliffe wrote:
> ; David.
> ; (With a foot in both camps, and a fence sticking in his crotch.)
> Careful... you don't want to get Kimberly too exited...

Uh...yeah. Sure. I'm totally horny now. That's it. Yeah. Whatever. Do me, oh baby, oh baby, oh. I am so hot. I am just a hunka burnin love. Oh yeah. Yeah. Whatever. Baby. Stick that twobyfour in your scrotum. That really does it for me, baby. Yes. Yes. Baby. Oh baby.


From: Tom "Tom" Harrington (tph.rmi.net)
Subject: Re: My first one - what do you think?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/15

Lionel Lauer <longword.newsguy.com> wrote:
> Quoth "DMP" <dmparker.usa.net> :
> >What is the perverse cannibal thing going on around here?
> Probably because of Easter.

No, that's not it. If it had been Easter, we'd all have been wanting to eat rabbits.

The supermarket where I usually shop has rabbit in the frozen-meat section, right next to the chicken. And I don't even live in Texas. I was tempted to have one for Easter. My wife thought that it was a morbid suggestion....

Perverse cannibal rituals are only common at Mardi Gras, in New Orleans. In this country, at least. In Britain, that's probably how they celebrate the Queen Mum's birthday.


From: Matt Kerbel (bj435.FreeNet.Carleton.CA)
Subject: Re: A born again rhod wit! (and now a very shaken one)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/15

Carl Gustafson (carl.gustafson.no.spam.welcome) writes:
> "DMP^H^Hinner" <dmparker.usa.net> wrote:
>> LucFrench wrote in message
>> >(Did you know that Al Capone was a furniture salesman as his front? That's why he always said "I'm just a small buisnessman.")
>> I thought that was a reference to his height, or lack thereof...
> He wasn't in the, er, escort business?

Selling Fords? No, I don't think so...


From: DMP (dmparker.usa.net)
Subject: Re: Sore Loser (contains a fairly long undigested answer)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/15

*** WARNING THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS A JOKE THAT IS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE AND POLITICALLY INCORRECT! PLEASE DO NOT READ IT IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED OR DO NOT APPRECIATE ADOLESCENT HUMOR ***

Louis Patterson wrote in message ...
>If you write it like that, people will think he's a Kiwi

If some one is from Kiwi and is gay does that make them a Kiwi fruit?

hahahahahahahah<gasp>hahahahahahaha

<God, I am such a loser...>


From: Tom "Tom" Harrington (tph.rmi.net)
Subject: Re: Sore Loser (contains a fairly long undigested answer)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/15

David McAuliffe <davidmac.acronym.com.au> wrote:
> How about Australian cuisine? Witchety grubs? Snake? We can get worse than that...

At the risk of starting yet another Python thread... What about Australian table wines? Y'know, "...for those especially keen on regurgitation... a fine wine that really opens up the sluices at both ends".


From: Tom Harrington (tph.rmi.net)
Subject: Re: Digest 000
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/15

Dan Sanderson <dsanders.u.washington.edu> wrote:
: Kimberly Chapman wrote:
:> I remember...it was a sunny Splemday in Phrembust, and the greneggle birds were singing happily in the shreen.
> ENJOY POETRY

A brave, Zen-like effort. It fails.


From: Daniel E. Macks (dmacks.sas.upenn.edu)
Subject: Re: Daniel's Sore Loser (8 Oracularities)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/18

Daniel Glick (expertool.msn.com) said:
: I though Canada was part of the US! :)

No, but the vice versa is coming soon.

: At least the telephone system is shared.

That's just the first part of *their* plan. First we get used to talking to them, and start thinking they're friendly and harmless and that 'eh' is a cute mannerism. And then once our defenses are down...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are digging a bomb shelter


From: Bill Sutton (wrs.hpuerca.atl.hp.com)
Subject: Re: card games
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/23

Maxim Westman (matanywira.starplace.commander) wrote:
: Halllo... I just did a DejaNews search on "i ll see and raise" and rhod is #1 on the list, beating out alt.sex.stories by a very narrow margin.

Huh? You mean _that's_ what they do in alt.sex.stories? Play cards?

And they say that geeks no longer dominate Usenet. Sheesh.


From: DMP (dmparker.usa.net)
Subject: Re: minimalism
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/21

Munged Email wrote <about spam> :
>Depends on how much you get and how much it cost you.

How it costs you is irrelevant, because friend I'm about to let you in a marketing secret that will allow you to make millions of dollars, without investing a penny.

That's right, I can show you how to become rich. Now you may be asking yourself, why would someone want to show me how to be rich, why don't they just do it themselves, well friend, I would love to tell you, but my reasons are too complex to detail here. Let's just say I'm a generous man who likes to see other people happy.

Almost certainly you have the secret to instant wealth in you possession already. Get up now and go into you kitchen and look for sugar or salt or non-dairy creamer or any other white powder.

Got it? Good, now put it in small plastic bags, only put a gram or two in there at a time, you want to be thrifty now.

OK, go to the street corner and hang out. Just stand there. Its that simple. People are going to stop by and ask you if you know where to get some <insert garbled street slang>. You say "sure" throw them one of the little baggies and collect their money! Isn't that simple?

Soon you'll run out of your initial supply, but since you already owned it you made 100% profit. Now you need to keep the business going, simply go to the store and buy a BIG bag of flour, it's cheap and it looks the part. Now fill up a bunch more baggies and go back to selling.

Soon you'll be a millionaire! If the police do stop you and try to arrest you, let 'em, there's no crime in reselling household edibles!

You'll be the envy of the neighborhood and you'll be proud of you own business savvy. So get out there and start dealing in millions!


From: Malcolm Pack (m.pack....)
Subject: Re: STOP THE MADNESS!!! (was Re: many threads)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/21

Also Sprach Tom "Tom" Harrington <after yet another poker cascade>:
> AAAAHHHH!!!! I CALL!! You're bluffing! You don't have SQUAT!! Everyone, show us what you're holding already!!

I'm holding the fort, my breath, 1,000 Matabeli Gumbo Beans and (somewhat inexplicably) a postcard from Istanbul.


From: Gwyn Judd (I'm.not.here)
Subject: Re: Does ANYONE know how this happened?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d, alt.games.mornington.cresent
Date: 1998/04/18

Lars Raeder Clausen <larsrc.stormbringer.irisa.fr> wrote:
>tc36212.glaxowellcome.com wrote:
>> Lars Raeder Clausen <larsrc.stormbringer.irisa.fr> wrote:
>>> Kimberly Chapman wrote:
>>> > I'll start...
>>> > The game is 5-post-stud, everything's wild, minimum bet is whatever the hell you want.
>>> > Dealer takes two, puts a stalk of wheat into the pot.
>>> Remember the Dragons are blanks because it's a Friday. And that makes the second red card played a wildcard, unless it is an Ace.
>>> I take three, look at them and discard one (using the Summertime rule of 1989), and put three coffee beans into the pot.
>> Right, I'll take two, and I'm tossing some DMP^H^Hinner sausage with grits into the pot.
>But when playing with the use of an electronic medium, you must take as least as many as the last player of the same sex. Unless, of course, that player discarded an even number, but that doesn't apply here.

And of course the fifth player can take as many as he/she likes. I take the remaining cards and select a royal straight flush in spades, discard the rest and put a can of italian tomatoes and a sprinkle of Oregano into the pot.

From: Jrbarberi (jrbarberi.aol.com)
Which leaves me no alternative but to ...

Mornington Crescent.

You didnt see the double shunt there did you ?

From: Phil Culmer (heretic.spuddy.mew.co.uk)
You sod! It was _my_ turn. That puts you back to... let's see... Hammersmith Broadway? Oh no, it's a Saturday, isn't it: Lavender Pond.

From: Lars Raeder Clausen (larsrc.stormbringer.irisa.fr)
ITYM fourth. But note that no sevens show, so, in the two first rounds, we have a Nob situation, and all spades are void. My pair of Queens becomes a triple because I play the second red card. A triple with two cards in the same color invokes Mass Deliberations, and all odd-numbered cards change colour clock-wise. I add some water to the pot.

-Lars "The Kid" Clausen


From: tc36212.glaxowellcome.com (tc36212.glaxowellcome.com)
Subject: Re: Does ANYONE know how this happened?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/22

terrell.l.haines.boeing.com wrote:
> Sunburst wrote:
> > Kimberly Chapman <aq593.FreeNet.Carleton.CA> wrote:
> > >LucFrench (lucfrench.aol.com) writes:
> > >> "The second refrence is to a later 20th century work by one Sir William Waterson, esq., 'Calvin and Hobbes'; in it, there is refrence made to a game called 'Calvinball', where the players made up the rules as they went along."
> > >I hate to tell you, but nobody can take credit for making up the concept of a game where the rules are set as you go along. All little kids do
> > Ah yes, but the original article to which he was replying was a punchline of one of the Calvinball episodes. More specifically, _Scientific Progress Goes "Boink"_, Bill Watterson, page 113[0].
> It also sounds like that card game in Star Trek called "Fizzbin". Capt. Kirk used it to beat the leaders on the gangster-based culture world. The rules were just this side of logic, but I don't remember what effect this had on "Spocky" (Mr. Spock).

We had a drinking game in college called TEGWAR (The Endless Game Without Any Rules) whereby we would grab a deck of cards, a pair of dice, and whatever we could find lying about and sucker some poor saps into playing. Basically, "the rules are so complex, that rather than trying to explain them outright, you should just learn them as we go along.


From: Ian Davis (davis.licre.ludwig.edu.au)
Subject: Re: US censorship of D.Adams was Re: Digest #997
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/17

tc36212.glaxowellcome.com wrote:
> <lee1089.kettering.edu> wrote:
> > Michigan has everything from Hell to Paradise.
> But only North Carolina has Lizard Lick.

Nothing beats Pennsylvania, though. I think you can get from Intercourse to Climax and then to Panic. Not to mention Indiana, California, and Washington of course although that's pretty universal.

Ian.


From: DMP (dmparker.usa.net)
Subject: Re: Oraclearities 1009: A Perfect Digest?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/28

Vasilisha wrote in message
>>The primary thing of the electoral college I like is that, in order to win the presidency, the canidate must appeal to greatest number of people possible, not just a simple majority.
>Huh?

When I originally read this I didn't see the obvious Monty Python reference lurking in it.

Since the president is actually about as useful as a tit on a boar hog, I suggest we do something that would leave it in the hands of god. Like, we take all the canidates and stick them in a large arena with a couple of hungry, pissed-off lions. The one who survives gets to be president. And the side bonus is that 'lame duck' would really have some meaning then. The other bonus is not only would we get a good show, we could dispense of politicians in a humane manner (at least its humane for the lions).

Actually the longer I think about this, the better the idea sounds for *all* elections. If someone could survive maybe its because they are actually wily not just more popular with the same people who think that 'Americas Funniest Home Videos' is a good program.

>This is the same system that elects people who don't win the popular vote. Imagine getting 1 million more votes than your opponent and losing because you votes come from the hinterlands.

That seems fair.


From: Daniel E. Macks (dmacks.sas.upenn.edu)
Subject: Awefully quiet on RHOD...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/24

Is it wabbit season or something?

dan, whose bwight wed Siamese fighting fishies are being vewy vewy quiet


From: Lars Raeder Clausen (larsrc.stormbringer.irisa.fr)
I've finally offed enough posters to get this froup nice and, well, not too noisy, and you *complain*! Do you know how hard it is to hide 18 bodies in your apartment? And the smell, I tell you, it's terrible. Fortunately, ze French peulize isn't all that bright. Didn't notice a thing.

-Lars "Now how do I keep them fresh until our holiday?" Clausen


From: DMP (dmparker.usa.net)
I was just wondering the same. Last week everyone was complaining about too many posts and this week they all went on vacation. What gives <sniffs underarm> oops! Here it is. I'm sorry, I'll get some deodorant today (I ran out last week, just before my water was cut off and I had to quit bathing...)

From: Ami (askinner.MAPSONgbconsulting.com)
BTW, we were having a chat about piercing body parts the other day, and I shared your scholarly description (anonymously, of course) with the group. Someone made the observation that your mother probably no longer bothers with the be-sure-to-wear-clean-underwear-in-case-you're-in-an-accident warnings anymore.


From: Lars Raeder Clausen (larsrc.stormbringer.irisa.fr)
Subject: Re: Awefully quiet on RHOD...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/26

johndRemoveThis.idontlikespam.deltanet.com wrote:
> Lars Raeder Clausen <larsrc.stormbringer.irisa.fr> wrote:
>>Bradd W. Szonye wrote:
>>> Lars Raeder Clausen wrote:
>>>> The poker cascades are still around in force[1]. I've given up on telling them to stop, because every time I try, they make a cascade out of it[2].
>>>> -Lars Clausen
>>>> [1] Maybe it's cascade season?
>>>> [2] Including this one, of course.
>>> I'll see your course and raise you a credit hour.
>>I can't believe you actually fell for that troll.
> I'll see your troll and raise you an ogre.

And again. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
-Lars "*bang* *splash* Whoops!" Clausen


From: Aaron M. Ucko (amu.mit.edu)
Subject: Re: Awefully quiet on RHOD...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/05/02

Lars Raeder Clausen <larsrc.stormbringer.irisa.fr> writes:
> [1] Maybe it's cascade season?

Does that mean we get to shoot cascaders?


From: Louis Patterson (lrp.students.cs.mu.OZ.AU)
Subject: Re: Oraclearities 1009: A Perfect Digest? (Electoral College)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/28

Vasilisha wrote:
> Yes, but the electoral college keeps politicians bending over backward for big states like Cali and NY, where N. Dakota doesn't get squat.
> A popular vote, that's the way to go. It's the only way that makes any sense.

Have you considered all the advantages that Westminister might offer??

From: Ian Davis (davis.licre.ludwig.edu.au)
Perhaps the US could become a British colony?


From: DMP (dmparker.usa.net)
Subject: Re: Oraclearities 1009: A Perfect Digest? (Electoral College)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/29

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>DMP wrote:
>; ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY DUMPCARAT!
>Sorry, but since it's so soon after Passover, we haven't yet restocked on hail yet. Will a summer downpour complete with lightning do?

Er, that's not what I meant.

I meant you should all genuflect and sing song of praise for my greatness and develop some nifty little salute type of thing (make sure to click you heals together, I always thought that had a nice ring to it (the overall salute should be difficult and painful to execute properly so that we can execute those who don't execute it properly (the salute I mean)))


From: Ian Davis (davis.licre.ludwig.edu.au)
Subject: Re: Babel Fish chaos...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/15

Carl Gustafson wrote:
> Fortunately, our superior immigration authorities would stop all those inferior foreigners before they got here, no matter which of the 23 countries in the world they came from.

For example: when applying for US medical licensure, I had to pass an English exam. It might have made sense if the exam were to see if Americans could understand *me* (they can't), but it was to see if I could understand American English. I passed. I'm not sure if I should be proud of that or not.


From: DMP (dmparker.usa.net)
Subject: Re: Babel Fish chaos...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/16

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>Matt Kerbel wrote:
>; Of course, that probably wouldn't be the case in the U.S. Not that they'd put the Queen's face on anything official, but the trees and wild animals probably all have agents and lawyers and would demand just compensation for the appropriation of their likenesses.
>You mean something along the lines of, "I want a dollar for every picture of me on each One Dollar Bill"?

You're letting 'em off too cheap. Make it 3 dollars for every dollar they print your picture on. And make sure they pay you in one dollar bills, no large bills, no checks...


From: Malcolm Pack (m.pack....)
Subject: Re: Babel Fish chaos...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/18

Also Sprach Hob:
> > Any man who can define Murphium so eloquently is a natural for incarnation. :-)
> I didn't see that..

Yer 'tis, for all to peruse:

Cluons are actively repelled by close proximity to the extremely unstable element Murphium (Represented by the symbol doH). Murphium is so unstable that it is not always possible to find it again if you put it down.

The refined product of this element, Murphite, is found in varying quantities in every man-made object ever produced. With the advent of affordable personal computers, the demand for Murphite has soared dramatically. Although extremely powerful, its use as a fuel source in ocean going liners, airships and space shuttles has thus far proven to be less than satisfactory.

Murphine, a narcotic derivative of Murphium, is know to be used as a "stimulant" by software designers, ISP support staff, project managers and salespeople. Murphine addiction is known to be highly widespread in political circles and amongst Internet "newbies". Its main effect is the euphoric (but totally artificial) belief that you actually know what you are talking about on any given subject.

Theorists also speculate on the existence of the phenomena know as Murphy Lines. Similar to ley lines in many respects, Murphy Lines represent a possible answer to questions about buttered toast and hard disk failures.

Focal points for Murphy Lines are known as Murphy Nodes (where the Murphy Effect is often seen to operate strongest), which are scattered across the surface of the planet. Some of the most famous Murphy Nodes are located in Redmond, Basildon, Washington DC and Westminster in London."[1]

[1] Taken from "Murphium - All Effect and No Cause" by B. O'Neill, published by Wilson, Kepple & Betty, London, UK, 1998.


From: Blade-Runner (black-dog.geocities.com)
Subject: Re: Babel Fish chaos...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/19

davidmac.acronym.com.au (David McAuliffe) wrote some of this :
>But the point is- you really don't have to learn it. All you have to know is Weight = gram, distance = metre, and volume = litre, and you've got the system down pat. It's all 10s from there.
>Easier than 1387 snerbits in a farnarkle, 342 farnarkles in a deng, and 983 dengs in a sherbet.

Have they stopped using furlongs then?


From: Blade-Runner (black-dog.geocities.com)
Subject: Re: Babel Fish chaos...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/19

<lee1089.kettering.edu> wrote some of this :
>I heard it was British Columbia that was gonna be state 51.

I heard it was New Mexico.


From: DMP (dmparker.usa.net)
Subject: Re: Babel Fish chaos...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/22

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>Maxim Westman wrote:
>> Commonwealth. As for that "protectorate" bit, who do you think keeps the really evil nations from invading ca-na-na?
>Granted, Canananandians are nice people, but really. What's there that would be worth it to invade?

You should go see the lovely moose.


From: tracie klosterman (tck.unlinfo.unl.edu)
Subject: Re: Babel Fish chaos...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/22

Panther (panther.access1.digex.net) wrote:
: And then Louis Patterson (lrp.students.cs.mu.OZ.AU) went:
: > If you want to make reading really difficult, there's a simple method.
: > yreve taht os etirw uoy yllacisab dna )ps?( nodehportsuob dellac s'tI
: > alternate line is written backwards. It's actually quite easy though, and
: > ognor-ognor od dluoc eW .sretnirp xirtam tod rof reisae efil ekam dluoc
: > style writing as well, but I don't know how to obtain upside-down writing

: .umop-ap!sdn &n!+!jm alqnoj+ hne a^ey +,uop I  .+ln)!JJ!p +ou s,+I
: --
:   Z/Ih :ajo)S aloW-V-x)eyM                +au`xa&!p`ssa))e0jay+ued
:         .sdej+weds joJ +!eq aje S y&nojy+ 1ssa))e :^^ssajppe a+oN
:  (pasol)s!pun) :jaqwnN +!un ja+y&!JwedS `()lu!+) la+je) jaqwu7 ay+
:                       'sjay+ued o+ l!ew3 xln8 pa+!)!losun +ou puaS
:                  .dus+e) y+!m poo& a+se+ pue, hy)unj) +je noy+ joJ
:                                                                 --
:                                                    x!un snq!jnld 3

Thank you ever so much for confirming to my boss that I'm "working on a different wavelength" than everyone else. He, of course, walked by just as I was craning my neck over to read my monitor upside-down.

*sigh*

On the bright side, I now have a good chance of convincing him my monitor is broke and I need a new one - uh, no, on second thought I'm sure it's my computer that is screwed up. I need a whole new system.

Tracie
When all else fails, remember: NO is a complete sentence.


From: Matt Kerbel (bj435.FreeNet.Carleton.CA)
Subject: Re: Babel Fish chaos...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/25

Nils Desle (nils.desle.cegeka.be) writes:
> DMP wrote:
>> Not many discussions around these days about lemmings. And they are cute little bastards.
> Good eating on them too...
> Nils "chocolate chip lemmings, anyone?" Desle

No no, it's "would you like a twist of lemming in that, sir?"


From: Phil Culmer (heretic.spuddy.mew.co.uk)
Subject: Re: Babel Fish chaos...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/25

aq593.FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Kimberly Chapman) wrote:
>David McAuliffe (davidmac.acronym.com.au) writes:
>> Easier than 1387 snerbits in a farnarkle, 342 farnarkles in a deng, and 983 dengs in a sherbet.
>But isn't it slightly different in the UK? I heard the UK uses 1387 snerbits in a farnarkle, but the number of farnarkles in a deng varies with the length of the reigning monarch's guiche.

Not quite. In the UK, it's defined as relevant to the length of Charles II's guiche, which was 13 blivits. The yanks then redefined it to relate to the length of Washington's guiche, which was only 10.


From: B. Connell (soulfire.cgicafe.com)
Subject: You Know You Read r.h.o.d Too Often When...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/17

You start having dreams about Zadoc.

I swear to Diety this is true: last night, I had a dream where I was sitting in a room - I think it was a living room. There was a hallway leading off. I remember that there was wood doors and a dark rose-colored wallpaper. I was sitting in a comfy chair, when all of a sudden, I called out "HOI, ZADOC!"

And wouldn't you know it? A dark-haired skinny guy wearing a long flowing robe came out bowing and asking what I wanted. And, like you do in some dreams, I just /knew/ it was Zadoc.

He asked me what I wanted. I said, "Oh. I just wanted to see if that actually worked." He grumbled and stalked off.

My dream switched at that point - something about not having enough money or Disney money to pay for my 3-day ticket to Disneyland, and a person who I haven't done more than say hi to occasionally in the past 3 years who has rich parents standing there looking really aggrivated while I try to find the money...

At least I understand that one: I often have 'not enough money dreams' when I have a small paycheck come in.


From: Richard Wilson (Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk)
Subject: Re: You Know You Read r.h.o.d Too Often When...
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/17

soulfire.cgicafe.com "B. Connell" writes:
> And wouldn't you know it? A dark-haired skinny guy wearing a long flowing robe came out bowing and asking what I wanted. And, like you do in some dreams, I just /knew/ it was Zadoc.

I get this in real life. I stick my head out of the office door and yell "Hey, PHIL!", and this tall bearded guy comes in and asks what I want, and I just /know/ his name's Phil.

BTAIM, I knew Z-boy had long since escaped the confines of rho/rhod (witness, for example, this excerpt from the Web: "The Unofficial Ricoh CD-ReWritable Page - 12. Trouble-shooting: Welcome O Supplicant, the stressed Oracle <Non-TM> is currently not answering questions... all solutions I know are here...if it ain't here, bug Zadoc..."), but invading people's subconscious, that's getting pretty serious. Perhaps I should post some Zadoc Virus warnings to all newsgroups or something.

-Richard Wilson-*----*-----*---*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*---*---And there was me thinking only Estelle dreamed of Zadoc--
--*----*---*----*----*-Look to your laurels, Leonardo DiCaprio!-*--


From: Lars Raeder Clausen (larsrc.stormbringer.irisa.fr)
Subject: Re: Juno Que Drainer Back?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/28

askinner.mapsongbconsulting.com wrote, without the least grovelling:
> With a roll of approaching thunder and a crack of apocalyptic lightning, Leo G Simonetta bellowed forth:
>> Wait till WebTV hears about the oracle!
> Oh...my....GOD!!!!

Yes?

-Lars "is not a benevolent god!" Clausen


From: zed (spam_munge.newsguy.com)
Subject: Re: Juno Que Drainer Back?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/04/30

emooney.SPAMFILTERattila.stevens-tech.edu (Erik Mooney) wrote:
<http://www.metaspy.com/spy/unfiltered.html>
>I told myself I'd quit after seeing one page with no sex, warez, or misspelled entries... took me a good 10 minutes to leave.

For the first time in my life I find myself wondering ... does 'mare pussy' [sic] refer to horse genitalia, underwater sex in Italy, or a newly-discovered moon crater to be named in honor of the porn industry? (I can't believe I'm asking this.)



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