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1998 10

From: Barry O'Neill <boneil.cableinet.co.uk>
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: New FAQ!
Date: 29 Oct 1998 15:57:31 GMT

brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul) :
> Barry O'Neill <boneil.cableinet.co.uk> attempted to infuriate me by saying:
> >"Bob-!" wrote:
> >> On Tue, 27 Oct 1998, Barry O'Neill wrote:
> >> > Ah another of the Seven Dwarves of rhod: Surly, Depressed, Breasty, Squicky, Mathy, Fishie and Oog. Or not.
> >> There were two functioning computers on this desk.
> >> I am now using the 'other' one.
> >> You owe me a keyboard.
> >Three confirmed kills and a couple of unconfirmed. I'm going to need some of those stickers they use to label the keyboard port on the back of PCs...
> Amateur. I've had to start putting my stickers on the garage door.

Impressive. Was that after you'd covered the screen with them?

From: dmacks.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Mission: Impossible
Date: 30 Oct 1998 21:44:08 GMT

Paul (brightredfish.mindspring.com) said:
: Here's my contribution for today:

What the *hell* kind of standardized test is this?

: Dinoflagellate | Brontosaurus farts
: Verification | Process of making something exceedingly something
: Powder | YM "plowed 'er"
: Spectator | Contraction of "spectacular potato"
: Innoculate | Residing in an eyeball
: Lampoon | For when the desk light is having its period
: Fungus | What just walked out of my fridge
: Skull | Multi-orificed sex-toy
: Teethe | Olde English for the sharpe parts of the sex toy
: Coordinate | position in octal-space
: Plush | "+", after a lot of beer
: Doohickey | I refuse to make the obvious sex joke(s) here
: Photograph | A plot of the amount of film used over time
: And | true if both are true
: Shellac | Response to a shell-ping
: Florid | Non-Canadian name for a southern US state

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies hope there's partial credit

Subject: Re: RHOD Daily Traffic report: New champion!
From: aq593.FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Kimberly Chapman)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 2 Oct 1998 16:12:51 GMT

Tom "Tom" Harrington (tph.rmi.net) writes:
> Nils Desle wrote:
>>I see my cascade and raise me some breasts.
> It doesn't work that way, Nils. You can't just go out, buy some seeds, and raise breasts in the back yard. If you could, gardening would be much more popular among men.

"Honey! You spend all your time weeding! Come in the house and watch some football or something!"

Date: Fri, 30 Oct 1998 14:49:23 +1000
From: Talkam <moores.one.two.net.au>
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Spectrum Peripherals {was The Parrah, Or, How To Offend Everyone In A Group}

Quoth the Raving:
> As in UK English, e.g. "I'm completely fucked" or "Oh shit. We're fucked now."
> >Richard "Nino Cullotta" Fitzpatrick
> You don't need pants for the victory dance.
> Phil.

Oy- you Poms haven't got a monopoly on elegant use of the language. Us Strayans are pretty good at it too. We can show all sorts of emotions with just a few well chosen words:

Denial-> I didn't fucking do it
Perplexity-> I know fuck-all about that
Greeting-> How the fuck are you?
Resignation-> Oh fuck it
Suspicion-> Who the fuck are you?
Directions-> Fuck off
Disbelief-> How the fuck did you do that?

But I must admit that history shows an almost Strayan grasp of language by some notable people:

What the fuck was that?-> Mayor of Hiroshima
Look at all those fucking Indians-> Custer
Where's all that fucking water coming from?-> Captain, Titanic
Scattered showers my fucking arse-> Noah
You want _what_ on the fucking ceiling?-> Michaelangelo

From: Lars Clausen (lrclause.shasta.cs.uiuc.edu)
Subject: Re: FAQ
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Date: 1998/10/07

Web Master (huntsman.nisu.flinders.edu.au) wrote:
> The Game of Cricket
> Cricket is a game between two teams of 11 (men usually but let's not get sexist, even the womens team has an 11th man)
> Anyway one side is in and the other side is out. The first player goes out for his innings (well two players actually because the pitch is double ended but the bowler only bowls to one at a time) and the other team has to get him out. The object is for the side that's out to get the side that's in, out. The side that is out are out on the field and the side that are in are in the pavillion (or bar, whatever) except for the two players who are in who are not in the pavilion (or bar) who are out on the field. The bowler, whose team is out bowls to the player whose team is in and tries to get him out. If he gets him out he goes in and another player comes out to go in, out on the field.
> When all the players who are in are out and are back in the pavilion (or bar) except for the llth man who is in but is out because he can't play on his own so he is out despite being not-out, the side that is in go out and the side that is in go out except for two players who are in who go out. And that's where we started.
> Simple, really.

Maybe someone can give me an equally comprehensible explanation of baseball? To me it seems kinda silly. There are these two guys throwing the ball to each other. A third guy, the only one who was smart enough to bring a bat, stands next to one of them, and when he gets the chance, he whacks the ball away right in front of the other guy. Now obviously the two guys throwing the ball get mad at him for this, so he runs away from them, but they don't chase him. All that happens is that some other guys throw the ball to each other -- rather than, say, at the batter who just interrupted the throwing game from before. And the batter must be really stupid, 'cause he sometimes runs all the way 'round the field before he notices nobody's chasing him.

I just don't get it.

-Lars "Give me longball any day" Clausen

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