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1999 12 B.

Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: This is getting out of hand.
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sun, 5 Dec 1999 12:38:27 +1100

trog schrieb:
>st.ferd2.thristian.org says...
>> Um, no.. we don't target our trolls, it just seems that your natural disposition is to be trolled... :)
>Hence the term "trollee"
>--
>Tim "off this trollee" Wren

<pun mode="setup">
So RHOD has a new troll-victim, eh? One who finds trolls where nobody else would have expected them, and falls for them with unerring accuracy. Well, it was fun in the beginning, in a kind of "step on a rake" kind of way, but now it's getting a little tiring - we've seen so much it's just not funny any more. I suspect that all rhod has this opinion
</pun>
<pun mode="punchline">
You might say we're collectively right off our trollee.
</pun>


Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: This is getting out of hand.
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 5 Dec 1999 03:02:57 GMT

Screwtape <st.ferd2.thristian.org> said:
>Karen schrieb:
>>Screwtape wrote:
>>> I just wanted to note how cute the function names are.
>>Well... I suppose it *is* better than void IAMTHEMONKEY();
>void IAMTHEWALRUS(char* paul, char* john, char* ringo, char* george);

Why not write a typedef struct for them? That way you can just pass around a Beatles record.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if someone who points at ringo is a ringo*.


Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: This is getting out of hand.
From: Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net>
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 1999 05:27:50 +0000

Also Sprach Gareth Kitchener:
> >if Keanu Reeves and Ringo Starr teamed up, would that be a Ringo Matrix?
> No, but I hear that Chris Rea has joined Dire Straits.

Chris Straits? I don't geddit.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: This is getting out of hand.
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 1999 19:20:01 -0700

Nathan Sullivan <alfonso.pants.nu> said:
> There is no cascading in this froup!

Boy, are *you* out of touch.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: This is getting out of hand.
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 1999 15:25:26 -0600

Nathan Sullivan wrote:
>(Tom "Tom" Harrington) writes:
> >Screwtape wrote:
> > >Al Sharka schrieb:
> > >>Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
> > >>} >> >>>dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if someone who points at ringo is a ringo*.
> > >>} >> >>If you throw to Ringo, does he take exception?
> > >>} >> >If I ask Ringo to hold some things for me, and he does, does that make him a Ringo buffer?
> > >>} >> He probably has more cache than either of us.
> > >>} >if Keanu Reeves and Ringo Starr teamed up, would that be a Ringo Matrix?
> > >>} If Ms O'Donnell whirled Mr Starkey about her waist, would that be a Ringo 'round the Rosie?
> > >>If there was a farmer, had a dog, would Ringo be his name-o?
> > >If Ringo fell over in a forest, and nobody was there to hear him, would he make a sound?
> > If I were to cut Ringo open, could I count the trees inside to see how old he is?
> Alright you lot. Stop that right now. There is no cascading in this froup!

And if someone gets spanked for combating scarab puns it would be a Beatle paddle battle.


Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: This is getting out of hand.
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1999 20:18:43 +1100

Jim Evans schrieb:
> MOTAR the imperious wrote:
>} Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> wrote:
>} >Yahh! MOTAR's back! How goes, MOTAR? Conquering new realms, devouring souls, and all that? Stout fellow!
>} MOTAR never even thought of that! Souls..... Hmmmm! Do souls taste anything like corn.
>Not being a soul connoisseur, myself, I couldn't say. Perhaps some Elder God out there may wish to comment?

I'm not one of those infuriatingly egotistical snobs myself - always preferred getting my hands dirty rather than that stupid holier-than-thou attitude, but I'll give you an answer. A good soul is hard to come by here in the netherworld, but the best I've tasted are simply wonderful. The brittle outer shell, the gooey insides flowing with anguish, simply wonderful. There's the odd half-baked specimens, and an occasional really crap one that tastes like ashes (generally the vicarious types), but on average, they taste pretty much like what you mortals call chicken.

Screwtape,
...sure you could see it coming a mile off, but did you really expect anything else?


Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: This is getting out of hand.
From: cclovis.mindspring.com (Cici in Texas)
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 1999 10:58:38 GMT

> Screwtape wrote:
>Ooh, that's another thing Screwtape will have to try - spending a day speaking of himself in the third person.

It would be interesting to see if Screwtape could get away with this without having anyone guess that this third person of whom Screwtape speaks is, indeed, Screwtape himself.

Just tell Screwtape not to do this around any women if he hopes to -- ahem! -- impress them. This *is* on the list of Ways To Crash-Land A Potential Relationship, after all.

>Except Screwtape usually tries to keep his secret identity secret. Sometimes. Occasionally.

Well, at least on Easter and Christmas.


Cici <you're not alone> in Texas


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: This is getting out of hand.
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 1999 16:32:21 GMT

dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks) wrote:
>dan, whose bright red Siamese fightingfishies wonder where elephants go to die

Colonel Sanders Kentucky Fried Elephant.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Moderation
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Thu, 2 Dec 1999 08:31:15 -0500

Screwtape wrote:
} Lurker Praps schrieb:
} ><namedrop> Talking of which, I used to do tech support for Tom Sharpe.</namedrop>
} <namedrop size=7>I know the *real* Tim Allen</namedrop>

We'd be more impressed if you knew the *real* Screwtape.

JIM, doesn't know William Shatner


From: latebird@usa.net (Ben)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Mutiny on the Planet Express Ship Capsule Submission
Date: Tue, 30 Nov 1999 22:39:49 -0600

Richard Fitzpatrick <ossipewsk@cheerful.com> wrote:
>-A Tim said:
>->Jim Evans schrieb:
>->>Rebeka Thomas wrote:
>->>} > Oh, they haven't gone missing. I'm afraid the Usenet Cabal has filtered them.
>->>} > Be careful what you type - you don't want Lord Kibo on your case.
>->>} TINC
>->>TONC
>->TUNC
>-TANC

TEN... no, wait. I see it now. You're just trying to bait me into saying *EN* and then you will beat me sensless for saying the forbidden word. Well, I won't do it.

Goodnight, gentlemen.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Mutiny on the Planet Express Ship Capsule Submission
From: Pooglian <pooga.home.com.RemoveThis>
Date: Wed, 01 Dec 1999 05:34:00 GMT

                              TANC  ^-^                                  \('o')                               ____/ ~ \                              /    -----____                             |              \ __________ --                       _______\              |__________(  )=}                      /       -------_______/            --                     |                      -------___                     |                                ---__                     |                                     -                      \                                     |                      //==========\\                        |                     ||o\/oo\/oo\/o\\=============\\       /                     ||o/\oo/\oo/\oo\/oo\/oo\/oo\/o\\=====\\                      \\=========\\o/\oo/\oo/\oo/\oo\/oo\/o||         O >Tue,J30mNom<s schrieb: \\============\\o/\oo/\o||
    >v>  >  >> >>>Oh,ethey hav 199 , Re eka Thom s   ote: \\======/
 >>TvNv> }>3v}>finte ed t em.v n't gone m ssing.aI'wrafr id t e Us net
>vUNC C}vTINC>}Be\caRefulhwhateyou9typeb-iyou don'tmwantaLordhKiboeon

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Mutiny on the Planet Express Ship Capsule Submission
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Thu, 02 Dec 1999 22:23:59 GMT

"Rev. R2D2" <RevR2D2.hotNEVERCOLDmail.com> wrote:
> --Nathan "Cascade Cop, trying to think of a Cascade Cop T-shirt design" Sullivan

>     \
>      \
>       \
>        \>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>        >\>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>        >>\>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>        >>>\>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>        >>>>\>>>>>>>>>>>>
>        >>>>>\>>>>>>>>>>
>        >>>>>>\>>>>>>>>
>        >>>>>>>\>>>>>>
>        >>>>>>>>\>>>>
>        >>>>>>>>>\>>
>        >>>>>>>>>>\
>        >>>>>>>>>> \
>        >>>>>>>>>   \
>        >>>>>>>>     \
>        >>>>>>>       \
>        >>>>>>         \
>        >>>>>           \
>        >>>>             \
>        >>>               \
>        >>                 \
>        >                   \

With a last line saying "Cascade Cops don't do it!" it would be perfect.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: TechnoAtheist <technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com>
Date: Wed, 08 Dec 1999 14:01:34 -0800

skywise.drizzle.com wrote:
>I've had a New England waitress think that my fake Brit accent sounded Southern, too.
>Kylee
>(sure there was a reason that she was running around spicking in funny accents at the time)

Doncha just hate it when your witness relocation program starts near the end of a fiscal year?

"... and can you fake a limp?"


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Cones!
From: "Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <E9c6zumball.mwis.net>
Date: Thu, 2 Dec 1999 08:51:01 -0600

Lurker Praps wrote in message ...
>Also Sprach Jim Evans:
>> } > The second domestication was probably relatively recent, as the modern cone has lost almost all traces of its legs (except for a vestigal base).
>> } And it's telepathic.
>> Exactly. That's how the cones keep cars and people out of the areas they're protecting.
>> JIM, pass me some more of that grog, will you Malc?
>One, just ONE reference to "long sticky tongue" and you're killfiled, mate! No messing, just Woooshh! Neeeeeooooowwwwwww....PLONK!!! < Clear?

I know what you mean. They were really awful when I saw them opening for Pant, Pant, Pant at the Bayou back in '84.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: They're on to you...
From: cclovis.mindspring.com (Cici in Texas)
Date: Tue, 07 Dec 1999 09:19:03 GMT

Rev. R2D2 wrote:
>Richard Wilson wrote:
>>half a baker's dozen
>Is that something like 2.3 kids?

Nobody but parents understands this statistic properly. It's perfectly easy to have 2.3 children. All that means is that you have two children of your own, and then three hours out of ten you have somebody else's kid, too. Which explains why some people have 1.7 children -- they're the ones whose kid you have.

Being the Kool-Aid Mom On The Block, my own personal average is actually somewhere around 4.6. But most people aren't home as much as I am, so they have less opportunity to pick up extra kids.

HTH!

Cici <glad I could get that cleared up here> in Texas


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: They're on to you...
From: cclovis.mindspring.com (Cici in Texas)
Date: Wed, 08 Dec 1999 06:45:33 GMT

> Nol Smi wrote:
>cclovis.mindspring.com (Cici in Texas) wrote:
>> Donald Welsh wrote:
>>>Or people like me, who can't see pink.
>>Really? Boy, you would SUCK as a Mary Kay Consultant, wouldn't you?
>That would be one way to be successful as a Mary Kay Consultant.

Maybe I should have tried it, then. Of course, I'd have had a considerably different clientele . . .

>Glad you're back Cici.

AOL

>Are you feeling better?

Quite a bit, thank you.

>Have you seen what happened lately. It hasn't been pretty.

Yeah, I lurked the whole group before I started posting, just so I'd be at least kinda-sorta up to speed. And I gotta tell you that reading through just the initial onslaught by She Who Shall Not Be Named gave me the most eerie feeling. Sort of like, I know I haven't seen this before, yet there's *something* . . . it's like I know what she's going to do, and I think nah, she wouldn't do that here, and then she does it! That feeling was just intensified by seeing it all at once, the way I did, rather than watching it unfold day by day. Then she revealed her age, and enlightenment dawned. It explained so much! I'm not losing my mind, I *have* heard these conversations before!

You see, I have a fifteen-year-old daughter. A -gifted- 15yo daughter, but a 15yo, nonetheless. And since they travel in packs at this age, I talk to several 15-year-olds every day. I realize that you can be any age on the Net, but there is -absolutely- -no- -doubt- in my mind that SWSNBN is, indeed, fifteen years old. (I've also got an 18-year-old son, so I've been through this before.)

Not for nothing are people this age called sophomores -- 'wise fools.' Living with one or more of them is like living with a bank of meters which are all wildly swinging from zero to the red zone, all the time, so you can never get an accurate reading. With people this age, there is never any middle ground. Anywhere. About anything. You explain something to them, and they either grasp it instantly, or you couldn't pound it into their minds with a 12-pound sledgehammer. They have no acquaintances, just best friends and bitter enemies. They are either ecstatic or suicidal. One minute they act like 20-year-olds, the next minute they act like 11-year-olds, or even 3-year-olds. And every one of them I've ever met seems to assume that it is her or his natural-born right to be the baby at every christening, the bride at every wedding, and the corpse at every funeral.

They are not easy people to be around. They constantly analyze everything around them, often coming to astoundingly wrong-headed conclusions with what they think of as perfect logic, and they discuss EVERYTHING in exhausting detail. They pick everything apart, right down to the molecules, and they'll always tell you either nothing at all or waaaay more than you wanted to know. However, that doesn't work the other way around -- you have to communicate with *them* in sound bites, because they'll tune you out in nanoseconds. They repeat themselves endlessly, thinking themselves hilarious, but try telling *them* the same joke twice.

I could go on (and on and on), but really, if someone is trying to perfect a 'bot that mimics a sophomore, they should stop tinkering with the thing immediately. It's perfect, just the way it is.


>Nol "prefers the PHC-NfLW cosmetic sales method" Smi

<Cici raises a white flag> Okay, I surrender. The part of my brain that deciphers acronyms seems to have died, or at least gone offline. Ah doan geddit. <snf!> Ah feel so . . . so BLONDE! <snf!>

<Cici <Miss Clairol! Help!> in Texas


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: They're on to you...
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Wed, 08 Dec 1999 09:39:24 -0700

Pooglian <pooga.home.com.RemoveThis> said:
> Cici in Texas seemed to say:
> <yoink>
> >AOL
> <Yoiks and away>
> Okay, I move that this acronym be stricken from the records. I know of at least three different non-humourous expansions for it, and none of them work in this scenario.

Yeah, me too. !!!1!


Kevin


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: They're on to you...
From: Nathan Sullivan <alfonso.pants.nu>
Date: 12 Dec 1999 00:26:01 -0800

cclovis.mindspring.com (Cici in Texas) writes:
> G'wan, YOU tell 'im. <nudge, nudge> G'wan!

But, unfortunately, G'wan was unable to tell him. For at that moment, G'wan was entering his third month of service aboard the Narn warship, K'boom. G'wan was a fine crewman, and served Captain G'whiz well. Even during combat with the traitor, G'far, G'wan did his duty without question. Until one day, a 16-ton weight fell from nowhere and crushed him.

--Nathan "Hmm, ending needs a bit of work, eh?" Sullivan


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: They're on to you...
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 1999 17:42:04 +1100

Cici in Texas schrieb:
>Okay, first rule. No matter what they tell you, never, ever, EVER admit to being shocked.

Words to live by, on rhod at least.

>I don't quite know how to tell those types of stories without getting even wordier than I already am.

ITYM "more effusively loquacious".


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Get Paid While You Surf The Web!!! 3299
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 2 Dec 1999 00:48:09 +1100

Rebeka Thomas schrieb:
>Tim Chew <twchew.raspberry.mindspring.com> wrote:
>> Viki did thusly type:
>> >Al Sharka <asharka.yahoo.com> wrote:
>> >> Well, *I* didn't vote for 'im.
>> >I bet it was that watery tart again. Am I right?
>> *sigh* No, my brother went mad and declared himself King of Raleigh after several days of exposure to the Spice Girls. Knowing a good thing when I see it, I jumped on that bandwagon. You never know if the city council will ratify it. They've done stupider things.
>YHBTYHLHAND. HTH.

Rebeka, you *do* know that injoke is a.r.k slang for "Hi, I'm a newbie who can't pick up injokes and use them properly", don't you? Hmm.. I guess not.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Official...
From: TechnoAtheist <technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com>
Date: Wed, 01 Dec 1999 08:23:55 -0800

Rich Churcher <churchmouse.mpx.com.au> wrote:
>technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com (TechnoAtheist) writes:
>> Rich Churcher <churchmouse.mpx.com.au> wrote:
>> >The top ten reasons for choosing "Spleen" as the official organ of RHOD:
>> Unfortunately, that would leave out one of our own who's currently spleen challenged.
>I didn't say "leave out". I said "official". Why should asplenia be a barrier to participation in RHOD?

Without a spleen, how could she do the secret handshake?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Official...
From: "ken.and.alison.adams" <ken.and.alison.adams.worldnet.att.net>
Date: Thu, 02 Dec 1999 22:55:35 -0500

Rich Churcher wrote:
> st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) writes:
> > Henriette Kress schrieb:
> > >kmh4.pge.com (Ken Harlan) wrote:
> > >>I am partial to the Isles of Langerhans. sounds like a nice place to visit.
> > >Waitwait, isn't that gender-specific?
> > >Henriette (or should I brush up on my anatomy?)
> > AFAIK, women have livers too. I think. I've never actually checked.
> Which is neither here nor there, since the Islets of Langerhans are in the pancreas ;o)
> Research into the exact location of the Islets of RHOD is continuing. My guess is, they form part of the interior lining of the bile duct.

A recent paper makes the claim that the Islets of RHOD are actually a peculiar type of rectal polyp[1], apparently caused by exposing the anus to temperatures between 35-40 degrees Farhenheit while in sandy areas. Only one case was documented thoroughly, but the preliminary study results look promising for a complete cure.

--
Ken Adams

[1] J Usenet Pathol. 1999 Jun; 52(6):455-60.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: New Phenomenon
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Fri, 03 Dec 1999 11:59:22 +1100

Tom Tom Harrington wrote:
> Speaking of which, can anyone recommend a text-based newsreader that has decent scoring facilities?

Make sure you get a pretty one.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: New Phenomenon
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 5 Dec 1999 03:26:11 GMT

Tom "Tom" Harrington <tph.acm.org> said:
>Screwtape wrote:
>>Screwtape,
>>...who plugs w3m at every opportunity.
>We don't need to know about your sex life...

If I were in a five-way with three girls and a guy, I tell everyone too. I mean, I *do* tell everyone.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have sex in schools


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Grrrrrr!!!!
From: clemenr.westminster.ac.uk (Ross Clement)
Date: 1 Dec 1999 18:22:38 GMT

Grrrrrr!!!!!!

From: Ed Lynn <pasquinade.hushmail.com>
At that, Goldilocks rushed from the small house, through the woods, and safely into her worried mother's waiting arms. For years afterward, she would develop a psychological allergy to porridge and suffer from chronic insomnia. Combined with the years of sexual abuse from her stepfather, she eventually took her own life via a handful of Sominex and a fifth of Jim Beam.
.
From: Al Sharka <asharka.yahoo.com>
Really, Ross, I must object strenuously to your using us as subjects for your thesis in psychology. At least without renumeration, that is.
.
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Right, and he should pay us too.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Grrrrrr!!!!
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Fri, 03 Dec 1999 02:44:14 GMT

Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net> wrote:
>Okay, geez, so it's not just the neuron that dendrites connect to, but the axon part of the neuron. I keep thinking rhod's one of those groups where you can make minor misstatements without it being called.[1]

Look, it doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything, you just made a GLARING STUPID MISTAKE.

Gah.

[1] NMFF.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Grrrrrr!!!!
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 1999 11:20:10 +1100

GW De Lacey wrote:
> Screwtape wrote:
> >GW De Lacey schrieb:
> >>GW DE Lacey
> >>Whose liver and white English springer spaniel is out of hospital. Her owner would like to know if anyone would like to buy his shirt.
> >Aw, come on, it can't be *that* expensive. Can't you charge it to Medicare?
> It is. I wish.

A True Story, if you will indulge me:

When we lived in the US, our much-beloved budgie Alf was budgie-sat by my parents. He lived a long and happy life, singing, playing, and he had an uncanny ability to sound like the phone ringing ("Someone answer the bird, will you?") Alas, age caught up with him: first the beak broke, and then he caught some nasty pneumonia (probably psittacosis) and the striking blue and white feathers fell out. His weekly letters enclosed with those of my parents indicated that he was keeping a stiff upper beak (what was left of it) but it was clear to us that he was declining slowly. Having all the feathers enclosed also was a bit of a clue. International phone calls were made. We found to our horror that extreme measures were being taken to keep him alive. I had images of CPR, mouth-to-beak-remnant resuscitation, white-gowned vet Dr. Drake Remora shouting "CLEAR!" as he discharged the paddles producing a puff of smoke and a flurry of feathers. "Mum, I don't think you should be spending all that money." "Yes, but we love him, and the girls would be devastated if he died."

Finally, the "he was climbing on the roof doing what he loved but fell and we couldn't save him and..." letter arrived. Alf was no more. The girls were completely overcome, sobbing, "Oh well, we'll get another one when we get home."

And when we did get home, my dear old Dad slipped me the vet bill: $500 for an $8 bird. A lot, I know, but he *did* do a good imitation of the phone ringing. So did the bird, for that matter. I miss him. And the bird. Not $500 worth you might say, but hey, he was my Dad.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Grrrrrr!!!!
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Fri, 03 Dec 1999 02:46:24 GMT

Jason Willoughby <jwilloug.gate.net> wrote:
>Jim Deutch wrote:
>> Lurker Praps wrote in message ...
>>>Pope-elect, Anti-Oregano Extremist, sole member of the Monotreme Anti-Defamation League and keeper of the September Chicken.
>> And are you aware, young man, just what those "treme"s they only have one of might be? Eh? And you continue to anti-defame them??
>Cloaca!
>Sorry, I panicked.

I hear the newest model of the Klingon Bird of Prey warship has a cloaca device.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d,alt.religion.kibology
Subject: Re: [Rebeka Thomas] Name Change!
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Thu, 2 Dec 1999 02:49:26 -0500

Shiro Akaishi wrote:
} pooga.home.com.RemoveThis (Pooglian) wrote:
} >>Meanwhile, in a.r.k., someone is typing in,"$0S IZ 4 L00SERS!!vi R00LZ!!", followed by an account of humiliation in 3rd grade. To a thread that is ostensibly about the WTO meeting.
} You just don't understand the existentialism. The whole damn thing is actually about pubic hair or the lack thereof. No really, figure that one out.

Ah! Aren't you that Spanish chap? From Barcelona, I believe? Por favor, uno burrito, mein leibnitz!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Glod help us all
From: tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Thu, 02 Dec 1999 18:39:03 GMT

Lane Gray, Czar Castic wrote:
>Hippie was surfing through Ebay (she's nuts over Hello Kitty) and found this. Most disturbing. I suppose it could make a decent gag gift, however.
><snip outdated URL to a Hello Kitty vibrator>

Oh my. Hello Kitty indeed. Hello, Kitty, let's be "friends"...

It's things like this that make humorous fiction seem like a pointless effort.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Serious Request. Sorry. :-(
From: Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net>
Date: Thu, 02 Dec 1999 21:11:59 +0000

As we approach The End Of The World (30 days and counting), all the effort I've made in putting Contingency Plans in place at the Power Station where I work may be about to be put to the test. Because of my position as IT Manager, Disaster Recovery Co-ordinator, Millennium Fixer-Upper, I'll be awake, sober and working as all four digits roll by.

Now, I know we have RHODents on board from Australasia and the Far East, also the Middle East, Europe, and various parts of continental America, and for some reason I trust you lot more than most...

If anyone would be willing to email me from east of Greenwich with the best and/or worst of the news about rollover events, or would like me to mail them same to west of Greenwich, please reply to this message and let me know.

Wibble upon wibble.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Serious Request. Sorry. :-(
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 1999 04:59:22 GMT

Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net> wrote:
>Now, I know we have RHODents on board from Australasia and the Far East, also the Middle East, Europe, and various parts of continental America, and for some reason I trust you lot more than most...

You silly twisted boy.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Serious Request. Sorry. :-(
From: Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net>
Date: Sat, 04 Dec 1999 16:12:27 +0000

Also Sprach Tim Chew:
> Actually, Malc, if you let me know how the phones are doing.

They're all expected to fall over at midnight as the whole country lifts its receivers as one and tries to dial someone to see if they've fallen over. :-)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Serious Request. Sorry. :-(
From: Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net>
Date: Fri, 03 Dec 1999 05:50:47 +0000

Also Sprach Daniel E. Macks:
> A memo was sent to several sewage treatment facilities informing all turn-o'-the-millenium-shift workers were to remain awake and sober while on the job that night.

Ignoring the obvious euphemism gag, one of the biggest problems is how to achieve "business as usual".

We have tested all systems as far as possible, and are actually running much of the station in virtual-2007 right now. This avoids obvious roll-over effects, allows for the leap-year, prevents problems often associated with rolling back after testing, and generally gives us a warm fuzzy pink feeling.

In effect, therefore, we're having some staff standing by in case of problems (whether related to IT, Control Systems, Comms or external factors such as the National Grid (the electricity distribution matrix, if you will) falling over), but otherwise we're trusting our automated systems to do their job correctly with the sole exception of our storm water pumps. These are going onto manual, because if they triggered injudiciously we could pollute the Thames, and we will do anything to avoid an environmental incident.

At least one water authority, however, has decided *not* to trust their automatics, and has drafted in workers both from within (office staff as well as engineering/maintenance) and from the dole queue, and is expecting them to control all pumps, overflows, and so on, by manually fiddling with valves.

I personally think it will be a fun night, and would probably rather spend it in a cosy power station with guaranteed electricity (from the diesel emergency generators if nothing else), clean water (several thousand [possibly million] gallons of it stored on-site), cooking facilities, entertainment (minesweeper), and so on, and with my best girl by my side. I'm also glad I don't work at a nuke. :-)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Now it's official
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 3 Dec 1999 14:43:23 GMT

Pooglian <pooga.home.com.RemoveThis> said:
> TechnoAtheist seemed to say:
>> Pooglian wrote:
>>>The last few days have shown that it would only be a matter of time, but today she finally did it. As of the report dated (GMT): Fri Dec 3 07:17:53 1999, the clueless one is the dominant poster in the froup. A moment of silence, if you would be so kind.
>>And how the heck is a moment of SILENCE going to solve the problem????

Not for *us*, silly.

>I dunno. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Okay, how about a moment of quivering hysterics?

As opposed to the usual 24x7?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies need their meds adjusted


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Now it's official
From: GW De Lacey <gdelacey.bigpond.com>
Date: Fri, 03 Dec 1999 21:28:28 +1000

Pooglian wrote:
>The last few days have shown that it would only be a matter of time, but today she finally did it. As of the report dated (GMT): Fri Dec 3 07:17:53 1999, the clueless one is the dominant poster in the froup. A moment of silence, if you would be so kind.

To our unexpected. but esteemed guests.
She to whom Pooglian refers is in fact our apprentice priest. We have had word from The Oracle that one of the permanent priests intends to run away and get married in... oh... a decade or two. The Omniscient One has directed that we train a suitable replacement, and, after sifting through the replies to our advertisements, we have selected the applicant with the most in common with the priest-to-be-replaced.

I cannot reveal the name of this priest, but if you think of Zadoc and Og, I am sure you will guess the one with the most points of resemblance.

--
GW De Lacey
Whose liver and white English springer spaniel thinks our apprentice is, in fact, coming along very well, but wishes she would curb that cross-posting urge - it's bl**dy rude and not appreciated by either this froup or the victims.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Now it's official
From: TechnoAtheist <technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com>
Date: Fri, 03 Dec 1999 07:55:55 -0800

GW De Lacey <gdelacey.bigpond.com> wrote:
[SNICK]
> The Omniscient One has directed that we train a suitable replacement, and, after sifting through the replies to our advertisements,

You run ads for new priests!?!? Paul told me he got the position by licking the priests cars clean! I guess I should have figured that one out when he said I should "Start with the new guy first".

And I was just getting use to the taste of brake-dust.

Well I'm off to search the classified ads at <http://204.244.141.39/>. I wonder if altavista has the chinese => english translation working yet....


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Other New Post
From: "Nobody Knows" <nobodyknows_1234.yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1999 10:31:42 -0800

I just wanted to stop for a moment and say thanks to all of rhod. You help keep me sane, you help me see the inherent humor in life. Most importantly you keep me forever aware that life isn't a bitch, life is a joke, and it's pretty damn fun.

Thanks everyone!

From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Get bent ya dweeb.
.
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
This from a man who changes his identity every post, sticks wucking great big slabs of metal through his willie, craps in drink containers, and is looking forward to being barbequed (with oregano). I think our work here is done.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other New Post
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Fri, 03 Dec 1999 23:30:32 GMT

Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net> wrote:
>Hey, I'm planning my new year's party! What goes good with tequila? I'm thinking seconal.

No, it's TRIPLE Seconal, ya doof. With Minute Maid(tm) Limeade. Toss it all down the john, and put your brain in the blender on "frappe." No salt on the glass, please.

>No, seriously... life is laughter in the face of death. Sooner or later we feed worms, might as well enjoy the tingles while we can still feel 'em.

Worms make me feel all tingly inside!

>Kevin "is this too angsty?" Kelley

I don't know, how do you feel about it?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other New Post
From: twchew.raspberry.mindspring.com (Tim Chew)
Date: Sat, 04 Dec 1999 10:35:59 -0500

Kevin Kelley did thusly type:
>Was it just me, or did everybody when they were a kid go through the Bartender's Bible recipe by recipe, marking them "!!" or "crap" or "chick drink"? And "yeah!" for Cement Mixer.

I've never under stood the need for a Bartending book. All you really need to know is two drinks,

Gin and Tonic

Gin
Tonic
ice
lime wedge
dash of salt (trust me)

and Martini

  • gin (a lot, and make it good this time, not that house crap you keep trying to push)
  • vermouth (just a smidgen, aw, hell give me the mixer, I'll do it. What the hell do you think you're doing, shaking it like that, you'll bruise it. Just slosh it around the mixer until frost forms on the outside of the mixer. No, not just moisture condensing, but FROST. Good, now strain it.)
  • two olives (Yes, two. Not bad. You'll do better next time.)

Funny how my bartenders prefer to get me beer.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other New Post
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 7 Dec 1999 17:36:57 GMT

Lionel <longword+usenet.newsguy.com> said:
>Actually, one of our sales guys tried a Flaming Lamborghini for the first time the other night. He managed it quite gracefully, but he lost points for trying to chicken out of it when he saw the guy before him having one.

OK, what's in a Flaming Lamborghini? But while we're on the subject, I'd like to mention that experience teaches that 1) putting flaming drinks in those plastic hotel-room cups is a Bad Idea, and 2) Pavlovian conditioning doesn't work when you're sloshed. OTOH, those ice buckets make a pretty good punch bowl.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies miss color-changing Kool-Aid


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other New Post
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Sun, 05 Dec 1999 16:36:40 -0700

dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks) said:
> Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> said:
> >Pooglian wrote:
> >} Kevin Kelley seemed to say:
> >} >Lurker Praps said:
> >} >> Also Sprach Daniel E. Macks:
> >} >> > I was at a bar this past summer where the bartender screwed up a cement mixer. Apparently in his world, he thought what we really wanted was not so much two layers, but rather a shot-glass of high-octane cottage cheese.
> >} >> I know not this Mixer of Cement of which you speak. High-octane Cottage Cheese sounds fun though. Do you have recipes[0] for either, please?
> >} >Forgot the recipe; ask for one next time you're in the pub. You'll thank me for suggesting it.
> >} If it's anything like the cement mixer I was given, you are truly a twisted and evil person! Then again, I like girlie fru-fru drinks, like Sex on the Beach.
> >My personal favorite is a sloe screw.
> Up against the wall?

I like a sloe comfortable screw up against the wall, with a twist.


Kevin "actually it's just fun asking for it" Kelley


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other New Post
From: Nol Smi <nolan_s.my-deja.com>
Date: Mon, 13 Dec 1999 22:19:58 GMT

cclovis.mindspring.com (Cici in Texas) wrote:
> Nol Smi wrote:
>>tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington) wrote:
>>> Nol Smi wrote:
>>>>Can anyone here make a Screaming Viking?
>>>That'd be spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, tequilla, spam, spam, and spam, right?
>>That'd be a Screaming Hawaiian, wouldn't it?
>Can't be. There isn't any pineapple in it.

Whattaya think the Hawaiian is screaming about, anyway?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other New Post
From: Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net>
Date: Sun, 05 Dec 1999 19:15:21 +0000

Also Sprach trog:
> Now it's winter you'll need to try an Antifreeze:
> a measure of triple-distilled vodka
> a dash of blue curaçao
> 1 tsp. sugar
> a splash of hot water

Huh? Blue Curaçao being used in a *cocktail*? Nonsense!

Blue Curaçao serves only one purpose.

Party guests fall into four groups.

  1. Good friends
  2. Acquaintances
  3. Good friends who are alcoholics
  4. Acquaintances who are alcoholics

When all the booze at the party has run out, and all that is left is a bottle of Blue Curaçao, group 2 leaves.

Once the Blue Curaçao has run out, group 4 will leave.

Observing the behaviour of people during these crucial stages makes it easy to classify people into the four groups, which is of enormous help in planning future parties, and deciding on birthday presents.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other New Post
From: Barry O'Neill <abuse.londo.freeuk.com>
Date: Fri, 10 Dec 1999 20:35:50 -0000

tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington) says...
> > -Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
> > --*----*---*---*-----*----*---*-*-Me transmitte sursum, Caledoni!--
> OK, but how do you say "There's no intelligent life down here"?

"Welcome to the United States of America"


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other New Post
From: TechnoAtheist <technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com>
Date: Sat, 11 Dec 1999 09:49:02 -0800

Ed Chauvin IV <edc81u4.newsguy.com> wrote:
> Pooglian wrote:
>> Ross Clement seemed to say:
>>>Noser the Fishless (pshaughn.mediaone.net) wrote:
>>>: "Lane Gray, Czar Castic" wrote:
>>>: > Tom "Tom" Harrington wrote:
>>>: > >Put a phone-- in your butt.
>>>: > ...in bed.
>>>: ... under a Scotsman's kilt.
>>>What's that doing in this thread? Someone's being using the wrong spoons in the wrong threads.
>>Sorry, we've just got the one communal spoon to stir all our threads. Please don't lick it before handing it on to the next guy.
>I would also advise against licking it after having it handed to you by the previous guy.
>Actually, come to think of it, it's probably not too good an idea to be licking it at all.

Mmmmmm..... Salty.........


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other New Post
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Fri, 03 Dec 1999 19:00:20 -0700

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) said:
> Kevin Kelley schrieb:
> >But I agree with what you said, thanks to all of rhod. I like you guys, even if we spend so much time slagging on each other it's hard to tell sometimes.
> FY,YFF. AIMTITNPW,OC. :)

Aw, shucks, that's the second-nicest thing I've heard today -- since nobody wanted to play with my ass.

> /me wears his rhodbadge with pride.

/me slags fictional demon, steals badge. That's how you get 'em, right? Oh goodie, always wanted one. How come it's turning blue?


From: hetta.saunalahti.fi (Henriette Kress)
As you stare at your badge the air around you goes kind of milky, and the rest of us stare in amazement as a black border marks where you stand. A voice booms across the hall: "Did you really think you get rhodbadges by -stealing- them? Boy, you have a lot to learn. If you give it back _now_ you only have to spend a few months with JIM in Canananada, and we might even activate the KEVINbot. If you do not, even I shudder to contemplate your fate ... <shudder> DMPs love toy for a full year ... <shudder>!"

You make a fast decision and ---


From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
--- and then do the opposite, realizing that it's the fast decisions that get me killed.

The hall is high-ceilinged and marble-floored; motes dance in the narrow bars of sunlight that penetrate from high clerestory windows. The sunlight, however, does not reach the floor, which is faintly glowing. Closer inspection would reveal an intricate design in the texture of the marble, a pattern that codifies and maybe controls the nature of reality. The floor is a single slab of living rock, legend tells it, the heart of Olympus left polished and durant when the rest of the mountain was moved to make way for housing developments.

But my article for Home and Garden is already in the mail; I'm on a different mission now. Success is at hand and I've claimed the prize, why then this sense of impending doom? The bustle and sussurus of many muted conversations has stilled, priests at their stations and even the long line of supplicants have all arrested their movements; the very air has ceased to breathe.

"Excu.. excuse me." My voice cracks. "I'll just be going now. Nothing to see here, got my badge, I'm just another rhodent shuffling through the maze." The attempt at humor falls flat; Nobody is laughing. Everyone else continues to watch, silently.

As I start to move a momentary brightening catches my eye; the priests, scattered through the hall, are picked out in more detail, the colors of their robes enhanced, faces glowing, and hair wisping as with static electricity. Looking at the nearest -- and newest, Paul, the bloodstains on his robe are still individually discernable -- I see an inward focusing, communion.

Slowly the glow fades and a voice, disembodied, speaks, mellifluous and with overtones of many voices: "put down the badge; it is not too late."

"Ha!" I laugh. It is my badge, stolen fair and square. I wish to keep it. "Ha! I shall keep it, thank you very much (TYVM)." I turn to leave, reaching to clip the badge to my pocket. It is a strident blue now, and flashing, I note. Also it has become hot to touch. I hope I will be able to fix it, back in my laboratory. I hope it is not broke.

"Very well." In the many voices, a note of finality. "The rhodbadge cannot be taken; it must be given. We will not take it from you. There is however a fate about it: improperly taken, it will be your downfall." The priests again begin to glow, and I feel a sudden tingling. In the faces of the still motionless bystanders, acolytes and supplicants I see sudden horror, what are they seeing? Then walls of obsidian spring up around me, too close and hot; I am jostled and as suddenly the walls disappear. The image of the polished marble floor sinks slowly into sand. A voice, or many, whispers in my ear, softly, "the plains of desolation... exile..." and then it fades.


Taking stock I see in the distance mountains on three sides, and to the fourth the horizon is a shimmering glow. The sand is hot through the soles of my shoes; my adventuring khakis are already becoming soaked with sweat. The pith helmet helps. The rhodbadge, still pinned to my pocket, is inert. I will hope to activate it; if I am able, my worries are over, as there is nothing it can't do -- tuned properly, it can even scramble an egg still in its shell.

Egg... the thought reminds me, adventuring is hungry work, and I've not eaten for hours. During my cogitation the sun has shifted noticeably, and I set out for the western mountains, my shadow growing behind me.


From: Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net>
Wear sunglasses.
Take black McDonnel-Douglas helicopter.


From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Settling the sunglasses on my face, I know I must be trés cool now. I wish for a mirror, so that I might admire my new hip look... and a small window pops up in one quadrant of my field of view, showing myself from a nearby vantage point. I look in that direction, but no camera is apparent; probably done in software and based off the latest recon-satellite scans, I surmise. These sunglasses are _very_ cool! A little experimenting teaches me to shift the viewpoint, and now I'm zooming in for a look up my right nostril cavernous in the view window. Oops, heh, that needs picking.

A faint shout comes from seaward. I turn to look but nothing's visible until a targeting box appears in the glasses, framing the entire view and zooming down to tightly surround a bobbing head; of course: someone's stopped here for a swim. I wonder... targeting box? Armaments? A scrolling list appears; .50 cal. MG, Sidewinder, Laser and HE Plasma look interesting. Another shout... that's really quite annoying. Plasma, I decide, and the targeting box flashes yellow. Quick as the thought a searing beam burns down from the sky and leaves a boiling hole in the sea. Steam rises. "Target Destroyed" flashes in my field of view. Those satellites are quite something.

Now to examine the work of Mssrs. McDonnell and Douglas. Entering the copter I hear a sigh... pressurized air as the door seals shut. Systems spring to life, sequences of indicator lights and muted sound of machinery, almost as though it is glad to be aroused. On a hunch I say "Kitt?" and hear "Yes Michael?" in an androgynous voice. Yes, no wonder they killed off that show... it was too close to the truth.

I settle into the comfy pilot's seat and spend some time playing with the controls. Lumbar, recline, heat, massage, footrest... even a cupholder and a mini-bar within reach. Nothing's too good, apparently, for the minions of the Military-Industrial Complex... and now, for me.

"Seattle," I say, and the rotors spin up and the copter lifts. I was afraid I'd miss the fun...


There is a cooler abandoned on the beach behind me.


From: hetta.saunalahti.fi (Henriette Kress)
>and I set out for the western mountains, my shadow growing behind me.

As you trudge on you keep your eyes peeled for food-like items, for water, and for some sun protection.

If this was a SW US desert you'd of course get both moisture and food from a nearby prickly pear, and you'd dig into the dirt against the heat of the day, hoping to avoid DIDDLY SNIKES and scorpions. Unfortunately this seems more like a picture postcard Saharan kind of desert, with elegantly wind-packed sand-dunes all the way to the horizon, and you can see no life anywhere (unless you look at yourself, of course, and that's not going to live for very long unless you do something, soon).

So, as you desperately try to get your rhodbadge to do something, anything, it crackles and you see some sparks coming out of the boob part, making them jiggle in a most enticing way.

After you're done staring at that you notice a tiny djinni floating in front of your eyes. It coughs politely, clears its throat, and whispers "Your wish, master?" You say "Get me out of here!", but the djinni explains to you that its facilities are limited, it being rather small yet, and that you should have stolen the badge off an old-timer or better yet, a priest, their djinnis are full-grown and really can do anything. You look thoughtful for a while, and then you tell it "I wish for you to be full-grown and all-powerful".

<Break for Vacuum Cleaner Commercial>


From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
"*All*-powerful? That's a lot. How about just moderately more powerful?" the djin asks.

"Okay, that'll work."

"Sorry, I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Why not? Your implementation is simple Prolog, right? And I'm sure you can write Prolog code. So all you gotta do is get into your source, and beef it up a little. I'd start with the user interface, by the way; that color of blue is really ugly."

"No, nothing personal, but I refuse to write Prolog code. Even for you."

He's got a point there, that stuff's nasty. "Well... okay, but what was that about misdirecting me from all-powerful to moderately-powerful, if you can't do either?"

"Who says I can't do either?"

"You did."

"Did not."

"Okay, I refuse to have this argument. Can you, or can you not, become all-powerful?"

"Yes."

"Which?"

"What?"

"Which is it?"

"Which is what?"

"Just answer the question."

"What was the question again?"

"Can you become all-powerful?"

"That wasn't the question."

"Answer it anyway."

"Okay, but you're running out of questions."

"How many questions do I have?"

"One less than you had before."

"That isn't a valid answer."

"Is too."

"Look, I studied at the Academy for Prentice Rhodicians, and that was definitely _not_ a valid answer."

"Where's your card?"

"What?"

"Your rhod-card. If you're a Rhodician, you should have a card."

"Oh. Here."

"This card isn't valid. Unless your name's Screwtape...? No. I've met Screwtape, I've filleted souls with Screwtape, and you're no Screwtape."

"Well... never mind. Can you become all-powerful?"

"You already asked me that."

"But you didn't answer."

"Oh, right. Yes."

"Become all-powerful."

"Oh, sorry. You're all out of wishes."

"What! I haven't made any wishes."

"Weren't you wishing I'd answer your questions?"

"Damn."

"See? There you have it. You ran out somewhere around 'Prolog', but I was having too much fun to stop. Ooh, look at the time. _I Dream of Jeanie_ is on."

Kevin, trudges on through the desert


From: hetta.saunalahti.fi (Henriette Kress)
As the djinni takes its leave you catch it by its sleeve - gotcha! Next you tell it to stop fooling around, your first wish was to get you out of there (which the djinni couldn't do, so you still have that wish), your second wish was to make the djinni all-powerful (which the djinni argued about and finally conceded that yes, it could do, but hasn't) so git your power in gear, pal, or we'll just watch what happens to this rhodbadge if you sit on it.

The djinni, knowing defeat, sighs "hookay" and a *whoosh* tells you that its smoky haze has displaced a lot more air now. It asks again "Your wish, master?" and you, having finally come to your senses, ask it to give you a dozen shiny new rhodbadges, and no stealing them either. As they spill over the sand at your feet you scoop them up. Your next wish is to be transported back to the RHOD hall, and as a favor you ask the djinni to give you more digestive power, too.

As you find yourself on the loo of the RHOD hall you wonder if that one was appropriately phrased...

...but you still have rhodbadges to spare, so if you play them right you still might get out of that year with DMP.

<cue laxative commercial>


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other New Post
From: Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net>
Date: Mon, 06 Dec 1999 20:54:59 +0000

Also Sprach Ian Davis:
> Lurker Praps:
> > Nobody Knows:
> > > I'm sorry, the FAQ's specifically state that anyone under 21 years of age cannot use the word "fuck" in a post.
> > While nobody over the age of 20 may use the word "".
> You misspelled "".

I did? Oh !



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