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1999 12 D

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: SETI.home stats broke?
From: Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net>
Date: Wed, 08 Dec 1999 21:47:12 +0000

Also Sprach Tom "Tom" Harrington:
> >I've had to have my PC off all day since the desecrator moved in with their nasty dust-making habits.
> Doing a bit of redesecrating? Whassa matter, was the place becoming too sacred?


10 days' of window-replacement (necessary to prevent the front of the house, the back, and the middle bit all becoming separated) and making good has now taken 16 days and is still not finished. Barbara and I have at least had a bedroom of sorts throughout, but we've had no sitting-room for 9 days, and have been living in a shoebox-sized area around the computer, with television in a 320 x 240 window on the left-hand side, and Agent occupying a luxurious 640 x 640 to the right.

The "builders" has been singular since the first day (explaining the delay), and the guy who has been showing up is good at plastering and wallpapering, but less so at plumbing, carpentry, tidying up after himself, and thinking.

I've been covering the computer with a dust-sheet every day for a fortnight; but it's been unnecessary on all but one of the days, because the window which has been installed beside it is still surrounded by raw plaster to three sides and a two-inch gap at the top. We're having 70mph winds tonight.

The sitting-room is now almost finished, apart from letting the carpet dry out where the radiator wan't properly capped off when it was removed to deal with the wall behind it (did I mention the lack of plumbing skills?), and the unusually asymmetric nature of the new window sill.

The new towel-rail is as far offset to one side of the radiator above which it was fitted as the shelf above the rail is also offset (if you catch my drift), and the gap left between the shelf and the towel rail is insufficient to allow the insertion of a towel.

Half of our curtain rails have disappeared. And I don't mean that some have remained and others not. I mean that curtain rails in matching halves have been separated into a remaining half and an absent half. This means that they all need replacing.

Yesterday I tried to go to the lavatory when I got home, and trod (in be-socked feet) on a pile of wood chippings, sawdust and nails carefully swept into a pile in the middle of the bathroom floor, and abandoned there.

I have a heavy cold. The only reason I'm still going to work is that the alternative is usually deemed "staying at home". I have no home left worth staying at.

Tonight I tried to drown my sorrows with a large quantity of (now) 15 years old Bushmills single malt Irish Whiskey. Hard to believe that 15 years can do so much more for some things than others. Unfortunately I'm feeling too stuffed up to enjoy it, so I'm going to bed instead.

Tomorrow the builder's boss is expecting to receive all but 500 quid of the final of three payments for the work (in excess of 8 grand for the lot).

I do not have a shed. I have, however, just spent a lot of cash on Barbara's birthday present (this coming Sunday), buying her a particularly decent portable MiniDisc recorder, which I will tell her is just a sophisticated Walkman. That will make her think I spent about a third of its actual value on it. This will make us both happy. I hope.

I have mail backed up that I'm not feeling creative or motivated enough to answer (apologies to anyone here awaiting a response to anything).

Funnily enough, I actually don't give a monkey's about how well my SETI.Home stats are holding up.


F/U set to /dev/null

From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
See? See? One or two tiny little setbacks and you turn cranky.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Song Titles
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Sun, 12 Dec 1999 08:25:52 -0600

trog wrote:
} Jeffrey Kaplan wrote ...
} > Czar Castic said:
} > ; Yes, or Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman and Howe? (both of them)
} > That still sounds like a law firm to me. "Dewy, Cheetum, and Howe."
} There's a similar firm over here: "Sue, Grabbit and Runne". My insurer's legal protection scheme is pursuing a claim for me for £100 in the county court. They tell me it's the principle of the thing.
} Tim "but I think it's job creation" Wren

There is, (and I am not making this up like you lot,) a law firm in one of my former cities of residence named "Crooks and Low". I guess they hadn't met Mr. Down yet.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I'll see your cascade and raise another!
From: "Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <E9c6zumball.mwis.net>
Date: Fri, 10 Dec 1999 15:54:22 -0600

Mike Jewell wrote:
>I'll see your attempt to block cascades, and raise four :-)
>/\/\ike 'What /is/ a rumpus anyway - any relative of the Wumpus?' Jewell

The back end of a Wumpus.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: 1132
From: gnohmon8715.my-deja.com
Date: Wed, 08 Dec 1999 18:00:25 GMT

2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1

From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Just what do you know that you aren't telling us here?
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
I'd hate to see your "Psychic Hotline" bill.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Decision time..
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Tue, 14 Dec 1999 09:48:40 +1100

Tom Tom Harrington wrote:
> I was thinking more of things like the Donut Road investigation that we had a while back. What started as a simple idea grew into a large-scale expedition into the absurd.

Yes, and next time you decide to do that, could you give us some warning? Absurd is out the back next to my clothes line and you lot trampled my azaleas something shocking.

Ian, who should be obscene and not absurd.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Decision time..
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Mon, 13 Dec 1999 22:50:27 -0600

Ian Davis wrote:
} Ian, who should be obscene and not absurd.

The aromatic quality of a pun like that is not unlike that of tryptophan, another aromatic which is a breakdown product of heme, which is excreted when the gall bladder contributes bile to the digestive process and it makes it's long trip to become part of the solid waste removal process.

Now, if you will please recall the chemistry lesson I conducted here not so long ago, concluding with the definition of paradox... Ah, you have forgotten? Well, here is a representation of the molecular structure of a para-dox molecule:

 / \
| 0 |
 \ /

Now, The base molecule that paradox is built on has a rather pleasant smell, at least in small quantities, but is listed as a carcinogen if you are exposed to it long-term or in large amounts. Still, if you compare the odors of these two aromatic substances, I'm sure you'll agree that it's better to be benzene and not turd.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Decision time..
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Fri, 10 Dec 1999 08:03:36 +1100

Screwtape wrote:
> So what I'm asking for is a bit of feedback from the RHOD community - am I funny?

Yes, but looks and smells don't count.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Decision time..
From: Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk (Richard Wilson)
Date: Thu, 09 Dec 99 22:16:04 GMT

It must be the blatant, devil-may-care ontopicness of this thread, but I've gone all misty and dewy-eyed. Either that or it's this vile flu which, like Malc and Paul, I've been earnestly combating with the old water of life.

Malc: I would say keep taking the medicine, but it sounds like you've had enough.

Screwy: you post far more than I am normally willing to read; you are not in my well-populated killfile; I can't think of a better definition of funny (I never pretended MOs were H).

Certainly not digestion rate, anyway. This is almost entirely density-dependent. When I used to incarnate weekends the priests selected about 1 in 7; earlier this year when I changed to weekdays (work got particularly boring) it increased to 1 in 4. My average vote score dropped accordingly. (Though even votes aren't much to go by. Back in 96 I got the question "kiddie porn" which I found offensive and probably a clumsy troll, so I answered as irrelevantly and unfunnily as I could. It got digested. 13 people voted it a 5. I don't think everyone's got the hang of this 5-good 1-bad thing.)

Even rhod-followups aren't an infallible criterion. Nobody responded to Paul's dread pirate whateverthehellhisnamewas, and Ian's heartrending tale of Alf the budgie, while undoubtedly leaving not a dry eye in the house, seems also to have incited fervent silence. Sometimes there is no more to be said.

I say, do what amuses you and, if at the end of the day there are a few people left who don't hate you, then don't give a franklymydear. Well, that is, except cascaders. Cascaders are BASTARDSBASTARDSBASTARDS!!!

I shall now do my impression of a rutting stag: troooooooaaaat!

Thank you and good night.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*----*--I've finished the cheap stuff, dear,--
--*-----*--*----*----*----*---can I start on the single malt now?--

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Happiness is...
From: "verlinh" <verlinh.email.msn.com>
Date: Sun, 12 Dec 1999 00:59:20 -0500

RST <beka_thomas.hotmail.com> wrote:
> Pooglian wrote:
> > Daniel Macks wrote:
> > >NORTH
> > You miss the doorway by a good eighteen inches. The wall jostles you rather rudely.
> xyzzy


That magic word won't work here.

You have died.

You have accumulated 0 points of a possible 9999.

This earns you the title of "Navel Lint."

Play Again? (Y/N)

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Happiness is...
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Mon, 13 Dec 1999 15:47:13 -0600

Henriette Kress wrote:
> tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington) wrote:
> > Richard Wilson wrote:
> >> --*----*---*---*-----*----I've got a second-hand Shroud of Turin---
> >I know an old woman who once found the holy grail at an Oxfam thrift shop.
> How'd she know that's what it was? Did it have the text "Holy Grail" stencilled on?

Actually, the word "Sainsburys" was crossed off and "Holy Grail" was written on it in crayon.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Happiness is...
From: twchew.raspberry.mindspring.com (Tim Chew)
Date: Tue, 14 Dec 1999 07:27:23 -0500

Tom "Tom" Harrington did thusly type:
>I know an old woman who once found the holy grail at an Oxfam thrift shop.

I found mine in a box of Cheerios.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Is it just me...
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Sun, 12 Dec 1999 08:21:51 -0600

Ben wrote:
} ... or was the last digest a load of tripe?
} It culd be the lack of sleep, but It seemed to be relatively long and boring.

I've noted that the digests definitely vary in quality. The prime factors seem to be related to a few things, including how many answers I have pending (inverse), whether I'm in it (exponential) or not (log), how my life is proceeding at the moment (inverse), and length of time since I've last seen a given type of response (direct). The actual answer quality seems to have very little effect on the outcome.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Is it just me... [DELURK ALERT]
From: Jason Willoughby <jwilloug.navajo.gate.net>
Date: 12 Dec 1999 19:51:15 GMT

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> wrote:
; Screwtape wrote:
; } You're the same Dr Jekyll from afda, are you? Yes, the cross-membership is quite phenomenal..
; So is the cross-dressing.

Mmmmm, French Thousand Island....

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: anyone help me with some windows crap?
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 1999 04:14:00 GMT

"Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <E9c6zumball.mwis.net> wrote:
>I dunno. I haven't even looked into it, I just started thinking about it again. My only knowledge of it was gleaned here; namely that for about $49.95, you can combine the ease of use of Linux with the stability of Windows.

You were in marketing in a past life, weren't you?

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How to close session?
From: TechnoAtheist <technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com>
Date: Tue, 14 Dec 1999 08:22:38 -0800

A pensive group of monkeys claiming to be "Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <E9c6zumball.mwis.net> wrote:
>wls wrote:
>>Does anybody know how to close a session before a C program exit? I am using the OLE DB to connect with the ORACLE server.... I check the v$session and find that there are many INACTIVE session exist. Please tell me how to avoid the problem? thank you :)
>OK, anyone else think he needed to ask Orrie?

Why? the answer to this one is pretty obvious.

The root of the problem is using C to connect to the sessions in Oracle. Although it's immensly powerful, it is also far too easy to obfuscate your coding paradygm by irregular variable constructs. When uninitializing OLE (or for that matter, any DLL) it's best visually conceptualize the deinternalizationships that occur during the OLE Unknown::release monkey handle data deallocation. The proper spatula for gribikking the memory into a FREE state is fireplug the Unknown::Ref(*doughnut) call with a NULL briefcase. Flywheel object active employee danger bastart deamons, yahoo user plain memo deskjet. Corncob, regnad kcin the overthruster feces doorknob (tin)[0]. This results in Oracle properly releasing the active wait states chimpanzee and and terminating the sessions.

Hope this helps. Have a Nice Dishwasher.

[0] Or not, see KB:409368.p2

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Why the DBMS_SQL can't parse the command(trigger)?
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 1999 08:46:38 -0600

Mike Jewell wrote:
> Al Sharka wrote
> > wls wrote
> > } Okay.. :)
> > } Grant Create Trigger to worker
> > That's what triggers do best.

The wonderful thing about triggers is:

> Triggers are wonderful things :-)

Their tops are made out of SQL
Their bottoms are made out of strings.

They're bouncy, flouncy, trouncy, pouncy
fun, fun, fun, fun, fun
But the most wonderful thing about triggers
is when you forget one.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Blart!
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 1999 10:10:04 -0600

Ross Clement wrote:
> Blart!

Pee-yew! Helen! Put that dog outside.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What on earth am I getting into?
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Wed, 15 Dec 1999 14:36:12 -0600

Alice M. Wilson wrote:
> <sticking her neck hesitantly into the fray>

Well, I've never heard it called *that* before.
Oh, come on, I waited over a half-hour to see if anyone else was going to say it first.

> With my new e-mail address, I am now able to read and post to rhod. Is this a good thing?

Just remember to use your powers for good.

> And does this mean I'll get mentioned more often in the digests? :)

Are you sure that's what you want?

> Alyce "Proudly weaned off hotmail" Wilson, Oracle Priest

So, are you a geeky Priest(ess) or just weird, like Ian?

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Song Titles
From: Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk (Richard Wilson)
Date: Fri, 17 Dec 99 16:51:45 GMT

hetta.saunalahti.fi "Henriette Kress" writes:
> >That's because the manufacturers have to leave room for a big ten inch.
> ...sigh. Let's repeat it again, shall we? "Centimeters are not inches."

'Deed not. Who on earth would want a ten /centimetre/ pianist?

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*----*---*-*---You hum it, and I'll fake it---

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Song Titles
From: Pooglian <pooga.home.com>
Date: Fri, 17 Dec 1999 05:38:46 GMT

Pooglian seemed to say:
>Henriette Kress seemed to say:
>>Pooglian <pooga.home.com> wrote:
>>>Henriette Kress seemed to say:
>>>>SamIAm <SamIAm.hotbot.com> wrote:
>>>>>Nope. Try again.
>>>>>SamIAm enjoying listening to "Walking Round in Women's Underwear"
>>>>?? I don't get it.
>>>>Henriette (I'm walking round in women's underwear every day, babe)
>>>I believe he refers to a parody of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland." Don't know if you've got that one over there or not.
>>Heh. Bagged one. Did you seriously think I didn't get it? I might be dense, but I'm not 'beka.
>Oof. And I walked straight into it. Could somebody untie me now?

Hello? Is there anyone there? I'm still hanging here!

The sad thing is I was all set to give some sarcastic predator-raptor reply, then I said to myself, "Well, Henriette IS one of them thar forn types, and might be actually unref'd on this one. I'll be nice." Hah! Last time I'm nice in THIS froup!

From: hetta.saunalahti.fi (Henriette Kress)
<_Loud_ singing> "Sleighbells ring, are you listening, in the lane ... snow is glistening ..."

<jingle jingle jingle>

What's that? Sounds like somebody's shouting. Either rather far away or very muffled. What? I can't -hear- you! Louder please, and -where- are you?

"Ouch! I'm in a sack. Oww! Ouch, ow, aay!"

"Hmmm. I've a couple sacks in the back of this sled, but those are filled with presents. What? Speak up, lad. Say again? You're -not- a present? Well, what are you doing in a sack then? Oh okay."

Ptrrrrr Polle, Polle. Ptrrrrooo, ptrrrrr. Good boy.

<Sets brakes, hops down, climbs up again in the back>

I'm back here now, which of these ...oh I see, I guess you're in the one which doesn't have any sharp corners poking out.

<unties sack>

"There you go. Now tell me, what were you doing in there?"
"Well, you see, I was just ambling along innocently in RHOD, and somebody snuck up on me from behind."
"In RHOD? Innocently? With -that- bunch? Uh-hun. No wonder you got bagged. Now beware of all the predator-raptors, and respond seriously only to 'what does that mean' requests if you get them by email."

<pats Poog on the butt, and shoves him off the sled>

Poog: "Thanks. You know, I kind of knew this, but I guess it hadn't percolated to my bones yet."
Me: "Bye kid, and remember: stay away from all the RHOD predator-raptor traps!"

<jingle jingle jingle>

<more VERY loud singing> "... a beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland."

Henriette (I still don't get it. What's so funny about walking round in women's underwear?)

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear
From: SamIAm <SamIAm.hotbot.com>
Date: 19 Dec 1999 22:46:33 EST

This is almost definitive. They are not playing as much on my oldies station as I had hoped. so feel free to fix any lines that I have wrong. the parody of "Walki' in a Winter Wonderland" is by Bob Rivers. The song can be found on I Am Santa Clause (1993) and the Twisted Christmas Box Set. Some sites may have samples of the song.

Apparently Bob Rivers has been doing parodies for over 25 years. There is CD of an album that came out in 1972. He is also a morning disc jockey in Seattle.

Here goes...

Sung to Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland

Lacy things, the wife is missing.
Didn't ask her permission.
Went through her clothes,
I'm wearing her pantyhose.
Walkin' round in women's underwear.

In the store, there's a teddy
with little straps like spaghetti.
It holds me so tight
Like handcuffs at night.
Walkin' round in women's underwear

In the office, there's a guy named Melvin.
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He asks if I'm willin'. I say "Whoa, man!"
Wait until the wife is out of town.

Later on, if ya wanna,
we can dress like Madonna.
Put on some eyeshade
And join the parade
Walkin' round in women's underwear.


SamIAm listening to the parody of Jose Feliciano's "Feliz Navidad"

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Song Titles
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 1999 11:06:28 -0700

hetta.saunalahti.fi (Henriette Kress) said:
> SamIAm <SamIAm.hotbot.com> wrote:
> >Nope. Try again.
> >SamIAm enjoying listening to "Walking Round in Women's Underwear"
> ?? I don't get it.
> Henriette (I'm walking round in women's underwear every day, babe)

Yeah, and dammit, I want 'em back.

Kevin "wait, I've got more" Kelley

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Song Titles
From: Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net>
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 1999 23:10:59 +0000

Also Sprach Lionel:
> >I don't wear panties either.
> Me either. In fact, I can't think of a single occasion in which I've appeared publicly while wearing panties.

I can recall at least four.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Decision time..
From: George <gdelacey.bigpond.com>
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 1999 00:40:46 +1000

Al Sharka scratched on a clay tablet:
> Still, if you compare the odors of these two aromatic substances, I'm sure you'll agree that it's better to be benzene and not turd.

Hah, you two are not going to get _me_ that way.

GW De Lacey. Proud inventor of the cling-wrapped keyboard [TM].

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: It's official
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Sun, 19 Dec 1999 22:23:58 -0600

Paul wrote:
} The awful truth is that I have now been sick (in bed) for several days now, and have been unable to imbibe bourbon. The cough medicine the doctor prescribed makes me plenty loopy, and I don't want to test the accuracy of the "drug interaction precautions," as I've no desire to try on a toe tag for size, thank you. What truly sucks is that today is my birthday, and I'm too ill to do anything but catch up on rhod. Drat.

Shay dere fella. <hic> Hoppy...huppy birfday. I took the bilerty fo shelibratin' for ya shinsh ya can't yershelf. Hava goodun whydonsha ya briestly pastard. And yer li'l froggy too.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Blart!
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 1999 08:37:30 -0600

Ross Clement wrote:
> Screwtape (st.ferd2.thristian.org) wrote:
> : Ross Clement schrieb:
> : >Blart!
> : You're really enjoying this, aren't you?
> This has of course become an obsession with me. How many sound effects can I post to RHOD > before they become so old hat that they pass without a followup.
> PS: I basically tried to make up 'Blart'. Interesting to note how many found scatalogical connections with it.

That's because we considered the soure of the err... um... emission.

I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact it rhymed with... let's see: "art", "Bart", "cart"... oh well, I'm sure I'll get to it eventually.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Blart!
From: vlvl.remove.this.usa.net (Vinz)
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1999 00:02:21 GMT

clemenr.westminster.ac.uk (Ross Clement) wrote:


Does anyone here realize how utterly impossible it is to comprehend any single message in this group if you haven't read anything in it before?

It's really quite something...

From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
That's why we have the FAQ.
From: "TechnoAtheist.inlaws" <TechnoAthiest.inlaws.email.com>
Ah, but here you make the flawed assumption that if you do read everything in this group it will make sense.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The Choice
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 1999 20:39:20 -0700

twchew.raspberry.mindspring.com (Tim Chew) said:
> It occurs to me that in two weeks, it will be the Year 2000. As I see it, we have two choices:
> 1) The art-deco/Jetsons route, which means we'll all have to go out and buy silver jump suits, and get flying cars.
> 2) The post-apocalyptic/Road Warrior route, which, while being more bleak, might give more opportunity to blow off some steam.
> I don't know about you all, but I'm souping up my VW, and getting ready to hunt down some salespeople.

I'm planning to ring in 2000 the way I celebrated the year one thousand: living in a reed hut at the edge of a marsh, wearing muskrat skins crudely stitched together with sinew. Eating cattail roots and the occasional bird that I knock down with a rock...

Of course this time I'll have Dick Clark on tv.

Kevin, civilizationally challenged

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Dromedary
From: gnohmon8715.my-deja.com
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 1999 16:38:48 GMT

I was going to say I saw a dromedary at the aerodrome, but then I realized it wouldn't fly.

From: TechnoAtheist <technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com>
You sir have no appreciation for the many fun uses of explosives.
From: gnohmon8715.my-deja.com
Is a spitting camel a ptui!tary?

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Dromedary
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 22 Dec 1999 21:54:26 GMT

SamIAm <SamIAm.hotbot.com> said:
>George <gdelacey.bigpond.com> wrote:
>>SamIAm scratched on a clay tablet:
>>>George <gdelacey.bigpond.com> wrote:
>>>>SamIAm scratched on a clay tablet:
>>>>>Actually, a dromedary and a camel are different animals. One has two humps and the other has one hump. Sort of like a one "l" lama and a two "l" llama. Then of course there are the one "L" two "M" lammas and two "L" and two "M" llammas, but we don't want to go there.
>>>>I see. Soo...What then is a three 'l' lama?
>>>Now you're getting silly. Whoever heard of a three "L" lama?
>>I'll bet my silk pyjama that there *is* such a thing.
>Some people have said that my chili is a three-alarmer.

I thought this year we had vowed *not* to light farts near the Christmas tree.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies would like som incense, Frank

From: gnohmon8715.my-deja.com
Over in afu, they had a long thread about flammable farts, and -- unbelievable as it may sound -- nobody there once used the phrase "flaming asshole".
Gnohmon, whose fingers still ache from restraining the urge to post it

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Dromedary
From: cclovis.mindspring.com (Cici in Texas)
Date: Tue, 28 Dec 1999 14:31:02 GMT

> Rich Churcher wrote:
>Ben Fisher <ben.fisher.spam.buster.intel.com> writes:
>> Rich Churcher wrote:
>> > gone again. All righty - how to use "spermatozoa" in a sentence?
>> "Please use the word 'spermatazoa' in a sentence."
>Look, will you people stop DISTRACTING me??? I'm *trying* to think of a way to use the word "spermatazoa" in a sentence! Sheesh.

Look, y'all, this is really easy. Introduce the spermatazoa to a fertile ovum. Wait nine months. Presto! An eighteen-year sentence!

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Dromedary
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1999 12:30:45 +1100

Rich Churcher wrote:
> All righty - how to use "spermatozoa" in a sentence?

Nick Cetacean had one goal in life. Just one. The glorification of all things whale: the blue, the humpback, the right, any of them. Tonight was the night. They would all listen, oh yes. Tonight would be his finest hour, the night he presented his magnum opus, his one true love: his dissertation entitled, "On the mating habits of the whale (blue, right, humpback, sperm)" at a zoological society meeting.

From: Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net>
I have to ignore this, you know. Otherwise people might hear my <groan> and realise^Wassume that I was deriving some kind of perverted sexual pleasure out of the thought of whales humping.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: obscure careers
From: "trog" <tim.thewrens.freeserve.co.uk.nospam>
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 1999 22:00:31 -0000

A dear friend, who gave me the stack of Tim quotes I posted here, has asked me for suggestions for obscure or unlikely careers. I've come up with a few and was going to suggest TIO, but then it occurred to me that rhod could offer much more in one shot than Orrie.

From: Ed Lynn <pasquinade.hushmail.com>
"Cartoon Anchorman," "Professional Doormat," and "Vice-President In Charge of Secretaries In Charge of Treasurers In Charge of the Minutes From The Last Meeting" come immediately to mind. Which reminds me, I've been meaning to take that mind into the shop for a good cleaning.
Ed "so you can add to that Mind Cleaner" Lynn
From: TechnoAtheist <technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com>
gross, but all true:
Well, there's the guy that dives into the septic tanks at Blue Plains Waste Treatment Facility (and I'll assume others as well) and spends four to six hours submerged looking for blockages.

There's also the Vet at the SF zoo that is responsible for administering a suppository to one of the elephants. (the 2' long "treat" is made by a chocolate factory in Burlingame, CA not far from where I lived).

There are also the lucky souls that administer the fatal blow to endless numbers of cows in slaughter houses. (the device is basically disturbingly like a jackhammer) and the cow is usually not all that happy about it.

A friend is in the public relations office for the CIA, and she gets to talk to all of the folks calling up to complain about the chips in their heads, the drugs in their cereals, and the beams the satellites are broadcasting. (Unfortunately, she has my sense of humor and can't use it).

There are other happy folk are responsible for taste-testing dog food, smelling arm-pits for deoderant companies, and countless other fun-filled tasks that have to get done, but few really want to do them.

Just in case you think your job sucks....

From: Lurker Praps <malc.potnoodle.SPICEDHAM.net>
Toilet-cleaner's mate.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: More Bad Poetry for Christmas...
From: TechnoAtheist <technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com>
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 1999 23:40:31 -0800

The Season's Upon us
A favorite time of year
To embarrass ourselves while drinking cheap beer.

Time for us all
to just make amends
and suck up to each other before the year ends.

A toast to you all
some gifts to unwrap
Hell who'm I kidding, I'll just pass out some crap.

First up dear KaCee
who deserves quite a treat.
A Spleen Super Soaker (That shoots 20 feet)

Then Screwtape is next
who's clever of wit
Oops Daisy zapped yours, it's singed quite a bit.

Pooglian gets something
but I'm not sure just why
(the bastard digested his very first try!)

For Daniel's red fishies
extra servings be fed
Probably won't help much since they're both stone cold not feeling well at all.

Next up Paul Kelly
and his daughters bright toad,
you get the stretch HUM-V to conquer the road.

To Noser the Fishless
T&R fame through the ages
Though it will suck to stand and xerox the pages.

Nobody Knows has his toy
and has constantly seen us
express fascination with his exquisite nickname.

And of course Al Sharka
spends a holiday minute
hanging a stocking with a foot still stuck in it.

Donald Welsh (unlike me)
is efficient of word
one or two lines usually results in KEYBOARD!

For Nathan a donut,
for he is a good cop
chasing the dream that cascading would stop.

For Henriette "I'm Sorry"
for my poetry's cursed,
the meter is bad, but the rhyming is verse.

for 'becka some wisdom
from humorous sages,
else in three years she's naked on several homepages.

Gosh, Ian and Tim
Jeffery, Ross, Charles and Lurker,
(What started as a lark has become quite a worker)

Then, Sam and Fernseed
all faces to answer
Cripes, I'm tired, it's late, someone else do a stanza.

G'nite all! I'm to bed,
In joy may you linger,
I'll be at my in-laws, you'll see us on "Springer".

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: rererere
From: "ken.and.alison.adams" <ken.and.alison.adams.worldnet.att.net>
Date: Sun, 19 Dec 1999 11:45:45 -0500

Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
> Jeffrey Kaplan wrote...
> >Palm Desktop with BackupBuddy.
> There just *has* to be an M/M porno with the two leads playing computer geeks with these names.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who parsed this as an M&M porno. I can't get the image of giant talking candies making a sticky chocolate mess out of my head!

From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Oh yes, lovely. Now I'm visualizing giant talking candies making a sticky chocolate mess out of your head, too.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: rererere
From: Nathan Sullivan <alfonso.pants.nu>
Date: 20 Dec 1999 15:09:28 -0800

tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington) writes:
> Would someone please teach me how to speak English? I seem to have forgotten.

It's easy. Just jabber incomprehensibly, then stare at the person you're talking to as if they're the dimmest bulb in the lot.

Oh wait, that would be _American_, not English.

--Nathan "My mistake" Sullivan

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: eNTertaining message
From: gnohmon8715.my-deja.com
Date: Fri, 17 Dec 1999 20:05:22 GMT

"Cannot delete filename. Disk is write-protected.
Remove the write-protection or try another disk."


I am in awe of the great comedians at Redmond. I look upon their works and despair. My most hilarious funnies are as nothing next to their everyday error messages.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just in case
From: Nathan Sullivan <alfonso.pants.nu>
Date: 19 Dec 1999 20:17:42 -0800

Pooglian <pooga.home.com> writes:
> Wow! Did my Cancel actually get there before anyone saw it, was propagation so bad that nobody saw it, or did my apology actually stop Rhodents from flaming me for posting a binary?

No, we're just still trying to wrap our brains around that image.

--Nathan "I mean, how did you _DO_ that?" Sullivan

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Good Lord!
From: TechnoAtheist <technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com>
Date: Fri, 17 Dec 1999 22:10:36 -0800

24 hours and not a single post?

1. my news server is hosed
2. we're celebrating RHOD-adon and it is forbidden to post during daylight hours
3. Everyone else bought purple sneakers and kool-aid and didn't invite me.
4. re-thulu has caused us to plonk each other.
5. Someone discovered the FAQ and we all gave up hope.
6. There is no RHOD 6
7. My monkeys went on strike.

Should I turn the lights off?

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Who is this Dore?
From: tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 1999 05:08:15 GMT

Paul wrote:
>st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>>Jason Willoughby schrieb:
>>>Pooglian wrote:
>>>> Hmmm... alt.bible.prophecy, alt.atheism, alt.bible, alt.flame.jesus.christ... I just wonder how we got selected for this...
>>>Well, Orrie *is* a diety. I suppose the occasional Holy War is necessary to keep up appearances.
>>Is there a *reason* that every single person I've seen mention the word recently spells it "diety" instead of "deity"? Is this some gigantic injoke and nobody invited me? Is the Internet Cabal out to get me again?
>Diety: a low-cal, lowfat alternative to original flavor God.

Yesterday I went to Walgreen's [ObTWIAVBP: discount drugstore-type place, similar to "Boots" in the UK] to stock up on seasonal symptom suppressants. I picked out the generic equivalent of Tylenol's non-drowsy decongestant, and the generic equivalent of Actifed, my antihistamine of choice.

By the register they were selling bibles. I had to wonder if this was the real, brand-name bible that so many people know, or some kind of generic equivalent. You know, all the same basic ingredients, but in this one god's name is "Phil" or something, and Lot's wife turns into a pilar of low-sodium salt substitute. Noah takes his pet dog on Disneyland's "Pirates of the Caribbean". Adam end Eve get evicted from their underpriced apartment. Moses leads his people on a walk down the beach, for 40 minutes. That sort of thing.

From: Nathan Sullivan <alfonso.pants.nu>
Tom, or can I call you "Tom"? You are sick, twisted, and perverted. I like that in a person.
--Nathan "Perhaps not a perverted lesbian scatterbrain, but you gotta have goals" Sullivan

From: tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Oh, good, because I thought of some more details from Wal-Ible, Walgreen's generic bible. I forgot to mention the part where Moses and company stop for dinner at Manny's Heavenly Bar & Grill, where he lit his Chia Pet on fire and presented the Top 10 Commandments from the home office at Mt. Sinai. Or how Jonah turns out to be the main character in the new movie Jaws 12 ("This Time It's Biblical"). And Revelation turns out to warn people about the four My Little Ponies of the apocalypse. And how the miracle of the loaves & fishes turns out to be the miracle of pizza delivery ("This parable sponsored by Pizza Hut"). Jeses walks on water thanks to Ronco's new Walkamatic 5000 (as seen on TV). The song of Solomon is "I'm Too Sexy" in this version. The land of milk & honey is a really big Dairy Queen. Leviticus' rules for life are presented by Beavis and Butthead-- for example, "Doing stuff that sucks is an abomination before Phil". The various epistles of the new testament turn out to have been sent via email, and the worst part is that it was a free-mail service that attached ads to the bottom of each one, so 1 Corinthians finishes up with "FREE BARELY LEGAL NOOD XXX SLUT GIFS AT http://www.scumco.com!!!!", and the Corinthians are actually the people who make leather car seats for Chrysler. Jesus is baptized in Sprite (tm). The last supper is at McDonald's. Mary sings "Like a Virgin". David shoots Goliath with a SuperSoaker water pistol.

That's all I can think of for now. Feel free to add your own suggestions.

Newsgroups: alt.bible.prophecy,rec.humor.oracle.d,alt.atheism,alt.bible
Subject: Re: Who is this Dore?
From: "TechnoAtheist.inlaws" <TechnoAthiest.inlaws.ct.us>
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 1999 22:14:25 -0500

Salad 32 <32b.slipperyslope.net> wrote:
> Who is Dore?

I believe she's Winder's sister.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: A post that is expressly serious and of-topic, and impliedly humorous[k] and on-topic.
From: twchew.raspberry.mindspring.com (Tim Chew)
Date: Sat, 18 Dec 1999 08:53:07 -0500

Tom "Tom" Harrington did thusly type:
>Right-- First of all, the Oracle is obviously our Ayatollah, and the faithful RHODites would hunt down and kill anyone trying to break off and start their own version of the Oracle. However, unlike Catholics or Protestants (or indeed any other religion that I know of), we hold that the priesthood is actually a lower form of life than the supplicants and incarnations. Not only do we not put the priests on a pedestal, we literally spit on them.

Dammit, Ian! You told me that was just the shower.

Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology,alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: An explanation is in order. [Xposted because it concerns members of the groups it's xposted to.]
From: ktakki.xensei.com (Karlo Takki)
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1999 12:12:43 -0500

Viki <thevidts.stargate.net> wrote:
> If you mean, am I a babe, a female, a lady, a she....
> The answer is yeppers. :)

Remember, boys and girls, here in the Bizarro World we call "Al Gore Brand[tm] Internet", when someone says words to the effect of "Yes, I am a womyn", they're really confirming that they are, in fact, male.

> Viki

Surely, you can be more imaginative with your drag name. Sheesh.

> ...cool, I'm getting votes here, thanks 'Beca

And talking to an imaginary Wookie isn't helping much, either.

Now go shave that chest, sweetie, and DON'T STOP REACHING FOR THAT RAINBOW!

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: 1134-04
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Sat, 25 Dec 1999 00:26:25 -0600

TechnoAtheist wrote:
} I thought the secret to our group was the handshake. One second..
} [jingle*jingle*Jingle*JINGLE]
} Santa?
} [JINGLE*Jingle*jingle*jingle]

Given what the secret handshake encompasses, I'd be extremely leery of jingling noises coming towards me from the dark. Especially if they have a certain "ring" to them.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: 1134-04
From: Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk (Richard Wilson)
Date: Sat, 25 Dec 99 10:16:38 GMT

pooga.home.com "Pooglian" writes:
> I must've missed that part! <rereads FAQ> Oh, I see. Well it's not like you call attention to it or anything. It's 2/3s of the way through, between the questions "Is everybody REALLY obsessed with Dumpcarat's penis?" and
> The silly thing is too long, anyway.

Don't believe what your girlfriend tell you, sonny. Length counts!

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*----*----Ow! That <snip> made my eyes water--

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: 1134-04
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Sun, 26 Dec 1999 22:36:55 -0600

TechnoAtheist wrote:
} Ben) wrote:
} >At least rhod doesn't have a FAQ, a MFAQ, and a Newbie FAQ, unlike some froups I know.
} Well, according to the FTP site we have
} rhod_faq.txt
} newbie_faq.htm
} m_faq.txt
} well_packed.zip
} nice_stack.gif
} first_act.ply
} hijacked.gun
} artifact.old
} compact.gz
} suicide_pact.die
} urinary_tract.wiz
} electrical_contact.zap
} redact.doc
} exact.eq
} nerve_tract.raw
} subtract.xls
} piggyback.vrs
} and then my client crashes.

Good thing too. That's right before it gets to secret_handshake.ack

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: POTRZEBIE (was: Re: Internet Oracularities Digest #1134-04)
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Thu, 23 Dec 1999 10:59:23 +1100

Ool wrote:
> A fellow fan! Can YOU tell me how to pronounce "POTRZEBIE?" That one has bugged me for half my life now.

It's pronounced "POTRZEBIEX," except the X is silent.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Happy Holidays
From: Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk (Richard Wilson)
Date: Fri, 24 Dec 99 06:57:04 GMT

Who's that at the door, Lisa my sweet?

"Well, if your omniscience hasn't already told you the answer, Orrie, I guess you'll just have to go and look."

Grumble, grumble, mutter, razzen frazzen smartalecky... Yes, what do you want?

"We three priests oracular are
You may think us somewhat bizarre
Always working, never shirking
Down at our local bar
No vacation, no free days
We don't care if no-one pays
Picking jests to fill the digests
Through an alcoholic haze"

Oh, hi guys. Carol singing, is it? How festive.

"Oh come, incarnations
Witty and creative
Oh come ye, oh come ye
You humorous geeks
Come entertain us
Come and get digested
Oh come and send an askme
Please come and send an askme
For god's sake send an askme
We ain't laughed in weeks"

Yes, that's very good. Now, if you don't mind...

"God rest you, merry supplicants, let nothing you dismay
Not even those crap answers waiting there in your in-tray
D'you think you'll ROTFL? Hah! That'll be the day
Oh, answers both dreary and lame, dreary and lame
Oh, answers both dreary and lame

"Don't blame the poor old priesthood, cause we do the best we can
And don't blame Stephen Kinzler, he is but a mortal man
Blame all those newless cluebies who've got brains of marzipan
Oh, answers both dreary and lame, dreary and lame
Oh, answers both dreary and lame"

Enough! I'm freezing out here. Go away, willya?

"We intend to go on singing until you make a contribution to the priestly welfare fund."

Priestly welfare...? You're supposed to be volunteers, you bunch of spongers!

"The first Yes No Hell
Juno mailers did send..."

Okay, okay, shut up already! I'll contribute! What do you want?

"We knew you'd see sense. Make mine a tequila sunrise."

"Large bourbon here."

"Twelve tubes of amber nectar for me, squire..."

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard. .demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*---Nothing was stirring, not even a molerat--

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: w00h00!
From: Nathan Sullivan <alfonso.pants.nu>
Date: 28 Dec 1999 17:22:28 -0800

twchew.raspberry.mindspring.com (Tim Chew) writes:
> Actually, as a baby, I was allergic to cow's milk, so I only drank goat milk. My brother says it really stank up the house. That, and my burps could kill a rhinoceros at fifty paces.

So, things haven't changed much since you were a baby then?

--Nathan "Good thing I'm not a rhinoceros" Sullivan

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Tuna Free Dolphin Meat
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 1999 08:25:36 -0600

Screwtape wrote:
} George schrieb:
} >As for my l&wEss, she's alive and well, and wishes you a happy New Year.
} Ahh, great. Give the pooch a Scooby Snack or something from me.
} Screwtape, ..."And I shall love it and pet it and hug it and I shall name it George!"

Once again a post to rhod falls under the category of "too much information."

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Serious Request. Sorry. :-(
From: trog.zoom.co.uk (trog)
Date: Sun, 26 Dec 1999 10:54:33 -0000

Lurker Praps wrote:
> Also Sprach Daniel E. Macks:
> > A memo was sent to several sewage treatment facilities informing all turn-o'-the-millenium-shift workers were to remain awake and sober while on the job that night.
> Ignoring the obvious euphemism gag, one of the biggest problems is how to achieve "business as usual".
> We have tested all systems as far as possible, and are actually running much of the station in virtual-2007 right now. This avoids obvious roll-over effects, allows for the leap-year, prevents problems often associated with rolling back after testing, and generally gives us a warm fuzzy pink feeling.

So, Malc, If you're still running in 2007, can you give the rest of us a few future insights while you're there? For example, has Bill Gate$ given away all his money yet? Has Charles been elected King under Blair's latest reforms, and was Donald Trump returned for a second term as US President? Are you running on Pentium VII 5GHz boxes by now, and if so, how do you keep up with minesweeper?

Has the entire membership of rhod been appointed to the priesthood, is DMP still stalking Kevin, has KayCee come back and has rst stopped cross-posting? Is Tom "Tom" talking sense, has the JIMbot been perfected, and have the brsff's and the ornamental horned frog changed colour to uniform dull green? Has the cascade cop pulled his pension yet and did Screwtape ever get digested again?

If there's no reply we'll conclude either that you somehow picked the winning lottery numbers or that nuke plant down the road didn't make it through next week.

Tim "happy millennium either way" Wren

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Serious Request. Sorry. :-(
From: "Julianna Avedon" <avedon.usa.net>
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 1999 23:34:43 -0800

Ian Davis wrote:
>This reminds me of a clairvoyant I once knew who was also a contortionist. She could foresee her own end.

Oh yes, -and I knew one who was a decorator. She could see into the fuschia.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Serious Request. Sorry. :-(
From: tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Thu, 30 Dec 1999 23:21:40 GMT

Screwtape wrote:
>Roxanne schrieb:
>>I wanted to let you know beyond this that I'm doing this for the new year, you know, a big lifestyle change to start the new century...
>Friggin' 'eck!
>Tom "Tom", maybe you should modify your stats page so that postings by anyone who's not already know just gets added to DMP's stats.. then you wouldn't have to muck around with it quite so often..

I just need a nice little AI bot to read this group and determine who's who, even if they change their address and/or name at random. Anybody got a bot like that sitting around?

BTW, there is now the option to have your name removed from the stats page. Anyone who doesn't want to see their name there, send me an email on the back of a $20 bill and we'll talk.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Disappointed
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Mon, 27 Dec 1999 16:45:35 +1100

Martin Eggen schrieb:
>I was a bit disappointed reading #1135-08, noticing the incarnation did not recognize the "gibberish" as Befunge code. Oh, well, the wish was granted, though.
>$ cat foo
>025*"!eM y"v v .# _v#:pg53+g52<
>>,:v:"Cop" < >1-005p025p59*3+>#$1-: :05g+15gg\^
>^ _$015p635p3^p53+1g53p51+1g51_^#:$<
>$ bef foo
>Befunge-93 Interpreter Implementation v1.01
>Copy Me!

Mein Lieben! That's a programming language? Kill it! Put it out of its misery!

...the first self-obfuscating language?

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: tranim01.avi
From: Ben Fisher <ben.fisher.spam.buster.intel.com>
Date: Wed, 29 Dec 1999 08:50:56 -0800

Noser the Fishless wrote:
> You'd think the person who created a comic strip about a triangle and a rhombus would be the craziest person in any given group. RHOD scares me at times.

What is scarier, the fact that you write a comic strip about a triangle and a rhombus, or the fact that some of us find it hysterically funny?

i love the whole "insert sheep" bit.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: chi.general
From: Ed Lynn <pasquinade.hushmail.com>
Date: Wed, 29 Dec 1999 13:25:20 -0500

Gwyn Judd wrote:
> gnohmon8715.my-deja.com wrote:
>> tjla.guvfybir.qlaqaf.bet (Gwyn Judd) wrote:
>>> My return address is rot13'ed
>>Rot13 you and the horse you rode in on.
>I rode in on a horse? My god, I'm always the last to know.

Maybe you need to turn around so you're facing forward. The smell's only slightly better, of course.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
From: "Nobody Knows" <dmparker.usa.net>
Date: Wed, 29 Dec 1999 10:47:26 -0600

This is a mockery of a travesty of a sham!

From: skywise.drizzle.com
Certainly not! It's a shambling transvestite mockingbird.

From: NolanNoSpam.wilmington.net (Nol Smi)
If you keep it in a sock, then no one will notice.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Must be the holidays
From: Ed Lynn <pasquinade.hushmail.com>
Date: Wed, 29 Dec 1999 13:23:59 -0500

Ben Fisher wrote:
>After a short vacation, only 99 posts in rhod. And over a 150 in ahbou.

Must be armageddon. Oh, wait, that's on the schedule for Friday. Yep, there it is in big bold letters in my Dayrunner: "Armegeddon!" Oh, shit, I spelled it wrong!

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I'm bored
From: Sara M <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 09:32:10 +1100

Roxanne wrote:
> Post something people!
> Roxanne isn't feeling as frisky as she could...

Darn - and just when I was going to delurk and invite you for a spot of naked pogo-sticking too 8(

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