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1999 07

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d,alt.fan.douglas-adams
Subject: Re: IMac...Immac
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Thu, 01 Jul 1999 11:44:26 +1000

Screwtape wrote:
> The rhod-afda portal is *still open*!

For God's sake, man, STAND STILL! If you scuff the pentagram then we'll never be able to close it.

The main difficulty has been finding a virgin for the sacrifice. Maybe we should try alt.sex.hamsters.duct-tape again.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d,alt.fan.douglas-adams
Subject: Re: IMac...Immac
From: Tag <tag.packer.NOSPAM.demon.co.uk>
Date: Fri, 9 Jul 1999 15:15:56 +0100

And yea, 'twas Thu, 8 Jul 1999 when DMP <ten.asu.rekrapmd.?> quoth...
>Daniel E. Macks wrote in message <7m3sup$r1r$1.netnews.upenn.edu>...
>>DMP <ten.asu.rekrapmd> said:
>>: Kenny Hutchings wrote in message <37854C60.C3E22B7D.virgin.net>...
>>: >Chris Freestone wrote:
>>: >> > Lion: ROAR
>>: >> Right of admission reserved? Is Lion a nightclub?
>>: >Freestone, you (very scarily) seem to be thinking in the exact same train of thought as I am.
>>: >Did I meet you on one of my Friday nights back in my rave days? Or did I happenstance upon you out drinking last year?
>>: >This is very unsettling.
>>: So are you saying that Freestone, you, and Ricky Martin are couple?
>>A "couple" usually refers to *two* of something, barbecue-boy.
>You silly freak, not in Texas it don't.

Reminds me of a joke, which I will now proceed to tell you, whether you like it or not...

A Frenchman and an Englishman are sitting in a hotel bar.
The Frenchman looks over at the Englishman disdainfully and says, "Deed you know, een my country, ve have 86 vays of making love?"
The Englishman looks at him in surprise. "Really? In my country, we only have one."
The Frenchman smiles, and says, "Ah, yes? And vot vould zat be?"
The Englishman replies, slightly embarassed, "Well, there's a man and a woman, and..."
"Mon Dieu!" exclaims the Frenchman. "Numbair 87!"

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oracle.. could this be the answer???
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Thu, 01 Jul 1999 11:51:54 +1000

Tom Tom Harrington wrote:
> B) The vast hordes of Aussie Mad Max villain wannabees

Villains with crazed expressions, bright yellow and black stripes, and stingers instead of bottoms. Nasti.

> [1] Yes, I know they're probably not called "herds", and for that matter the Kangaroo might not even live in herds, but this is a commercial for USA audiences who won't know any better.

The correct collective noun is "bludilotta."


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: New to this Oracle
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Fri, 09 Jul 1999 00:25:16 GMT

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> attempted to infuriate me by saying:
>Tristan 'RedDog' Hudson wrote:
>> Yo there guys / gals... I was referred to this group by a couple of friends and evidently there's some type of central theme going on here. I'm not quite certain what it is, though. Could someone clue me in as to what's going on here? I don't think that I totally get this whole Oracle thing.
> Piercings and in-jokes and breasts of huge sizes
> Cross-posts and math geeks in various guises
> One-upsmanship carried to the extreme
> Figure it out and you'll see the grand scheme.
> 'Strayans and Belgians and Brits are it's members
> Canucks and Merkins, brains glowing like embers
> Trying to keep up, it seems like a dream
> Sometimes our minds sync 'cause we're off the beam.
> Lots of cascades
> Lots of doughnuts
> And a fish or two
> We simply read rhod for the laughter it brings
> And then we pick onnnnnnn the Prieeests.

Pythons named Monty and sheep-shagging Kiwis
Texans who brag on the size of their wee-wees
A doctor with samples of boobs in his fridge
Careful, there's a troll under that bridge!

Homebrewing truck drivers with rubber sabres
Nit-picking Captain the fine points belabors
Cascade Cop wastes more band-width than he saves
All the guys want to be Kimberly's slaaaaaves!

From all us folks
Constant in-jokes
Come see my new frog
We all came here seeking a way to the digests
But now we all do is spod!

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d,alt.books.dean-koontz,alt.fan.douglas-adams
Subject: Re: Stephen KING?????? - END OF THREAD!
From: Tag <tag.packer.NOSPAM.demon.co.uk>
Date: Fri, 9 Jul 1999 15:25:42 +0100

And yea, 'twas Fri, 9 Jul 1999 when Malcolm Pcak quoth...
>Also Sprach DMP:
>> >> I've just never read any of his works, primarily because he fails to focus upon my penis.
>> >Those microscopes can be tricky buggers, eh?
>> Ahem.
>> I will overlook that statement.
>Ah, sorry.
><blink><font size="8"> Those microscopes can be tricky buggers, eh? </font></blink>

Well, it's not even there this time... yes it is... no it isn't... yes it is... <continue ad nauseam>

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Stephen KING?????? - END OF THREAD!
From: dmacks.mail2.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 29 Jul 1999 19:23:36 GMT

Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> said:
: <jwilloug.gate.net> wrote:
: >Tom "Tom" Harrington <tph.acm.org> wrote:
: >> Err-- Volts spring immediately to mind as a counter-example. Zero volts is what you get on a large metal rod stuck in the ground, and you can have voltages both above and below.
: >No, volts are an absolute value. They're a delta between the two terminals. We attach a sign because that's an easy way to tell covey a little extra information. You can say "negative five volts" with "five volts, and the current would flow in this direction." Try and find a way to say "negative one degree" that doesn't mention that it is less than zero.
: Three hundred and fifty-nine degrees.

I was trying to follow the recipe exactly, but rather than using the oven, I put the cake batter in my -10 degree freezer for 45 minutes. It's now quite firm, but doesn't seem to have the texture I was expecting. Any ideas?

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Spring-loaded spikes (Was Re: I found a link to the rhod FAQ!!!)
From: dmacks.mail1.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 14 Jul 1999 01:01:24 GMT

lee1089.kettering.edu <lee1089.kettering.edu> said:
: On Tue, 13 Jul 1999, Paul Andinach wrote:
: > ObRHOD: Guess what "Jack and the Beanstalk" is really about...
: Um, Dumpcarat's penis?

What the hell's wrong with you, YFF? There's no way such a cute children's story has anything to do with DMP's shlong. Or with sex. It's just an innocent little tale about this guy Jack, who went up a huge stalk to find a sack of jewels. After getting the rocks off the Giant, the Giant chases Jack off the stalk. The Giant tries to come after Jack, but is so tired that all he can do is lie there limply.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies volunteer in elementary school libraries

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Spring-loaded spikes (Was Re: I found a link to the rhod FAQ!!!)
From: Nils Desle <nils.desle.cegeka.be>
Date: Fri, 16 Jul 1999 09:16:52 +0200

Kimberly Chapman wrote:
> Know a cool Internet or network-related story? If you're willing to go on record on the phone, email me and tell me about it!

Yeah, so, like, once I like got some e-mail from this hot almost underaged asian chick I had never met before in my life and she totally invited me to visit her pr0n website for FREE, since I'm such a stud I reckon, but I chickened out cuz I don't want my boss to find piccies of nekkid wimmen in my browser cache. That was pretty cool.

And, like, once, in the alt.hamster.shagging.vaseline, this total idjut came on and said vaseline sucks, so I like flamed him good and told him he was stupid. I used lots of exclamation marks to make sure he saw how mad I was. That was pretty cool too.

I got lots more stories. Do I get paid now?

Nils "Robinton, Master Harper" Desle

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: No more accountant jokes, please
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Mon, 26 Jul 1999 07:56:20 +1000

Nils Desle wrote:
> Programming rocks.

I think I've pinned down your work-related problem, Nils. You need a hardware upgrade.


From: Kenny Hutchings <kenny.hutchings.virgin.net>
Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Experiment - DO NOT REPLY
Date: Thu, 01 Jul 1999 23:55:13 +0100

Bucko wrote:
> Bucko scrawled in rec.humor.oracle.d:
> >This is a test
> Looks like it worked... It was a cunning test on human nature :)

We used to do similar experiments in the Sixth Form common room. Once, we instigated a theory that says people will sign anything as long as other people have before them. With this in mind, we obtained a piece of A3 paper and wrote the words "LIST - SIGN HERE" in large letters across the top. We then added a few made up signatures underneath (about fifty), and stuck the thing to a noticeboard and sat back and watched. By the end of the day, there were a good one hundred and fifty signatures. Ridiculous.


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