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1999 11 C

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Please Ignore
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 11 Nov 1999 01:48:22 GMT

Nobody Knows <nobloodynose.aol.com> said:
>Kimberly Chapman <kacee.outer-net.com> wrote:
>> Nobody Knows wrote in:
>> >Please ignore this message, it is only a place holder to remind myself to post something else about my penis.
>> >Thank you.
>> Oh right, you were going to remind me to hack it off.
>Hey! I don't remember that conversation! Back away with that knife!
>> *KaCee goes searching for her dullest, rustiest blade...
>I may puncture it, stretch it, and otherwise abuse it, but I would like it still attached to me.

I'd say "she'll leave it hanging on by a thread," but that would mean she didn't cut into it at all.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies think the diameter is the same as the circumference

From: "Nobody Knows" <nobloodynose.aol.com>
Ha ha. I am sooo amused.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Please Ignore
From: "Nobody Knows" <nobloodynose.aol.com>
Date: Wed, 10 Nov 1999 09:29:26 -0800

Screwtape <st.ferd2.thristian.org> wrote:
> Nobody Knows schrieb:
> >Please ignore this message, it is only a place holder to remind myself to post something else about my penis.
> >Thank you.
> *sigh*
> We've done this before. Nobody every respects the "Please Ignore" thread. These "Please Ignore" threads usually are so popular they suck all the activity from other threads, meaning that all of rhod contains just one bloated, festering mega-thread, called "Please Ignore". Kind of apt, really. :)

Yes it really is appropriate. Why is that?

One place I worked had a big red button on the wall, and some genius of human behavior hung a sign over it that read: DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON.

One of the guys who worked there just had to push it, of course. Do you know how long it takes to get a room full of VAX's back up and running properly?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Bachelor Chow
From: Jason Willoughby <jwilloug.gate.net>
Date: Tue, 9 Nov 1999 18:07:16 -0400

You are in your kitchen.

You are hungry.
You are broke.

> I

You have a box on linguini.
You have a cup of instant rice.
You have a pound of honey mustard.
You have a half pound of sour cream.

You are hungry.
You are broke.

>

From: technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com (TechnoAtheist)
smear honey mustard and sour cream on neighbors car.
knock on neighbors door.
say: "Man, some punk kids are smearing your shelby with all kinds of junk."
After neighbor tears down stairs after the ".#%. kids!!" you help yourself to his fuller pantry.

Geez, kids these days. No imagination....

And I didn't even talk about mixing the rice and sourcream, baking it and selling "Rice Crispie Treats" to the stoners down the hall.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: They're on to you...
From: tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Sun, 14 Nov 1999 04:07:03 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> Tom "Tom" Harrington said:
>; >>> Regular contributors might want to know they are living proof of many of Sjoberg's laws. Particularly the last 3.
>; >>> http://www.brunching.com/features/feature-mylaws.html
>; >>Who is the bully of this froup, and of afda?
>; >The Sjöberg's Law of Public Cliquishness?
>; Also the law of usenet filtering-- specifically, the bit about "five or more levels of quoting".
>Why five levels?

Because it's THE LAW. If I had said some other number it would have been illegal.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Mean Spleens And Ryhming Machines
From: Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk (Richard Wilson)
Date: Sun, 14 Nov 99 10:04:38 GMT

yvrorezn.voicenet.com (Charles A. Lieberman) writes:
> I can't look at the title of this thread without thinking of Simon & Garfunkel.

*sigh* Well, I guess somebody has to do it...

Are other rhodent poets one step ahead of you?
Do their rude limericks make more sense than yours?
Are all the plaudits heaped on them instead[1] of you?
Are you looking for a way to end this verse?[2]

For every newby spod,
Don't you wish that some verse.god
Would squash that little sod?
Well, here's your chance:
Buy our green mean spleen rhyming machine.

You'd better hurry up and order one;
Paul Kelly's "Ode to Smegma" is almost finished.

Are those cascaders starting to get on your nerves?
Do you need to rhyme "semprini" really quick?
Don't you think the boobs 'n todgers folk really deserve
A song so oogy that it makes them squick?

Now here's a killer rhyme
That gets ahbou'd every time:
I'msorrythereisn'ttime.
Son, what you need
Is our green mean spleen rhyming machine.

[1] Change to "in bed" as required.
[2] This is a Tom Lehrer "rhyme/rhyne" style joke which won't work if the song were to be performed by Oasis. Fortunately, the chances of this occurring are somewhat slightly emaciated.

-Performed by Mole Simon & Rat Garfunkel---*----***----*------*----
--*----*---*---*----A Simple Desultory Prince Philippic (if only)--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Diamonds in the roughroup
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Sat, 13 Nov 1999 19:45:34 GMT

"Rebeka Thomas" <ranko_1_2.hotmail.com> wrote:
>> >> TANFLT, TYVM (IBHAW). HAND.
>> >?????? ???? ????? ????
>> Is this another one of them fscked-up alternate-character-set postings?
>No... those were question-marks. Can anyone tell me what those acronyms stand for?

Good heavens! We didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Diamonds in the roughroup
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 10:24:42 +1100

Rebeka Thomas wrote:
> Daniel E. Macks <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> > Rebeka Thomas <ranko_1_2.hotmail.com> said:
> > >Check my "python" thread.
> > <wolf whistle>Nice python thread.
> > dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder what happens when they pull this string
> Please tell me you're only FAKING idiocy. i meant 'thread' as in a thread of messages in a newsgroup, which micro$oft exlook outpress calls a "conversation", and '"Python" thread' as in the thread with the word 'python' in the title.

Now look here, I won't have this. Daniel is a friend of mine. To accuse him of faking idiocy is completely incorrect, grossly unfair and verging on libellous.

His idiocy is entirely genuine.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Diamonds in the roughroup
From: technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com (TechnoAtheist)
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 04:42:51 GMT

"Rebeka Thomas" <ranko_1_2.hotmail.com> wrote:
>Please tell me you're only FAKING idiocy.

I never fake something like that. I work very hard at being an idiot.

>i meant 'thread' as in a thread of messages in a newsgroup, which micro$oft exlook outpress calls a "conversation", and '"Python" thread' as in the thread with the word 'python' in the title.

I don't know what you mean. They are called Thread Objects in Python. http://www.python.org/doc/lib/thread-objects.html


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Diamonds in the roughroup
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Sun, 14 Nov 1999 08:27:20 -0700

"Rebeka Thomas" <ranko_1_2.hotmail.com> said:
> I eat predator-raptors for lunch.

I find they give me gas.


Kevin "see the world in a chevrolet" Kelley


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Diamonds in the roughroup
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 13 Nov 1999 19:58:30 GMT

Paul <brightredfish.mindspring.com> said:
>teh.Apexmail.com (Teh [tie:poe]) wrote:
>>Cogito eggo sum -- I think I am an omelet.
>> From Decartes's drafts.
>ITYM "Waffle."

"From Descartes's waffle"?

Methinks you've been licking your daughter's frog too much lately.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies suddenly want some breakfast


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Poing!
From: tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Sun, 14 Nov 1999 04:21:03 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> Screwtape said:
>; Ah'll bee bach.
>I'll be haydn.

I'll be Sikh.


Newsgroups: comp.databases.oracle.marketplace,comp.databases.oracle.misc,comp.databases.oracle.server,comp.databases.oracle.tools,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: BLOB, CLOB, NCLOB Datatype
From: "Alan" <newslette.iname.com>
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 1999 12:48:57 +1300

HI,

My I know whether BLOB, CLOB, NCLOB datatype is supported by Oracle 8 Server
8.1.5?

If I want to insert and image into Oracle server into a BLOB field, how can I do so? by SQL?? or any other way? and How can I do it it Perl? i.e. use perl to insert an image into the oracle database

Thank You

Alan

From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
"These aren't the BLOBs you're looking for."
"These aren't the BLOBs we're looking for."
"These BLOBs may go about their business."
"These BLOBs may go about their business."
"Move along."
"Move along."

Now repeat after me: "I am but a worm, unworthy even to clean the toe lint from the Great Oracle."

There now, don't you feel better?
.

From: "A1an" <newslut.inane.com>
I done understan why theres a newscroup to warship a database!!1!
Sincerely,
A1an
.
From: technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com (TechnoAtheist)
Funny, I too had a movie flash through my mind, but it had Steve McQueen running from a very large pool of grape jelly...
Inserting things into BLOBs is pretty easy, the trick is getting them out. Personally, I wasn't a big fan of the sequel so I didn't buy it. Correct me if I'm off base, I don't think Minnie Perl was in "It", and besides, I think she died years ago, but if you are into necromancy, that's your swing. And please remember to wear protection before you insert anything where it may not belong.
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
No, but it can store SPLOTCHes, LUMPs, and STAINs..
.
From: Ben Fisher <ben.fisher.spam.buster.intel.com>
Can it scramble an egg while it's still inside it's shell?
.
From: "Mike Jewell" <Mike.Jewell.ukgateway.net>
[To the tune of the Ren and Stimpy 'Log' Song]

It fits on your fob,
It's good in your gob,
It's BLOB, BLOB, BLOB!

It scrambles your egg,
It sprinkles nutmeg,
It's BLOB, BLOB, BLOB!

BLOB! BLOB! It's OT, it's DB, it's fun!
BLOB! BLOB! It's the DT for everywun!

Thankyaverymuch!

BFN,
/\/\ike


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: A couple of "Tell me"s
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 1999 12:52:14 GMT

Al Sharka <asharka.yahoo.com> wrote:
>Ben wrote:
>} The other reply, however, was short and fairly non-useful.
>} So, do I ask the oracle again, or do I just accept that any random person doesn't know any more than any random me?
>Resubmit it. You just got someone who didn't read the help file or any of the past Oracularities. I usually give up on a specific question after I get two or three bad answers though.

Oh I don't know, Al, there's GOT to be a good answer to the woodchuck question out there SOMEWHERE.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: A couple of "Tell me"s
From: Al Sharka <asharka.yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 1999 22:26:59 -0600

gnohmon8715.my-deja.com wrote:
} Al Sharka wrote:
} > gnohmon8715.my-deja.com wrote:
} > <snip sending tellmes>
} > > I'd do so myself, but mail from yahoooooo or deja always has that junk at the end.
} > Use the gateway, Luke!
} Worth a try. Will Orrie complain that Oh is incorrect usage there?

And Al with his thinker, not feeling so keen
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "Now what does *that* mean?"
Could Oh mean Ohio? Naw, Orrie's not there.
Or could it be grammar? Does he really care?

And he puzzled for hours, till his puzzler was dull
Then out of the blue, like the wings of a gull,
A thought to explain it, but it was a cull:
0 h is the hex ascii character NULL.

A question to Orrie right off of the shelf,
I don't know the answer; go ask him yourself!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: ASR [was Please Ignore]
From: technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com (TechnoAtheist)
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 16:37:48 GMT

"Nobody Knows" <nobloodynose.aol.com> wrote:
>Kimberly Chapman <kacee.outer-net.com> wrote:
>> Otis Viles wrote:
>> > st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>> >>Yes, ASR.
>> >>Not that I've ever been able to figure out what "Down, not across" means.
>> >It's widely believe that cutting down your wrist (length-wise) instead of across is the best way to slit your wrists to commit suicide. I believe that's what ASR residents are referring to.
>> Ah, so we're all decided I should cut Dumpcarat's weenie lengthwise before slowly cutting it off?
>> Very good then.
>Believe it or not, splitting the penis is a semi-common practice in piercing circles (ifin' you don't believe me check out BME's site), there are two basic types--the most common is a sub-incision which involves slicing through the urethra leading to a splayed out looking penis (this supposedly increases sensation greatly), and the fairly uncommon bifurcation that actually involves splitting the penis lengthwise top to bottom. The second is a much more serious procedure since you have to deal with the cavernosa, and if you make a mistake you can cause real damage. It is mainly used by jealous lovers who want their partner to be denied sexual intercourse...

Thank you. I can now no longer look at split-grilled hotdogs without collapsing into a near fetal position.


From: Al Sharka <asharka.yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, 12 Nov 1999 23:43:49 -0600

Rebeka Thomas wrote:
} ASR?

You would be well advised to steer clear. Recovering sys admins can be a grouchy lot. And vindictive. Besides, there's no way to keep up with the volume there.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: ASR [was Please Ignore]
From: Ed Chauvin IV <edc81u4.newsguy.com>
Date: Sun, 14 Nov 1999 14:36:49 -0500

Screwtape wrote:
>Ed Chauvin IV schrieb:
>>Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>>>Al Sharka <asharka.yahoo.com> said:
>>>>You would be well advised to steer clear. Recovering sys admins can be a grouchy lot. And vindictive.
>>>Not true. Now, what was your username again?
>>>>Besides, there's no way to keep up with the volume there.
>>>It's even larger than it is here.
>>You can say that again, 3836 posts in the last 24 hours. Did we top that number yet this month?
>Like, sheer *wow*.
>How does anyone keep up with what's going on? I assume all newsgroups are the same kind of anarchy I see in rhod and afda..

Oh, I'm sure the asrites all stand patiently in line and wait until their number is called before posting.

Or not.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: ASR [was Please Ignore]
From: "Rebeka Thomas" <ranko_1_2.hotmail.com>
Date: Sat, 13 Nov 1999 13:53:12 -0500

#define ANNOYED
Otis Viles <cierhart.ic.net> wrote:
> that's what ASR residents are referring to.

#if defined ( ANNOYED )
printf( "I meant WHAT THE FUCK DOES \"ASR\" STAND FOR?!" )
#else
printf( "What does \'ASR\' stand for?" )
#endif

From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
alt.sex.republican I think. Dan Quayle gifs mostly, which is incitement to suicide of course.
Kevin "more the liberal type" Kelley
.
From: hetta.saunalahti.fi (Henriette Kress)
Bummer. My ISP doesn't carry that group.
.
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
"Asymptomatic Selective Reflexology."
.
From: hetta.saunalahti.fi (Henriette Kress)
C'mon Paul, don't be mean to the newbie. I bet you were one too, once.
Dear Rebeka, it's obviously alt.sex.rugby. Over to our rugby specialist - Al, do you have anything to say?
Henriette (All Suspicions Ready)
.
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
I can't believe how cruel you all are to newbies. And you, Henriette! Trying to be nice and delivering such an underhanded blow!
Rebeka (such a nice name, BTW!), surely you've heard of that fine Australian Wildlife specialist, Steve the Loony? ASR is the abbreviation for his fan newsgroup:
aus.steve.ridicule

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Diamonds in the roughroup
From: technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com (TechnoAtheist)
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 02:07:30 GMT

"Rebeka Thomas" <ranko_1_2.hotmail.com> wrote:
>Screwtape <st.ferd2.thristian.org> wrote:
>> Rebeka Thomas schrieb:
>> >No... those were question-marks. Can anyone tell me what those acronyms stand for?
>> Brave girl, you are, after that what-does-ASR-stand-for fiasco.
>AGAIN, what does it stand for? respond privately if you for some reason don't want to be seen to respond.
>By the way, this -precedes- that 'fiasco'.

Ok, ok, ASR = Annoy Silly Rebeka

Yes, we did it just to spite you. It's all part of an incredibly funny joke that we're doing three months from now.

Trust me, you'll need a new monitor then.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: Al Sharka <asharka.yahoo.com>
Date: Sat, 13 Nov 1999 16:46:24 -0600

Rebeka Thomas wrote:
} Okay. some specific in-jokes i would like explained.
} Spleen. Specifically, the thing between Whatshisname and KC about something about a spleen.

It's from the Star Trek episode: "Spock's Spleen", where a race of females ruled by a bio computer stole it to replace the failing one that was in danger of rupturing from a predatory cyst.

} Nobodyknows' Penis.

It's a combination sun dial and lawn sprinkler.

} Predator-Rupturing.

That's when everyone tries to outdo everyone else, and the subject material gets too heavy.

} Any others you can think of.

What, you mean like: Semprini, in bed, TANIJ, brSff, woody, a moose and many other things that vary slightly due to regional differences?

I'm sorry, there's no time.

From: "Rebeka Thomas" <ranko_1_2.hotmail.com>
don't you mean TINT? [i had TANIJ explained to me]
.
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
No, TINT is what you add to latex paint so it won't be plain white.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: Jason Willoughby <jwilloug.gate.net>
Date: Sun, 14 Nov 1999 08:31:25 -0400

Kimberly Chapman <kacee.outer-net.com> wrote:
> Screwtape wrote in message ...
>>You're not a rhodite until you've started your own injoke.
> Now you've ruined the magic of starting my own injokes for me.

I heard there was a kid in Toronto who *died* from starting his own injokes.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: Lurker Praps
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 21:49:08 +0000

Also Sprach Al Sharka:
> Semprini

If it's any consolation, Rebeka (may I call you "Rebeka", Rebeka?) I don't follow the Semprini bit any more than I have a clue why people say IDNTTMWYTIM, even if I know what it stands for.

Just a tip, though <fnarr fnarr> -- I see far too many new threads nowadays, and you seem to have started all but two of them. Please get into the habit of topic-drifting the existing threads, or there'll be a whole load of half-used threads lying around and cluttering up Usenet. Think "recycle". Think "energy efficiency". Think "Lurker'll get a headache". Thanks.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Sun, 14 Nov 1999 23:04:25 -0500

Screwtape wrote:
} Rebeka Thomas schrieb:
} >Okay. some specific in-jokes i would like explained.
} Mein lieben! You *are* brave, aren't you?
} >Spleen. Specifically, the thing between Whatshisname and KC about something about a spleen.
} <matrix>There is no spleen</matrix>.

<Star Wars> Come over to the Dark Side of the spleen. </Star Wars>

} >Nobodyknows' Penis.
} Really. Keep away from this one. There is no joke attached. There's a helluva lot of other things attached to it, but no jokes.

That's not what *she* said!

} >Predator-Rupturing.
} Come 'ere, JIM! Get ready to RUPTURE!!!

I don't think Scott would appreciate the mess...

JIM, Turing Machine Error -42: Memory Ruptured. Abort, Retry, Wet-vac?

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 15 Nov 1999 16:08:21 GMT

Nobody Knows <nobloodynose.aol.com> said:
>Rebeka Thomas <ranko_1_2.hotmail.com> wrote:
>> Okay. some specific in-jokes i would like explained.
>> Nobodyknows' Penis.
>My penis is NOT a joke.

Well, not much of one, anyway.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies need a magnifying lens so strong they'd prolly set it on fire


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Python [was re: Diamonds in the roughroup]
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Sun, 14 Nov 1999 04:58:30 GMT

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>See, the usual way is to just lurk and read the group for a few months before you start posting. That way, when you *do* start posting, you'll know all the injokes and you won't have to jump around yelling and screaming at people to explain themselves to you.

Sure, but I've been here for years and I STILL haven't seen a fnord.

From: "GW De Lacey" <gdelacey.bigpond.com>
That's fortunate.
I have it on good authority that if you don't look at a fnord it can't hurt you.
--
GW De Lacey
Whose liver and white English springer spaniel remembers the fnord as her first exposure to rhod in-jokes.
.
From: technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com (TechnoAtheist)
really? There's one parked next to my saturn.

Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: "Rev. R2D2" <"RevR2D2".HOT HOThotmail.com>
Date: Sun, 14 Nov 1999 22:57:51 GMT

According to your imperious leader, Rebeka Dumbass, you are intending to invade ATS. I can't wait to see this. I haven't known the ATSers for very long, but can assure you that they don't fear you. Since you have chosen to hide behind Dumbass, as she often claims to be your elected voice, I, personally, scoff at all of you. Anyone stupid enough to follow a 'tard like Rebeka must have the intellect of a common lemming. This should be fun.

Let the battle begin!

Breast O' Luck,
R2


Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 01:57:58 GMT

"Rebeka Thomas" <ranko_1_2.hotmail.com> wrote:
>I NEVER CLAIMED TO BE LEADER!

This must be what it's like living in a country where they have a bloodless coup d-etat. All of a sudden, out of the mist, a new person appears on the political scene, and gets appointed supreme leader just for not having her head down when the cameras start rolling.

You deserve every tomato we will throw at you, Empress for Life (however short that may be) Rebeka.


Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 23:14:54 GMT

"Rev. R2D2" <"RevR2D2".HOT HOThotmail.com> wrote:
><snip to the sig>
>> Paul, whose daughter's world famous ornamental horned frog has, proportionate to its body size, the largest mouth on the planet.
>I would like to wager that if anyone entered Rebeka Dumbass in that contest, you'd have to adjust your sig.

Duly considered and acknowledged.

--
Paul, whose daughter's world famous ornamental horned frog has, proportionate to its body size, the second largest mouth on the planet.


Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: Karen <karenjohnson.infoave.net.nospam>
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 13:06:04 -0500

"Paul" wrote:
> "Nobody Knows" <nobloodynose.aol.com> wrote:
> >Paul <brightredfish.mindspring.com> wrote:
> >> Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au> wrote:
> >> >Kimberly Chapman wrote:
> >> >> Viki wrote:
> >> >> >...sometimes known as a "watery tart".
> >> >> Soggy, yet lemony?
> >> >Slimy yet satisfying [*]
> >> >Ian.
> >> >[*] (c) Walt Disney Pictures, with thanks.
> >> Oh, so THAT'S what Simba was eating.
> >ITYM "who"
> Proof that the Pumba character was gay: the sexy young lioness chases him, and he runs away, screaming, "SHE'S TRYIN' TA EAT ME!"

ROFL!!

Well, look at it from this point: If someone with sharp claws and very sharp teeth wanted to eat you, would you let them?

And I mean sharp. One bite and you're talking in a higher pitch.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 07:50:54 +1100

Donald Welsh wrote:
> "Kimberly Chapman" <kacee.outer-net.com> wrote:
> >Okay, Dumpcarat, go show Rebeka your love-making "apparatus."
> If he can find it.

On the plus side, he always knows which way is north.

Ian.


Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 21:50:37 +1100

Kimberly Chapman schrieb:
>Murf wrote in message ...
>>It's about the rules. And without the rules, we might as well all be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
>I thought it was all about the pentiums, baby.
>-- Kimberly "you think your Commodore 64 is really neato? What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito?" Chapman

I got a flat screen monitor 40" wide - I believe that yours says "Etch-A-Sketch" on the side.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 08:00:24 +1100

Ken Harlan schrieb:
>Note to Self: When KaCee sounds really nasty she is just trying to get someone's goat.
>Self: What would she do with a goat?
>Note to Self: Milk it and put the milk in a bag.

Bah! Such uncreative uses of goats! *Everybody* knows that you get a goat, strap a laser on its head, and use it for your duties as a cross-post cop.

Goat: Maaaa! <fx:laser shot>

Whoa, sorry Ken, I guess the goat's a little frisky. You didn't *need* that arm, did you?

From: kmh4.pge.com (Ken Harlan)
That's okay I've got three others.
Ken "Out of this world" Harlan
.
From: "trog" <tim.thewrens.freeserve.co.uk.nospam>
AKA "Mostly armless"
--
Tim "Opeless" Wren

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: SamIAm <samiam.hotbot.com>
Date: 19 Nov 1999 23:15:22 PST

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>Paul schrieb:
>>pooga.home.com.RemoveThis (Pooglian) wrote:
>>>Lurker Praps <m.pack.NOSPAMPLEASEWEREBRITISHcableinet.co.uk> wrote:
>>>>Also Sprach Ken Harlan:
>>>>> Note to Self: When KaCee sounds really nasty she is just trying to get someone's goat.
>>>>> Self: What would she do with a goat?
>>>>> Note to Self: Milk it and put the milk in a bag.
>>>>May I have the goat when she's finished with it, please?
>>>Sure! First Screwtape, now you. Soon everyone's going to be packing a laser guided goat! It's madness, I tell ya, madness!
>>But it will all be regulated by the BATFG, so it will be okay.
>Look, it's not a laser-*guided* goat, anymore than she's a nose-guided goat. She's an ordinary goat, equipped with extrordinary weaponry, and no idea what she's doing. Innit cute?
>Goat: Maaaaaa!

Oh sure! She's not laser guided now, but wait until the CIA-military-UN-IMF-Trilater Commission complex gets a hold of her. Then see what you've got.

Goat: Maaaa?

BZZZT!

SamIAm ducking out of the way of that goat guided laser beam

From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
I've heard that cats are naturally laser-guided, but the goat (I'm really going to have to name her, eh?) pretty much seems to ignore it and go on with what she was doing.

Goat: Maaaa!

Hey! Stop that! Get out of that drawer!

Goat: Bzzzzz!

Damn. Scorched underwear. Again.
.

From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
I don't think this is the goat's far^Hult.
.
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Yeah, that happens with the Teletubbies too.
JIM, *ZOT* Hey! Get outta here!! Jeez, can't a man have some privacymumblemumble...

Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 10:31:00 -0700

"Viki" <thevidts.stargate.net> said:
> Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net> wrote...
> > "Viki" <thevidts.stargate.net> said:
> > > Viki
> > > .... who can breath and chew gum and give a "come hither" look all at the same time....
> > > ........ more than certain others who shall remain nameless I guess....
> > But can you scramble an egg while it's still in its shell?
> Well, I guess I've never tried. I'll get back to ya.

This ought to be done by operating a hula hoop while holding the raw egg between your knees, but somehow I can't seem to make it work.

Kevin "at least my shoes are shiny now" Kelley


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 04:22:36 GMT

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>Lurker Praps schrieb:
>>Also Sprach Kimberly Chapman:
>>> -- Kimberly "this is my real name, though" Chapman
>>Oddly enough, "Lurker Praps" isn't my real name. I'm just breaking it in for a friend.
>IIRC, nor is it Malcom Pcak.

Yeright, that was yet another name he was breaking in for somebody else. He is, in fact, Prince Charles. He would get in BIG TROUBLE if he posted from work using his real name.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com (TechnoAtheist)
Date: Tue, 23 Nov 1999 03:41:28 GMT

"Haywood Jablowme" <haywoodjablowme.usa.net> wrote:
><aside>Is anyone buying this?</aside>

Well, do I get the Veg-o-matic, the Miracle Scrambler and two years supply of Magic Wipes all for an incredibly low price of $12.95?

"must turn off infomercials....must turn off infomercials...."


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Wed, 24 Nov 1999 14:47:30 GMT

dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks) wrote:
>There was an infomercial on recently for vegetable/fruit peeler. To demonstrate its power, they used it to peel an uncooked tomato. Does anybody have any recipes for either peeled uncooked tomatoes or for uncooked tomato peel?

Anyone can peel a tomato. Can it peel a passionfruit?

From: teh.Apexmail.com (Teh [tie:poe])
And a coconut? how about a coconut?

Order NOW and receive a free 5 kilo hammer^Wcoconut peeler great for watermelons and pomegranates as recommended by Teh international dry cleaners association.


Newsgroups: alt.tv.sliders,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Attention RHOD: Your leader (Rebeka Dumbass) has spoken
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Tue, 23 Nov 1999 12:00:33 +1100

trog schrieb:
>Lurker Praps wrote ...
>> Faux pas is French for "False step" or "False steps." It is its own plural. I'm sure there's an in-joke there, but my piles are playing me up far too much to worry about it.
>Don't worry, you'll get it with the esprit d'escalier.

... the spirit of eating snails?

From: ki <demian.metronet.comAINDUCEDBYSPAM>
Sir Hillary was possessed with that selfsame spirit when he scaled Everest.
.
From: "trog" <tim.thewrens.freeserve.co.uk.nospam>
I think that's "l'esprit d'escoffier", especially when done quickly enough. L'esprit d'escalier is one of those gorgeously elliptical french expressions that don't directly translate into English. Literally, it means the spirit of the stairs. In use though, it describes those occasions when, after not finding the right thing to say and leaving the conversation (possibly flouncing downstairs in a huff), a perfectly pithy riposte comes to you, but it's too late to go back.
--
Tim "happens all the time" Wren

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: Noser the Fishless <pshaughn.mediaone.net>
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 21:12:35 -0500

Screwtape wrote:
> Noser the Fishless schrieb:
> >Kevin Kelley wrote:
> >> Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> said:
> >>> Dammit! If you're going to discuss "Triangle and Robert", include some spoilers! Some of us haven't read today's yet!
> >> Kevin demands that cartoonists are or are not sucking ideas out of his head.
> >Don't worry, I wrote that one months ago. There's one coming up soon which I have no chance of convincing you of the truth concerning which, said truth being that I wrote it BEFORE "in bed" was added to <stdinjoke.h>.
> OK, the story so far is that we have a souped-up, hyper intelligent, electrified sheep, and the words "in bed"?
> /me wonders what's going to happen next.

Well, definitely not *that*, and you should wash your brain out with soap for even thinking it. I can't draw that sort of equipment anyway.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
To: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: Lurker Praps <m.pack.NOSPAMPLEASEWEREBRITISHcableinet.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 06:18:49 +0000

Also Sprach Rebeka Thomas:
> Can someone send me <stdinjoke.h>

It's available as a multipart here on RHOD. Simply collect all the messages herein for a month, and then use your newsreader's "Join" function.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: Noser the Fishless <pshaughn.mediaone.net>
Date: Mon, 22 Nov 1999 13:06:09 -0500

Richard Cohen wrote:
> Lionel <longword+usenet.newsguy.com> wrote:
> > "Rebeka Thomas" <ranko_1_2.hotmail.com> said:
> >>Can someone send me <stdinjoke.h>
> >Sorry, you'll have to get it from the FTP site.
> The location of which is, of course, in ...

bed. The bed is in the FAQ.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: Lars Clausen <lrclause.cs.uiuc.edu>
Date: 17 Nov 1999 00:27:44 -0600

postmaster.gordol.org wrote:
> Screwtape said:
>; Jeffrey Kaplan schrieb:
>; > Paul said:
>; >; "Rebeka Thomas" <ranko_1_2.hotmail.com> wrote:
>; >; >Can someone send me <stdinjoke.h>
>; >; Perhaps <clue.h> would be more appropriate.
>; >Col. Mustard in the library with the knife?
>; Not in the C library, that's for sure.
> Maybe she was wearing a perl necklace.

I hold it that Ada and Pascal had a basic scheme for transferring guilt to Eiffel. By showing that he acted as a gofer for Miranda (who wouldn't go outside a door due to her terrible lisp), they coboled together the evidence that he selfishly assembled the items he needed to make the fatal cup of java. That didn't explain how the python ended up in the palm, though.

From: pooga.home.com.RemoveThis (Pooglian)
Do you realize what you just did? We could have run this to at least a 10 post cascade, but you had to go and use them all up in one go! Now how will we stretch this out?

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 19:55:00 -0500

Screwtape wrote:
} Ben Fisher schrieb:
} >Lurker Praps wrote:
} >> Also Sprach Jason Willoughby:
} >> > I heard there was a kid in Toronto who *died* from starting his own injokes.
} >> ITYM "Tchranna". I bin practising. <beam>
} >I heard there was a kid in Toronto who *died* from starting his own Tchranna. Doesn't have quite the same ring to it, somehow.
} I didn't know they *had* Holden Tchrannas outside of .au. I guess they're hoonmobiles in anyones language.

You're speaking Australian again, aren't you?

JIM, you know, Tchranna! It's west of Oddwa!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: "trog" <tim.thewrens.freeserve.co.uk.nospam>
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 19:00:57 -0000

JimBOT wrote ...
> To a Canadian, anyone from south of Chicago has a southern accent.

That's a bit like the Geordie I met who maintained he didn't have an accent - it was everybody else. Anyone south of Cleveland was a Cockney ...
"Surely not", I said, "what about Brummies and West country folk?"
"They're all Scousers", he said.
That's it then, Cockneys, Scousers and the Queen's English

From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Of course she is, ya prat.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 21:01:41 +1100

Henriette Kress schrieb:
>Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net> wrote:
>>-67 degrees F? Holey busted capillaries, batman!
>>Hey, did you try that trick where you estimate the temperature by spitting and listening whether it crackles before it hits the snow? I've always wondered if that really worked, or if it's just a myth perpetuated by snickering northerners.
>...and you should see the yellow arches left by guys out behind the barn... I'm told they have to be fast, too.

And you always thought the McDonalds logo was quite innocent, didn't you?

Screwtape,
"They have the Golden Arches, we have the Golden Arcs"


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com (TechnoAtheist)
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 22:31:56 GMT

"Kimberly Chapman" <kacee.outer-net.com> wrote:
>There were little pink bits of my tongue left on that door handle, and it hurt like a bugger, but at least none of the children knew about it and I escaped unteased.
>Until now, I suspect.

So saying that it was a tasteful escape would be tacky right?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: teh.Apexmail.com (Teh [tie:poe])
Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 17:50:35 GMT

Ben wrote:
>I thought Indiana had the same sort of weather as the midwest. Obviously not, as we get -50 at least every other year, and I'm only a few states over (Iowa).
>Of course, if you are talking centigrade (or kelvin) it's a whole nother story.

Captain they're focusing their freeze-ray on us, the hull's temperature's dropping to -50 kelvin!!

Well what are you waiting for Scotty? SOP use red-shirts as insulation!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 29 Nov 1999 07:32:58 GMT

Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> said:
> Fern-Seed <fiddleheads.usa.net> wrote:
>>I find it unrealistic that people would be compelled to commit suicide because of something like rain.
>It may not be the rain, but the lack of sunlight. Sounds like Seasonal Affective Disorder.

So the oven light is there for a little pick-me-up when you're about to put your head in it?

From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
"Too little" and "too late" spring to mind.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies note the low occurance of suicide by flash-light

From: technoatheist.spamIsBad.email.com (TechnoAtheist)
And let me tell you, it takes FOREVER with an electric oven....

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Injokes
From: Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk (Richard Wilson)
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 99 17:31:13 GMT

brightredfish.mindspring.com "Paul" writes:
> I know I'm going to regret saying this, but I'm going to say it anyway. I don't get it. Please explain this joke to me. What does "Tchranna" mean, and where is Oddwa?

Ye gods and little fishes! Not satisfied with spawning endless injokes, we are now witnessing the birth of the meta-injoke, where the injoke is to ask what other injokes mean. The end is now shirley nigh. Plague, famine, drought and small furry irritating creatures.

-Richard Wilson-*---*----*-----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*----*----*----*-*---This is the way the world ends--
--*---*----*--*-----******----***---This is the way the world ends--
--*----*---*---*----*----*---*---*--This is the way the world ends--
--*-----*--*----*---*----*---*---*---*--Not with a bang but in bed--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Morphine is nice
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Mon, 15 Nov 1999 23:16:57 GMT

"Kimberly Chapman" <kacee.outer-net.com> wrote:
>Except I don't remember you taking any pictures. Of course, I was heavily dosed with morphine, so what do I know?

Damn. All those pictures are going to be out of focus.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Deja Vu
From: Ben Fisher <ben.fisher.spam.buster.intel.com>
Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 10:27:51 -0800

Kimberly Chapman wrote:
> Donald Welsh wrote:
> >Did you know that the word "gullible" isn't in any dictionary?
> *swat*
> Nice try.

If you're looking for sympathy, it's in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Deja Vu
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 12:57:57 +1100

Rebeka Thomas schrieb:
>Screwtape <st.ferd2.thristian.org> wrote:
>> Donald Welsh schrieb:
>> > Fern-Seed <fiddleheads.usa.net> wrote:
>> >>[1] Common, you know you're all addicted to the spellcheck option. :)
>> >TINSO. Not on this newsreader, anyway. Perhaps that's why it's less than adequate.
>> In Agent? Surely it does?
>> Now my newsreader doesn't - unless I can be bothered trying to get ispell to cooperate with vi. Which I can't, so it doesn't.
>> Anyway, I spell reel gouda, eye done kneed know spell chequer.
>damn straight. a spellcheck will only get one word from that. reel, gouda, eye, done, kneed, and know are all real words.

See, folks! She's learning! She didn't need that one explained!

So, Rebeka, do *you* know who John Cage is?



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