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1999 09 a.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Diddly riptiles
From: Ben <latebird.usa.net>
Date: Wed, 01 Sep 1999 21:41:56 -0600

Motti wrote:
> >>The fat one balances out the two skinny ones.
> "Two men say they're Jesus, one of them must be wrong.." [0x00]
> [0x00] Anyone hear about the Jerusalem Syndrome? AFAIK it's the only city with a mental illness named after it.

I don't think so. In the US we don't even name the syndromes, you say "I'm from New York", people run. You say "I'm from LA", people duck. You say "I'm from Florida", people ask you about your grandchildren. And don't tell me Florida isn't a city, I've been there.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Diddly riptiles
From: tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Wed, 08 Sep 1999 03:35:50 GMT

Phil Culmer wrote:
>Well, Jesus is the latinised form of Joshua, which means "a saviour".

I've always preferred the, uh, "Spanishized" form, in which "Jesus" is pronounced "Hey Zeus". "Hey Zeus" was, of course, a song by the Beatless. I don't know why Spanish-speaking people chose the name of this song as the right way to pronounce "Jesus", especially since the song isn't even about Jesus, but rather about an entirely different god.

Hey Zeus, don't be afraid, you were made to go out and get her... [and he did, repeatedly]

Na, na, na, na na na na. Na na na na. Hey Zeus!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Diddly riptiles
From: m.pack.... (Lurker Praps)
Date: Wed, 08 Sep 1999 08:33:23 +0100

Also Sprach Tom "Tom" Harrington:
> I've always preferred the, uh, "Spanishized" form, in which "Jesus" is pronounced "Hey Zeus".

We Brits pronounce the "e" in "Zeus", making it sorta rhyme with "puke" and "rebuke" rather than sorta rhyming with "duke" (which we also pronounce to rhyme with "puke", and "nuke", but USAns prolly don't.) This is because we're consistent and careful. Apart from when we say "luke", "fluke" and "jukebox", but these are exceptions which prove nothing.

Boring, but what with the masonic version of the froup, the wabbit hunting and the outgeeking, it's all been to quiet to say anything of late.


From: m.pack....(Lurker Praps)
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
> Call me an uncultured boor an' slob [1],

Consider it done, you uncultured boor an' slob .

> but I pronounce all those to rhyme. Except maybe "jukebox".

Pee-yuke, yup. Nee-yuke, yup. Lee-yuke? "Use the force, Lee-yuke"????

Please add "weird" to the above insult.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: $$$Make Money$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$28/8
From: tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Thu, 02 Sep 1999 02:20:10 GMT

Ben wrote:
>#!usr/local/bin/perl
>
>while(1){
> $dollar="$" x 72;
> print $dollar."\n";
>}

Thbbtt! Why put the assignment to $dollar inside the loop? It'll be more efficient to do:

$dollar = "$"x72;
while(1) {
print "$dollar\n";
}

You want to make sure to spam as quickly as possible, before your account gets shut down.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What the hell is wrong with you people?
From: surfbaud.waverider.co.uk.allyourclothes (Dave Hemming)
Date: Wed, 01 Sep 1999 20:48:41 GMT

jkapllan.world.std.com (Jeffrey Kaplan) wrote:
> <lee1089.kettering.edu> said:
>; What has happened? RHOD used to have very heavy (100-200 posts/day) traffic. But now I'm getting less than 50 per day. Is everyone being really silent or is my newsswerver not getting all the posts?
>Shhh... nobody answer him. Let's let him wonder...

<optimistic>Maybe they're all incarnating.</optimistic>

Heh.

And while I'm on the subject, if any of the regulars have any plans to participate in "why are the digests so awful" threads at any point, they probably shouldn't leave their .sigs on any truly stinky answers they might for instance send in. Ahem. Not that anyone has done that recently or anything. Oh no.

On the other hand, the priests are far too moral to, oh say for example, save such posts as blackmail material.

On the gripping hand, I'm referring to the priests in the third person. Which of course doesn't mean anything - after all, we refer to myself in the plural all the time.

Dave "Be afraid, be very afraid" Hemming


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Okay, Okay, I started the seti thing. Are you happy?
From: cgreuter.calum.csclub.uwaterloo.ca (Chris Reuter)
Date: 1 Sep 1999 20:07:08 GMT

Lane Gray, Czar Castic <E9c6zum.mwis.net> wrote:
>Chris Wesling wrote:
>>THAT is, if he is one? And -- and -- {pant, pant} -- in short,
>Oh, NO!! They fired their bass player!!

No, they just decided to release a side project while he's in rehab. At least, that's what their web page says.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Okay, Okay, I started the seti thing. Are you happy?
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Thu, 09 Sep 1999 04:54:19 GMT

"Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <E9c6zumball.mwis.net> wrote:
>Chris Wesling wrote
>>Thanks, but I can't do Deja from here -- it's blocked by the firewall. But I appreciate the offer.
>It started when somebody (don't remember who listed a whole bunch of bands he had been to see, and in the middle inserted a "pant, pant,pant" and Paul responded, "have you seen them?! Those guys ROCK!!" yet another in-joke. Now that you know, you will have to display the secret handshake, or we shall have to kill you.

The thing that saddened me about this was that I claimed "Pant, Pant, Pant" was going to be playing at the Omni here in Atlanta, and NOBODY brought up the fact that the Omni had been imploded.

You people are just completely out of touch with reality.


From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
I tried to keep in touch with reality, but it got a restraining order.

JIM


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Okay, Okay, I started the seti thing. Are you happy?
From: m.pack.... (Lurker Praps)
Date: Wed, 01 Sep 1999 04:48:24 +0100

Also Sprach Ian Davis:
> You misspelled "'yperbole." HTH. HAND.

I thought that was where they played the Belgian cup final.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: On-Topic Bit o' (un)Fun.
From: Ben Fisher <ben.fisher.spam.buster.intel.com>
Date: Thu, 02 Sep 1999 17:16:53 -0700

"Daniel E. Macks" wrote:
> Ben Fisher <ben.fisher.spam.buster.intel.com> said:
> : "Lane Gray, Czar Castic" wrote:
> : > Lionel wrote:
> : > >>A newsclip today has it that they're using the knee joints from old Barbie dolls in reconstructive surgery for fingers. Barbie, meet Rosie.
> : > >Ooooooookay.
> : > >I'm almost afraid to ask, but I will anyway: WTF would they use Barbie doll joints for that?
> : > Because the knee joints of a Barbie doll, as it turns out, are perfectly suited to the job of being finger joints of prosthetic fingers. They are apparently properly articulated and in many other ways ideal for the job. I just wonder who it was that discovered it, and what they had been thinking to decide to try it.
> : What everyone seems to be missing is: Barbie DOESN'T have knee joints. Leastways neither of my daughter's barbies has knee joints.
> : Someone else know different?
> Maybe you're looking at the breasts instead of the legs?

I did NOT put that small hole in her oh-so-tight sweater right where her nipple would be (if she had nipples). It Just Happened.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: On-Topic Bit o' (un)Fun.
From: cclovis.mindspringnospam.com (Cici in Texas)
Date: Thu, 16 Sep 1999 02:58:08 GMT

Ben Fisher tapped out:
>What everyone seems to be missing is: Barbie DOESN'T have knee joints. Leastways neither of my daughter's barbies has knee joints.
>Someone else know different?

Some Barbies do, in fact, have knee joints. I forget how they were marketed -- Gymnastics Barbie? Cheerleader Barbie? University or Varsity Barbie? Something like that -- but there is a series of Barbie Dolls that have articulated ankles, knees, waists, elbows, shoulders, and necks. (This is without going back to look, mind you, so I'm working from memory and we all know about my memory, don't we? And would somebody please remind me about it? Thank you. I mean, maybe they have articulated ears or something, too, and I just forgot.) These Barbie Dolls also have flat(tish) feet and wear athletic shoes rather than high heels.

The knee joints in these dolls are partially exposed (as in, not completely covered by the plastic 'skin') and appear to my untrained eyes to be fiberglass joints which *very much* resemble the joints of the human finger. (Actually, my eyes are very well trained when it comes to the joints of the human finger -- I'm just not sure about the fiberglass part.) In fact, the Barbie people may have copied the finger joint in the first place to get the design. The knee joints are also very nearly the perfect size for prosthetic finger joints. I'm not surprised that the prosthetics folks want to use these joints. Why tool up an entire factory when someone else is already manufacturing exactly what you need?

From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
I have this mental image of someone pulling off their glove to reveal a prosthetic hand with little gym-shoe-clad feet at the end of their fingers.

As well-articulated as they are, these dolls are every bit as poseable as those polished-wood jointed figures from the Art Supply store, except that the Barbie costs about $6 (not being the Latest and Greatest, you see), and the wood figurine costs your firstborn child. The really neat thing about the Barbies being so poseable is that if you get a bunch of them, you can create some truly perverted^Wcreative dioramas on the bookshelves at the head of your bed. Or so I've heard.

Cici <not that I would know *personally*, of course> in Texas


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Terribly, horribly, off-topic post
From: Noser the Fishless <pshaughn.mediaone.net>
Date: Wed, 01 Sep 1999 15:41:37 -0400

Al Sharka wrote:
> Jason Willoughby wrote:
> > >> Noser the Fishless <pshaughn.mediaone.net> wrote:
> > >> > http://people.ne.mediaone.net/pshaughn/tandr.html
> > >> You are a very odd man, Mr. Fishless.
> > > Yes, yes I am. That's a compliment... right?
> > Yup. And BTW, I'm not ashamed to say to that I find "rotate my vertices[1] and call me a trapezoid" extremely funny. Well, okay, yes I am, but y'all are figments of my imagination, so that's all right then.
> > [1] TSYTT: "I've never heard it called *that* before!"
> I'll just add here that I'd read it if it were in the daily (news)paper. It's certainly funnier than some of the strips I currently get.

Does that mean you're not going to read it just because it's online? That's... that's... something-or-other discrimination, that's what it is! I'm taking this to the highest authorities! Nah, I'll just take it to my cat. He's closer.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: that d**m kid again
From: twchew.raspberry.mindspring.com (Tim Chew)
Date: Wed, 01 Sep 1999 07:28:14 -0400

Bill East wrote:
>I'm downloading Agent 1.6 as I type. And Forte' people (you know who you are), I'm very disappointed.
>1) It's less than 40 MB
>2) It doesn't require IE 5.6 and Netscape 12.3 to be loaded. along with life-sized BMPs of Chairman Bill and Marc the Sharc
>3) It's Y2K compliant.
>
>When will you ever learn?

It's worse than that, it installs in less than two minutes, and you don't have to restart your machine six times.

Pitiful.


From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
And I haven't been able to crash it, yet! Forte obviously doesn't employ _real_ programmers.


From: Lionel <longword+usenet.newsguy.com>
It also doesn't screw up your previous, bizarrely complex configuration in any way.

Bunch of amateurs.


From: m.pack.... (Lurker Praps)
More bug-fixes than new bugs. >-(

From: Ed Chauvin IV <edc81u4.newsguy.com>
Not really a bug, but try this.

Go to Options | Display Preferences -> Messages tab and set the Margins to some obscenely large number, like oh I dunno, 32767.

From: emooney.SPAMFILTERattila.stevens-tech.edu (Erik Mooney)
I think IHBT. I went ahead and tried that (using 2000), and, as I expected, the message was no longer visible. Of course, that meant the message was no longer visible and I didn't remember which menu option it was to go change it back!

You owe the Oracle the three minutes it took to find that option again.

From: m.pack.... (Lurker Praps)
Arrgghhh! I've gone blind!

From: Ed Chauvin IV <edc81u4.newsguy.com>
Next thing you'll tell us your palms are getting all furry.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Tim's pose from the past...
From: johnyayaIDON'TLIKESPAM.usa.net (John D.)
Date: 01 Sep 1999 22:33:32 PDT

cclovis.mindspringnospam.com (Cici in Texas) apparently wrote:
>Why couldn't evolution have been based on the survival of the sweetest?

Because then the survivors would be eaten by ants.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Connecting to a Database
From: abuse.londo.freeuk.com (Barry O'Neill)
Date: Sat, 4 Sep 1999 15:18:54 +0100

chris.wesling.smed.com says...
> Estelle Clark wrote:
> > Can anyone tell me how to connect to the sample databases in Oracle 8 Enterprise Edition. I keep getting the error ORA-122003 Unable to connect to destination.
> > Any help would be appreciated.
> And you're posting to a *humor* newsgroup?? Sorry, we don't do databases here.

We don't do humor either.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Connecting to a Database
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Sun, 5 Sep 1999 08:43:52 -0500

Kevin Kelley wrote:
} Noser the Fishless wrote:
} > Hume 'er? I don't even etc.
} Hume 'er? You Kant do that!

That would be like putting Descartes before the whores.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Geek Alert (Re: $$$Make Money$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$28/8)
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Wed, 08 Sep 1999 20:47:06 -0600

dmacks.mail2.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks) wrote:
> Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net> said:
> } Sounds like you should have words with tcsh.

>   % Fuck you, tcsh!
>   [1]    Done                   /bin/rm -rf ~

> Now *there* was a good idea, Kevin.

Oh fine, your shell is self-modifying, sentient and irascible. Blame me. sheesh.

% ls -l
fuck you
% ls -l please
-a--rw-       93 Nov 13  1998 tr.pl
-a--rw-   145920 Feb 07  1999 transact.doc
d---rw-        0 Aug 30 12:14 type
-a--rw-    25199 Jun 09 22:30 Wator.java
there's more but fuck you
% ls -l dammit
i live for this
formatting...26% complete
fuck you

Great, now mine is.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Deeper mysteries of the Universe
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Mon, 06 Sep 1999 20:55:42 -0600

Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> wrote:
> Okay, this I don't understand -
>
> I go away for a week - to Germany, doncha know, fizzix conference - after what I remember as a slow posting-week in rhod. So no JIM posts for a week. I expect myself to be dropping off the edge of Tom "Tom"'s rhod traffic report. But just having a look at it, I'm something like 5th or 6th busiest poster.

We've all moved over to the lurkernet rhod group. Due to the fact that lurkers outnumber posters by something like 100 to 1, and the fact that so many famous people lurk in rhod (Scott Adams, the Monty Python guys, Bill Gates... strike that last) we've found that the lurkernet is a much cooler place to hang out. Sorry you weren't informed. Now that you have been, we'll have to take away your posting privileges.

> Has rhod been this quiet?

If you knew the secret handshaking protocol required to access the lurkernet, you'd realize that it isn't quiet at all.

From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
With the people round here' I'd be very careful shaking hands.

> Was I posting in my sleep?

Hard to say; do you find that you seem to be flying? Or that you're in public with no pants?

Not today. Maybe tomorrow.

> Has some nefarious person or shadowy organization been counterfeiting JIM posts?

Probably just an infinite loop in your turing tape.

Has some nefarious person or shadowy organization been counterfeiting JIM posts?

> And while we're asking about deep mysteries, why is it so hard to get uncarbonated water in German restaurants?

Fungus in the pipes. The fungus releases CO2, carbonating the water.

That explains the taste, then.

> Or, for that matter, a cold drink that's actually cold, as opposed to luke warm?

It's to do with the way those lovely Bavarian-costumed waitresses carry your stein to you nestled between their bosoms; if you'd been quicker at making change your drinks wouldn't have had time to warm up. Personally, I think warm beer is a small price to pay for the sight of an apple-cheeked, crinkly-nippled maid tensely fidgeting as the cold condensation works its magic.

> And why is it I only meet Nobel prize winners when I'm drunk?

No idea, but the next round's on me.


Kevin "waitress!" Kelley


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Deeper mysteries of the Universe
From: cgreuter.calum.csclub.uwaterloo.ca (Chris Reuter)
Date: 9 Sep 1999 19:05:06 GMT

Jason Willoughby <jwilloug.gate.net> wrote:
[...]>
>Damn. I have mixed up Scott Adams (http://www.pcii.net/~msadams/) with Jeff Minter (http://www.magicnet.net/~yak/). And I'm not qualified to comment on HGTTG. I never made it out of the mud.

SPOILER WARNING

You need to find the magic lamp and Tycho Brahe's nose to get out of the mud. (But remember to fill the bucket with mud first--you'll need it when you meet the incontinent dragon.)

I must say that it's rare to find someone else who's played "Hog-Grappling Titan-Terminating Gardeners".

<Actually, it's HGttGG - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Game>


From: Noser the Fishless <pshaughn.mediaone.net>
You can use Tycho's socks instead of the nose, actually. It's worth fewer points, but that way you can use the nose to light your way in the Cave of Belch, so you don't fall into the dragon latrine in the first place. You should still fill the bucket with mud, though; it repels Gladys the Scorpion, which makes keeping your inventory in order MUCH easier. (That is, assuming you're not playing version 1.06. If you are, fill the bucket with soy sauce instead.)

- Noser the Fishless, yet another HGTTG fan


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Deeper mysteries of the Universe
From: Admiral Jota <jota.shell1.tiac.net>
Date: 12 Sep 1999 15:40:26 GMT

Noser the Fishless <pshaughn.mediaone.net> wrote:
> Admiral Jota wrote:
>> I'll give five slightly-used Postal Service stickers to the first person who can correctly tell me which Douglas Adams game features a llama. And no fair asking on afda.
> That'd be Bureaucracy, Bob.

Correct! You may now proceed to round two. Your grand total so far is one pamphlet, two spell scrolls (frotz and filfre), three crown jewels, four walk-in mushrooms, and five slightly used postage stamps. You'll be eligible to add a half dozen magic rods to you total if you can tell me which text adventure game allowed you to travel through time and space by use of tarot cards, maps, and books.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Deeper mysteries of the Universe
From: brightredfish.mindspring.com (Paul)
Date: Sat, 11 Sep 1999 16:31:10 GMT

"Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <E9c6zumball.mwis.net> wrote:
>Lars Clausen wrote in message ...
>> E9c6zumball.mwis.net wrote:
>>> Neat. I have been hearing about them for a little while, but am usually too lazy to websurf. I will have to check them out.
>>Now isn't *that* just a whole new order of magnitude of laziness?
>>-Lars "Lazy enough to program" Clausen
>If the webmasters would stick to mostly HTML files, and no more graphics than need be, and in other words, minimize bandwidth, I wouldn't mind, but it seems they just load stuff to look cool and not further the delivery of the content. I think our ol' pal B1FF is the webmonster of the universe

Okay Lane, time to upgrade that modem from 9600 to 14.4. I think I may have an old Zoltrex sitting around somewhere. E-mail me your address, and I'll get you on the wide world of webs right smart : )


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Deeper mysteries of the Universe
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Wed, 8 Sep 1999 22:59:01 -0500

Lionel wrote:
} Nathan Sullivan said:
} >Jim Evans writes:
} >> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
} >> > Ed Chauvin IV said:
} >> > : Jim Evans
} >> > : >Has some nefarious person or shadowy organization been counterfeiting JIM posts?
} >> > :OK, I admit it. It was me. I've been trading them for flaxscrip. Anyone want to trade me for some hempscrip?
} >> >I've got a coupla pages of PostScript about flock()s that I'd be willing to trade for some hemp.
} >>I have a flock of ()'s I'd be willing to trade for some ham.
} >OK, people, go back to your homes. There's nothing to see here. I'm nipping this cascade in the bud.
}You left out the 'l' in the above word, HTH.

So where were we before we were so rudely interrupted?
Ah, yes. Trading (.)(.) for ( ! )


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Deeper mysteries of the Universe
From: dmacks.mail2.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 8 Sep 1999 04:59:20 GMT

Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net> said:
: Froom: Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk (Richard Wilson):
: > Day One: Rang bell, dog ate food. Very happy.
: Day Two: Bang dog, fool ate well. Not so happy.
: Day Three: Hang fate! Hell, ate dog. Very sad.

Next on RHOD: Pavlov on crack.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies read between the lines


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Still waiting for an answer...
From: dmacks.mail1.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 14 Sep 1999 04:23:50 GMT

Phil Culmer <heretic.spuddy.mew.co.uk> said:
: alt.dotted.haiku.
: Supplicated August eighth
: And still no reply.

News.for.you.my.friend
Alt.* does not propagate well
Next time, use Big 8.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if Orrie needs DtR


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Corrupting the noble Strine language
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Thu, 09 Sep 1999 11:55:49 +1000

Now look, I'm not having this. I have noticed a disturbing trend, most recently in AIR 5(4):26 but also on an episode of "Frasier" shown recently here, and it must stop now.

The word "cuppa" is *not* a specific abbreviation for "cappuccino." It is British/Strine for "cuppa tea" or "cuppa coffee," ie a generic term for a hot beverage. When we left Pittsburgh we left a small pocket of people behind using terms such as "cuppa", "taking out the rubbish bins," "come in and eat your tea" and so on. Now this trend is looking to undo all our good work. It is most disturbing to see our lexicon deteriorating in this way. Lift your game, people!

I have of course complained to the editor of AIR.

Ian.


From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
> Lift your game, people!
Oh sure, they always want to look at our balls.

Kevin "not the 3-iron!" Kelley


From: "Smith, Nolan D" <SmithND.corning.com>
Don't forget to kvetch at the editor of WATER, LAND, and FIRE. Takes all four to make a cuppa cuppa.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Corrupting the noble Strine language
From: Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk (Richard Wilson)
Date: Thu, 09 Sep 99 16:29:43 GMT

Talking of corrupting Strine, I saw Steve Irwin of the thread up above for the first time ever last night. I distinctly heard him say "deadly". He tried to make up for this appalling gaffe by later calling a tree snake "real priddy", but the damage was done. (Anyway, Priddy is a village in the Mendips where I camped for a couple of nights some years ago.) The man is clearly not from really Australia any more than Loyd Grossman is really from Canada; they're both body snatchers from the Planet Weird.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*-I said "camped"! With a tent! Ooh, you lot--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Apeal for UN intervention - Stop East Timor Genocide
From: Bill East <eastb.concentric.net>
Date: 08 Sep 1999 20:51:29 PDT

survey1_pt.hotmail.com wrote:
<irrelevant bits snipped>

Yeah, but does anyone know where I can get my FREE TIBET? I see it advertised everywhere.

Mmmmmnnn, mountainalicious.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Apeal for UN intervention - Stop East Timor Genocide
From: lee1089.kettering.edu
Date: Tue, 14 Sep 1999 05:13:02 -0400

Matthew Thomas wrote:
> One Ken to post it all, one Ken to AHBOU it all, one Ken to spark the thread ...

Three posts for the junoites that are a pain,
Seven for the w**dch*cks busy chucking wood,
Nine for queue drainers doomed to drain,
One for the Oracle for which it stood,
In the land of rhod where the cascades lie.

One post to start them all, one post to change them,
One post to end them all and in the stillness rearrange them,
In the land of rhod where the cascades lie.

So the meter's off a little it's 5 in the morning so sue me.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I can't HEAR YOU!
From: tph.acm.org (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Thu, 9 Sep 1999 20:41:43 -0400

Just wanted to let everyone know--

Despite the fact that my news server seems to send outgoing messages OK, it is still majorly fscked for incoming messages (still hasn't recovered from the most recent upgrade). I'm not ignoring y'all, but at my site I'm seeing maybe five posts per day if I'm lucky (and I haven't been lucky in this particular way much recently, IYKWIM, AITYD). If anyone's followed up to anything I've posted, I'd appreciate email copies as well.

BTW this also means that the RHOD daily traffic report has essentially been total BS for nearly two weeks now. Sorry, folks, I'd fix it if I could....


From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
A-HA! I knew it! Another "Deeper Mystery of the Universe" explained! When Tom "Tom" comes back, I'm asking him about the Shroud of Turin and Stonehenge.


From: dmacks.mail1.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Son, RHOD's been pegging the bullshitometer *long* before your traffic report page went up.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know who's not part of the solution


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: verslag vergadering CD
From: Richard.molerat.demon.co.uk (Richard Wilson)
Date: Tue, 14 Sep 99 15:57:40 GMT

lrclause.cs.uiuc.edu "Lars Clausen" writes:
> I *thought* it looked familiar! But are there normally that many antiquotes in Dutch?
> -Lars "MFI:5```#/P`````D" Clausen

Is _that_ what you call 'em? I thought an antiquote ought to be something like:

"To be or not to beable"
"Damnably, my dear, I don't give a Frank" or
"I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my intern once in a while"

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*---Now is the winter of our incontinence...--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Download Ia.n.i.!!! It's free!
From: twchew.raspberry.mindspring.com (Tim Chew)
Date: Mon, 13 Sep 1999 17:56:08 -0400

Am I the only person who parses the subject line as "Download Ian!! It's free!"?

The real question is: what the hell would I do with Ian once he's on my hard drive?


From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Set up a lan?


From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Well, he'd probably be more fun than MegaHAL.

Screwtape,
And that's saying something.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Apeal for UN intervention - Stop East Timor Genocide
From: Richard Fitzpatrick <ossipewsk.your.fingercheerful.com>
Date: 15 Sep 1999 16:53:06 -0700

The erstwhile Tim, the alien dog, said:
>I even posted a joke about the Fish Transfer Protocol once, too.

What sort? Dull Green Kampuchean Loving Ghoti?

>OK, rhod-folk, what kind of tibets would you like?

Tibets that come in at 12-1 at the titrack, please.

From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
You're buying off-the-rack now?

From: dmacks.mail1.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Where can I find this store, and do they take mail-order?
dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies would like a pair

>| Hey! Wanna buy THREE TONS of fresh BELLY LINT?

No. If it's fresh it's not *real* belly (button) lint.

Richard "blue-grey cheesy stuff, thanks" Fitzpatrick


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Okay, Okay, I started the seti thing. Are you happy?
From: "GW De Lacey" <gdelacey.bigpond.com>
Date: Fri, 17 Sep 1999 22:56:50 +1000

Screwtape <st.ferd2.thristian.org> wrote:
> Matthew Thomas schrieb:
> >Screwtape wrote:
> >> Jeffrey Kaplan schrieb:
> >> > You can find the location of the FAQ in the FAQ.
> >> Not anymore. The location of the FAQ was not FA, so it was removed from the FAQ. Now it isn't anywhere.
> >I'm confussed. *Which* isn't anywhere? The FAQ, or the location?
> Yes.
> Oh, and I just noticed: Hey, everyone, we got a *real* Kiwi in here now!
> Screwtape,
> What's a New Zealand Hindu?

lay iggs?

GW De Lacey
Whose liver and white English springer spaniel still remembers raffle morning in a pub in Timaru, where the church lady was desperately pushing the last of the tickets by advertising 'sex for a dollar'.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Okay, Okay, I started the seti thing. Are you happy?
From: dmacks.mail2.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 18 Sep 1999 15:51:30 GMT

Matthew Thomas <mpt26.student.canterbury.ac.nz> said:
: Screwtape wrote:
: > Oh, and I just noticed: Hey, everyone, we got a *real* Kiwi in here now!
: > Screwtape,
: > What's a New Zealand Hindu?
: Kiwishna.

And when their plane lands in Honolulu, we'll have an airport full of Hawaii Kiwishnas?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are bald


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Okay, Okay, I started the seti thing. Are you happy?
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Sun, 19 Sep 1999 18:20:03 -0600

Matthew Thomas <mpt26.student.canterbury.ac.nz> said:
> Kevin Kelley wrote:
> > dmacks.mail2.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks) said:
> > > Y'all realize there's a header line you can add to keep your post out of AHBOU, right?
> > Do they respect the "X-Archive: No" header?
> That would make a lot more sense, but ITYM 'X-No-Archive: yes'.

Oops.


Kevin "X-No-Archive-Yes: no" Kelley


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Okay, Okay, I started the seti thing. Are you happy?
From: Kevin Kelley <kelley.ruralnet.net>
Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1999 19:08:11 -0600

<lee1089.kettering.edu> said:
> Nathan Sullivan wrote:
> > dmacks.mail1.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks) writes:
> > > Depends how the AHBOU queue handles Supercedes:'s. Alrightly you English experts...how does one pluralize a word that ends with a colon?
> > Words don't end in colons; digestive tracts end in colons.
> No, your digestive tract ends at Uranus.

Wiping is tricky, but you don't have to flush.

We could save NASA some money, if we could get Jimmy to swallow a spaceship.


Kevin "oohh, the lovely rings!" Kelley


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Okay, Okay, I started the seti thing. Are you happy?
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1999 13:17:06 +1000

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> Depends how the AHBOU queue handles Supercedes:'s. Alrightly you English experts...how does one pluralize a word that ends with a colon?

Intestines.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Okay, Okay, I started the seti thing. Are you happy?
From: Lars Clausen <lrclause.cs.uiuc.edu>
Date: 25 Sep 1999 17:35:03 -0500

lee1089.kettering.edu wrote:
> Lars Clausen wrote:
>> dmacks.mail2.sas.upenn.edu wrote:
>> > lee1089.kettering.edu said:
>> >: Nathan Sullivan wrote:
>> >: > --Nathan "My colon is the strongest muscle in my body" Sullivan
>> >: I wasn't aware that "colon" falls under the category "muscle". Besides, mussels don't have colons.
>> > Depends how you spell it.
>> I spell it "Throatwarbler Mangrove". Does it have a colon?
>> -Lars ":= :- :: :> ::= :P" Clausen
> Look, it's an emoticon orgy.

It's actually just the operators starting with a colon that I could think of. What they do in their free time is none of my business.

-Lars "Looking the other way" Clausen


From: <lee1089.kettering.edu>
Well, :- is the emoticon for penis and testes. := I would imagine to be one thats somewhat bigger around. ::= would be some sort of freak. :> is just a regular smiley. What's missing is >- the emoticon for a vulva. Therefore it must be a gay emoticon orgy.


From: "Mike Jewell" <Mike.Jewell.ukgateway.net>
And the :P is trying to work out what the weird smell is?


From: Matthew Thomas <mpt26.student.canterbury.ac.nz>
> Look, it's an emoticon orgy.
No, this is an emoticon orgy. 8//=/\-,


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Okay, Okay, I started the seti thing. Are you happy?
From: Matthew Thomas <mpt26.student.canterbury.ac.nz>
Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1999 12:06:17 +1200

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> Matthew Thomas said:
> ; > Actually, depending on where Mars was in relation to Earth my posts may not have been getting through then. I've been around quite a bit longer than that, but not always posting.
> ; Now, I hate to have to ask the question, but ... is it you, or the rest of us, who are on Mars? (And if anyone says "Yes.", I'll lose my nana.)
>
> <tv character mode="kosh><fx type="sound:whistle,warble,chime>
> ... yes ...
> </fx></tv>

   :    .     .   ,-.  (./ `.        )     _ '     \\     |:\     |:]     |:]     /;'     '

Dammit.

--
Matthew `na, na na nana nana ... nana nana ... hey Jude' Thomas


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: verslag vergadering CD
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Fri, 17 Sep 1999 00:07:34 +0959

Lars Clausen schrieb:
> st.ferd2.thristian.org wrote:
>> lee1089.kettering.edu schrieb:
>>> Lars Clausen wrote:
>>>> Well, dis here ' is a quote, no? And dis here thingy ` goes the other way, no? Then them's gotta be antiquotes. See R5RS for details.
>>>Uh, no. This ' is a foot marker. It's straight up. The only thing that
>> Not roun' 'ere. It's like /'s little brother, round 'ere.
>Whoa, whoa, let's get a man page on the table.

I thought grown-up boy pages were knights. And I'm staying away from that table.

<snip>

>Possibly he's another victim of Microsofts Fun with Fonts program. From the manpage for 'demoronizer'[2]:

<snip>

Yeah, I guess so. I remember once reading that in the beginning there was one charset, and everyone used it. Then various miscellaneous European nations got annoyed that fairly integral parts of their alphabets were being ignored in the face of imperialist US ASCII hegemony, and so new character pages were created for them all with the various useful chars in different places in each one. So now, if you want people to be able to read what you wrote, you're restricted to an even smaller subset of characters than before.

My favourite encoding is the one called lat1u in the Linux console tools package. I get pretty much most of the 8859-1 accented chars and other useful things, and I still get line-drawing characters. But can I get a copy of this encoding for X11? Nooooo...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: verslag vergadering CD
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Sun, 19 Sep 1999 09:11:27 -0500

Screwtape wrote:
} Matthew Thomas schrieb:
} >Screwtape wrote:
} >> Screwtape, Who can't understand why a foot-fetishist isn't called a pedophile.
} >'Coz it's a podophile.
} As has been pointed out to me. I dunno, ped, feet, sounded good at the time.

And people that walk, instead of driving cars, are called Podestrians...wait, that doesn't look right.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: verslag vergadering CD
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1999 10:17:33 +1000

Matthew Thomas wrote:
> Now, if only everyone spoke in a New Zild accent, you wouldn't have a problem with that.

Interestingly, I read an article a while back that said that accents worldwide are tending to (d)evolve in that direction. God hilp us all, whun the aliens land we won't even be able to count corrictly.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: verslag vergadering CD
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Tue, 28 Sep 1999 17:23:04 GMT

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>Donald Welsh schrieb:
>> st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>>>Screwtape,
>>>Who can't understand why a foot-fetishist isn't called a pedophile.
>>Would amoeboid life forms have pseudopodophiles?
>My apologies, dear sir, for not recognising you immediately, but who are you?

Um, hi there. No, I don't think we've met. Let's see if I can place you ... you're the allegedly fictional literary character masquerading as a 19-year-old university student. Right?

>Why have you burst in on us,

Sorry about that. I'll just go quietly now. Okay?

>without so much as a delurking post (that I've seen yet),

Oops. I knew I should have read the FAQ before posting. Now I've violated netiquette for RHOD. Capital in ruins. Thousands dead. Oh, the shame.

>and flooding the group with wit, humor, and one-liners utterly lacking in tired old in-jokes?

Oh. I'll have to try harder. Here are ten:

1) I've never heard it called that before!
2) Lacquer? I don't eve*thwap!*
3) Don't ask what's in the cooler.
4) No, there's no time.
5) Is it because of tired old in-jokes that you've come to see me?
6) There is no tired old in-joke six!
7) Pass the oregano.
8) You've ruined the magic of less than adequate newsreaders for me.
9) For extremely odd values of "humor".
10) BrSff, BQDG, TMQD(WDtQaM), ... YKYBRRHODWTMWATMPSTY (AIMTITNPWOC).

<Bright red Siamese fighting fish, Bitch Queen Demon Goddess, The Midnight Queue Drainer (What Drains the Queue at Midnight), ... You Know You've Been Reading RHOD Way Too Much When All This Makes Perfect Sense To You (And I Mean That In The Nicest Possible Way Of Course).>

>Not that I'm objecting.

But if you liked it you'd say so.

Does this mean I can stay? Or do I have to stop posting until I've been digested? [0]

>In fact, I'll even suggest the word "octopodophiles" to your fertile imagination and have a look-see what you think of that.

Of course, it's a bizarre form of interspecies group marriage practiced by Deep Ones. [1]

I *explained* to the Springer producers that it didn't involve either squids or licking [2], but they *insisted* on having all eight of them on the show at once!

And now, a word from our sponsor.

>| Hey! Wanna buy THREE TONS of fresh BELLY LINT?

[0] Hope TIO is quicker than the Sarlacc. [3]
[1] ObChestnut: ...and they walked down the aisle arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm. [4]
[2] Of course not. Squids have ten tentacles.
[3] Annoying pointless footnote that refers you to [5].
[4] Hands up all the left-brained types who counted that.
[5] Jabba the Hutt told Han Solo he'd be digested after a thousand years.
[6] Error: Unused footnote (6). Post halted.



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