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2001 08 a.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Explained (sort of) URL
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com>
Date: Wed, 01 Aug 2001 19:25:04 -0700

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.webone.com.au> wrote:
>Screwtape wrote in message ...
>>Daniel E. Macks schrieb:
>>>Screwtape <st.ferd2.thristian.org> said:
>>>>Jason Willoughby schrieb:
>>>>>Gordol wrote:
>>>>>> Rhodnius said:
>>>>>> ; I _really_ hate how people are so hateful and paranoid of the intrusive spyware adware crap that they simply refuse to believe that a program like Opera could have an adware implementation completely in good faith.
>>>>>> Once bitten, twice shy. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on +me+.
>>>>>Two heads are better than one. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
>>>>Too many cooks spoil the broth. Many hands make light work.
>>>Good things come to those who wait. Patience is a virtue. No better time than the present. Seize the moment.
>>A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost.
><Asimov>"A Niche in Time Saves Stein"</Asimov> Look before you leap.

Never look a gift hose in the spout.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The economic political realities of middle American psycho-developmental states
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com>
Date: Mon, 06 Aug 2001 20:18:06 -0700

tcon.no.physics.spam.usyd.accepted.edu.here.au (TimC) wrote:
>Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> BTW, if any other Strines are considering lodging their income tax returns via the internet, my advice is - go for it!
>Hmm - but do they let you do on lunix? My bank (national) assumes *everyone* runs winblows 95..2000. They don't even let you use a mac - even though the whole thing is implemented in Java, and as such, is meant to be platform independant.

But it is platform independant. You can run it on Win95, 98, Ce, Me, NT4, 2000...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The economic political realities of middle American psycho-developmental states
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Thu, 09 Aug 2001 22:16:08 -0400

Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au> wrote:
> Jason <jbeasley.primary.net> wrote:
>> I think that it's very fitting, very feng shui, that the Tax Office would restrict access to only those people willing to use Windoze. Think about it. Paying taxes is a bad experience. Using any form of Windoze is a bad experience. It's kind of like the theory underlying the invention of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Only, you know, reversed.
>And yet not reversed, since this particular confection is one of the most revolting things I've ever eaten, and God knows there's been a few.

Yeah, like Vegamite.


From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Fresh bread, carefully toasted to a uniform golden brown. The morning sun streams through the window, warming your soul as it warms your face.
Butter or margarine (to taste) is applied immediately, so as to melt and cover all of the bread, largely excluding the crusts which must be left crunchy. Because the bread was so fresh, the centre of the slice sinks slightly, allowing whimsical pools of melted butter to accumulate.
The scent permeates the room, and you find you are softly singing the second verse of "Wond'ring Aloud" to yourself, as you smile once again about the crumbs.
VegEmite is applied to the slice with a gentle, loving yet confident hand.

A very thin layer only is required - the toast should be visible between the streaks. The correct technique is a grazing tangential brushing.

Eat.
Experience Nirvana.
Repeat.

And don't give any to Paul, he doesn't deserve the privilege.

Incinerate a Pop Tart in his memory and feed it to that bloody yappy dog from next door, maybe he'll choke.

From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
>And don't give any to Paul, he doesn't deserve the privilege.
Yeah, I also don't deserve the privilege of having my tongue squished between an anvil and a ball peen hammer, nor do I deserve the privilege of sliding down a sliding board made of razor blades.

From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
In your case, I'll make an exception.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The economic political realities of middle American psycho-developmental states
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 16:59:38 +1100

Jason <jbeasley.primary.net> wrote:
> But in defense of Vegemite, I have to say, some people eat grits.

And oysters.
And yoghurt.
And ox tongue.
And milk (think about it and next time ask for a sexier cow).
And Reese's Peanut ButterCcups, for God's sake.
Sometimes all at the same time.

Still, don't knock it till you've tried it. Somewhere in darkest Pittsburgh there is a small boy, once our next door neighbor, who we managed to hook irretrievably on Vegemite, which costs its weight in diamonds in the USA (as it should).

No doubt every day his heart cries out with loss, he knows not what for.

Heh heh heh...

Ian.


From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
My daughter, born and raised in the Netherlands, has the same problem with Dutch liquorice, or "drop". It takes a seriously twisted confectioner to come up with the idea of salt sweets. But the local kids can't get enough of the stuff. I've known bulimics gorging on drop, which must have done fascinating things to their sodium balance and nervous system in the process. There was a kind of arms race in the past to make the stuff ever saltier, culminating in an evil substance called "zwart-wit" (black-white), which I think was the sweepings from the drop factory floors. This is now outlawed as it is toxic to all known forms of life and causes dikes to dissolve if it finds its way into the water. The best you can get these days is "dubbel-zout" drop, a gastronomic sensation similar to a middling-to-hot thal: 1% flavour, 99% pain.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*----who wouldn't go near a raw herring on a stick--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Giving good answers
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Wed, 1 Aug 2001 16:49:06 +0100

>Bryan Chung <bchung.ucalgary.ca> wrote:
>>Often, when I do an askme, I get a question that I know has incredible humour potential. I have no idea what humour potential it might be, but it's just one of those feelings. The problem is that I often have no clue how to go about formulating something cool and witty. And I hate to give an answer that's just so-so to someone who might have put a lot of thought into their question. Actually, I just hate giving so-so anwers. What do you do when you're humour impaired?

<various follow-ons snipped>

It's a sad indication of how far rhod has sunk that people are leaping in to provide serious and helpful answers to your query, Bryan old son, when the time-hallowed tradition here has always been to poke merciless fun at posts like yours.

Thank ghod some of us are still willing to maintain standards. So, Bryan, ignore all the foregoing; these people are not representative. Humour regeneration requires mental discipline, sexual abstinence and sticking pins through your nipples and spinning from the ceiling like Richard Harris in "A Man Called Horse". Believe me, this works. Start each morning by reciting the Zadocerata:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember which side the traffic's coming from.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Well, except bank managers, obviously, because they're bastards.
Oh, and that guy who sits in the train opposite me every morning,
and looks in his handkerchief after blowing his nose;
vexation to the spirit is putting it mildly, let me tell ya.
If you compare yourself to a summer's day, you may be turning into Shakespeare,
which is good in the sense that you can churn out Oscar-winning screenplays
and sonnets (is there an Oscar for sonnets?),
but a bit of a bummer from the point of view of having been dead for nearly 400 years.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the Net is full of spam.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
yes, we've finally got onto the subject of the Oracle.
Many persons strive for great answers, and every time their crap ones get digested.
Except yours.
Try not to get depressed about this. Neither be cynical about the priesthood;
for in the face of all mediocrity and disenchantment,
they somehow manage to pile on more.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
this is me we're talking about now, you understand;
because I've piled on a few years, and I like to think I'm wise with it,
so you ought to listen to what I have to say.
Yes, don't rub it in, so I'm not as slim and vigorous as I used to be.
Look, plenty of people younger than me are into TRT, okay?
I tried that gingko biloba stuff - "nature's Viagra", hah!
Bloody herbalists, what do they know?
They go around slapping each other with nettles;
are you going to listen to a bunch of weirdos like that?
I'm sorry, I seem to have wandered off the subject. Where was I? Oh, yes.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself;
use plenty of Vaseline. No, wait, that wasn't the subject.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
so remember always to call the universe "Mummy",
and, if you marry a tree or a star, don't have children,
because there's already enough of that sort of thing in Kentucky
and West Virginia. You know what I mean:
IQ down the toilet. Not a pretty sight.
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should;
which is probably why none of your answers make the digests.
Therefore be at peace with the Oracle, whatever you conceive him to be.
Most people think of him as this fat, Olympian kind of guy
with a white beard and white robes;
me, I see him as Ryan Styles in "Whose Line Is It Anyway?";
I mean, when it used to be funny,
you know, when we Brits produced it.
Okay, so what if that Clive Anderson does have more hair than me?
I bet he's been into TRT since puberty, if not before.
Ahem... time for the big finale.
And whatever your tellmes and askmes, in the noisy confusion of life,
keep beer in your fridge.
Lots of beer in your fridge. Because then,
with all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it'll still seem a beautiful world.
Even if you don't get digested.
And women call you "Mister Floppy".
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*----Is this a giant purple daisy I see before me?--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Giving good answers
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.apexmail.com>
Date: Wed, 01 Aug 2001 11:27:38 +0200

Bryan Chung wrote:
>What do you do when you're humour impaired?

Post to rhod.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Giving good answers
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Sun, 05 Aug 2001 14:13:10 -0400

dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks) wrote:
>Bryan Chung <bchung.ucalgary.ca> said:
>>What do you do when you're humour impaired?
>Become a pries*KAPOW*

That wasn't funny.


From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
So when do I get inducte*DOUBLE-KAPOW*


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The economic political realities of middle American psycho-developmental states
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Thu, 02 Aug 2001 00:16:38 -0400

El Gordollo wrote:
> Richard Fitzpatrick said:
> ; >I found these weird-lookin' black plastic things in the back cupboard - about 12 inches across, flat, round, covered in concentric grooves..
> ; Ashley, just one groove on each side... 'cept that special one with Messrs Cleese, Palin et al.
> Why, does theirs only have on groove, that covers both sides at once?

Oooh. Moebius groove.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Mac-n-cheese
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 5 Aug 2001 19:01:49 GMT

Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> said:
>In general, it's better if you boil it for less time than called for in the package directions, add the recommended saturated fat as butter rather than margarine, and use less milk for better texture. Adding a tin of tuna and a handful of frozen English peas can turn a lovely bowl of macaroni and cheese into a slimy substance that smells awful, tastes like your gourmand mother discovered the recipe in Family Circle Magazine, and is quite attractive to polar bears, although I expect they would be happier without the noodles and dairy products.

I...see...

[side-note#1 snipped]

>As another side note, I recognize the fact that the above discussion of macaroni and cheese would seem to indicate that the stuff tastes like one's mother had become attractive to polar bears, but I actually mean to say that the macaroni and cheese and tuna and English pea concoction would be attractive to polar bears. Probably to penguins, too, but I'm not sure whether they prefer English peas or mashed potatoes.

I'd an interesting commentary when it cannot be discerned by long-time RHODents whether each other is off the meds and should stay that way or is on the meds and should share them.

>--
>Putain de 2CV, putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com, whose something or other is, milligram for milligram, the utmost of whatever.

Well shee-it, man. I've seen lazy [looks in mirror] but a boiler-plate .sig? That's kinda like when newspapers use "Mickey Mouse" as dummy-text in the obits and then forgets to fill in the actual-deceased, and then a thousand mommies call to complain that little Johnny and/or Jane is all in tears because s/h/it thinks Mouse, Mickey has died when really it's just a tyop and then the domineditrix gets fired and can't afford to pay the mortgage and winds up living in a *van* down by the *river* and is forced to subsist solely on mac-'n'- cheese.

Oh wait, now I see what you were trying to say in the first place.

dan, whose bight red Siamese fighting fishies welcome FC back


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Mac-n-cheese
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com>
Date: Mon, 06 Aug 2001 21:28:47 -0700

Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> wrote:
>In general, it's better if you boil it for less time than called for in the package directions, add the recommended saturated fat as butter rather than margarine, and use less milk for better texture. Adding a tin of tuna and a handful of frozen English peas can turn a lovely bowl of macaroni and cheese into a slimy substance that smells awful, tastes like your gourmand mother discovered the recipe in Family Circle Magazine, and is quite attractive to polar bears, although I expect they would be happier without the noodles and dairy products.
>
>As a side note, the fact that Richard Wilson has returned to rhod explains some recent changes I've noticed in the queue.
>
>As another side note, I recognize the fact that the above discussion of macaroni and cheese would
>seem to indicate that the stuff tastes like one's mother had become attractive to polar bears, but
>I actually mean to say that the macaroni and cheese and tuna and English pea concoction would be attractive to polar bears. Probably to penguins, too, but I'm not sure whether they prefer English peas or mashed potatoes.

pagan.

pagan.

Makes 1 Serving:

1.5 cups of pasta (preferably rigatoni, but any normal bizarre pasta shape will suffice. Anyone using "fun" pastas shaped like cartoon characters will be asked to leave the Kitchen. The notable exception to this rule is having Pasta shaped like JIM, whose status as a cartoon character is currently being debated.)

1/3 lb. of grated extra sharp cheddar cheese. (This is real cheddar mind you, not that no-refrigeration-required bright orange gunk you can use to caulk your shower with. I'm talking quality Black Diamond Aged Cheddar here.)

1/4 cup milk (I used skim for this for my own evil reasons. Yes, I know it's blue, you're point is?)

Ground white pepper


Get out your pasta kettle, mind you not that wimpy thing you use to burn soup or kill the roaches with, I'm talking that big ol' beastie that you've got all those other pots stuffed into. That's the puppy. Now clean out the various presents left by the more various cabinet fauna and fill it 'til it's 3/4 full of water. This should be a lot of water. Far more than you believe is necessary. That would be because they've been lying to you all those years.

Now heft that bad boy onto your biggest burner, and light 'er up. Add a good pinch of salt to the top and put the lid on. (No, you heathen, don't add the pasta yet! The water's not even tepid. Go watch cartoons or something until the pots at a good boil.) As for how much salt is enough, the water should be about the same salinity as seawater. Since you're probably thinking of the mouthful of brine you choked on when your brother buried you in the sand at low tide, then forgot about you for a while, you're probably thinking yuck, and you're probably also right in thinking that's too much. The secret here is that you should be able to feel it between your thumb and forefinger and be able to gently drizzle it in.

Ok so now the water is boiling, add the pasta. No, don't put the lid on the pot, it'll boil over and make a mess, just let it cook for eleven minutes or so. Set the timer.

Now, grate the cheese. Oh, it doesn't matter, you just want it kinda loose so it'll melt nice. Hey, no snitchen from the pile. Ok, just a taste.

Set the cheese aside and get out a big bowl and the strainer. Yes, it can be plastic. Good Lord, when did you get this, when you were in third grade?

Now get out the pasta strainer. No not that one, that mesh will ruin the pasta, get the pasta strainer. It's the metal one with the holes.

Whaddya mean which one?

Look, when "Captain Spazmo" needs to block the evil Martian brain waves what do you, I mean he, put on his head.

Yeah that one.

Eew. wash it out, will ya?

Ok Pasta's done. Now we dump the pasta into the strainer, there see how the strainer slowly lets out the water, that's what you want.

And give it a good shake to get the extra out, and dump it into the bowl.

Ok add the milk and start stirring the pasta, sprinkle on the pepper while you stir.

Bless you.

When you're making this for your date, turn your head when you do that.

Now stir in the cheese a bit at a time.

That's it, see how it's melting over the pasta? Smell how good it is?

No it's not supposed to turn it day glow orange, you nit, it's supposed to flavor the pasta.

Ok, now serve it with ripe sliced Roma tomatoes sprinkled with fresh dried basil and balsamic vinegar.

No, I pretty much guessed you didn't have any, so I prepared some for you, here.

There, now enjoy with a good Hefeweizen or a glass of Chardonnay, and leave the Squeez-a-ziti to the rubes.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Mac-n-cheese
From: Gordol <postmaster.gordol.org>
Date: Tue, 07 Aug 2001 01:33:18 -0400

GW De Lacey said:
; I thought RW was really RST. They share an initial, you see, and in an

Ah, then that must make you GW Bush.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Ego Te Absolvo, Kiddo
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 7 Aug 2001 17:00:23 +0100

Okay, I admit it. I'm one of those surly buggers that regularly deletes junk email without even reading it. I see now I have only myself to blame for missing out on once-in-a-lifetime offers like:

> Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours!!!!

Yup, for a mere pittance, Minister Homer^WCharles of Billings, MT, could have turned me into a bona fide certified man of God. There's a whole bunch of things I would have been empowered to do involving at least two exclamation marks:

> WEDDINGS
> MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!!

Wow! They do that in Montana as well as Kentucky?

> FUNERALS
> A very hard time for you and your family
> Don't settle for a minister you don't know!!

Elderly relatives will have their minds concentrated wonderfully by the knowledge that the tone and content of the eulogy will accurately reflect the amount they're leaving you in their wills.

> BAPTISMS
> You can say "WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!!"

Followed by "TURN TO THE DARK SIDE, LUKE!!" if you want to get a cheap laugh.

> FORGIVENESS OF SINS
> The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries

This is the best part. Come on, haven't you always wanted to act out one of those scenes in the movies where you're hiding from your pursuers in a confessional and a beautiful girl gets in the other side and tells you all her lustful thoughts? "Father, forgive me for I have sinned." "GIF! GIF!"

> VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES

As Minister Bart^WCharles has on no doubt many occasions.

> WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH??

Don't I need a stockpile of automatic weapons for that?

> At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs.

Ooh, tellme, tellme, tellme!!

> For only $29.95 you will receive:
> 8-inch by 10-inch certificate IN COLOR, WITH GOLD SEAL.
> (CERTIFICATE IS PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED BY AN INK PRESS)

(None of your cheap, crappo DeskJet jobbies with Minister Lisa^WCharles.)

> Proof of Minister Certification in YOUR NAME!!

Proof of elevation to the Papacy may cost extra, Malc.

> SHIPPING IS FREE!!! For Shipping OUTSIDE the US please add $11.00.

SHIPPING IS FREE-ISH!!!

> *Please allow 8 days to receive your certificate by mail.

We're talking large values of 48 hours, therefore.

The reverend Richard Wilson (certified)-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk
-(Available for weddings, exorcisms, first communion, bar mitzvahs-
--and confessions involving wet suits and domesticated ungulates)--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Trojan scanners for Windoze
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 8 Aug 2001 14:46:05 GMT

Gordol <postmaster.gordol.org> said:
>Anyone know of a good and inexpensive (free?) trojan scanner for Windows? I think I may have just accidently installed a trojan and I want to be sure that I've completely removed it. This is for Win2k, though I'd want to be able to run it on Win98 as well.

fdisk?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have a universal fix for all Winders problems


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Other title
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com>
Date: Wed, 08 Aug 2001 19:51:24 -0700

So, I've been thinking a bit about the official title of Star Wars Episode 2. Supposedly Lucas wanted something fun that harkens back to the 1950's movies, and I have to admit that it's pretty hard to come up with a good title. These were all we could come up with...

Attack of the Fifty Foot Jawa.
They Came From Outer-Space, Like That's a Surprise
Alderaan Attacks!
Planet of the Ewoks
Dagobah Wants Our Women
Killer Clones from Outer Space


From: HeySteveo.steveo.cjb.net (Robot Karate Man)
"Much Ado About Annakin"
"Star Wars: Episode 2 - Another Film by Kurosawa"
"The Republic Strikes Back"
"Two are there always, no more, no le... wait, scratch that. Now there's just the one."
"To Obi Won, thanks for everything! Love, Julie Newmar"
"Star Wars: Episode 2 - At Least Lucas Didn't Cast DiCaprio"

Actually, I heard in another froop that the new baddie is named "Darth Kimball."


So who's the one-armed jedi?


From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
"Episode II -- Doesn't Suck as Much as a Clone of Episode I Wold"

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have a two-headed light saber


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other title
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 18:36:57 -0000

Henriette Kress (hetta.saunalahti.fi) wrote:
> tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington) wrote:
>> Tracie (tklosterman2.unl.edu) wrote:
>>> Next, on Fox, "When Clones Attack!"
>>Bridget Clone's Diary
>>Penn and Teller get Cloned
>>Indiana Clones and the Temple of Sith
>>> Tracie
>>> returning to Lurk mode now
>>Oops! Me too. Move along, nothing to see here...
> Good to see you, Tom "Tom". But you can't just disappear again, you know. At least leave one of your evil twins here to entertain us. Perhaps Tom 'Tom' (Tom) would agree to stay?

I'll leave you with one of the other Toms. Please contact one of the following, who will be glad to join the group:

Tom Obligationmanwold McAcquitting de Venezuela (tom.obligationmanwold.mcacquitting.devenezuela.yoyodyne.com)
Tom Barbells O'Infuses (tom.barbells.oinfuses.yoyodyne.com)
Tom Addison-Southernmost (tom.addison.southernmost.yoyodyne.com)
Tom Prisms-Righting Hypocrites (tom.prisms.righting.hypocrites.yoyodyne.com)
Tom Equally McStranglingry von Emboweriams Roar Ferments (tom.equally.mcstranglingry.vonemboweriams.roar.ferments.yoyodyne.com)
Tom Forestallsry Dahomey della Dejectedlyburg van der Frolicet (tom.forestallsry.dahomey.delladejectedlyburg.vanderfrolicet.yoyodyne.com)
Tom Buzzwordintercityogmomentoussmith Wheller della Tomson (tom.buzzwordintercityogmomentoussmith.wheller.dellatomson.yoyodyne.com)
Tom Foundhafiziakphysiology van der Lingers (tom.foundhafiziakphysiology.vanderlingers.yoyodyne.com)
Tom Badmintonims Sevenburg O'Descending von Hiatt van Waitressestensmartest di Trustfully Jackdaw (tom.badmintonims.sevenburg.odescending.vonhiatt.vanwaitressestensmartest.ditrustfully.jackdaw.yoyodyne.com)

These guys are the ones who compile the nightly traffic reports, and don't have much else to do, but like to be invited before jumping in.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other title
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001 21:03:18 -0000

Screwtape (st.ferd2.thristian.org) wrote:
> Tom "Tom" Harrington schrieb:
>>Tom Badmintonims Sevenburg O'Descending von Hiatt van Waitressestensmartest di Trustfully Jackdaw (tom.badmintonims.sevenburg.odescending.vonhiatt.vanwaitressestensmartest.ditrustfully.jackdaw.yoyodyne.com)
> Dammit, now I have to find something nameless so I can call it Sevenburg.

Glad to be of service.

For more of the same, see http://home.pcisys.net/~tph/johnname.cgi

[ObExplainedURL: Nothing scarier than names like "Screwtape Oozessen Viewers della Bicycles", I promise.]
[ObExplainedURL #2:
Q: What happens when a bored Perl programmer stumbles across a copy of the script to "Buckaroo Banzai"?
A: See above URL]


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other title
From: "Muffet in the Dell" <cosmic_muffet.hotmail.com>
Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001 11:32:34 -0700

"Gordol" <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
> TechnoAtheist said:
> ; Attack of the Fifty Foot Jawa.
> Even more frightening: Attach of the Fifty Foot Jar-Jar.
> ; Killer Clones from Outer Space
> I thought that's what it already is...
> When Bad Titles Happen To Worse Movies ?

GATTA ATTAC TA TAGAT TGTA

Oh dear lord have I sunk.

note to everyone; it's really hard to spell 'clone' with A T G and C.

   CAG    A         AGA     A     T  ATGCCACTT  [an S goes here]
 AT  AGT  C        A   G    GG    A  G
A         G       A     T   C T   G  TATGGGGC
G         C       G     C   A GT  T  A
T     C   A       C     C   C   A C  C
 CA  TA   T        G   C    A    TT  T
  GATA    ATGCCG    AAT     T     C  ATAGGCAAA

--------------
ugh


From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Click. Ah, thanks.

It's taken a while, but thanks to you for the first time I now understand the title of "Gattaca." I don't know why everyone says I'm so dumb.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other title
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Wed, 15 Aug 2001 17:22:00 -0000

Ian Davis (Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au) wrote:
> Continuing the Gattaca train of thought, I read an interesting letter in Nature or Science several years back where someone had searched the protein databases, in effect looking for jokes from God.
> Amino acids can all be designated with a single letter code (eg A for alanine, H for histidine, F for phenylalanine, and so on). Because of the complexities of protein structure it was likely that some quite long words could be found hidden in our proteomes. I think the longest English word they found was formed by glutamate-leucine-glutamate-proline-histidine-alanine-asparagine-threonine (ELEPHANT), but some longer ones could be found if you extended it to other languages.

The best they could do was an eight-letter word? Either god's just too damn lazy to bother or this guy just didn't know how to look properly.

From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
In God's defence, this was from hazy memory and I may have had the details wrong. Still, 8 letters is not bad considering that you can't use B, J, O, U, X and Z. Also, it was only English, and only one reading frame. It would be just like God to hide the killer joke in some splice variant alternate reading frame in Sumerian.

> It follows then that the only logical explanation for the length and redundancy of our genetic sequence is that God is Welsh.

> The Human Genome Project therefore becomes one big knock-knock joke. I have been fortunate enough to obtain the most recent summary of our genetic makeup, translated as follows:

> "Knock knock"
> "Who's there?"
> "Death."
> "Death wh---"

Hmm, given the ELEPHANT example, I'd expect something more like this:

KNOCK <gibberish> NOK
"Who's there?"
ELEPHANT
"Elephant who?"
BAT <gibberish> NOZE
"Eh?"
SHOE
"No, see in a 'knock knock' joke you're supposed to..."
JULY
"No, see what I was trying to say was.."
NOON
"Noon who?"
BOCK <gibberish> GAS
"Yeah, I expected as much."
EAT <gibberish> ME
"Now, see here,"
FISH
"Oh, forget it."


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other title
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001 22:00:15 -0000

pieceoftheuniverse (potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com) wrote:
> Ian Davis wrote:
>>I don't know why everyone says I'm so dumb.
> It's because you're a priest. Everyone expects you to be mind-numbingly idiotic, and so you are.
> Based on that simple principle, I am now expecting a beautiful woman to come by my apartment in an extreme state of libido distress, which I hope to rectify over the course of several hours.

1. Put woman in shower
2. Turn on cold water
3. Wait until steam has stopped for ten consecutive minutes


From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Wow, T"T"H. You sure have a way with the ladies.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if women have an analogous response to men's turtle-reflex


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Scary returns [was Re: Other title]
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sun, 12 Aug 2001 04:08:23 +0000

Richard Fitzpatrick schrieb:
>*sniff* Good to see you, please share some of the joy you always bring to our lives. I dunno if the joy is inherent in your own, but it certainly adds to that in mine[3].
>[3] As do all the rest of you semi-regular pillocks, of course.

Yay, I get to be a pillock!

Screwtape,
...offering free ordainments as hummocks, hammocks, and hillocks.


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 14 Aug 2001 07:01:55 GMT

Jason <jbeasley.primary.net> said:
>Hah! You have cross-posted to rhod. Your puny topics mean nothing to us. Perhaps you recall the game "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon"? A rhodite can get from one topic to any other topic in the world in about four segues.

I move that "...was discussed on RHOD" be banned for such games. Otherwise the whole world collapses to two degrees. Consider:

Start: anal sex with a frozen turkey
Goal: speed limit of rental trucks

Path: we discussed both in RHOD.

Now wasn't *that* just a jolly good time.

>Unfortunately, this knack sometimes manifests itself in the form of a poker cascade.

I'll see your attempt at written explanation and raise you an object lesson.


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: surfbaud.allyourclothes.waverider.co.uk (Dave Hemming)
Date: Wed, 15 Aug 2001 19:00:34 +0100

Isn't there some sort of warning in the news.admin.newusers FAQ about what to do when RHOD crossposts to your group?

When will these people learn? All you have to do is ignore the crossposted thread and it will wither and die after a mere year or so[1], like all RHOD threads.

Dave
[1] Or 5000 posts, whichever comes last.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001 12:20:43 +0000

Jason schrieb:
>Henriette Kress wrote:
>> Jason <jbeasley.primary.net> wrote:
>> >Henriette Kress wrote:
>> >> HeySteveo.steveo.cjb.net (Robot Karate Man) wrote:
>> >> >Holy kripes.
>> >> >Who's still missing and who wants to start a pool on how soon they'll show up?
>> >> Sewell [1], lots of ASR regulars, lots of AFP regulars, a few kibologists, some Sheddi Knights -- looks like more or less _all_ usenet oldbies have been rhod regulars at one time or another. Let's throw a great big party for the lot!

And Linus. Never forget Linus.

>> >All right! We're puttin' the band back together!
>> But you didn't have the guts to crosspost to all those groups either, eh?
>> Hetta (Shivering in me boots, I am.)
>Yeah, not me. I fear for the fabric of space-time were a portal to be opened to all those groups at once.

Well, that was smart, Hetta - a list of vastly over-trafficked froups, and a subtle innuendo of crossposting, all adds up to a gigantic ivory-handled revolver, loaded to the hilt, cocked and ready, aimed squarely at our collective feet and screaming "PULL THE TRIGGER! COME ON, PULL IT!"

But no, I don't dare do it either. : P


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am back
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 14 Aug 2001 04:48:54 GMT

TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com> said:
>Now see here, [POTU]! I've just about got this pentagram drawn and you show up early. That simply will not do. Now I have to go sew the head back on the chicken and buy a bunch of brand new oxblood candles.
>Do you think these things just grow on trees?

Nah, I'd guess they come from oxen. But they do make nice christmas tree decorations. And as for the beasts themselves, I thought they came from eggs. I don't know about the albumin, but haven't you ever heard of a yoke of oxen?

I'll get me 'at.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies don't like being poached


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: !!!! Free XXX Pictures !!!! 3886 [1/2]
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com>
Date: Tue, 14 Aug 2001 19:03:22 -0700

hdgdjo.nowhere.com wrote:
>click here for free xxx or look at the attachment!!!

You know, I've always wondered what having that extra chromosome would produce.

I never thought it would produce a... err... attachment.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: A more-or-less on-topic sort of thingy
From: Sid <sid.siddhartha.8m.com>
Date: 15 Aug 2001 12:41:48 GMT

Gordol wrote:
> Jellyroll Papadopoulos said:
>; [0] I should never have had that "Will create spreadsheet models for food" badge made up. Oh, the shame...
>The license plate frame on my car says "Will work for bandwidth".

I am going to make one which says "will have sex for sex."

Sid, the possibilities are infinite


From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
So you're saying zero is an infinite number?



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