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2002 08 C

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: De-Lurking - Political?
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 22 Aug 2002 20:38:16 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
> If you're allergic to laughing, what are you doing here?

He must've made a wrong turn on the way to RHO.*SLAP*


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: De-Lurking - Political?
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2002 21:12:32 -0400

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> If you're allergic to laughing, what are you doing here?

Duh.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: De-Lurking - Political?
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 22:27:44 +1000

Enrico wrote:
> > He said a *topic* survives for 2.something posts, not a thread...
> This attention span ailment must be addictive... but the other day I found that the milk price simply doubled!

Doubled?

Ghee - that sounds like whey too much...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: De-Lurking - Political?
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2002 14:40:06 -0600

Donald Welsh wrote:
> "Enrico" <spenricoam.spschiratti.comam> wrote:
>> sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
>>>Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>>> >s/IMD/AMBL/g
>>> >dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are only trying to help
>>> I dunno ... Enrico doesn't look anything like Marlon Brando.
>>Thank you, and you do not look anything like Dom Delouise.
>I don't look anything like a Patagonian lungfish.

Well, c'mon, now, let's not be hasty; wear your hair just so, put your fins over *here*, and I dare you to be able to tell the difference.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: De-Lurking - Political?
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Mon, 19 Aug 2002 15:18:24 GMT

Donald Welsh wrote:
> "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
>>"Enrico" <spenricoam.spschiratti.comam> wrote:
>>: > You're just trying to trick us into writing down an unwritten law.
>>: Damn... you are a tough crowd to troll.
>>:
>>
>>Sheeeah, some of us are easy...
>>
>>
>>
>>what are y'all looking at?
>
>
> Nothing, you just have a spot on your blouse. Here, I'll wipe it off.

I could be wrong, but I don't think the technical term for that is "wiping".


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: De-Lurking - Political?
From: Sid <sid.nospam.net>
Date: Sat, 17 Aug 2002 03:10:50 +0800

"Enrico" <spenricoam.spschiratti.comam>wrote:
>Hi,
>I have been just reading a bit here on and off - quite a chuckle-inducing bunch you are. I just wonder, it never seems to get political around here. Is this some unwritten law or saturation?

GW Bush is an idiot. Welcome aboard. Please step in the glass bowl.

Sid, microwaving for a change


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: De-Lurking - Political?
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Fri, 16 Aug 2002 16:24:06 -0600

~Steve-o wrote:
>sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
>> Anyone have a sharpener I could use?
>As long as you promise to quit using it on the top of your head.

Scarily enough, this reminds me of a little stunt I pulled when I was a yung'un:

Having come to the conclusion that inside a pencil sharpener were tiny little blades, I came to school after having seen an infomercial advertising those vacuum-haircut things (putting the blade of a vacuum to good use, adjustable blade, pull your hair while cutting -- you've probably seen the same infomercial. It's not like it's been changed over the years). My parents having said that I needed a haircut *anyway*, I figured, well, I'm a bit early to class, so ...

Place a lock of hair in the pencil sharpener, turn the handle ...

It took them two hours to remove me, and the sharpener itself never recovered. I did get to go home early, but that was somewhat of a drawback since I had to listen to my mother's repetition for about six-plus hours of "what were you thinking?" -- then duplicated when my *father* came home.

So an object lesson for you kids out there: ~steve-o's not being serious.

I hope.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: De-Lurking - Political?
From: "Enrico" <spenricoam.spschiratti.comam>
Date: Sat, 17 Aug 2002 09:20:35 +0300

> > I did get to go home early, but that was somewhat of a drawback since I had to listen to my mother's repetition for about six-plus hours of "what were you thinking?" -- then duplicated when my *father* came home.
> Two hours? It would have taken me two minutes, tops. A minute and a half to find the slightly sharp scissors.

Less than that with a portable guillotine.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: De-Lurking - Political?
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.grayhoundchronicles.com>
Date: Sun, 18 Aug 2002 00:58:17 GMT

A group of monkeys who are stuck to the flagpole claiming to be Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> wrote:
>Two hours? It would have taken me two minutes, tops. A minute and a half to find the slightly sharp scissors.

Well, after they'd stopped laughing, taking pictures, and bringing by the kindergarden classes, one can presume...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: De-Lurking - Political?
From: "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net>
Date: Sun, 18 Aug 2002 04:05:20 GMT

"sjc" <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
: Scarily enough, this reminds me of a little stunt I pulled when I was a yung'un:
<snip head in the sharpener story>

Reminds me of a story about my youngest. She was roughly four and decided that she needed a haircut. I was working and her dad who was supposed to be watching her wasn't, so she got a pair of scissors and cut her own hair.

Which isn't a novel story, but what is a bit unusual is what she did with the hair snippets that she had removed from her head...

She taped them to her dining room chair. Apparently she thought that having a bald chair was something that she couldn't live with any longer....

I laughed so hard when I saw the chair I couldn't be mad at her. Besides she's going to be hounded by that story for the rest of her life. I say we're even.

Viki


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 20 Aug 2002 17:08:27 +0100

Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> writes
> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>>Is there such a thing as pink-shift?
>Not here, mate. Last I heard, molerat was using it.

Oh, great. And while you're about it, why not tell everyone about my Laura Ashley frocks and suspender belt collection?

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*----*---And I thought you were a gentleman!--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 19:26:45 -0400

Richard Wilson wrote:
> Oh, great. And while you're about it, why not tell everyone about my Laura Ashley frocks and suspender belt collection?

Don't be too upset. Today someone informed me that his ex-wife was always mad at him because he looked better in her lingerie than she did.

I found this statement unsettling in many, many ways.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Mon, 19 Aug 2002 14:47:55 GMT

"Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
>I've been promoted! Do I get a raise, or is that thing all they're offering now?
>Viki, and to think I was worried about lay-offs

I love it when you talk dirty.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 16:01:27 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Donald Welsh')...done.
>BTW, did you know there are two kinds of wombat? Do you know the difference?

The hairy-nosed wombat has a more hirsute proboscis?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: replace paragraph with linefeed?
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 19:36:22 -0400

Donald Welsh wrote:
> Bad command or file name.
>
> Oh well.

It's always fun to have a file in your home directory called "readme" with the contents:
"cat: readme: No such file or directory"

I'm not sure why I brought that up just now, since it's almost a non sequitur, but it seemed like a good idea at the time, and I plan to click "send" any second now. I'm not kidding, I'm gonna do it, don't try to stop me, I'm about to move the mouse up to the toolb


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: replace paragraph with linefeed?
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 23 Aug 2002 02:46:57 GMT

Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> said:
> It's always fun to have a file in your home directory called "readme" with the contents:
> "cat: readme: No such file or directory"

It's even more fun to create a file in your cow-orker's directory called "*".

While we're in LART-mode, why not create a directory called " " in /tmp, put a file in it called "etc" with a timestamp that makes it Very Old, and wait to see how robust your auto-expire script is.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder why that screaming sound is coming from the admin office


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: panhandling.net
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002 10:32:12 GMT

Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> wrote:
>Maybe it's just me, but if a gal goes 20 grand in the hole, I think there's a few things that she has to do. One (or perhaps two) of these is pose nude. Well, as long as she's decent looking. Maybe I'm just a product of my environment, but if I had a choice between giving money to a fully clothed woman or a naked one, I'm gonna pick the naked one every time.

Well, duh. They're not *that* hard to tell apart.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: panhandling.net
From: Chris Wesling <cwesling.cannedmeat.prodigy.net>
Date: Sun, 18 Aug 2002 09:13:00 -0700

Tom Harrington wrote:
> "Enrico" <spenricoam.spschiratti.comam> wrote:
> > A fine crowd such as you must have heard of this...
> > www.savekaryn.com (or was it .con) and now www.dontsavekaryn.com
> > "My name is Karyn, I'm really nice, and I'm asking for your help! You see, I have this huge credit card debt and I need $20,000 to pay it off."
> And yet the domain seems to be owned by "G. Rosen" of Brooklyn, NY [odd coincidence: same zip code as I used to live in]. No wonder there's no picture of Karyn.

Well, you don't think she's going to post her real name and picture on the Internet, do you? Think of all the weirdos and stalkers out there!

Phred Phlintstone


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: You have pottage!
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002 11:04:28 GMT

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>m_init(): spawning followupTo('TimC')...done.
>>I don't know whether my message id conforms to the relevant RFCs.
>RFC 822 says:
># 4.6.1. MESSAGE-ID / RESENT-MESSAGE-ID
>#
># This field contains a unique identifier (the local-part address unit) which refers to THIS version of THIS message. The uniqueness of the message identifier is guaranteed by the host which generates it. This identifier is intended to be machine readable and not necessarily meaningful to humans. A message identifier pertains to exactly one instantiation of a particular message; subsequent revisions to the message should each receive new message identifiers.
>...so I guess you'd be OK if you just put in a girl's name ever time, as long as you never used the same girl twice.

IIRC message IDs are only guaranteed unique for two years for a given host. All TimC has to do is avoid using the same girl for two years.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: You have pottage!
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.mindless.com>
Date: Wed, 28 Aug 2002 14:07:27 +0300

TimC wrote:
>Teh (tî'pô) wrote:
>> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>>>Screwtape wrote ...
>>>>Pretend it's a non-sequitur cascade.
>>>This is a pair of pants... I've never been in before.
>>>Your go.
>> Teh Cascade Deputy Cop is faced with an undecidable dilemma, what's worse *n*x gibberish or a non-sequitur cascade....
>> My /dev/null if full of biiiiiiits.
>It's also empty of biiiiiiiits.

Simple reversal, lose a turn.

That's no $$, that is my life!

--
Yeah like Teh possibility exists that any of us has one of those....


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: You have pottage!
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 05:48:54 GMT

"*Alessandro*" <inetman99.hotmail.com> wrote:
>TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
>>> * - who had 0F Euros left in his pockets and was forced to reboot them
>> F00F!
>F0 + 0F? Maybe.
>F00F? Not likely : )

What TimC's referring to is that the early Pentiums had a data pipe that was too narrow for some instruction opcodes. Most of the time it worked fine, but when loading the opcode F00F, the F nybbles (1111 in binary) are pushed outward by their repulsion from the 0 nybbles (0000 in binary) and scrape the sides of the pipe. Thus the opcode would get stuck and the processor would choke to death. True story.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: You have pottage!
From: Mondariloth Lehamonyiru <mondariloth.sorry.spammers>
Date: Sun, 18 Aug 2002 22:32:19 -0600

Screwtape wrote:
> ...gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold. Happy now?

Oooh, ta! *hoards the gold*


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Aaaaaargh... (long rant)
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2002 22:57:57 +1000

TimC wrote:
> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> > TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
> >> You don't need to use Windows to come across alluring error messages. That error I have been getting today is quite the sexy thang:
> >> gimp: Cannot write "/home/office/tconnors/.gimp-1.2/tmp/gimp30405.66" Write error on temp buf: Disk quota exceeded
> > Yikes. Disk quotas? That's so - 1990's. "Here's 20 bucks, give me another 50 gig, would ya, kid?"
> 1Gig each person for your home directory seems a bit harsh (It was only last year that I was perfectly happy with 100MB though!), but the 4Tera bytes on Raid (that is not backed up though) more than offsets that.
> Last year, the machine in Sydney acquired an extra coupla terabytes, and the sysadmin was throwing gigs at anyone who asked. This was when I was just purchasing my own personal machine that finally had disk-space measured in the giga-units!
> I made my first use of the new cluster nodes today. When I eventually got the gimp working, our biggest machine didn't even blink as I opened up a complex postscript file, some 100,000 pixels wide, as the gimp chewed through 1GB of memory, while a friend was simultaneously using the same machine for his CPU intensive 1GB task.
> I'm getting a collegue to draw me a binary tree with 1,000,000 nodes across (and 20 deep - that will be interesting to display)

Oh and it'll be *such* a conversation-starter, especially over there on the wall, next to your impressive collection of handpainted velvet clown art and the Weeping Elvis statue...

> real time using openGL, next. Key requirement being that I can zoom into arbitrary sets of nodes in real-time. Apparently, this is possible, though I'm glad I shoved the job onto someone else!

Beige - sometimes I dream in beige...

Except in summertime, when it's more a nice sort of all-over golden colour of course...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Aaaaaargh... (long rant)
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 26 Aug 2002 15:42:41 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> said:
> GW De Lacey wrote:
>>Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>>>Sid wrote:
>>>; ITYM "want it painted black"
>>>I typed it as I remember hearing it.
>>>There's a bathroom on the right.
>>ITYM there's a bedroom on the right.
> So *that* is why Jeff has been peeing in the bed!

Maybe he just wanted to experience sleeping in the wet-spot for once.

> Sorry, Jeffrey, just couldn't resist.

Ditto.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies hate sleeping in the dry-spot


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Aaaaaargh... (long rant)
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 21 Aug 2002 21:45:53 GMT

Mondariloth Lehamonyiru <mondariloth.sorry.spammers> said:
> Shadow Wolf was rampaging out:
>> dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh):
>>> http://member.melbpc.org.au/~dwelsh/pix/san-diego-sunset-2-lg.jpg
> *shrugs* Nope, can't see anything erotic in that...
>> Looks like the censor program is probably interpreting those long pink clouds as the labia, with the blue slit between.
> Thank you for that lovely mental image of a nude cloud. *shivers* ICK! ICK! ICK!!!

Ain't y'ever walked outside just before a thunderstorm and exclaimed "look at those big fucking clouds!"?

Of course it's obviously an orgy, because right after you see that, the rain comes.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies like how the wind can blow for hours at a time


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Aaaaaargh... (long rant)
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Thu, 29 Aug 2002 03:53:33 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> Donald Welsh wrote:
> ; Ian Davis <not.all.certain> wrote:
> ; > "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
> ; >> Viki, when I was young, they looked at me and said, what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl...
> ; >Two out of three ain't bad.
> ; Oh, no! Meatloaf again!
> You took the words right out of my mouth.

No, I won't do that.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Keyboard funnyness
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Mon, 19 Aug 2002 13:08:09 -0600

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> said:
>> Apparently, writing a thesis - any thesis - is difficult on a keyboard with an sporadic n key. It works well enough, that you don't notice it most of the time, buy thesii contains lots of n's.
>Well let's see...here's the stats for my thesis, excluding text embedded in diagrams:
> by character by usage
> ------------ ------------

<snip a very long list>

So, how did your teachers feel about you submitting a paper all in caps?

>Feel free to use this information as you see fit.

Journal of Usenet behaviour, Day 4005: unable to trade accurate depictions of genital size, the run of conversation has made a rather ugly turn into how many times the letter "n" is used in various situations. Daniel E Macks has claimed a usage of one thousand eighty-one, the implications of which have yet to be felt by the rest of the froup. There is a tension in the air, smelling strangely like naked concubines rolling in a vat of butter, but on the whole it's probably largely unrelated.

>dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are wonder what he was supposed to be doing

Rhod: meme of distraction.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Keyboard funnyness
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 12:06:42 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Jeffrey Kaplan')...done.
>Ian Davis wrote:
>; Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
>; > Yes, and? I still don't know this song.
>; http://lyrics.coolfreepages.com/Lyrics/1965/271965.html
>Something vague is stirring in the back of my mind, but I can't place it to a tune.

Oops! Sorry, that's my bad.

* Screwtape aims the mind-control ray away from Gordol again.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Keyboard funnyness
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 15:40:12 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Jeffrey Kaplan')...done.
>; * Screwtape aims the mind-control ray away from Gordol again.
>The vagueness has not gone away. I think you left it there too long.

Aw, bugger.

Look, it should be fine.. but if you find yourself thinking about anything slightly.. uh.. unusual, like elephants building a pangolin or a sudden urge to eat at McDonalds, you might want to go see a doctor, quickly.

Screwtape,
...and if you don't mind, please don't mention me when.. uh... *if* you go.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Keyboard funnyness
From: Sid <thisisnotmyaddress.hotmail.com>
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 22:03:23 +0800

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>Mondariloth Lehamonyiru <mondariloth.sorry.spammers> wrote:
>> Screwtape wrote:
>>> Look, it should be fine.. but if you find yourself thinking about anything slightly.. uh.. unusual, like elephants building a pangolin or a sudden urge to eat at McDonalds, you might want to go see a doctor, quickly.
>> Hey! What's wrong with elephants building a pangolin? Why, when I was a youngling, the elephants would build a pangolin all afternoon! In fact, my favorite thing to do always was to convince a group of elephants to go build a pangolin, and then steal their fish!
>Methinks perhaps your tinfoil beanie is on inside-out. Shiny side out. Dull side in. Very important, y'see, has to do with (mumble).
>Dave "How does one fit a beanie on a dragon, anyway?" Hinz

Very carefully?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Keyboard funnyness
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 17:16:28 GMT

Chris Wesling <cwesling.cannedmeat.prodigy.net> wrote:
>~Steve-o wrote:

[ Barry McGuire, author of "Eve of Destruction" ]

>> VH-1 did a bit on protest-rockers not too long ago, and showed Barry lip-syncing that song on some TV show wearing a hideous red shirt and cream pants. Somehow I got the feeling that he was only protesting against the man because it was the only way he could meet chicks.
>Well he's not going to meet many in an outfit like *that*...

Not once the cream melts, anyway.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Keyboard funnyness
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 23 Aug 2002 16:51:12 GMT

Viki <vvidt.netscape.net> said:
> "Donald Welsh" <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote in message
>: "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
>: >Eve of Destruction?
>: Ghod, that was a crap movie.
> But All About Eve was heavenly.
> Viki, fasten your seatbelts, boys....

I can't. There's...uh...something in the way.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are in upright and locked position


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Keyboard funnyness
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2002 00:13:54 +1000

Richard Wilson wrote ...
>Ian Davis <not.all.certain> writes
>> sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
>>> Rhod: meme of distraction.
>>AAAHHH! Earworm!
>>So of course I have to share it with you.
>>"So I do believe, that rhod's the meme of distraction..."
>Snap. That separated the grey panthers from the goats. "Even the afda portal has bodies floating". I would go on to pursue the manifold filking opportunities on offer here, but my will to live has suddenly packed its bags and hopped on a passing bus to Nether Wootton.

<voice=PyromaniacFrom"TheStand">

Uncle Ian and Moleratty - I did it for *yooooooooo*

</voice>

Meme of Distraction
Tarry A'while

The rhodite group - it is implodin',
Flatulence flamin', OS's downloadin',
They're old enough to filk but not for quotin',
They don't believe in lifevests, so why're they goin' boatin',
Now even the afda portal has bodies floatin',
But you don't need to tell me - over and over and over again my friend,
Ah, you don't believe we've found the meme of distraction.

Can't you concentrate, on what I'm sayin'?
Why can't you just look here, at what I'm portrayin'?
If the meme is released, there'll be no point in prayin',
Nothin' to remember 'cept the Endless September,
Take your final Ritalin, you need to focus in,
But you don't need to tell me - over and over and over again my friend,
Ah, you don't believe we've found the meme of distraction.

Your mind's wanderin', looks like Brownian motion,
I'm just sittin' here, tryin' to make the right potion,
You just have to fidget, it's psycho-locomotion,
You're still day-dreamin', got a Tetris devotion,
And rhod only provides, a distractin' commotion,
Where human respect, is a really hazy notion,
They only pay attention, when Viki gets the lotion,
But you don't need to tell me - over and over and over again my friend,
Ah, you don't believe we've found the meme of distraction.

How much do you hate, that system of operation?
Then look at old Amiga, that was nifty animation!
Rhodents are die-hards, there's no negotiatin',
The OS that you love, will only get a baitin',
Then The Thread Drift of Death, will stop them concentratin',
You don't have to join 'em, they're just masturbatin',
But you don't hear me, Shiny Thing(tm) is scintillatin',
But you don't need to tell me - over and over and over again my friend,
Ah, you don't believe we've found the meme of distraction.


> -Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
> --*----*---*---For the youngsters: "This ain't no upwardly mobile--
> --*-----*--*----*--newsfroup, oh no, this is the rhod to hell"--*--

You bastard. You know I won't get anything done tomorrow, don't you?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Keyboard funnyness
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2002 00:56:13 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Richard Fitzpatrick')...done.
>You're still day-dreamin', got a Tetris devotion,

HEY!

I just *like* Tetris, that's all. :P

Screwtape,
...never heard of the song, must be an Old Person thing.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Keyboard funnyness
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 18:47:36 -0400

Screwtape wrote:
> m_init(): spawning followupTo('Richard Fitzpatrick')...done.
>>You're still day-dreamin', got a Tetris devotion,
> HEY!
> I just *like* Tetris, that's all. :P
> Screwtape,
> ...never heard of the song, must be an Old Person thing.

Do they even have rhod in Iran?

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Keyboard funnyness
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2002 17:23:15 +0100

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> writes
><voice=PyromaniacFrom"TheStand">
>Uncle Ian and Moleratty - I did it for *yooooooooo*
></voice>
>Meme of Distraction
>Tarry A'while

<snip>

Goshdarm it, RF, I'm so deeply moved by that splendiferous recitation (especially the raspy voice bit) that I cannot help but reciprocate with the obligatory Daffy-mode Rigoletto.

<ahem> mi mi mi mi mi mi... nessun dorma, nessun dorma...

Okay, I'm warmed up. Take it away, Maestro Karajan.

THE DONS ARE MOBILISED

Nostro Don Welshio
Padre padrone
Come Al Capone, no e boy scouto
Daniele Maccsio
Controle tutti
Numbers racketti, distrito southo

Giovanni Kaplan
Gran psychopato
A termina-ato
Elliot Ness!
Ehehh, ehehh, Elliot Ness!
Ehehhhhhhhhh-hehellihiot Ness!

Viki avvocato
Nos mobsters tutti
Con tecnicaliti, esempre libera
E per judicio
Don Scruitapelli
Capo cavalli en suo bed mettera

Rico Fitzpatrick
En boots cemento
Riviere de-entro
Con pesce dorme!
Co-hon, co-hon, con pesce dorme!
Co-hooooooooooooooooon
Pya-hesce-haaaay...
<the high C, Luigi, hit it - they'll go nuts>
Dohor... MAHAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!

The string section reaches into its violin cases and moments later Pavarotti crashes to the stage, riddled with bullets. A duck wearing a fedora and double-breasted suit springs onto the conductor's music stand shouting, "You're all deththth-picable!" It is similarly dealt with. Applause. Curtain.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*----*---Singin' ya an aria you can't refuse--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: newbie
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Mon, 26 Aug 2002 12:30:38 +1000

Hetta <spamtrap.hetta.saunalahti.fi> wrote:
> "Enrico" <spenricoam.spschiratti.comam> wrote:
> > "Hetta" <spamtrap.hetta.saunalahti.fi> wrote
> > > "Enrico" <spenricoam.spschiratti.comam> wrote:
> > > > hyppytyynytydytykseksi ... in translative of course.
> > > You're missing one "y" there.
> > I couldn't afford it.
> Here, have a few: yyyyyyyyyyy

Oh, a Y's guy, eh?

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: newbie
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 26 Aug 2002 02:37:16 GMT

Alan Hadsell <ahadsell.MtDiablo.com> said:
> "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> writes:
>> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies recommend browsing the Obfuscated Perl winners
> Isn't that (obfuscated Perl) redundant?

Naw...you're thinkin' Befunge.

> Alan "write-only code" Hadsell

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies use /dev/null for write-only backups


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: officially delurking
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2002 21:25:54 -0400

Kegs wrote:
> <mode=cod theatrical>
> enters stage left swimming for all he is worth
> Hi there
> I've posted here a couple of times already, but thought I might as well make it official(or as close as it ever gets in here), especially as i heard there was a free jacuzzi in it!

Well, yes. And we keep the water quite warm, in order to um, extract the essences of certain herbs and spices we like to use as, um, skin treatments.

No need to bring a towel, as you won't be needing it.

> Look I even brought my own Foamie!

I daren't ask.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Stupid action of the day
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 23 Aug 2002 16:16:37 GMT

Jim Menard wrote:
> (Ross Clement) writes:
>> I've just added a new hard drive to my pc. After replacing the casing and booting, I've noticed that my computer can't access the new drive. After some reflection, I've decided that the fact that I didn't plug in the power or IDE bus connectors may have had something to do with this.
> Yesterday, I spent five minutes wondering why I couldn't ssh to my ISP or even ping a known IP address. Then I plugged the Ethernet cable into my laptop.

Today I logged into my ISP and started reading RHOD. I still haven't figured out how to fix *that*.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Stupid action of the day
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 30 Aug 2002 19:04:37 GMT

Viki <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
> <davehinz.spamcop.net> wrote in message
> : Dave "Wondering if it's even worth the effort of going..." Hinz
> Sorry, mine was a parking ticket that resulted because some ass decided I was in his parking spot so he called the cops, they ticketed me and towed my car, and then he [said ass] was able to park his assinine car [no, it was a van] in the parking spot that had formerly held my car.

Charming fellow. I assume all four of his tires became leaky following this? Wups, did I write that?

> They reduced the tow fee from $110 to $65 and the ticket from $95 to $15. The judge had *no* interest in looking at all my pictures of the cars parked in that alley right next to the "no parking" signs [which cars were not towed, but mine was], nor did he want to hear about the supposed "loading zone" in which I was parked that was overgrown with weeds, now contains part of a refridgerator carcass, and the door is nailed shut.

Well someone *might* want to unload something there some day. Why, that very refrigerator carcass is only there because the fellow with the van couldn't get to it, due to your car being in the way.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Best of Internet Oracularities #1251-1275
From: ossipewsk.cheerful.com (Richard Fitzpatrick)
Date: 26 Aug 2002 23:06:34 -0700

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
> There is only so much one can do when he hasn't had root.

Words to live by, really.



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