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2002 08 a.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Wed, 07 Aug 2002 16:36:37 GMT

"Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
>"TimC" <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
>: Jeffrey Kaplan (aka Bruce) wrote:
>: > Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>: >; >I got one in my car.
>: >; You lucky, lucky bastard.
>: > It's even plugged in! : )
>: > I got it last September.
>: When the hell was that?
>I haven't gotten it in the car since I was a kid going to the Drive-In.

Wow, your parents were pretty permissive then.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Thu, 01 Aug 2002 08:39:23 GMT

"Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
>"Donald Welsh" <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
>: Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
>: >TimC wrote:
>: >; I ride a push-bike for 50 minutes each way. That is getting old, and my legs are getting even older
>: >So, do you ride it or push it? Make up your mind.
>: "Push-bike" is an Australian term for bicycle, as opposed to motorcycle. The term "bike" is also slang for "slut", as in "town bike".
>Odd, that Ozzie slang. Calling a town mattress a bike.

In other words, everyone's had a ride.

>That's just silly. :)

Make sense now?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Alan Hadsell <ahadsell.MtDiablo.com>
Date: Thu, 01 Aug 2002 12:34:58 GMT

heresy.mad.scientist.com (Amanda Huggenkiss) writes:
> Alternatively, you could encode at 64k, which still has reasonable quality (well, good enough for the car), and fit 20-odd hours on a disc.

And what would you listen to during the even hours?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Mon, 05 Aug 2002 17:59:19 GMT

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are mentholated for her pleasure

Uh, dan, menthol's an antilibidinal. Just so you know.

-- D. "Or is she trying to get a good night's sleep?" W.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sat, 3 Aug 2002 21:38:46 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Richard Fitzpatrick')...done.
>I just got a complete quantum leap from how Juho (and the other contributors to this thread) have discussed this.

...a quantum leap being, of course, the smallest possible movement in some direction.

Screwtape,
...what? I was just being pedantic!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How many cost if study oracle9i cert
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.grayhoundchronicles.com>
Date: Sun, 11 Aug 2002 19:55:34 GMT

Chris Wesling <cwesling.cannedmeat.prodigy.net> wrote:
>Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> Ian Davis wrote ...
>> >Note to self: after finding that xmysql is kzlfdy when rot13'ed, ignore the rest of this thread.
>> Been a few like that lately. But at least my understanding of a number of esoteric and abstract - not to say arcane - topics has taken a quantum leap forward.
>Bearing in mind that a quantum leap is the smallest possible jump...

I always thought the smallest possible leap is to stand still and lie about it.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 3 Aug 2002 18:28:28 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net <davehinz.spamcop.net> said:
> Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
>> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>> ; SGI took the weirdest features from any Unix-like OS, and combined them into IRIX.
>> The main/shell server (SGI Challenge XL, IRIX 6.x) has had uptimes in excess of 30 days under heavy pounding by the customers and staff. The mail server, a Challenge L also running IRIX 6.x, has had uptimes in excess of 100 days.
> Challenge, is that the Indy-class box? Blue pizza-box format, proprietary SIMMS? Flaky power supplies, CPU, and RAM? Oh, and hard drive?

Challenge was a bigger thing than that, and everything else isn't product-line-specific.

And you forgot to mention non-backward-compatible CPUs.

"Ya mean this will never compile and run on anything newer than an O2?"
"Um...yeah."

> OK, the *case* was rock-solid on them. And I don't think I ever did a mainboard.

Yup...I'm kinda surprised they haven't realized that marketting potential:

"Completely incompatible and proprietary hardware and software, but with a case that survives being run over by a truck, so you can give in to your impulses as an IRIX administrator, sucker."

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies take the shotgun aproach to debugging


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 4 Aug 2002 13:31:39 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> ; Agreed on both points. Did I ever tell my flaming power supply story here?
> I don't know. Did I ever mention that the smoke escaped from one of the power supply units on the XL once? There are two of them. But it's not a redundancy system, it needs both in order to work.

OK, sounds similar. Well, I used to work for GE, whose name is an acronym for "Let's buy up companies who do similar things to avoid all that unpleasantness that comes up from time to time, regarding things like patents". Not sure if *this* acquisition was one of them, but $DEITY knows it wasn't their stellar product offering that made them interesting to us.

Anyway. So, we buy out this company's MRI division, and they send us their stuff. Servers, desktops, pallets full of "design history records", that sort of thing. My assignment, like it or not, was to re-assemble their development environment so the select few of their folks that we were willing and able to hire, could continue to support the installed base.

Made room in the lab, set up its own network, and started getting boxes online. One of 'em, an SGI Origin (this was a few years back) was complete, while it's twin seemed to arrive in several boxes. Drives here, supply there, and so on. As parts surfaced, they got put with the box.

Re-assembled the machine, screwing in the power supply with the dozen or so screws, plug it in, and we're ready.

Time to bring it up, and a standard Dave joke is, "OK, stand back when we turn this on, never know when the smoke is going to leak out of one of 'em."

> On my way down the hall to find out why my shells went dead, I started smelling the acrid smoke. I paused at the fire extinguisher... should I grab it now, or wait to see if I actually need it? Nah, let's see if I actually need it.

So, I turn it on, and the LCD panel lights up, and starts with messages. Gets to an ugly-looking message (probably some kind of a POST error code). Hm, where was that manual... nope, not here, Jill, you seen the manual for the Origin? (sniff, sniff) SHIT!!!

The scene: An SGI Origin server, sitting on floor, with black acrid smoke pouring from the back, from the recently-reinstalled (with all screws) power supply.

Joining us above and to the right on the ceiling, is the smoke detector. A cameo appearance is being made, above and to the left, by a dynamic and exciting character, known as "Halon dump nozzle".

So. Out with the leatherman tool, unscrew all the screws that I had so carefully put in, open floortile, untwist plug from outlet, remove. All the while thinking about how much I wouldn't enjoy a halon dump in my data center.

As I'm running out with this power supply, black smoke still coming out, one of the program managers stops me, and feels that now is the time that we need to discuss some clearcase vob/view strategy or another. I explained patiently to him that, while this was an issue that I very much wanted to take up with him in a rather great level of detail, that I felt that this was not the ideal circumstances under which to have that conversation, what with the smoke, the detectors, and the halon and all. I believe the point central to this discussion was "MOVE!!!!".

> /Me calls boss, it's oh-dark-thirty in the AM. It goes something like this:
> "Barry, world is down. It has no power, and the office is full of acrid smoke. Yes, the building has power. Acrid smoke, yes. No, there is no fire."

So, out to the hallway with the smoking supply, which by now has tempered it's enthusiasm for producing stinky substances. Share and enjoy, ya know? But, at least it wasn't going to set off the halon. Back into the lab, verify nothing else was on fire, out to the hall & took the supply outside. Stinky.

Dave "Hi Steve, it's Dave. Now, about that Clearcase stuff..." Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>
Date: Wed, 14 Aug 2002 21:01:31 +1000

TimC wrote ...
>I like working in the fastest growing centre for astronomy in .au.

What, 'cos they're growing so fast they even have a place for you? ;-P"""""


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 14 Aug 2002 17:45:20 GMT

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
> ...with 16GB of RAM (will make two of the researchers *real* happy, because it may well save them having to try to do distrubted memory over our beowulf cluster, which I hear is hairy) and 4 processors. Apparatly, valued at $180,000 or so .au dollars.

Which is, what, about 8 bucks in USA'n dollars, right?

> But unfortunately, we only have 2 terabytes left on our RAID. ; )

Damn. I hate being tight on space.

> I like working in the fastest growing centre for astronomy in .au. I like when the VC[1] likes us. I also like it when computer companies jump at the opportunity to show how generous they are by donating to such a worthy cause. Such as my porn viewing^W^Wgalactic formation simulation needs.

Is there such a thing as pink-shift?

Dave "It's a Doppler reference, y'see...as the wavelengths get, er, ah, nevermind." Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>
Date: Wed, 7 Aug 2002 21:21:45 +1000

Hetta wrote ...
>Ian Davis <not.all.certain> wrote:
>> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:

<"dolly ... llama" unfortunately snipped>

>> > Naah, this one was a minor server, something like a Sun Sparc20 or so. It was a while ago.
>> Yeah, buddhist still a llama, innit?
>I think you're thinking of a fuji-llama.

But if DAVE hinz and ian DAVIS met the spitting beast of burden after they were covered in muck and stretched on the rack, it would be a long Dave ooze with llama...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>
Date: Fri, 9 Aug 2002 17:35:28 +1000

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote ...
>Screwtape wrote:
>; m_init(): spawning followupTo('Donald Welsh')...done.
>; > Screwtape wrote:
>; >>m_init(): spawning followupTo('Richard Fitzpatrick')...done.
>; >>>But if DAVE hinz and ian DAVIS met the spitting beast of burden after they were covered in muck and stretched on the rack, it would be a long Dave ooze with llama...
>; >>Arthur C. Clarke reaches out from beyond the grave to give you a mighty THWAP!
>; >ACC died? When was this?
>; He died of reading the output of some horrible Canberran punster.
>Oh? I thought it would have been reading what Gently Lee was doing with his stories. Ick.

No, that was what made him turn in his grave so he could reach out and give me a mighty THWAP.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Danny Sichel <dsichel.Hotmail.com>
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2002 00:25:01 GMT

Screwtape wrote:
> m_init(): spawning followupTo('Richard Fitzpatrick')...done.
> >But if DAVE hinz and ian DAVIS met the spitting beast of burden after they were covered in muck and stretched on the rack, it would be a long Dave ooze with llama...
> Arthur C. Clarke reaches out from beyond the grave to give you a mighty THWAP!

s/beyond the grave/Sri Lanka.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 6 Aug 2002 22:20:19 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net <davehinz.spamcop.net> said:
> Daniel E. Macks <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>> davehinz.spamcop.net <davehinz.spamcop.net> said:
>>> We used to have a server called "llama".
>> Did it have its own wheels, or to move it did you have to dolly the llama?
> Naah, this one was a minor server, something like a Sun Sparc20 or so. It was a while ago.
>> I would further recommend not naming your machines after your children[1].
> I once made a batch of servers on a Bullwinkle naming scheme. So, we had the application servers Rocky, Bullwinkle, and Boris, and the fileserver was Natasha.

IIRC, my undergrad CS department had that setup. But I don't remember seeing you there...

As part of the migration from a long wire backbone physically running the length of campus towards a more hub'n'spoke arrangement, the whole "backbone" was pretty much condensed into a single "big-ass router" in a closet somewhere. Ayup, "ba-r" was its actual name.

> In other words, all 3 were mounting Natasha, simultaneously. It was interesting watching the reactions of folks if/when they caught on to it.

So why did they put up such a fuss every time Natasha went down.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have the stalest handle, milligram for milligram, of any creature in the universe


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Wed, 07 Aug 2002 17:01:59 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>Dave "Never name a RAID nfs server 'tiny'. Never." Hinz

Not sure why that is, but even if a disk is devoted to storing recipes, do not name it "Food". The drive will eat it. Trust me on this.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Mon, 12 Aug 2002 09:50:42 +1000

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> wrote:
> Ian Davis wrote ...
> > "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> >> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies better consult Webster
> >I hate that little kid.
> That's harsh - he speaks very highly of you.

The pitch of the voice is due to the castration.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Sun, 11 Aug 2002 15:04:57 +0100

Hetta <spamtrap.hetta.saunalahti.fi> writes
>Ian Davis <not.all.certain> wrote:
>> "My, what a guygantic appendage you have."
>> "Yes, I was inspired by the jolly green guyant."
>You mean you really do pronounce it juygantic?
>Funny 'strayans.
>Hetta (giga, _of course_. There's no "jigga" in Swedish, German, or Finnish.)

I wouldn't dream of saying anything against the Finns (other than to note that the only two letters in the alphabet they seem serious about using in words are k and ü), but I don't think you should hold a race that pronounce Gothenburg "Yewtenburg" up as people whose linguistic habits one should pay any attention to whatsoever. I recall being totally baffled by a Swede on the Copenhagen-Malmö ferry asking me if I liked "chip 'n ham". It turned out he wasn't interested in my dietary preferences or alluding to some weird local nomenclature for Disney chipmunks, but wanted my opinion on the appeal of the city we'd just left.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--The Irish have the right approach: use twice as many letters as--
--*-you need and ignore the ones you don't feel like enunciating---


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Mon, 12 Aug 2002 16:20:47 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Hetta')...done.
>Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>> I recall being totally baffled by a Swede on the Copenhagen-Malmö ferry asking me if I liked "chip 'n ham". It turned out he wasn't interested in my dietary preferences or alluding to some weird local nomenclature for Disney chipmunks, but wanted my opinion on the appeal of the city we'd just left.
>Put like that ...
>... I remember walking into a health food store (or whatever), close to Kew garden (that's in London, UK, for the neculturnyi among you), and asking for
>Echinacea.

> What?

>Ech-i-na-cea.

> WHAT?

>ECH-I-NA-CEA.

> Sorry, _what_ did you want?

>Look, I can see it from here. There, the one with the pretty pink flower on the label. Echinacea.

> Oh, acky-NAY-sha!

I remember a sequence on Burke's Backyard (Classical Strine gardening show) where they detailed the purchase, planting and tending of a plant known as 'superbum'. For the whole five minute segment, they pronounced it 'super-bum'[1]. After the segment was over, and the program shifted back to the studio, the host muttered something to the effect of "You might find that some people refer to that plant as 'superb-um'."

Screwtape,
...laughing at the memory.


[1] Footnote for the Culturally Innocent: 'Bum' is a contraction for 'bottom', and refers to that portion of the human anatomy most commonly used for sitting on[2]. Normally used by little children.

[2] No, /not/ the hands. Try again.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 13 Aug 2002 18:40:08 +1000

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have the most tricked out zlib, milligram for milligram, of any creature in the universe

"myvo"

I don't know why I keep doing this.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 11 Aug 2002 18:31:55 GMT

Ian Davis <not.all.certain> said:
> Ian, back under the bridge.

Aw, didja hafta scare Adrian out?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are just checking the water temperature


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: And the day came...
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 31 Jul 2002 22:01:01 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> said:
> Brantley Hudson wrote:
>>Chris Wesling wrote:
>>> Since he's Dr. Macks, does this mean the background singers are the BRSFF? I'm not sure that fish outfit really flatters you, love...
>>ANYthing looks good on her!
> You mean... not just us? Darn.

You look good on her too, Richard.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are stuck on Band-Aids


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Digest #1273 Number Sequence
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Sat, 03 Aug 2002 21:05:17 -0600

Alan Hadsell <ahadsell.MtDiablo.com> wrote:
> Thomas.Koenig.online.de (Thomas Koenig) writes:
> > sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
> >>[3] <sigh> We didn't mean this either. There is no revolution. Fnord.
> > The motor of my car does a few thousand revolutions per minute.
> And is your car a Fnord?

I've said it before, I'll say it again.

I used to drive a Fnord. But nobody could ever see me coming down the street.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Digest #1273 Number Sequence
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Fri, 02 Aug 2002 11:16:15 -0600

Hetta wrote:
>Thomas.Koenig.online.de (Thomas Koenig) wrote:
>> The motor of my car does a few thousand revolutions per minute.
>WoW!
>Hetta (let's take it to Tibet.)

Well, okay, but landing [1] is going to be a bit troublesome ...

If his car can make it around the Earth a thousand times per minute, we're talking 16 revolutions a second. Since he said "a few thou" per minute, now we're getting into really scary territory: upwards of thirty-three times around the planet per second.

The human eye takes "snapshots" at a rate of about one every tenth of a second, which means that unless our stop is computer-programed, we'll rotate the planet at least a half-dozen times before we even realize we've gotten to Tibet a million times over (did you enjoy it?).

Plus, the speed would be Not Nice (tm). What with the earth being approximately 24,901.5 miles [2] in circumference, to travel a mere thousand times around it per minute would require 1,494,090,000 mph, which works out to just over two times the speed of light.

Boy, I hope it's not a convertible.

And congratulations, Thomas; you've discovered FTL.


[1] I'm assuming the car flies, what with the extreme lack of bridges over the large bodies of water in the way, but, with the calculations I worked out, it probably won't matter anyway.

[2] I'm not going to translate this into kilometers, mainly because I seem to have forgotten how.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Digest #1273 Number Sequence
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Fri, 09 Aug 2002 08:04:50 +1000

"Rev. DeepFriedTurkey" <rev_deepfriedturkey.yahoo.com> wrote:
> At those speeds, it's all the same ... it just takes a bit longer..

I refuse to fall for this.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Digest #1273 Number Sequence
From: Mondariloth Lehamonyiru <mondariloth.sorry.spammers>
Date: Thu, 08 Aug 2002 02:43:46 -0600

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
> ; Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> ; > Brantley Hudson wrote:
> ; > ; Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> ; > ; > Ian Davis wrote:
> ; > ; > ; sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
> ; > ; > ; > [2] I'm not going to translate this into kilometers, mainly because I seem to have forgotten how.
> ; > ; > ; Welcome to NASA.
> ; > ; > We loose more probes that way...
> ; > ; ITYM 'We *lose* more probes that way'...
> ; > Nope. Once it hits the ground at those speeds, it's very loose.
> ; Especially if you define "hit the ground" as "precipitated slowly out of the atmosphere in a mostly-carbonised form" and "very loose" as "fragments pulverised/incinerated down to the level of molecules massing an atomic weight of less than 1,000 units."
> I thought Mars had almost no atmosphere.

Well, yeah, in the wrong part of town...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Digest #1273 Number Sequence
From: "Ken Adams" <kmadams85.comcast.net>
Date: Sat, 10 Aug 2002 04:15:59 GMT

"Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
> "Donald Welsh" <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
> : NOW how much would you pay? But WAIT, there's more! "Viki" wrote:
> : >Viki, purveyor of little bits o' justice 40 hours a week
> : ALL little bits o' justice MUST GO! No REASONABLE offer REFUSED!
> Based upon my record of late, apparently they've all gone.
> And I didn't even get a lousy T-shirt. *pout*

Here, Viki, put on this nice white cotton T-shirt. And pay no attention to the man with the pitcher of ice water.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Interesting Experience
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 31 Jul 2002 22:15:13 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> said:
> Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti wonders what you would call the cancer on a melon.

An oncoloupic tumor??

Ah dun geddit.

> PPS: Uncle Ian, can you point me to a link regarding rhabdomyosarcoma(sp?)?

And now your kohlrabi is growing out of control too?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies transubstantiate their French wines with vincristine


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Interesting Experience
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sat, 3 Aug 2002 21:41:33 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Richard Fitzpatrick')...done.
>Daniel E. Macks wrote ...
>>Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> said:
>>> I'm almost certain you're having a lend of me,
>>*bing*
>Then, can you return me soon, please?
>I mean, I wouldn't mind, but this huge, partly-nude Cimmerian warrior with horn-rim glasses keeps threatening to revoke my borrowing rights.

Wait, wait.. It's coming.. this guy would of course be...


...Conan the Librarian?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: YAUURL (Yet Another Unexplained URL)
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Mon, 05 Aug 2002 12:00:47 +1000

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> Oh, right. You're in the upside-down part of the world.

umop-ap!sdn


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: A mirror made out of wood?
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 06 Aug 2002 13:42:20 +1000

dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh) wrote:
> >That's way cool. Presumably the next step is a wooden TV.
> Connect it to the wooden DVD player.

Tried it. Wooden work.

Ian, even tried turning up the grain.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: A mirror made out of wood?
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 06 Aug 2002 17:25:42 +1000

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
> Ian, what drugs do you use for inspiration? I need to prepare a presentation....

With my brain, apparently lodged in my skull in an odd orientation, no drugs are required.


But for those who are interested, there are several Davis golden rules for any presentation. In no particular order:

1. Decide ahead of time what the two or three major points are that you want to make. How much do you really think they'll remember/stay awake for?

2. Absolutely no more than one slide per minute allotted for talking. This means counting the title slide and any image slides also. 10 minutes talk plus 5 minutes discussion = 10 slides maximum total. This also helps you plan the timing for longer talks (I usually run at about 40-45 slides for an hour lecture). And stick to time!

3. No cheating by using invisibly small point size to cram more onto a slide. If you can't remember what you were going to say by means of the reminder point you have on the screen, you shouldn't be giving the talk.

4. Know the audience. There are certain circumstances where jokes and Larson slides are appropriate and others where they are not. KaCee highlighted that point during what was probably our last exchange of posts, on the genie issue. She was partly right. Still, I can almost always sneak a Larson in somewhere - the dinosaur "The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen..." one is one of my favorites.

5. You are talking because you have some knowledge and/or authority on the subject. Therefore, you have a right to be there so there is no need to be nervous or to feel intimidated.

6. Engage the audience with eye contact, gestures, modulation of voice - sound interested and therefore interesting.

7. In Powerpoint, use animation very sparingly if at all, to highlight significant points (eg in conclusion slide). No sound effects and avoid distracting backgrounds at all costs. The same goes for cute little clipart figures pasted on the page for no apparent reason.

8, and most importantly: Always, always, be laughing at yourself internally. If a speaker ever takes themselves too seriously, they are doomed. This is my advice for life in general, actually.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: oddly reassuring
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 1 Aug 2002 17:44:53 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Sid')...done.
>davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>> Viki <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
>> > I'm reading the froup whilst listening to my daughter listening to the radio in her room. Suddenly she's taken a liking to oldies. I love that gril. :)
>> My daughter (4) is very into The Beatles. To the point that when we heard a McCartney song on the radio the other day, she looked puzzled and said "Is that Paul? Where's George?"
>> > Viki, looking for a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T
>> You've got it from us all, but I bet you like to see someone say that.
>> Dave "gimme gimme some lovin'" Hinz
>YKYHBRRFTLWYLFFN4H.

You Know You Have Been Reading RHOD Far Too Long When You Look For Foot-Note 4, Homeboy?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Gödel Escher Bach redux (was Re: Maybe it's just a .au thing...)
From: Mondariloth Lehamonyiru <mondariloth.sorry.spammers>
Date: Wed, 31 Jul 2002 23:49:04 -0600

Screwtape wrote:
>| Screwtape | Reply-To: munged on Usenet |________ ______ ____ __ _
>| | <-- You must be smarter than this stick to ride the Internet.

Oh, crap...*wanders off to find another ride*


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Gödel Escher Bach redux (was Re: Maybe it's just a .au thing...)
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Mon, 05 Aug 2002 16:46:25 GMT

Ian Davis <not.all.certain> wrote:
>>Screwtape,
>>...actually, I just like saying Mondariloth.
>On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.

So's Australia. What's your point?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Gödel Escher Bach redux (was Re: Maybe it's just a .au thing...)
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 1 Aug 2002 13:41:06 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.spam.webone.com.au> wrote:
> Al Sharka wrote:
>>Shouldn't that be Dave's job?
> Only if you actually want to hear what it's about.

Hey now. Someone asked me to watch Shrek, so I did. I come back, ask what it was they wanted to know, reply was "Nothing, just wanted you to watch it." or something like that. Not that I mind, but I just don't want anyone to get the impression that I've dropped the ball on an assignment.

Unless of course I have, which by definition I wouldn't remember, eh?

> And Dave's dance card is way overfull just now.

I thought we agreed not to discuss that in public.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Gödel Escher Bach redux (was Re: Maybe it's just a .au thing...)
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>
Date: Thu, 1 Aug 2002 23:41:42 +1000

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote ...
>Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.spam.webone.com.au> wrote:
>> And Dave's dance card is way overfull just now.
>I thought we agreed not to discuss that in public.

But you dance so *divinely*.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just spray it on!
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Thu, 01 Aug 2002 04:39:24 GMT

Hetta <spamtrap.hetta.saunalahti.fi> wrote:
>dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh) wrote:
>> Remember to use talcum powder inside the latex outfit.
>I don't know if I want to know how you know this...

Let me know when you know whether you want to know how I know what I know.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [rec.humor.oracle.d FAQ] First and Only Posting
From: Jellyroll Papadopoulos <Never_Read.email.com>
Date: Thu, 01 Aug 2002 05:42:21 GMT

Also Sprach Donald Welsh:
> Hetta's keeper of Best of RHOD
> In AHBOU she is a mod
> That's short for alt.humor.best-of-usenet moderator
> In rec.humor.oracle.d she's a participator

<snip>

And that, my friends, is what they call "free verse". Unless you pay extra for your newsfeed, in which case you should demand a refund.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Decloaking
From: Mondariloth Lehamonyiru <mondariloth.sorry.spammers>
Date: Mon, 05 Aug 2002 12:46:06 -0600

Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>>>> >Next week suit you?
>>>> Birthday suit you?
>>><pout> only sequins? You promised me diamonds!
>>No, dear, I promised you a pearl necklace.
> I guess that might be better than promising her a rose garden. Needs fewer cevpxf, anyway. <pricks>

But it's no fun having a rose garden without cevpxf...and isn't that the whole point of even /having/ a garden?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: FAQ help, please
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 1 Aug 2002 13:35:22 GMT

juho.kuusela.tut.fi wrote:
> But something still bothers me: why do the French use SECAM-standard? Any suggestions?

I respectfully submit that trying to understand the French, in any way, is an exercise in futility. Beautiful country, though.

Dave "It's just that it's full of French people, that's the problem..." Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: FAQ help, please
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 1 Aug 2002 23:52:26 GMT

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
> juho.kuusela.tut.fi wrote:
>> But something still bothers me: why do the French use SECAM-standard? Any suggestions?
> Because they're FRENCH, OK? To use PAL or NTSC would be succumbing to cultural imperialism. SECAM was invented by L'Academie Francaise for the purpose of maintaining French cultural identity.

Why they would want to do this remains to be determined.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies only have zees autrageous accent


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: askme
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Thu, 01 Aug 2002 16:20:01 -0600

Oh great and powerful Oracle, whose fruit is always as ripe as a kumquat and whose computer makes geeks shiver with glee for miles around:

How many cantaloupes are there in the typical installation?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: askme
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.grayhoundchronicles.com>
Date: Fri, 02 Aug 2002 03:09:00 GMT

Oh least odorous Oracle who's always wearing the most fashionable of windbreakers...

Can someone see you fart on a really cold day?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: askme
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>
Date: Sat, 3 Aug 2002 18:38:01 +1000

TechnoAtheist wrote:
>Oh least odorous Oracle who's always wearing the most fashionable of windbreakers...
>Can someone see you fart on a really cold day?

Yes. You need to give people a fighting chance for at least part of the year.

You owe us just one more date with Steve Irwin.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: askme
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 3 Aug 2002 17:36:23 GMT

TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.grayhoundchronicles.com> said:
> Oh least odorous Oracle who's always wearing the most fashionable of windbreakers...
> Can someone see you fart on a really cold day?

Sure...once it catches, the exotherm keeps the flame lit.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have a gas lantern


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: askme
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Fri, 2 Aug 2002 14:19:32 +1000

Oh most fabulous oracle, an old gypsy woman taught me how to be psychic, but when ever I try, I just have visions of playing Tetris. What does it all mean?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: askme
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 2 Aug 2002 05:32:13 GMT

Oh Oracle most fecund, please tell me how inhabitants of Virginia are able to have children?

--Steven Uriah Plicant


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: askme
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Fri, 02 Aug 2002 13:46:06 -0600

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>Oh Oracle most fecund, please tell me how inhabitants of Virginia are able to have children?

That reminds me: I'm going to Virginia next week.

You see, I've recently acquired some Spiffy Hardware for work with the second-highest security rating available [1] and, naturally, I don't have a clue as to how to get it to do what I want (well, that, and they say I have to be certified to so much as turn it on; when I mention that I'm as good as certified already, I just get That Look. Oh, and there's no manual for the operating system, which is, I think, a dirty trick).

So I've signed up for the class (entitled "Concepts and Utilization," otherwise known as "I've booted up; now what?"), booked my flight, and have procured a decent hotel for five night's stay.

What perturbs me [2] is that in the pre-pre-class, I was informed that this very machine is the type that the NSA uses ... as a mail server.

This is a dual-processor B-rated PIII system with all the trimmings, and they use it as a *mail* server? What do they do with the A-rated P4's ... stick them in warehousing?

But of course we all know that the NSA gets first crack at all the new tech, and is probably working merrily with their brand-new 6 Terahertz processors with holographic interfaces. The bastards.

>--Steven Uriah Plicant

Oh, that's right: your question. Well, I don't know, but if I get the chance I'll be sure to do some in-depth field research.


[1] If you don't know, the security rating for computers goes something like this:
A1
B1
B2
B3
C1
C2
... and so forth, with exponentially less security the further down the line you go. If the average store-bought or home-assembly PC were on this list, you could expect it to get a rating of about J3 on a good day, but most likely more along the lines of Y2. Of course, the security ratings don't go that far; they stop somewhere around the D's, which is about the point a person stops caring and has begun to contemplate painting the ceiling tiles.

[2] Actually, quite a lot perterbs me, including what's going to explode while I'm away from my desk, and the fact that I have a very short attention span and thus will have great difficulty concentrating on the subject matter at hand. The same subject for five days straight, eight hours per? *shudder*


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: askme
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Fri, 02 Aug 2002 06:06:53 GMT

Oh frabjous and really with it happenin' dude,
I notice some striking similarities between _Jabberwocky_ and _The_Second_Coming_. Was it the drugs?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: AH-ARRRRGH!
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 3 Aug 2002 14:23:37 GMT

SaraM wrote:
> (Just then a mysterious-yet-oddly-familiar figure swings across the scene on a vine, bellowing unintelligibly yet wearing a *stunning* loincloth)

*Yeah*, baby. And if she had been wearing more than just the loin cloth, I wouldn't have walked into that tree.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Gödel Escher Bach redux (was Re: Maybe it's just a .au thing...)
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sun, 4 Aug 2002 15:21:48 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Chris Wesling')...done.
>Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> And Dave's dance card is way overfull just now.
>Now there's an out-of-date metaphor. Has anyone actually used dance cards since the '50s? How many of the youngsters here even know what they are?

That's a birthday card that plays techno when you open it, right?

Screwtape,
...grown-ups are so weird.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Questions about MIME
From: ossipewsk.cheerful.com (Richard Fitzpatrick)
Date: 5 Aug 2002 18:09:40 -0700

Rhodnius <erik.SPAMFILTER-dos486.com> wrote:
> Wendy Withrow wrote:
> >We will sell no mime before it's time.
> >And I think it's time.
> Did you hear that the mimes went on strike? It could be for a long time - there's no talks scheduled.

The mimes' spokesperson was unavailable for comment.

Their employer was, funnily enough, speechless.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Honeymoon pix.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 7 Aug 2002 22:37:11 GMT

Viki <vvidt.netscape.net> said:
> Me, I am learning the ways of neo-pagan, new age Buddists but still sing in the choir of my Methodist church. We Methodists have far superior music, IMO.

It always sounds like the choir is angry. But that's a good thing...


.


.


.


.


.


.


.


at least there's a mad to their Methodist.

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!*kerthump*


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Honeymoon pix.
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>
Date: Wed, 7 Aug 2002 21:07:49 +1000

Viki wrote:
>Y'all can send congrats now. Dr. Sam and I had a handfasting ceremony last weekend. :)

Bad luck, can't win 'em--^W^W^W^W^W

###SLAP###

*cough*

Congratulations Viki and Sam. May there never be crabgrass in your lawn and as you slid down the banister of life, may all the splinters be pointing the right way.

Warmest wishes to you both.

Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti is off to watch The Guardian to soak up the feel of the 'Burgh.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Aaaaaargh... (long rant)
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Thu, 15 Aug 2002 01:45:34 GMT

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> Sid <sid.nospam.net> said:
>> Lord Insidious, World Dominatorwrote:
>>>Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>>>>; >Color? Pink sunset obviously looks like a vagi^%.#.
>>>>; Not the ones I've seen.
>>>>What, sunsets?
>>>I have never seen a vagina the same color as any sunset I've seen. Or vice versa.
>>ITYM
>>
>>I think that I have never met
>>A vagina as lovely as sunset
>
> And since I'm still trying to find a match
> Would you mind if I took a look at your snatch?
>
> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies didn't know one person could be slapped so many times in a day

I do not wish to be too blunt,
But I don't think I'll finish this one.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Gotcha !
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 5 Aug 2002 19:35:35 GMT

Anonymous wrote:
> Yo Oracle dude,
> My boolean question as I lay humbly prostrated before your superior wisdom is...
> "Is this a question that does not have an answer ?"
> I fear you may be stumped...take your time.

One must simply comprehend the Zen nature of the universe. Is this an answer that has no question?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Gotcha !
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.grayhoundchronicles.com>
Date: Thu, 08 Aug 2002 15:02:03 GMT

"Anonymous" <Anonymous.anon.com> wrote:
>Yo Oracle dude,
>My boolean question as I lay humbly prostrated before your superior wisdom is...
>"Is this a question that does not have an answer ?"
>I fear you may be stumped...take your time.

That's it?

Yes, Mwah-ha-ha, isn't it perfect? Now all I have to do is send it to the great American Oracle and the country will fall to our revolution!

No, really, that's it?

Uhm, yeah. Look, we really thought pretty hard about this one and Serge liked it, so we're going with it.

Ok, but you realize the answer is "no"?

What?

You propose to states and request a declarative decision. A positive statement negates the question's principal premise, however a negative statement clarifies it, therefore the only answer would be a negative one.

...

The answer is "no".

Dammit, Ok, mister Smart Guy, do you have a question that poses no answer?

Cheese Doodles.

What?

Cheese Doodles.

But that's not a question!

Right, therefore it can have no answer. Look I'm all for this revolution thing but shouldn't we be out commiting acts of random terror or inciteing the masses or something?

"Oh great and wonderous Oracles we beseech thee, Cheese Doodles?" That's just stupid!

Actually, I've been meaning to ask you about that. I mean I think an actual bomb would be far better than having Jose blow up a paper bag and burst it...

I mean if we were lucky, it'd just get ignored...

I'm also thinking that when we write our revolutionary slogans we should use something other than street chalk.

... or God Forbid a Gilbert and Sullivan parody or something...

My Leader! They're here!

HAVE WE BEEN FOUND OUT!?

No my leader, I bring weapons! We can strike now!

Ah good let me see! Yes, these are perfect, we will surely strike fear with these.

Well, provided we don't put someone's eye out.

Ooh, good point. My Legions, do not pull the rubber band all the way back. VIVA LA REVOLUCION!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Search Engine
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 8 Aug 2002 00:03:54 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Richard Fitzpatrick')...done.
>Yay, carte blanche to fsck around with things Oracular![2]
>[2] ST, put down that drain-bot!

Oh ye of little faith. Before you so rudely cast aspersions upon my Oracular behaviour again, I shall inform you that my Super Guaranteed Oracular Reality Twisting Ray only had one charge in it, and that was discharged quite some time ago, to little or no lasting effect.

Screwtape,
...oh, this post is not a clue.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: It's URL time
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 11 Aug 2002 18:11:33 GMT

GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com> said:
> Screwtape wrote:
>>So that's what happened to the dragons of yore... *ponders writing a ballad of St. George and the Hovercraft* ...naah, that's *too* silly.
> No, no, go ahead.
> I've always wanted to be canonised.

/me lights fuse

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are having a blast


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I didn't do it.
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.grayhoundchronicles.com>
Date: Sun, 11 Aug 2002 19:52:28 GMT

that's not what it's saying.


Now, about those alimony payments.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Aaaargghhhh redux
From: Sid <sid.nospam.net>
Date: Sun, 11 Aug 2002 23:24:41 +0800

At the end of my first weekend after beginning work, I decide to do something that I promised my housemates I'd do for a very long time - change the LAN gateway computer (basically a DHCP server) in our house from the crappy old P-75 to a slightly higher-up Celeron 300 machine which was lying redundant in one corner after one of us upgraded.

So I get the Celeron processor and the motherboard, remove the old p-75's harddisk, floppy drive, cdrom drive and two network cards; find a stick of 64 mb from somewhere, get my old 32 mb tnt card and plug them all in. "That should do it", I think.

Not quite. Whatever Pantheon of Gods were running the shifts today had quite something else in mind. From that point on, I went through multiple cycles of each and all of the following and combinations thereof:

a) cdrom not detected
b) hard disk not detected
c) video card not detected
d) machine hung at bios
e) network card(s) not detected
f) general reluctance to do anything logically

After 4 hours of this, I finally give up and decide to revert to the old setup and plug everything back to the old motherboard.

No video output.

Misc. swear words (doubting the legitimacy and sexual preferences of each individual component, its manufacturers and their families) later, I resolve to not give up until I have the bl**dy network up again and make some pasta to give me strength.

Two more hours of swapping cards, IDE cables, crossing fingers, knocking on wood, changing orientation of the motherboard wrt the azimuth and ingesting cold pasta follow. I contemplate burning the machine. I kick it real hard instead and sacrifice a toe nail at the altar of the computer deity and switch it on. The hard disk whirrs, the cd drive echoes. The machine boots up and everything works.

Much profanity followed by a sigh of relief.

I polish off the rest of the pasta and leave the make-shift server room.

Worst 7 hours of my life.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Aaaargghhhh redux
From: "Ken Adams" <kmadams85.comcast.net>
Date: Mon, 12 Aug 2002 02:56:42 GMT

"Sid" <sid.nospam.net> wrote:
[snip description of:]
> Worst 7 hours of my life.

Thus, Sid learns the importance of blood sacrifice. One must never forget to appease the hardware gods.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Lars Sighting!
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Mon, 12 Aug 2002 15:13:36 +1000

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> use fvwm,

"sijz"

Dammit!

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Lars Sighting!
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <lanzkron.fastmail.fm>
Date: Tue, 13 Aug 2002 18:17:51 +0300

Brantley Hudson wrote:
>Ian Davis wrote:
>> "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>>> use fvwm,
>> "sijz"
>> Dammit!
>Hint: For xyzwm

"klmjz"

Dammit!

--
Learning from Teh best.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Lars Sighting!
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <lanzkron.fastmail.fm>
Date: Wed, 14 Aug 2002 10:37:12 +0300

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>"Teh (tî'pô)" <lanzkron.fastmail.fm> wrote:
>> Brantley Hudson wrote:
>>>Hint: For xyzwm
>> "klmjz"
>> Dammit!
>Yup, me too. Furrfu.
>Dave

"Sheesh"

Dammit!

Wait... no.... er.... um....

My work here is medium rare.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Lars Sighting!
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Wed, 14 Aug 2002 07:54:17 -0600

Jason wrote:
>Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>> Harold wrote:
>> ; I agree.
>> Then it's settled. We will now surgically join at the hips DMP and SHMNBN.
>Which one is being punished?

That depends on which way they're facing, doesn't it?


... no, wait; it doesn't.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Celebrating what, exactly?
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Wed, 14 Aug 2002 11:14:35 -0600

In the latest of a long line of questionable moves [1] -- and I speak as a pencil-pushing, know-nothing trench fighter [2][3] -- the department of the company I work for has distributed a time-waster of tasteless proportions to (from what I can tell) every person in the department.

The device (if you can call it that) is this: a foot-long cylinder, approx six inches in diameter, split in half by some sort of plastic apparatus. On the bottom half is a quasi-liquid which is reminiscent of the slime in _Ghostbusters_, and -- this is the neat bit -- when you turn the whatsit over, the slime oozes its way through the middle plastic to coagulate at the new bottom. Essentially, it's an hourglass, but with slime. And the process takes about two to three minutes for all the slime to move from top to bottom.

The capper is my company's name in big, bold letters along the side, and underneath it reads "Celebrating Success 2002".

The person who came up with this is either deviously clever or stark-raving mad. Yes, at times various departments of this company have all the personality and speed of a viscous liquid moving through a bottleneck, but I had no idea that was exactly what we were going for. My question to all of you was going to be "What" or "Why" or even a slightly more daring "Do I really want to know what they're thinking," but instead I hold this up to you as a reminder that companies can put their finger on the pulse of business and not even realize what a heartbeat is [4].

[1] One of which, just to serve an example, was to acquire a large saltwater tank during a period of layoffs. If you know anything about saltwater fish and aquariums, you'll know that this didn't have the intended effect on morale. Or maybe it did.

[2] There, that should cover me in case this ever gets back to ... whoever's keeping an eye on me, I guess.

[3] I'm assuming that a "trench-fighter" is someone who fights in the trenches, rather than against the trenches, which, I suppose, would involve nothing more than a shovel, or perhaps a backhoe, and maybe a couple of bodies for good measure, and that's not really the point I was trying to get across.

[4] Admittedly, this metaphor could be better, but I have become inspired by slime, so this is as good as it gets.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Keyboard funnyness
From: Brantley Hudson <brantley_hudson.nospam.hp.com>
Date: Wed, 14 Aug 2002 14:44:43 -0500

Lord Insidious, World Dominator wrote:
> The keys ordinarily used for the Arabic-notation forms of the numbers I, II, and IV are no longer doing anything, for some reason. I was able to

And why (or what) would you 1-2 use them 4?

> eke out an exclamation point at one forty-five or so, and that was it.

See? There you were raising your voice on the keyboard (so to speak) and the thing had a mild coronary. Let this be a lesson to you!

.
.
.

Ooops. <clak><clak>3<clak>567890...

Pardon me as I wander off...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: confuzzled me?
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 15 Aug 2002 12:02:21 GMT

TimC wrote:
> I do this all the time - I read one group, switch to another, and get very confuzzled. Why would someone be posting a lame question to the scary devil's monastry? Oh, it's ARK etc.
> But I go to comp.unix.tru64, straight after visiting RHOD, and find the subject "Oracle, out of process memory", and my world begins to fall apart!

So, let me clarify this. You <HA HA HA> actually *read* <HA HA HA> the <HA HA> Subject: line? <BWAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA> Plop



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