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2002 12 B.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Great Britons
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Tue, 03 Dec 2002 16:03:25 -0700

"Kegs" <hotmail.jameskeasley.com> wrote:
> [3] Great British Public:- collective IQ about 7, raised several points if you include their pets

It's always the way. The collective IQ of any group is always less than that of the stupidest member of the group. So as long as there's at least one total idiot in any country, the collective IQ is going to be somewhat lower than compost.

This is probably a law of the universe, though I don't know whose law it is. The real question is, what's the collective IQ of this newsgroup, and who's responsible?


From: "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net>

: The real question is, what's the collective IQ of this newsgroup, and who's responsible?

I blame Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Great Britons
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 09:09:06 -0700

Mike Fleming wrote:
> Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> writes:
>> This is probably a law of the universe, though I don't know whose law it is. The real question is, what's the collective IQ of this newsgroup, and who's responsible?
>What about the lurkers?

That brings up an interesting point. Say the collective intelligence of this froup is the average, subsequently divided by the number of posters. Now, since one cannot observe something without influencing it, then we can assume that the lurkers, too, have a (no doubt negative) input into the average dumbing-down of rhod, whether they want to or not. Thus it's in their best interest to post, since they're going to be blamed for rhod's idiocy in any case.

And, hell, it certainly explains the quality of the digests.

>Damn.

Hey, *you're* the one who fell into the pot. I just added the water and vegetables.

Broth, anyone?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Great Britons
From: Sid <sid.nospam.net>
Date: Wed, 04 Dec 2002 07:30:08 +0800

"Kegs" <hotmail.jameskeasley.com> wrote:
>Thank $DEITY that Turing was above David Beckham[1], though Beckham was for some reason one place above Thomas Paine, and quite significantly higher than Boy George et al. in the list.

I was watching the first segment of the show in London with Ann Robinson [a] taking us through the top 100. My favourite howlers, from bottom up.

i. Robbie Williams making the list at all.

How long a history does GB have? Even if we start from William the Conquerer, at least a 1000 years. And Robbie Williams makes an all-time top 100 list?

<flame bait>If this was America with how much is it, 50 years, of history, then you know that after they put the Lincolns and the Jeffersons and the Babe Ruths, they'll have to start filling the places with Dubya and Britney and the like. </flame bait>

ii. Aforementioned Robbie Williams making it in the list above - James Clark Maxwell, Charles Babbage and Tim-Berners Lee. You'd think that even the modern generation would appreciate at least two of the three for their contributions. Irish girl (mentioned later in this post) thought that Robbie was a great performer and entertainer and deserved to be on this list.

iii. JK Rowling (all the same things as above).

iv. I also thought it very interesting that both James Connolly and Oliver Cromwell were in the list.

>[5] unless one of the teams is Sheffield United that is[7]

ITYM Sheffield Wednesday.

>[7] or Tottenham

Heh. I like the way you think.


Sid

[a] No actually _with_ Ann Robinson. I was watching it with an Irish girl.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Great Britons
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 17:40:08 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>Charles Linsley wrote:
>>"Achy Breaky Heart" is unavoidable in that context. In this country, at least, "Macarena" was ubiquitous at the height of its popularity, and unavoidable without running to the mountains and living in a cave.
>There's DW, right there. ;-)

Considering the alternative, I think I made the right choice.

-- D. "Next time, I'll look for a dank cave with central heating." W.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Great Britons
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Mon, 16 Dec 2002 07:47:18 +1100

Kegs <hotmail.jameskeasley.com> wrote:
> Ah but did you notice that in that vid Geri (the ginger) wore her dress back-to-front, does this say more about her intellect or the quality of the design that no-one noticed?

The dress was correct. She was back to front.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Great Britons
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Fri, 13 Dec 2002 15:08:44 -0700

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> I'm pretty jaded, bitter, and cynical.

I, on the other hand, am quartzed, salty, and cylindrical.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Great Britons
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sun, 15 Dec 2002 20:54:19 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Robert Bunn')...done.
><davehinz.spamcop.net> wrote:
>> Viki <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
>> > <davehinz.spamcop.net> wrote:
>> > : I'm pretty jaded, bitter, and cynical.
>> > Your mission: Watch "Old Yeller" again and let us know what happens.
>> No point in watching it again, prolly hasn't changed. Dog still dies.
>Oh, great, the dog dies, now you've ruined it for me. No spoilers warning, even.

And in The Exorcist, it turns out that the girl is actually possessed by the Devil.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Great Britons
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Sun, 15 Dec 2002 16:02:50 GMT

>Hetta (so what's all the brouhaha around the "ring" movie?)

Ah, right. The Leper has to take the One Ring to Coruscant to keep it away from Emperor Ming the Merciless, who is trying to ruin Christmas.

HTH.


From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>

> Hetta (so what's all the brouhaha around the "ring" movie?)

It's a strange counter-parallel to Star Wars.

In episode 4, Obie-Wan Gandalf dies during a battle with his evil counterpart of the Dark Side. It ends with a cliff-hanger when Sam and Frodo Sauron go off to find, yes?

Episode 5 continues with the evil empire striking back and there is lots of fighting.

Episode 6 has not been released yet, but here you will see Hollywood trying to put a different spin on the older movie when a strange tall race of creatures without a lot of hair eventually come out of it as the victors, instead of the little short furry creatures who started the battle in the first place.

I'm just waiting to see Episodes 1,2, and 3 where we get to see Sauron as a young lad save some Hobbits by winning a contest, and afterwards, they take him from his mother, which leads to the events where he will finally turn evil.


From: Mike Fleming <{mike}.tauzero.co.uk>

> Hetta (so what's all the brouhaha around the "ring" movie?)

Frodo opens his hand, revealing the two wedding rings, so he can marry his girlfriend and they can hide in the underground shelter when the comet that he discovered hits the earth and kills everyone who's not hiding.


From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>

>when the comet that he discovered hits the earth and kills everyone who's not hiding.

That's a bit deep for me. Too much impact altogether.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Testing (oh to hell with it)
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Thu, 5 Dec 2002 01:44:04 +0000 (UTC)

Screwtape <st.ferd2.thristian.org> said:
> m_init(): spawning followupTo('Kegs')...done.
>>Ah, this is better, I have a sane text editor, not some horrible kludge that looks a bit like vi.[1]
> True. Real editors look a *lot* like vi.

1. ...from outer space.
2. ...in that they allow you to edit text.
3. ...in that their binaries consist of sequences of machine code.
4. ...in that they don't require a GUI.
5. ...in that they're available on many platforms.
7. ...in that they allow you to talk to Eliza, read news and email, surf the web, and run the encheferizer.

Oops.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know the truth about vi


From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>

steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> >dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know the truth about vi
> That it sucks?
> Let's borrow a page from the Monastery [1] for just a moment: all hardware sucks. All software sucks. It's just a matter of how long, how hard, and, er, where was I again?
> Oh, right. Suckage. Once you take into account that all software sucks, religious wars such as emacs vs vi become ridiculous accounts of "I suck more than you do." [2] Fine, be proud of your favourite program's inherent hoover-ish tendencies, but keep it away from my cat.
> Hey, that reminds me: I haven't seen my cat in a while. Let's see ... I was here, posting, and then ...
> Oh my god! Emacs ate my cat!

Dan! Spit that out *right now*!

Sorry about that. Obviously he was feline hungry. He had the whole kitten kaboodle.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Testing (oh to hell with it)
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Thu, 12 Dec 2002 11:44:58 -0700

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
> > Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> > ; Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
> > ; > Charles Linsley wrote:
> > ; > ; >Yeah, slightly. They both come from the UNivsityo f Washington. They also both come in the same tar ball. And one uses the other for its editing functions. Hence why they come in the same tarball.
> > ; > ; Hmm, I don't think I want a tarball from the UNivsityo f Washington.
> > ; > Your feet are covered in tarballs.
> > ; NORTH
> > You see a woosh-bird fly by.
> gzip whoosh-bird

whoosh-bird: 95.1% -- replaced with whoosh-bird.gz

You see a whoosh-mosquito fly by.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Testing (oh to hell with it)
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Wed, 11 Dec 2002 00:54:11 +0000 (UTC)

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> said:
> Charles Linsley wrote:
>> j.$random.luser.swin.edu.au>, TimC wrote:
>>>So um yeah, bash has emasc keybindigs by default. However, for those dolts who like vi, you can change it :)
>> I assume the highly brilliant people who like vi can change the keybindigs, whatever those are, too. :-)
> Highly intelligent people who use vi don't need to be told about changing keybindings. They already have environment variables set up in their .kshrc or .bashrc that do it automatically for them. They just feel sorry for the ones who use .login and .cshrc.

No, you're thinking "intelligent people". *Highly* intelligent people do it in their .zshrc.

> -- Al, opening the fuel valve wider.

Don't you have an AUTOEXEC.BAT to be twiddling?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if the Lee Iococca vampire joke is still funny


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Testing (oh to hell with it)
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 5 Dec 2002 22:38:56 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Mondariloth')...done.
> "Kegs" <hotmail.jameskeasley.com> wrote:
>> Ah, this is better, I have a sane text editor, not some horrible kludge that looks a bit like vi.[1]
>> so hopefully this should work properly, with a sig and all, [1] Real men use pico ; )
>What do fake men use? I'm just curious, you know.
>-- Mondi, who uses emacs. Yeah, that's right, emacs. ; )

Well, ye, it *is* dragon-sized.

Screwtape,
...and I wouldn't like to battle it unless I had decently-sized talons, either.


From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>

> Well, ye, it *is* dragon-sized.

You say that like it's a *bad* thing. Now you just try to tell me you don't immediately have some sort of awe-inspired respect when you see a guy out walking his dragon, and aren't impressed by the sheer power and customizability of the thing in those few brief seconds before you are converted to a smoldering pile of ashes.

> Screwtape,
> ...and I wouldn't like to battle it unless I had decently-sized talons, either.

Ya see? With emacs you could just add a bunch of cruft to talons.el

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have more modules than a HabiTrail


From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>

> Now you just try to tell me you don't immediately have some sort of awe-inspired respect when you see a guy out walking his dragon,

"Walking his dragon", eh? This sounds like the plot of the weirdest porn movie ever made.


From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>

Alan Hadsell <ahadsell+usenet.MtDiablo.com> wrote:
> Fake emacs users use Pan, apparently. Real emacs users use gnus.

Rubbish. No gnus is good gnus.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Testing (oh to hell with it)
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Wed, 11 Dec 2002 08:57:16 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Sid')...done.
>TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> writes:
>> Donald Welsh (aka Bruce) wrote:
>> > Sid <sid.nospam.net> wrote:
>> >>I do have emacs on my machine. It's just not my machine that I am posting from.
>> > *Om*!
>> Is that like an ohm's resitor, without the squiggly bit in the middle?
>It's like 'Say Om and all will be good in the world.'
>Sid, at least I think that's what ST meant

I did, and I manipulated Donald Welsh into making the post for me. Bonus marks for spotting my fine italian hand behind the scenes.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Testing (oh to hell with it)
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Fri, 6 Dec 2002 04:04:30 +0000 (UTC)

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
> Sid wrote:
> ; Sid, tin, man tin.
> Sid's the tin man, Tom "Tom" is the Scarecrow, Ian is the Cowardly Lion.

Can I be Dorothy?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have never been to Kansas


From: "Robert Bunn" <adalger.buckeye-express.com>

> Sid's the tin man, Tom "Tom" is the Scarecrow, Ian is the Cowardly Lion.

Okay, I'm new here so I might just not understand, but why is Tom "Tom" the Scarecrow, and not To "To" instead?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Even *greater* Britons
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Fri, 06 Dec 2002 22:19:21 +1100

Did you know that, according to the British Home and Leisure Accident Surveillance System, 37 British people suffered serious tea cosy injuries in 1999 and had to be admitted to hospital for treatment? No?

Well, how about the 165 who fell victim to rogue and dangerous placemat injuries? Or bread bins with their tally of 91 poor Brits needing medical attention? Pales into insignificance next to the 146 poor souls maimed and traumatized by their dust pans, doesn't it? AND the 73 talc victims, the 329 people harmed by their toilet roll holder, and the 787 imperilled by their sponge. Especially when compared to the fiendish tally rung up by those devilish English clothes baskets - 3,421 emergencies caused just by this seemingly innocent-looking article of homeware alone 8( Makes you feel almost complacent about the 311 who had bird baths attack them - well - until you realize that that figure represents a whopping 166 per cent increase over the previous year's survey. And then of course there's *leaves* - 1,171 victims fell to them this year, only marginally less than the 5,615 hospitalizations due to wellington boot accidents, the 16,662 vicious attacking armchairs lurking out there, the 5,945 unwary persons damaged by their trousers *or* the socks and tights who managed to claim a combined total of 10,773 poor defenceless Poms.


From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>

> ... the 16,662 vicious attacking armchairs lurking out there ...

See, everyone? And you thought Monty Python was JOKING when they brought in "the comfy chair"!


From: linsley.linsley.best.vwh.net (Charles Linsley)

>Did you know that, according to the British Home and Leisure Accident Surveillance System, 37 British people suffered serious tea cosy injuries in 1999 and had to be admitted to hospital for treatment? No?

Some of the others are not so surprising -- slipping on wet leaves, have a chair collapse under one -- but how the heck does one injure oneself with a tea cosy? Unless one is stupid enough to carry a pot of hot tea by holding the cosy, so that the pot slips out and spills boiling hot tea on oneself; I'd hardly blame that on the cosy. Or one is using it for some unnatural purpose. No, I don't want to know, TYVM.

>persons damaged by their trousers *or* the socks and tights who managed to claim a combined total of 10,773 poor defenceless Poms.

Am I the only one who was thus prompted to wonder how many were injured by there knickers?


From: "Mark Steward" <marksteward.hotmail.com>

> Did you know that, according to the British Home and Leisure Accident Surveillance System, 37 British people suffered serious tea cosy injuries in 1999 and had to be admitted to hospital for treatment? No?

Don't forget that an astonishing 13,132 people in this great country caused themselves mischiefs with vegetables. Magazines should be banned, too, with 4371 incidents. And playing with a bean bag during 1999 was more dangerous than a chainsaw (1317, compared with 1207).

Tea cosies is my favourite, though...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: divine
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Fri, 06 Dec 2002 12:07:05 -0600

Ingot wrote:
> "TimC" <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote
>>In the search of a present for a very religous, but highly sexual girl, we came (he he) across this:
>> http://www.divine-interventions.com
> What does my company's "Uh Oh! We've recorded your attempt to reach this site, and our jack booted thugs are now on their way to clean out your cubicle" page have to do with this lady's present?

"Home of Baby Jesus Butt Plugs"

I'd write more, but I think that pretty much stoppers it.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Buy this book!
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Mon, 09 Dec 2002 17:07:17 -0700

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> Kegs wrote:
> ; the quantity of beauty required to launch a single ship[1], the longest word in the world[2], Oscar Wilde's last words[3], a list of the causes
> ; [2] its 1185 characters long, so I'm not going to put it here, or ever attempt to actually say it[7]
> No, it's not. The word is "smiles", because there is a mile in between the two "s"s.

If you choose the right font size, any word can be more than a mile long.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oracular feedback for stuff I had nothing to do with
From: Ken McGlothlen <mcglk.artlogix.com>
Date: 13 Dec 2002 22:44:40 -0800

Tony Gies <commander_keen0.socyl.moc> writes:
| Every so often, I get priestly feedback for Oracularites that aren't mine, generally negative. Why is this, does anyone else get it, and how can I make it stop?

Top ten improbable answers:

10) Shaddap, boy. We have a quota to meet.

9) For the last year, Ian has been sending negative feedback for every Oracularity he's reviewed.

8) With the FOX network creating "Joe Millionaire" and cancelling "Firefly," we've been depressed enough about the lack of vision of humanity in general that we don't believe anyone can do anything right anymore.

7) Hetta asked us to. She's hard to refuse when she keeps sending us all those topless photos of herself. Don't want to discourage *that*.

6) It's not priestly feedback; we have several 'bots doing the work for us now. They're still buggy, but except for you, nobody's noticed.

5) Don't worry---it's just Caramia's way of saying she has a crush on you.

4) We're trying to gently encourage you to spend more time with your family rather than waste it on the Oracle.

3) Don't worry---it's just Ross's way of saying he has a crush on you.

2) You're actually receiving feedback from the Priestly Ghost of Oracle Future. Those Oracularities *are* yours, you just haven't written them yet. The Ghost is just trying to show you what's ahead if you don't start writing better askmes and tellmes.

1) We just don't like you.


From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>

> 7) Hetta asked us to. She's hard to refuse when she keeps sending us all those topless photos of herself. Don't want to discourage *that*.

HEY! DON'T YOU TEASE US LIKE THAT!

> 5) Don't worry---it's just Caramia's way of saying she has a crush on you.

I SAID, DON'T YOU TEASE US LIKE THAT!

> 3) Don't worry---it's just Ross's way of saying he has a crush on you.

DIDN'T I JUST SAY, DON'T YOU TE--... Oh, wait. Never mind.

> 1) We just don't like you.

Well, that makes it all clear. You didn't need all that other stuff, y'know.


From: Hetta <spamtrap.hetta.saunalahti.fi>

> > 7) Hetta asked us to. She's hard to refuse when she keeps sending us all those topless photos of herself. Don't want to discourage *that*.
> HEY! DON'T YOU TEASE US LIKE THAT!

"Tease"?

Hetta (Now Ken, what did I say about telling all the world about this?)


From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>

> "Tease"?

Please ad me 2 you're list.


From: Ken McGlothlen <mcglk.artlogix.com>

| Hetta (Now Ken, what did I say about telling all the world about this?)

"I'd better get a cut of the profits."


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Business trip.
From: sid.siddhartha.8m.com (Sid)
Date: 16 Dec 2002 05:57:33 -0800

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
> Sid (aka Bruce) was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
> > Talking about which, I'll be in Sydney next winter [a]. I'd much rather be in Melbourne [b] but, I'm not complaining.
> > [b] As most of my friends are there
> Awwww. *blushes*

Oh and so is Tim.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Great Britons
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Thu, 19 Dec 2002 07:15:32 GMT

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> wrote:
>That involves one stick each, a ball between everyone and hitting one with the other.

I'm glad I was never initiated into *that* club, RF.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oracular feedback for stuff I had nothing to do with
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: 20 Dec 2002 13:35:15 -0600

Dave Hinz wrote:
> Hetta <spamtrap.hetta.saunalahti.fi> wrote:
>> dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh) wrote:
>>> That reminds me. How do you say, "I want to put you on the mat" in Finnish?
>> HNNNGGYYAAAAAAAHHH!!!! *whammo*
> Typical FFiinniisshh, with all the doubled-letters.
> By the way, is it true about what the name of my preferred snow tire, the "Hakkapeliitta" means?

It's obviously a phonetic transcribe of "rocapella," [1] one of the more twisted, evil, and all-around good times any group of singers could have (depending on who you ask). Clearly the tire makers are big fans, or, alternatively, they like the idea of you driving over the name of their bane.

They also can't spell, but that nevertheless clinches the issue that capella Christmas music is difficult to find.

Finnish doesn't really enter into it, unless there's a Finnish cappella singer turned rock junkie turned grease monkey in your town.

> Dave "old-time ass whuppin' around these parts" Hinz

Is that the kind of whuppin' that involves the judicious use of grandfather clocks?

[1] A marriage, however improper, of the words "rock" and "capella."


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Buy this book!
From: "Robert Bunn" <adalger.buckeye-express.com>
Date: Wed, 18 Dec 2002 12:39:43 -0500

"TimC" <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
> Kegs (aka Bruce) was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
> > Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> writes:
> >> Hurry up, it's running away!
> > oops, was distracted, you know how tim flies when you are having fun.
> It's a neat talent I have. I just wish people would capitalise my name properly.

Yeah, it's like that where I work, too. Tim files while the rest of us are having fun.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: New car!
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>
Date: Thu, 19 Dec 2002 12:47:41 +1100

Al Sharka wrote in message <3e01278e_2.news1.prserv.net>...
>Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>> Eli the Bearded said:
>>> Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>>>> I just picked up my new car, a Mazda6. You Europeans know it as the Atenza. It's nice.
>>> You picked up a car? Just what bars do you hang around?
>> I thought he had a list of suitors and just picked the first one.
>> Alright, VI-freaks...lessee you relate *your* text editor to your sex life.
>It's very small so I can get it up and working at a moment's notice, and complete the task at hand in seconds.
>Al, what do you mean "that's not a good thing"? It is for me.

Well, mine is as large as is comfortable without being cumbersome, but the automatic garage door opener doesn't always work these days.

Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti would never park on the street, nevertheless.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: New car!
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sun, 22 Dec 2002 23:26:54 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Bystander')...done.
>I live in rose-colored glasses.

Maybe if you work hard and save enough, you can move into a rose-coloured goldfish bowl. Or two.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: New car!
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Thu, 26 Dec 2002 15:57:02 GMT

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>Is this where I mention the vaseline-powered car?

You know the rule. The first person to mention the vaseline-powered car gets to wash the dishes.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: New car!
From: Sid <notme.hotmail.com>
Date: 22 Dec 2002 14:15:27 +0800

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> writes:
> Sid said:
> ; Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> writes:
> ; > I just picked up my new car, a Mazda6. You Europeans know it as the Atenza. It's nice.
> ; Ooh, you bastard. I promised myself that my first car would be a Mazda. That's my car you are driving.
> No, it's my car I'm driving. It says so on my bill of sale. And will say so on the title, when the RMV gets around to mailing it to me.
> ; Sid, conflagrations!
> Tank you!
> Except that my first fuel efficiency test (using the manual mode in the Sport AT) was disappointing. I'm now running a second, leaving it in full automatic.

Maybe you should do one without hitching the trailer.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: #1289-02
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: 19 Dec 2002 13:56:07 -0600

Samuel Checker wrote:
> steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
>> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>>>dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies can't remember if RHOD attracts single folks, or makes them that way
>> Yes, and yes.
>> It would be silly to blame my complete failure in relationships on rhod.
> I used to predator-rapt here back when I was single. Now that I'm married

Hmm. You wouldn't happen to be *Vicki*'s Sam, would you?

>I mostly just lurk and proselytize small towns.

How horrible! All that terror, and pillaging, and ...

Oh! "Proselytize". My mistake.

The lurking must get you in trouble with the local constabulary, however.

> Speaking of which, the business section of the lo-cal paper has a photo of disgruntled commuters waiting in an airport line. Right in the middle is a disaffected ute wearing a Black Flag tee-shirt.

I wasn't aware of anything called "Black Flag," because I've apparently been living in a hole for the past three decades (hey, it was news to me, too). So I googled this up from the dredges:

Black Flag: For a social system based on mutual aid and voluntary co-operation - against state control and all forms of government and economic repression. To establish a share in the general prosperity for all - the breaking down of racial, religious, national and sex barriers - and to fight for the life of one world.

Well, *that* ought to keep them busy for a while.

> Now I realize that some folks are just catching on to the '80s revival thing, but come on now.

Hold on a minute, I can't perform on command ...

> I mean, come on, now.

"Hey, baby, you wanna dance?"
"What's your sign?"
"If you looked any better, they'd have to lock you away for disturbing the peace."
"You must be tired, 'cause you've been running around my mind all night."

You didn't say they had to be *good* come-ons. Anyway, you're married; what possible use could they be to you?


From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>

sc.pffcu.com <sc.pffcu.com> said:
> steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
>> You didn't say they had to be *good* come-ons. Anyway, you're married; what possible use could they be to you?
> Really it's just for validation. It's been so long, ever since I got married all the supermodels in my black roster have moved on and now send me Christmas fruitcakes.

Do the restraining orders have an exemption for thank-you notes?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are, milligram for milligram, the fruitiest creatures in the universe


From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>

sc.pffcu.com wrote:
> Now that I'm married I mostly just lurk and proselytize small towns.

I'm pretty sure that's still illegal in most states.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: #1289-02
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Fri, 20 Dec 2002 08:56:35 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('sc.pffcu.com')...done.
>Speaking of which, the business section of the lo-cal paper

99% fat free! It's The New /Diet/ Daily Tribune!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: [Spoilers] LOTR: TT thoughts
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Thu, 19 Dec 2002 16:43:17 -0700

Some random thoughts on "The Two Towers". Those of you concerned about spoilers should've read the subject line.

  • It was nice they kept the Ents in.
  • Given that some changes from the book are inevitable, I thought that Eowyn might actually get to do some swordfighting. No such luck. That would've been cool.
  • WTF was the deal with the whole "Aragorn's dead?" diversion? Like the movie wasn't going to be intense enough already?
  • Not to mention Treebeard bringing Merry and Pippin to "the white wizard", and then just leaving it hanging as to who it was or what he might have said. Obviously it was Gandalf, but didn't he say anything? Weren't Merry and Pippin even a little surprised to see him? As in, maybe one would say, "Wow, I didn't expect HIM to be alive!".
  • Gandalf's healing of Theoden, though not quite explained like this in the book, was nevertheless pretty cool.
  • I don't recall there being any Elves at Helm's Deep... Well, aside from Legolas.
  • Sam, Frodo, and Gollum watching an army enter the gates of Mordor: Am I the only one who was reminded of "The Wizard of Oz", and wanted to start chanting "ooooohh-oh, oh-we-oh"? For a minute I expected a major plot diversion, with Sam and Frodo somehow stealing those two soldiers' uniforms, and sneaking into Mordor at the back of the marching column.
  • So, is Aragorn just not going to get the palantir that Saruman has been using? I was waiting for the crew from Helm's Deep to head up to Isengard and beat the snot out out Saruman (well, figuratively). Maybe this was just pushed back to the third movie, along with Shelob, and Frodo's near-death experience. But the trip to Isengard and back takes up four whole chapters in the book, it'd be an awful lot to cram into what will already be a long movie.
  • Related to the above, I'd kind of hoped for the scene where Theoden and company arrive at Isengard to find Merry smoking, Pippin passed out, both gorged on food for the first time in a while. It just seems like the Hobbit's vision of paradise.
  • Glad that they kept the bit where Sam's wondering if people will ever write stories about them, it's a nice bit of self-referentiality that I always enjoyed.

From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>

Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> wrote:
> Tom Harrington wrote:
> > * Given that some changes from the book are inevitable, I thought that Eowyn might actually get to do some swordfighting. No such luck. That would've been cool.
> Good God, man, are you nuts? One more bit of fighting at Helms Deep and my bladder would have burst by the end of the movie.

I thought you went before we left! That was my problem during the last movie, this time I was prepared to sit for three hours. No, I'm not buying a soda to take in, not no way, not no how.

> > * WTF was the deal with the whole "Aragorn's dead?" diversion? Like the movie wasn't going to be intense enough already?
> Two words: Contractual Obligations. The horse that wakes him up at the side of the stream has a GREAT agent, and it was in the contract that he would save Aragorn.

And presumably not by taking an arrow for him, I guess.

[snip]
> > * Gandalf's healing of Theoden, though not quite explained like this in the book, was nevertheless pretty cool.
> Theoden was sicker than I remember, and turns out much younger than I imagined. I always thought of him as a really old man that Gandalf managed somehow to put some starch into.

It didn't play out quite as I'd imagined it either, but it was very well done for what it was, enough that I don't mind.

> > * I don't recall there being any Elves at Helm's Deep... Well, aside from Legolas.
> I can't remember it, despite having read the Trilogy over a dozen times.

OTOH the Huorns were conspicuously absent. I noticed in the shots up to Helm's Deep there seemed to be a lot of attention paid to the fact that the space in front of it was barren. Which would have made a sudden forest a pretty dramatic change.

> > * Sam, Frodo, and Gollum watching an army enter the gates of Mordor: Am I the only one who was reminded of "The Wizard of Oz", and wanted to start chanting "ooooohh-oh, oh-we-oh"? For a minute I expected a major plot diversion, with Sam and Frodo somehow stealing those two soldiers' uniforms, and sneaking into Mordor at the back of the marching column.
> Yes, you are are.

Well, my wife said the same thing as me, so maybe we're just a pair of weirdos. But I _almost_ started giggling at the idea; Frodo as, say, Dorothy, Sauron as the Wicked Witch of the East, etc.

> The main thing I found jarring about that bit was how these ordinary elven cloaks they've made no mention of until now suddenly have the magical power to conceal that we all remembered from the book.

I've heard that this is explained a little in the extended version of the first movie, but I haven't seen it yet.

> > * So, is Aragorn just not going to get the palantir that Saruman has been using? I was waiting for the crew from Helm's Deep to head up to Isengard and beat the snot out out Saruman (well, figuratively). Maybe this was just pushed back to the third movie, along with Shelob, and Frodo's near-death experience. But the trip to Isengard and back takes up four whole chapters in the book, it'd be an awful lot to cram into what will already be a long movie.
> It will happen sorta like the hobbits getting swords in the first movie. "Here, this came for you via airmail."

You joke, but somehow I wouldn't be surprised if wossisname the eagle who recued Gandalf ended up bringing it down to Minas Tirith for him.

Or maybe the Ents will use it as a bowling ball, and after an especially enthusiastic though poorly-aimed shot, it'll roll all the way down to Edoras just as Aragorn's departing. His horse will trip over it (fire that agent!), and he'll finish out the third movie doing a Holy-Grail style thing with coconut shells.

> > * Related to the above, I'd kind of hoped for the scene where Theoden and company arrive at Isengard to find Merry smoking, Pippin passed out, both gorged on food for the first time in a while. It just seems like the Hobbit's vision of paradise.
> See my second response, about bladder explosions.

At least _Gandhi_ had an intermission, eh? I suppose there's a limit to how long they can make a movie and get away with it these days, but given that they found enough time to make stuff up (see the Oh-my-Illuvatar-Aragorn's-dead comment above), it's a shame they cut out some cool stuff.

> You didn't mention Gollum. I was put off a bit by the CGI-ness of it all at first, but when he started arguing with himself, I was hooked. Beautiful job.

Yeah, I thought he was the best CGI character I've seen yet. He had a sort of Hobbit-ness to his face, as though the biggest difference between him and Frodo was that Gollum was already a junkie while Frodo was just sliding in that direction.

> All in all, I love this movie, and I want to see it again. I had the same problems I had with the first movie: "That's not the way it happened in the book!" But now those surprises are over, I can go back and watch it a few bazillion times and enjoy the hell out of it.
> As a side note, I just got a new data projector at work. Along with a laptop and a pair of headphones, this makes a dandy home theater system. "The Fellowship of the Ring" is so amazing on a six-foot wide screen.

I have to sit about six inches from the TV to get that kind of experience.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Congratulations messages seem slow
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: 20 Dec 2002 17:33:15 -0600

Eli the Bearded wrote:
> bd <bdonlan.users.sf.net> wrote:
>> I just received my 'Congratulations!' message for #1295-04. But it's already up to #1299. What's taking it so long?
> 1300 by now.
> It takes a long time because you don't get the message until the voting is completed, and the voting goes until the fifth successive digest comes out. Don't you ever look at the vote results at the top?

Ignore him. He's actually being helpful, which obviously isn't what you wanted, because you would have read the FAQ (not The FAQ, but the FAQ, or perhaps the FAQ or even the FAQ).

The *real* answer is that your email address is stored within the Oracular database as a perveyor of wisdom and knowledge, and thus is immediately blocked to prevent such leaks in the future -- after all, the digests are not only the culmination of the priests' hard work and determination, but also specially designed to deliver secret messages to the Cabal of the Week (currently the Illuminati, for the second millennium running), and said messages cannot be delivered if your bouts of intellectual superiority keep interrupting the flow.

This is why, by the way, that several of your incarnations immediately following a digested one are rarely acknowledged: the emails are simply never received by the system until long after the time-limit has elapsed. And thus why you haven't received a congrats message until five digests later, as that's the requisite time that must pass before any intelligence you may have had has drained out of your toes (thanks to the theory of trickle-down neurologics).

Now that you are sufficiently idiotic, you are free to incarnate as often as you like, and possibly even get digested -- at which point the cycle starts all over again.

I hope this helps answer your query.

> Elijah
> proud of the 08dtf he got recently

My secret decoder ring tells me "Oi ate dat tall flower." Apparently the digests have a Bronx accent.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am eating
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Sun, 22 Dec 2002 01:10:17 -0600

Sid wrote:
> Living in Singapore, Singapore, I have known nothing but.

Weren't you seeing a speech therapist for that?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am eating
From: Mike Fleming <{mike}.tauzero.co.uk>
Date: Mon, 23 Dec 2002 16:19:46 +0000

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) writes:
> m_init(): spawning followupTo('Tom Harrington')...done.
> >Wait just a darn minute! You mean they named Singapore twice too? I thought it was just New York, New York, that was so nice they named it twice.
> Nope. Also the popular country town of Wagga Wagga, and the coastal suburb Woy Woy.

Or the Welsh town of Woy Woy Woy Delilah.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: continuing search engine woes
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Wed, 25 Dec 2002 11:52:14 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Daniel E. Macks')...done.
>(Just curious is all--all *my* pr0n needs are met by xxx.eel.ufl.edu.)

NOT FOUND

The requested URL /pr0n was not found on this server.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Apache/1.3.26 Server at 127.0.0.1 Port 80

Screwtape,
...what? You *knew* someone was going to try that.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: And so it begins...
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 24 Dec 2002 13:35:37 +1100

Dear all,

I'm about to leave for an extended Christmas with my family and friends. We stretch it out over a couple of days so that no-one in the family misses out, except sadly my sister who lives in Bali. But we'll have another Christmas when she visits in February, I'm sure Jesus won't mind an out-of-season birthday. He's invited anyway.

To all my fellow inmates in the Rhod Asylum, may your holiday season be particularly merry, and may 2003 be a far better year than 2002.

Be safe, be loved, love well.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: And so it begins...
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Tue, 24 Dec 2002 20:09:28 +0000 (UTC)

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> said:
> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>> Lane Gray, Czar Castic <bdbdbdbuck.aol.com> said:
>>> Ian Davis wrote:
>>>> the family misses out, except sadly my sister who lives in Bali.
>>> Sadly your sistser? What sorta names do they come up with down under?
>> Maybe she's related to Gladly, the cross-eyed bear.
>> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know why the cross-eyed seamstress didn't have any children
> Because her husband was cross-eyed too?

She didn't mend-strate.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies go from riches to rags


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Update your Killfile
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Mon, 30 Dec 2002 08:20:37 +0000 (UTC)

Daniel Parker <dmparker.dmparker.com> said:
> I'm back

And who better to help us ring in the new year.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies will use a two-prong strategy


From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>

> And who better to help us ring in the new year.

Err - won't we need a few more...? It *is* supposed to be "at the stroke of twelve", you know.


From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>

Daniel Parker wrote:
> I'm back

Yikes - I'd better go warm the sheep.


From: Thomas Sarp <sarp_nospam.yahoo.dk>

> Yikes - I'd better go warm the sheep.

Please tell me that it's a tyop!


From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>

> Please tell me that it's a tyop!

You're quite right, and my profuse apologies.

Warm/worm - Human is *such* a difficult langueage.



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