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2002 12 a.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: ObIntro
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>
Date: Sun, 1 Dec 2002 10:36:33 +1100

Phil Smith wrote:
> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> Phil Smith wrote:
>> >I see your double post and raise you a faulty newsreader.
>> Are you calling Google a less-than-adequate newsreader? Hmmm?
>No, but I'll call it a less-than-adequate operating system.

You mean the Internet isn't perfect?

Oh $DEITY.

My life is over.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: ObIntro
From: Hetta <spamtrap.hetta.saunalahti.fi>
Date: Sun, 01 Dec 2002 19:49:47 +0200

Phil Smith <pas51.NOSPAMcam.ac.uk> wrote:
> > Oh $DEITY.
> I'll see your $DEITY and raise you a pantheon[].

... kid, you've been starting far too many of these lately. Because I _really_ think poker cascades are boring boring boring (especially this sort of poker cascade, where replies don't even _try_ to be funny), you're now in my killfile.

Perhaps you can climb out of there in a month... but if you still do poker cascades then, I'll clamp the lid on my killfile barrel and nail a cork into the airhole. After that I'll cheerfully push said barrel down Niagara Falls.


From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>

> I'll clamp the lid on my killfile barrel and nail a cork into the airhole. After that I'll cheerfully push said barrel down Niagara Falls.

Hi Phil, welcome to cascade prison. If you don't try to move too much, the lack of air won't bother you too much. Sorry about the smell.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: ObIntro
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Wed, 4 Dec 2002 02:27:58 +0000 (UTC)

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
} "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
}> Phil Smith <pas51.NOSPAMcam.ac.uk> said:
}> > I'll see your broken water heater and raise you a flooded basement.
}> I'll see you're all wet down below and raise you a two-burrito lunch.
} I call. You got nothing. Put up or shut up.

Alright then, tough-guy...

/me shows T"T"H six aces.

Now pass the pot.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder where dan's gonna put all that stuff


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: ObIntro
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 07:29:20 +0000 (UTC)

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
> Viki wrote:
> ; "Donald Welsh" <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
> ; : "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
> ; : >*sob*
> ; : >I tried to be funny, that's what it means.
> ; : Do or do not, there is no try.
> ; Maaaaaa! DW is being mean to me again!!!!!!
> If you two don't behave, I'm going to turn this newsfroup around.

Well it's about time *somebody* did. This hand-basket is getting kinda cramped.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fighting fishies hafta go to da bafroom


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: ObIntro
From: "Robert Bunn" <adalger.buckeye-express.com>
Date: Wed, 11 Dec 2002 15:39:29 -0500

"Donald Welsh" <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
> "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
> >"Robert Bunn" <adalger.yahoo.com> wrote:
> >: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh) wrote:
> >: > Ian Davis <not.all.certain> wrote:
> >: > > "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
> >: > >> Woad, luv. And if you're getting in the tub after anointing with it, you're also cleaning the tub before I get in.
> >: > >This is why, before getting into the tub, people first invite you to "take a woad off."
> >: > You took the woad off Manny, and put the woad right on me.
> >: Congratulations! You are now a woad-bearing member!
> >That's not woad on his member, now, is it....
> No.
> -- D. "I'm just happy to see you." W.

I feel a need to say that you're inspecting my member a leeeetle too closely for my tastes.


From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>

> I feel a need to say that you're inspecting my member a leeeetle too closely for my tastes.

It's the taste that's the problem, actually.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am eating
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 3 Dec 2002 01:29:14 GMT

Phil Smith <pas51.NOSPAMcam.ac.uk> said:
> Today Donald Welsh wrote:
>> I miss that brain cell. Pity it didn't leave a forwarding address.
> The CIA abducted it and put it to work in the White House. It seems to have escaped, however.

Nah...he's still there for two more years.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies hope it's not six


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am eating
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 09:56:26 +0000 (UTC)

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> said:
> Daniel E. Macks wrote ...
>>... a pousse cafe runs seven distinct layers from Grand Marnier (1.04) to 1.18 (grenadine).
> I see someone else had the Time/Life Science series as well. I remember that photo.

Yeah. I think my copy is still at my folks' house somewheres.

That was back when I thought science was cool but didn't understand th' alcohol. Boy have times changed!

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are off to build a lava-lamp


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Disaster - or - Why I May Never Use Glass Bottles Again.
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Mon, 02 Dec 2002 11:56:01 -0700

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> wrote:
> Name me a beer-style you want and I'll make either it or a close approximation. Challenge me.

Although I'm not in Oz, I do have a few challenges:

1. Cookies 'n' Cream Lager
2. Pizza Pilsner
3. Cheddar Cream Ale
4. Rat Stout
5. Spaghetti with meatballs Pale Ale
6. Toothpaste Porter
7. Chicken noodle soup IPA
8. Beaujolais Malt Liquor
9. Tiramisu Bitter
10. Spicy Italian Sausage Bock
11. Compost Cream Ale
12. Banana slug Wheat
13. Motor oil Brown Ale
14. Steel Wool Irish Rusty Ale
15. Floor wax "Lite" Lager
16. Ear wax Dark IPA
17. Zima Double Bock
18. Omelette Oily Ale
19. Sushi Chunky-Style Stout
20. Urine Porter

> Nothing silly like a smoked ale, mind - 'cos I'd have to drink the rest on my own.

In that case I won't suggest a Budweiser-style homebrew, 'cause that would just be silly.


From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>

> 20. Urine Porter

I think Mr Miller may have some copyright issues with that one.


From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>

> "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> wrote:
>> Name me a beer-style you want and I'll make either it or a close approximation. Challenge me.
>Although I'm not in Oz, I do have a few challenges:

And though I am in no way a homebrewer, most of these seem to be fairly easy concoctions.

>1. Cookies 'n' Cream Lager

Simple. Sugar. Lots and lots of sugar. By the time the drinker realizes that it tastes nothing like cookies 'n' cream, their teeth will have dissolved.

>2. Pizza Pilsner

Okay, so this one I'm not sure of. No group of people can ever agree on what to put on a pizza; only those who have been around each other for a long time have reached that point of compromise, and even then (by definition) no one likes everything on the dough.

But a simple pepperoni might not be too bad.

>3. Cheddar Cream Ale

Milk, soon after the brewing process is complete. Mix and serve for hearty gags all around.

>4. Rat Stout

That's just a good name for a beer, period. Whether or not it includes any rat is academic.

>5. Spaghetti with meatballs Pale Ale

Made from the resequenced proteins of an Italian dish near you.

>6. Toothpaste Porter

"Honey, have you been drinking?"
"Why do you say that?"
"You smell like Vicks Vapor Rub."

>7. Chicken noodle soup IPA

"Good for what ales you."

>8. Beaujolais Malt Liquor

I have no idea what "beaujolais" is, but it's not the sort of thing you talk about in polite company.

>9. Tiramisu Bitter

Keeping the colours separate while in liquid state will be an ... interesting physics challenge. JIM?

>10. Spicy Italian Sausage Bock

My grandmother used to do this. Take one sausage, liquify, drink. I *still* get nightmares.

>11. Compost Cream Ale

Enter Budweiser joke here.

>12. Banana slug Wheat

New definitions of "banana bread" not withstanding, this could be quite interesting.

>13. Motor oil Brown Ale

Enter Guinness joke here.

>14. Steel Wool Irish Rusty Ale

All my steel wool is blue, and I'm having trouble picturing a blue beer without a huge amount of food colouring. But since it's Irish, I suppose that would make it *green* beer ...

>15. Floor wax "Lite" Lager

Enter beer-of-your-choice joke here.

>16. Ear wax Dark IPA

I parsed that as "IRA", and, well, let's not go there.

>17. Zima Double Bock

I want you to repeat this to yourself until it gets through: Zima is not beer. Zima is not beer. Zima is not beer.

>18. Omelette Oily Ale

You do realize that they only *call* it an "egg creme"?

>19. Sushi Chunky-Style Stout

With a fish at the bottom of the bottle!

>20. Urine Porter

Easiest one yet. Drink, pee into cup.

No, wait; that's how you make light beer. Never mind.

>> Nothing silly like a smoked ale, mind - 'cos I'd have to drink the rest on my own.
>In that case I won't suggest a Budweiser-style homebrew, 'cause that would just be silly.

Indeed. That kind of brew takes years of hard work and dedi ...

Oh! Bud*weis*er! Never mind, then.


From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>

> And though I am in no way a homebrewer, most of these seem to be fairly easy concoctions.

I think you may have over-simplified some of the suggestions.

> >1. Cookies 'n' Cream Lager
> Simple. Sugar. Lots and lots of sugar. By the time the drinker realizes that it tastes nothing like cookies 'n' cream, their teeth will have dissolved.

Bah, humbug. If it doesn't have visible chunks of cookies in it, then it's not cookies 'n' cream! And they better stay crunchy!

> >2. Pizza Pilsner
> Okay, so this one I'm not sure of. No group of people can ever agree on what to put on a pizza; only those who have been around each other for a long time have reached that point of compromise, and even then (by definition) no one likes everything on the dough.


I think this one comes down to brewer's choice, depending of course on what toppings he can manage to cram into the bottles.

> >3. Cheddar Cream Ale
> Milk, soon after the brewing process is complete. Mix and serve for hearty gags all around.

You seem to be thinking of "American" "Cheese", or some similar abomination. The cheese needs to be aged at least a year or two before it'd be useful in a decent cheddar ale.

> >4. Rat Stout
> That's just a good name for a beer, period. Whether or not it includes any rat is academic.

I suppose making a true Rat Stout would require some ship-in-a-bottle type manipulations. Um, unless the brewer prefers the use of a blender (a la "Bass-o-Matic"). If no rat is included then it really needs to have been brewed in a rat-infested location.

> >5. Spaghetti with meatballs Pale Ale
> Made from the resequenced proteins of an Italian dish near you.

As with cookies 'n' cream, this one really needs to be made chunky-style.

> >6. Toothpaste Porter
> "Honey, have you been drinking?"
> "Why do you say that?"
> "You smell like Vicks Vapor Rub."

This one really needs to be either a transparent blue-green or a pasty sort of opaque white in order to seem realistic.

> >7. Chicken noodle soup IPA
> "Good for what ales you."

It'll make you feel better, even if you aren't.

> >8. Beaujolais Malt Liquor
> I have no idea what "beaujolais" is, but it's not the sort of thing you talk about in polite company.

Car tu es ignorant; Beaujolais est un vin rouge francais.

> >9. Tiramisu Bitter
> Keeping the colours separate while in liquid state will be an ... interesting physics challenge. JIM?

This word, "tiramisu", I don't think it means what you think it means.

> >10. Spicy Italian Sausage Bock
> My grandmother used to do this. Take one sausage, liquify, drink. I *still* get nightmares.

OK, so this one is easier than I expected.

> >11. Compost Cream Ale
> Enter Budweiser joke here.

Budweiser is, as they say, fucking close to water. A compost ale would have to be dark and sludgy. I suppose that can also be close to water, but not the same kind of water as Bud.

> >12. Banana slug Wheat
> New definitions of "banana bread" not withstanding, this could be quite interesting.

Sort of a beery equivalent of the worm at the bottom of a bottle of tequilla.

> >14. Steel Wool Irish Rusty Ale
> All my steel wool is blue, and I'm having trouble picturing a blue beer without a huge amount of food colouring. But since it's Irish, I suppose that would make it *green* beer ...

Your steel wool's blue because it's got soap in it, the better to scrub pots and pans with. On its own, steel wool is, well, steely metallic, and it can get rusty. This should be a reddish-brown ale with a hint of metallic taste.

> >17. Zima Double Bock
> I want you to repeat this to yourself until it gets through: Zima is not beer. Zima is not beer. Zima is not beer.

I know that. The "double bock" was part of the joke. :-)

> >18. Omelette Oily Ale
> You do realize that they only *call* it an "egg creme"?

It's high time that name became accurate.

> >19. Sushi Chunky-Style Stout
> With a fish at the bottom of the bottle!

And a wasabi-flavored brew surrounding it! I was actually hoping for something more like Orbitz, where the fish would be in suspension, but at worst you can always shake it up a bit.

> >20. Urine Porter
> Easiest one yet. Drink, pee into cup.

If you do this, and it looks anything remotely like porter, you need to seek medical attention really fast.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Disaster - or - Why I May Never Use Glass Bottles Again.
From: Jane <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 3 Dec 2002 06:19:08 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> said:
> Dates, times, when are you free^Weasy^Wcheap^Wavailable?

Never, always, sometimes, let me check.

> I can't, your partner hasn't shuffled the deck yet!

You don't need a deck to play poke-'er, silly.

-jane


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Disaster - or - Why I May Never Use Glass Bottles Again.
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 03 Dec 2002 18:16:34 +1100

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> Ian Davis wrote:
> ; davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> ; > Yeah, well, you'll get over it. Go drink some homebrew.
> ; IRTA "Hebrew." I'm really not sure what that means in psychiatric terms.
> You wish you were a Jewish vampire?

Oy, life sucks, don't ask...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Disaster - or - Why I May Never Use Glass Bottles Again.
From: LostJonny <jnoXbuXg.visi.com>
Date: 04 Dec 2002 05:00:55 GMT

ossipewsk.hotmail.com (Richard Fitzpatrick) wrote:
> Ian Davis <not.all.certain> wrote:
>> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>> > Yeah, well, you'll get over it. Go drink some homebrew.
>> IRTA "Hebrew." I'm really not sure what that means in psychiatric terms.
> Well, drinking hebrew sure beats eating pork, doesn't it?

In the meantime, have a Negelah, the official beer of Israel.

LJ
Who has no fish, fighting or otherwise.


From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.mindless.com>

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>LostJonny wrote:
>; In the meantime, have a Negelah, the official beer of Israel.
>Since when? When I was there, it was Maccabee.

Internally we call it Maccabee (especially on Hanukkah) but the reference I think you're missing is to our world wide campaign.

The Neranena cigarette campaign doesn't seem to be having the same amount of success sadly.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Disaster - or - Why I May Never Use Glass Bottles Again.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 3 Dec 2002 06:27:15 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> said:
> Tom Harrington wrote in message ...
>> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>>> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote ...
>>> > Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>>> > > All of my old stock. All the last bits of the really good stuff, including the prize-winner and its siblings.
>>> > Argh. I guess that just goes to show you, you should have sent some of it to each of us for safe-keeping.
>>> Shyeah, right, that'd work. Even if you did manage not to drink it, you're far too sensible and discerning to ever send it back.
>>Of COURSE we wouldn't! It's obvious that you don't keep it in a safe place! Why would we want to endanger it by sending it back, when we can protect it from harm?
> Thanks Tom. I always knew I needed protection from myself.

Alright, RHOD medical-types, just how many incidents of autotransmision of STDs have been reported in the literature?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are ribbed for their own pleasure


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: So I got this ad...
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 03 Dec 2002 07:36:18 +1100

Sid <sid.nospam.net> wrote:
> Can I complain about my spam? I only get what I like to call the "measurement spam". It's either about gaining inches or losing inches.
> Sid, what if I just want to keep the inches I have?

You misspelled "itches."


From: "Lord Insidious, World Dominator" <calieber.bigfoot.com>

> Can I complain about my spam? I only get what I like to call the "measurement spam". It's either about gaining inches or losing inches.

Mine says "Feel 20 years younger!" which in my case would mean playing with blocks and taking a nap every afternoon.

So, how 'bout it, Sid, you want to be called "cute" when you masturbate and be allowed to shit whenever the spirit, er, moves you?


From: davehinz.spamcop.net

> Mine says "Feel 20 years younger!" which in my case would mean playing with blocks and taking a nap every afternoon.

...you say that like it's, a bad thing?

Dave "sounds like an ideal day to me" Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: So I got this ad...
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 3 Dec 2002 06:21:32 GMT

Hetta <spamtrap.hetta.saunalahti.fi> said:
> ... in my spamcop catchall thingy. The subject line says "Increase your penis 3 inches in 22 days".
> I'm _very_ sure I can't increase the size of my penis at all.

Why not? Maybe you'd be happy to suddenly have a 3" penis.

Hey, RF seems happy enough.

> Should I sue these guys for false promises?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies promise falsies


From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>

>Why not? Maybe you'd be happy to suddenly have a 3" penis.
>Hey, RF seems happy enough.

At the risk of appearing over-sensitive, that would seem very harsh - if I knew what the hell you were on about.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: So I got this ad...
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 07:21:06 +1100

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> wrote:
> Suddenly, much of the last fifteen years and four weeks makes complete sense.

The other eight years and 3 months of your marriage must have been very trying.


From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>

>The other eight years and 3 months of your marriage must have been very trying.

Hey, stop it with the pearls of wisdom! I still want mystery in my life.

I bet you stand outside the new Harry Potter movie telling kids "The Snake dies", right?


From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)

>I bet you stand outside the new Harry Potter movie telling kids "The Snake dies", right?

"Titanic: The ship sinks."


From: Sid <sid.froup.com>

> "Titanic: The ship sinks."

"Lord of the Rings: Frodo gives Sauron the ring and they get married."

Sid, what do you mean "That's not the story"?


From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>

>"Lord of the Rings: Frodo gives Sauron the ring and they get married."

That's not a bad idea, actually. All this time Frodo's been scared witless whenever he comes across the all-seeing eye, and all he had to do was kneel and propose. Some soft music, a little candle-light, and he could have forgotten all about the volcano.

>Sid, what do you mean "That's not the story"?

Oh, I'm sure there's some slash fiction out there with that very premise.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: So I got this ad...
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Thu, 12 Dec 2002 15:41:46 +1100

dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh) wrote:
> I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

I turned into a parking space today.


From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>

> I turned into a parking space today.

I was walking down the street, then suddenly I turned into a door that was ajar.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are both flammable and inflammable


From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)

>I turned into a parking space today.

You could have turned into a barber shop. That's a close shave.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Problem with search engine
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 2 Dec 2002 13:09:08 GMT

Teh (tî'pô) wrote:
> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>>Sorry to hear that some wankers not only have too much time on their hands
> Time? I've never heard it called *that* before.

It sure beats having too much Tim on your hands. Unless, I suppose, you're one of the Tims, that is.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Problem with search engine
From: clemenr.westminster.ac.uk (Ross Clement)
Date: 5 Dec 2002 09:50:11 GMT

TimC wrote:
: I don't want the other Tim on my hand.

Would 'under your thumb' do?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Problem with search engine
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 03 Dec 2002 11:54:24 +1100

ossipewsk.hotmail.com (Richard Fitzpatrick) wrote:
> Drat you rhodents - that's twice in 24 hours!

And in related news, although the more serious charges were dropped, Richard is no longer allowed to visit the small mammals exhibit at the zoo.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Important Lesson
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Thu, 05 Dec 2002 11:18:47 -0700

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> said:
> >>Eli the Bearded wrote:
> >>> steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
> >>>> Vanilla Coke (20 oz) + pseudo-sugar (2 packets) == volcano simulation
> >>>> Further lessons to be explained at great length. But not this one.
> >>> I've noticed the same thing with instant coffee
> > I'm sorry, that word and/or phrase does not appear in my lexicon.
> Try this: walk into a coffee shop say "give me a coffee *NOW*".

It's more effective if you make your hands shake, make your eyes bug out a bit, and sort of snarl as you say it.


From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)

m_init(): spawning followupTo('steven')...done.
>>Eli the Bearded wrote:
>>> I've noticed the same thing with instant coffee
>I'm sorry, that word and/or phrase does not appear in my lexicon.

In fact, everything from 'herring' to 'marmalade' appears to be missing.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Important Lesson
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Tue, 10 Dec 2002 09:52:15 +0000 (UTC)

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> said:
> And it's a weekend - you b*st*rd.

Hee hee, I guess I became too much of a pain in the "a"s for RF.

> Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti is off to lie in the hammock in the shade (where it is merely 24C, not 32C) and consume some of the beer what didn't leap to it's death.

Hey, waddayaknow? It's 24 degrees here, too!
You Aussie chaps are alright afterall.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies could really use a beer right about now


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: That's Appropriate
From: bdbdbdbuck.aol.com (Lane Gray, Czar Castic)
Date: 3 Dec 2002 06:40:47 -0800

Brantley Hudson wrote:
> Viki wrote:
> > mmmmmm, suddenly I'm feeling rather relaxed....
> > Viki, looking for Buddha as we speak
> It's just south of Austin - spelled Buda. Cool little town.

I still like the sense of humor of the guy who named this one little town a bit south (or was it north? too lazy to look it up, it's right on I-35, has a coupla truck stops) of Waco the unassuming name of "West" I've been known to make check calls (back when we drove cross country, and had to make check calls daily) saying something like "I'm somewhere in West Texas." It was also great fun to make the calls via voicemail from places like Zelienople, Penn., Herculaneum, Mo., or Ludowice, Ga (pronounced Lewd-o-wissy-- apparently the natives couldn't get the hang of the Polish)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oh, the humanity...
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 03 Dec 2002 11:56:17 +1100

ossipewsk.hotmail.com (Richard Fitzpatrick) wrote:
> See, we *do* have ideas in common with alien life forms...
> .
> .
> .
> .
> What? I'm ready? The transport beam is on? You'll TAKE me?!?!?!?!?!
>
> WOO-effin'-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Sadly, in making allowances for the probability of alien anal probes, Richard had misunderstood "beam" as its physics definition, rather than its construction worker definition.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Business trip.
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.mindless.com>
Date: Tue, 03 Dec 2002 18:11:21 +0200

Well, it's like this....

I've been reworking a project at work and the powers that be decided to send me to a client and help them integrate it. Originally I was supposed to leave this Sunday but it got postponed by a week.
When this first came up I asked my boss where the company was located and he said he isn't sure, he thinks San Jose. OK, fine by me. Today I asked again and we decided to look it up.

The good news is we got the continent right, Ottawa? WTF?

weather.com told me it's -18C there but that's OK, it really feels like -28 (it's +20 degrees here at the moment).

Good thing we decided to check in advance, I guess it's time I practiced my igloo building skills...

Well the real reason I'm writing this is... I can't for the life of me remember if there are Ottawanian rhodites. If there are you'd better go into hiding or I might try to mooch a beer off of you.

--
It's Teh yellow snow that's good for eating right?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Business trip.
From: Hetta <spamtrap.hetta.saunalahti.fi>
Date: Thu, 05 Dec 2002 14:24:37 +0200

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
> Hetta (aka Bruce) was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea:
> > Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
> >> "Teh (t?'p?)" <teh.mindless.com> wrote:
> >> > It's Teh yellow snow that's good for eating right?
> >> Right, it's lemon flavored.
> > And it's traditional for guys to pee into the wind, too.
> > Hetta (makes for nicer arcs, when it freezes before it hits the ground.)
> Heh. Is that possible? Have you tried?

You're accusing me of lying?

Of _course_ it's possible. Why, there's still arcs behind the barn from where grampa and his pals had a party back in '27!

Hetta (Bloody annoying, says I. They're in one of my best nettle patches, and they're worn so thin they're needle sharp, these days.)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Business trip.
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 5 Dec 2002 22:33:11 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Teh (tî'pô)')...done.
>[1] Could the person be referred to as the "peeer" and the urine as the "peee"?

So much for 'peeers of the realm'.


From: Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org>

; So much for 'peeers of the realm'.

Well, that explains why the common people are called "peons".


From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>

> So much for 'peeers of the realm'.

Explains a lot though, doesn't it?

Also the problems I have with peer review of my papers.


From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>

> So much for 'peeers of the realm'.

And on another note, I had a highly enjoyable evening last night with the hospital urology unit. One of the many topics of conversation was how to deal with the terrible problems that someone from a local body piercing establishment was having with his urinary stream. Apparently it causes interesting flow dynamics. Where's DMP when you need him?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Business trip.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Thu, 5 Dec 2002 23:33:55 +0000 (UTC)

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
> Ian Davis wrote:
> ; it causes interesting flow dynamics. Where's DMP when you need him?
> How do you know that wasn't DMP?

Well hell...how do we know Ian isn't DMP?

Or, by extension of Pode Theory, if you know that DMP exists and you look around and don't see him, then you are DMP.

/me looks around

/me wimpers

/me checks pants

/me doesn't see anything...diagnostic

/me gives up

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies will extend theories into unrelated fields for fun and profit


From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>

> How do you know that wasn't DMP?

DMP has some...characteristic physical features. Sadly, images of these were once posted on the net. Some of us still bear the psychological scars.


From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>

> DMP has some...characteristic physical features.

I thuoght that's what you were alluding to.

Or is the case at hand (sorry) more of a leaky-hose or a dual-slit experiment rather than a cascades?

> Sadly, images of these were once posted on the net. Some of us still bear the psychological scars.

Even for those of us who had gone blind years before, those images somehow poked through.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies can write in calligraphy in the snow


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Business trip.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Thu, 5 Dec 2002 19:18:17 +0000 (UTC)

steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> said:
> TimC wrote:
>>18C is cold.
> No, 18 K is cold. But if it ever gets down that far, you've got more pressing concerns.

Ya, like stubbing your toe and having it shatter.

Whoever first wrote "breaking up is hard to do" had obviously never tried taking a bath in liquid nitrogen.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are broken-hearted


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Great Britons
From: "Kegs" <hotmail.jameskeasley.com>
Date: Tue, 03 Dec 2002 22:46:10 +0000

Brantley Hudson wrote:
> http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/programmes/greatbritons/index_final.shtml
> Just on a personal - say _what?_ note, can you believe _Boy George_ ranked in at 46 ahead of such notables as Alexander Graham Bell, Charles Babbage, David Livingstone, and Sir Frances Drake?

Thank $DEITY that Turing was above David Beckham[1], though Beckham was for some reason one place above Thomas Paine, and quite significantly higher than Boy George et al. in the list.

Also that great plagiarist[2] J K Rowling was above Tolkien, but then again that is what you get if you ask the Sun reading GBP[3] to vote on anything, they'll say 'Who? never heard of him, who'd he play for then?'

[1] Note for merkins and other Aliens, if the Cult of Beckham hasn't reached that far then, Mr Beckham is a rather talented footballer[4], who is married to Posh Spice, their combined IQs would just about match those of a slug, or RF.

[2] Allegedly

[3] Great British Public:- collective IQ about 7, raised several points if you include their pets

[4] No, the kind were the foot actually connects with the ball with reasonable frequency[5]

[5] unless one of the teams is Sheffield United that is[7]

[6] There is no 6

[7] or Tottenham



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