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2002 02 B.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.despam.webone.com.au>
Date: Sat, 16 Feb 2002 10:07:31 +1100

Ken McGlothlen wrote ...
>Thank yew, thank yew very much. I'd like my crown now.

Jeez. In under nine hours, no less.

Blimmin' 'ell, Screwtape! YOU made the promise. How in hell can rhod afford to buy a crown, hmmm?

I just wish these whipper-snappers would think before committing to these outrageous awards.

Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti wonders if a diadem would do.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Wed, 20 Feb 2002 23:08:18 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
>It's rumored that Donald Welsh said:
>; >m_init(): spawning followupTo('Richard Fitzpatrick')...done.
>; >>Yeah, and Playschool once showed us Deborah Mailman's nipple.
>; Which?
>Probably the middle one.

Well, it's good to know that (Australian) ABC TV is doing its duty in educating the young about life's finer points.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2002 16:19:19 -0700

Hetta said this on the eve of tomorrow:
>> Getting there, George:
>>
>> 49 votes for 1241
>> 48 1242
>> 47 1243
>
>... 46 1244
>Very interesting indeed. Coinkidink? You tellme.

You send in the tellme, and get this a few seconds later:


The Oracle demands that you answer this question, mortal!

> Great and Mighty Oracle, who has more arms than a bipolar octopus in the mating season, please answer this question from a more-or-less humble supplicant:
> What if life was like the internet?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.despam.webone.com.au>
Date: Sat, 16 Feb 2002 10:27:38 +1100

Hetta wrote in message ...
>Hetta <hetta.saunalahti.fi> wrote:
>> Getting there, George:
>>
>> 49 votes for 1241
>> 48 1242
>> 47 1243
>
>... 46 1244
>Very interesting indeed. Coinkidink? You tellme.

Scary. D'ya think the Kinster will want to do anything about it? Soon there'll be more Priests than voters. There's probably already more contributors than voters.

Perhaps I should vote more often - but the use of sock-puppets is unethical, innit?

Incidentally--oops, Inkidenkally, the graph looks a little like this:

Votes
per
Digest
170 |
160 |                           **
150 |                          *  *
140 |                         *    **
130 |                        *       *
120 |                      **         *
110 |                    **            **
100 |                   *                *
090 |                 **                  *
080 |                *                     **
070 |               *                      ***
060 |             **                          **
050 |           **
040 |        ***
030 |     ***
020 | ****
010 |___________________________________________
000
000     200    400    600    800    1000     1200
000                     Digest Number

Except that there is more overlap and the "line" is quite broad. That said, the sheer number of data points indicates that the trends are quite strong, in each direction.

What this inquiring mind wants to know is what *happened* around Digest #840?

Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti is, all things considered, glad that there were no anomalies at Digests #1196 and #1197... not to mention Digests #999 and #1000.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Fri, 22 Feb 2002 00:55:45 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('TechnoAtheist')...done.
>A group of monkeys who are getting a bit antsy right about now claiming to be "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.despam.webone.com.au> wrote:
>>Dammitall. If you were to hold it in 2003, I'd actually be able to come.
>
>
>wow.
>
>
>
>You really need to date more.

On the other hand, if his little black book has advance reservations for at least the next ten months or so..


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: twchew.mindspring.com (Tim Chew)
Date: 19 Feb 2002 14:13:31 -0800

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.despam.webone.com.au>:
> Hetta wrote:
> >davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> >> Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.despam.webone.com.au>:
> >> > What this inquiring mind wants to know is what *happened* around Digest #840?
> >> Oh, er, sorry, I think that was me.
> >Okay, we were very amused, ha-ha, nice joke. It's gone on for long enough, though, so you can give it back now.
> Yeah, or we'll sick Joel "Jay" Furr on you.

Last I heard, he lived about 20 miles from here. Maybe I could invite him to Oracle-fest.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.grayhoundchronicles.com>
Date: Sat, 23 Feb 2002 18:06:49 GMT

A group of monkeys who were beaten to the punches claiming to be st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>m_init(): spawning followupTo('Richard Fitzpatrick')...done.
>>Ta ever so, TA.
>>You can go and follow the sage advice of FC/Pd2CV/PK an' all.
>You too, eh, TA?
>I've been thinking of starting a club. Care to join?
>Screwtape,
>..."Surely you believe in clubs for women?"

Yes, but I've generally found that I prefer my dates unarmed.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 28 Feb 2002 21:01:06 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Sid')...done.
>>Screwtape,
>>...a fan of "IP Datagram Transmission by Avian Carrier"
>"NNTP on goat entrails" is my personal favourite.

Is that really an RFC? I thought it was just JvdB being weird.

Screwtape,
...who still likes the 19" rackmountable goat.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.despam.webone.com.au>
Date: Wed, 20 Feb 2002 22:25:17 +1100

Al Sharka wrote:
>Ian Davis wrote:
>> GW De Lacey wrote:
>> > Just to remain on topic, I'd like to announce that all priests are great and glorious, the salt of the Earth, really, with senses of humour to match.
>> Just so I have this straight: your opinion of my sense of humour is that it is dirty and that its components can cause your blood pressure to rise so high that it can cause a fatal stroke?
>Oh-oh, GW. We need to be careful when they start to figure out subtle humor.

S'all right. it only seems that way 'cos they've hired a consultant. We just have to wait until the funding runs out for this phase of the budgeting cycle.

Then we STRIKE.

>-- Al "Of course, Ian is a Priest in a class by himself"

s/is a Priest/has always been/

...mostly 'cos the other kids wouldn't play with him.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Thu, 21 Feb 2002 07:43:59 +1100

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> wrote:
> -- Al "Of course, Ian is a Priest in a class by himself"

Sheesh, you miss *one or two lessons* and the rest get to graduate without you.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Thu, 21 Feb 2002 09:58:08 -0700

twchew.mindspring.com (Tim Chew) wrote:
> Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> wrote:
> > -- Al "Of course, Ian is a Priest in a class by himself"
> That's because when Steve let him in class with the rest of us, he tended to shoot spitballs at Otis, tease Paul, and dunk Caramia's pig tails in the ink well.

What was she doing bringing a pig to school, anyway?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 23 Feb 2002 23:40:14 GMT

Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> wrote:
> Comrade Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> Well, you know he still had to pay off that student loan for the compulsory Priestial humour sensorectomy.
> DARTA "bestial tumour hysterectomy"?

Um, No. Not even close.

Dave "Of course, I could try to *act* supportive but I'd be faking it" Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: twchew.mindspring.com (Tim Chew)
Date: 21 Feb 2002 09:32:49 -0800

Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
> It's rumored that Tim Chew said:
> ; > votes will be important... Oh. Hmmm. I smell a conspiracy. Ooops!
> ; Again, I'd like to reiterate, no one has ever seen me and Mel Gibson in the same place at the same time.
> As much as I try, no one has ever seen me and Michelle Pfeifer in the same place at the same time.

Darned restraining orders.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Thu, 21 Feb 2002 10:07:16 -0700

Jason said this on the eve of tomorrow:
>Tim Chew wrote:
>> "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.despam.webone.com.au> wrote:
>> > Then again, with the votes in the mid-40s and eighteen Priests, mayhap their
>> Actually, would you believe, a lot of the Priests don't vote for many reasons. I don't vote, because I don't want to skew my results. (I'd vote everything I select a 5 and everything else a 1, so my score gets better.)
>So if your composite score was the best, what would your reward be?

Kinzler unchains them for half a minute, in which they can do whatever they like.

--
pieceoftheuniverse - all the other priests look with envy as the rewarded priest cries out "bathroom break!"


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Fri, 22 Feb 2002 07:21:20 +1100

Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> wrote:
> So if your composite score was the best, what would your reward be?

Hmm, I missed Tim's post. I always vote, so that my tastes are reflected in the Digest. I am also fortunate enough to have another way in which my tastes are reflected there. I have no difficulty in voting on the ones I select: I only select oracularities on which I would vote a 4 or 5. The rare exception is one which I don't personally find very funny but which I know certain others would, eg some of the more geeky computer ones (don't send me any!). For those ones, I vote according to my own opinion about them.

The reward for the best score is of course an appearance in the Best-Of, which causes a warm feeling that eventually fades and sometimes becomes faintly embarrassing, not unlike urinary incontinence.

The votes are important. If we didn't vote, no-one would know that endless song lyric ripoffs or yet another Zorkoid response is unlikely to be received well. Wait. Never mind.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.despam.webone.com.au>
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 22:17:25 +1100

Tom Harrington wrote ...
> Ken McGlothlen <mcglk.artlogix.com> wrote:
>> | ..if you want to be pronounced the Pun King, you must make a pun involving a Greater Crested Eagle.
>[snip punning equivalent of the lady of the lake]
>> Thank yew, thank yew very much. I'd like my crown now.
>Thank you so very much, people. For the past day I've had a nonexistent song stuck in my head. It's the Beatles, singing "Here comes the Pun King".

[FX] *coughcough* *sniff* *shuffle*

[voices, off] Are we all ready _this_ time? Yeah, yeah, 'course.

%%
Here he co-o-o-o-omes--

No, no, NO! That's _Cathy's_Clown_[1], you idjits. Let's try again.

%%
Heeeeeeeeere cooooooooomes the Puuuuuun King
Heeeeeeeeere cooooooooomes the Puuuuuun King
Everybody's filking
Everybody's loopy
Heeeeeeeeere cooooooooomes the Puuuuuun King

Quonset paradiso that's amore it's felix-the-carathon
Mondo-grassy papa my moray giuseppe verdi parasite
Pesto arigato tantamount to Canaanite casserole
%%

MUCH better. Now let's all go and get a damned good adenoidectomy.


[1] Number one in UK and USA far too long ago.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 12:14:41 +1100

Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
> My sophmore year at high school, our woodshop project was to put together the woodshop...

Impressive. How were the sex education classes?

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Fri, 22 Feb 2002 18:09:15 +1100

dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh) wrote:
> Hands up everyone who was home-schooled.

OW! Geez, cut your fingernails, will ya?

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Sat, 16 Feb 2002 21:55:59 -0700

Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> wrote:
> JIM, only one in his Grade 9 woodshop class who did not go on to a criminal record.

It's never too late.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 12:09:17 +1100

Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> wrote:
> JIM, only one in his Grade 9 woodshop class who did not go on to a criminal record.

Because he found out that the money is not in the record, it's in the concert tour.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2002 15:01:02 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Hetta')...done.
>st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>> I'd heard that French was just a modern-day continuation of Latin, after all those Gaulish Conquests and what not [2]. I can't think that Russian would have any relation at all to Latin. What's the story, here?
>Yes, you're right, French is in the latin group of languages, along with Spanish, Italian and Portuguese; Russian is plainly not in there.

<assent>

>But picture tsar after tsar after tsar speaking French at his court. And changing the Russian language to fit that. His language was French _any_way ... wouldn't you like to be the absolute ruler of your country?

I'm reminded of an ahbou'd post from a little while ago about the way English pounces on unsuspecting foreign words and drags them, kicking and screaming, into all kinds of awkward declinations and conjugations. I guess the same thing happened in Russia, eh? Linguistic imperialism?

I don't suppose I could bother you to tell me *why* the Russians imported their royals from France? Avid student of history that I am, they taught me nothing worth knowing in High School.. : (

>Cheers
>Hetta (Must get fairly boring fairly fast, having your every whim obeyed instantly.)

That's a very interesting question actually.. if someone would like to give me a research grant, I'll look into it right away. Well, after I've paid off enough menial slaves.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2002 17:06:42 -0700

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
> I'm reminded of an ahbou'd post from a little while ago about the way English pounces on unsuspecting foreign words and drags them, kicking and screaming, into all kinds of awkward declinations and conjugations.

When I see a foreign word tortured in this manner, it always gives me a nice warm feeling of schadenfreude.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Cleopatra VII)
Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2002 11:31:40 GMT

Hetta <hetta.saunalahti.fi> wrote:
>Wouldn't you like to be the absolute ruler of your country?

Ooh, yes, who wouldn't?

>Cheers
>Hetta (Must get fairly boring fairly fast, having your every whim obeyed instantly.)

No, not really.

Cleo
*mwah*


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2002 19:12:01 GMT

Hetta wrote:
> Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> wrote:
> > Yes, but what makes "ar" open, and "ra" closed? Is it the position of your lips when you say it out loud?
> The vocal. Also, the fact that you can continue to say "ra" until you run out of breath (and don't come with any 'but I can say "arrrrrrr", too!', here.)

I can't. Sooner or later I have to say "Matey".


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2002 10:49:01 +1100

Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
> I don't want the stress of having to worry about a Hemlock and Cyanide soup.

It's still kosher if it's prepared properly, isn't it?

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Sat, 16 Feb 2002 16:58:25 -0500

Comrade Hetta wrote:
> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> > Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> wrote:
> > > Finnish is related to Hungarian, though, is it not?
> > I don't think so; perhaps you're thinking of the Latvian/Estonian/Lithuanian languages? As I understand it [1], those are linguistically on the same branch.
> Hungarian, Finnish and Estonian are all in the fenno-ugric language group. Finns think they can understand Estonian (they can't), Estonians can understand Finnish (all those years of Finnish TV...), and neither can understand Hungarians, or vice versa.

Nobody can understand the Hungarians.

Even when they speak fluent English.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2002 12:18:47 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('David Robley')...done.
>st.ferd2.thristian.org says...
>> m_init(): spawning followupTo('Donald Welsh')...done.
>> >[2] Gooseberry in Australia is Kiwifruit in the U.S.
>> So what do USians call what we in Australia call Kiwifruit?
>> Screwtape,
>> ...who realises that kiwifruit aren't actually eaten by kiwis.
>I'm not so sure about that - they seem to sell a lot of it here in NZ :-)

I'm imagining small, flightless birds with little trays around their necks wandering up and down the aisles at cricket matches...

But if you *are* in NZ at the moment, you want to be buying kiwifruit chocolate. Little chunks of kiwifruit in chocolate. Almost as beautiful as the landscape.

Screwtape,
...who, brought up on The Curiosity Show, thought even Rotorua was cool.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: LOTR - FOTR
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 15 Feb 2002 23:12:40 GMT

Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> said:
> Comrade Screwtape wrote:
>> [st.grundoon]: ~% wget
>> http://aix1.uottawa.ca/~jevan093/big_pianoey_who.MID
>> 18:22:33 ERROR 403: Forbidden.
> I've had zero luck linking to things lately...
> I think I've fixed it now, if anyone still cares.

"Still"?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have the smallest access_log, milligram for milligram, of any creature in the universe


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: LOTR - FOTR
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2002 17:34:09 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Tom Harrington')...done.
> Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> wrote:
>> Anyone ever hear the medley of the Who theme and Gary Glitter's "Rock and Roll Pt II" someone did about 10 years ago? Priceless. Wish I had a copy of that.
>I have it on CD. Want an MP3? In fact I have what was alleged to be "greatest hits" or somesuch by the people who did it. It's quite unique stuff, though often more than a little bizarre. For example: rap, done by someone with a thick Scots accent.

Sounds like prime RHOD material.

Screwtape,
...Please subscribe me to your newsletter.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: LOTR - FOTR
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 12:07:20 +1100

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
> Sounds like prime RHOD material.

My brain read that to me as "primordial." Which explains a lot. I'm just not sure if the explanation applies to rhod or my brain.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Usenet Oracularity #414-01
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 20 Feb 2002 18:41:52 GMT

Screwtape <st.ferd2.thristian.org> said:
> m_init(): spawning followupTo('Richard Fitzpatrick')...done.
>>Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti never met a humour it didn't laugh at.
> I have a melancholy humour.
> Screwtape,
> ...does that make me melancholeric?

Better than having a meloncolonic, I s'pose.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies will pass on the seed-spitting contest


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: from alt.music.saxophone
From: Bystander.THEGARBAGE.standing-by.com (Bystander)
Date: Fri, 22 Feb 2002 02:23:18 GMT

Just before crashing, a computer belonging to "A.W." <alonw.adelphia.net> managed to post:
> i am not a grown man i am a small boy who likes to break stuff and see what happens.
> -Alon

Thank you for providing a perfect example of the "inane drivel" referred to in the Fossilized Vomit thread back that way ^^^^^.

Or should that be, Thank you for providing a perfect example of "Fossilized Vomit" referred to....


Bystander (I always get those confused...)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: from alt.music.saxophone
From: "Nassif!!" <nassifspamless.mindspring.com>
Date: Mon, 25 Feb 2002 00:29:51 -0800

"Daniel E. Macks" wrote:
> TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.grayhoundchronicles.com> said:
> > Look, I'm serious. No matter what the other kids say about "Getting Hammered", DON'T DO IT! Don't hit yourself in the base of the skull with a hammer! You won't get "a feeling of euphoria you can't explain", nor will you "get so high you'll feel like you'll never gonna land". Those are just lies to get you into the habit!!
> I have this feeling that someone maybe Pd2CV posted something about hitting himself in the head with a hammer to get some image out of his head, but now I can't find the post.

Oh, so you've graduated to posts now instead of hammers?

Nassif!!
Whose dark brown siamese fighting ferrets generally use railroad ties, they combine good thwackability with environmental unconsciousness.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: from alt.music.saxophone
From: Bystander.THEGARBAGE.standing-by.com (Bystander)
Date: Sat, 23 Feb 2002 17:29:30 GMT

Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> managed to post:
> Screwtape wrote:
>> m_init(): spawning followupTo('Donald Welsh')...done.
>> <snip>
>> >>I am rich, not poor, says the robed man with the white beard sitting atop his mountain in the midst of the open seas. These are all natural things, he remarks, with his eyes fixed like a goat.
>> >>Yo Han is his name,
>> >Father of Yo Ku.
>> "A chicken in the one hand, eraser in the other,
>> A poem on the rocky ledge, proclaiming you his brother."
>> <snip>
>> >[2] There's another rule you should follow (from the same book): Omit needless words.
>> ITYM "Omit needless gratuitous words".
> Are you sure it isn't "Omit needless gratuitous superfluous words"?

I'm positive it's, "Omit needless gratuitous superfluous redundant words."

Bystander (...or did I mention that already...)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: horrible affliction
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 22 Feb 2002 06:02:52 GMT

Sid <sid.siddhartha.8m.com> said:
> Eli the Bearded muttered:
>>You lot seem to enjoy these things:
>> http://www.rumandmonkey.com/widgets/tests/affliction/
>Congratulations, you're syphilis!

Well done, Sid!

/me claps

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if he will also applaud


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: horrible affliction
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 24 Feb 2002 23:09:49 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net <davehinz.spamcop.net> said:
> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>> /me claps
> Is this the point where we applaud you for your clever word-play (again), or do you now claim this was accidental? I haven't been keeping track, sorry about that.
> Dave "Trying to work 'the sound of one hand clapping' in somehow and failing" Hinz

Perhaps "what is the sound coming from the clap of one hand"?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have a strange burning sensation on their palms


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: horrible affliction
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Fri, 22 Feb 2002 15:57:01 GMT

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>/me claps
>dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if he will also applaud

It's bad enough that Dan gave Sid the clap...

...but I *really* didn't want to watch.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oldest gag alive
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 24 Feb 2002 04:10:07 GMT

Daniel Glick <dg371.i5.nyu.edu> said:
> *jumping up and down*
> Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

Fine, you can be on my team. But this time try to remember that there's no heading the ball in lacrosse.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have never seen a man turned inside-out through his ass before


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: An intermission
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Mon, 25 Feb 2002 05:09:47 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> wrote:
<snip>
> > JIM, it's the ice hockey, kids.
> Ah. I take it that the Canadians won the gold in hockey? No offense, but why would that be surprising? Or, is this a general "Yee-hah" kind of a thing, even though it's completely predictable?
> Dave "Now, Jamaica winning it, that would be something" Hinz

I did not watch any of the Olympics. I especially did not watch any of the hockey competitions. Let's face it, if I wanted to see a bunch of highly compensated NHL players, I'd go to an NHL game. I believe it's time to start disallowing professional athletes again. By professional, I mean anyone who doesn't require an income from a real job in order to pay bills. I also don't want to see anything that can't be objectively scored. If a number that has the label "Artistic ..." gets factored into your score, I'm sorry, but you need a ticket to be here. And no more of this Gold/Silver/Bronze bullcrap. The winner gets a crown of laurels, everybody else goes home.

Here's hoping the Greeks knock some sense back in in 2004.

Wibble.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: An intermission
From: johnyaya137.earthlink.nospamplease.net (Sagacious Euphemism)
Date: Mon, 25 Feb 2002 06:14:53 GMT

Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> wrote:
>Here's hoping the Greeks knock some sense back in in 2004.

And another thing, for real Greek authenticity, all the athletes have to perform nude. This might improve the male audience demographic on ice-skating.

John -- whose brightly-colored kribensis cichlids want them to make spawning an olympic sport


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: An intermission
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Mon, 25 Feb 2002 09:51:17 -0700

johnyaya137.earthlink.nospamplease.net (Sagacious Euphemism) wrote:
> Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> wrote:
> >davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> >> Dave "Now, Jamaica winning it, that would be something" Hinz

Well it _had_ been something like fifty years since the last time they did it. Not surprising, maybe, but still a rare event.

> > I also don't want to see anything that can't be objectively scored. If a number that has the label "Artistic ..." gets factored into your score, I'm sorry, but you need a ticket to be here. And no

Let's just get rid of any event involving one or more of the following:

  • Hair-dos as an important part of preparation
  • Wearing of jewelry
  • Wearing of make up
  • "Artistic" outfits instead of team uniforms

The people involved in these events are no doubt hard working people doing incredible things, but if any of these things is important to winning, then it's not a sport.

> And another thing, for real Greek authenticity, all the athletes have to perform nude. This might improve the male audience demographic on ice-skating.

Or women's ice hockey, for that matter.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: An intermission
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 26 Feb 2002 02:04:58 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster.gordol.org> said:
> It's rumored that davehinz.spamcop.net said:
> ; Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
> ; > It's rumored that Tom Harrington said:
> ; > ; Or women's ice hockey, for that matter.
> ; > Summer games - women's volleyball.
> ; I like how you think.
> In that case, how about co-ed football?

It seems kinda unfair that only guys can be ball carriers, and that even after a defender tackles him, touches him, and pull his flag, there's still no guarantee that he'll go down?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder where folks'll wear pads


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: An intermission
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Mon, 25 Feb 2002 23:19:44 -0500

Comrade Tom Harrington wrote:
> Or women's ice hockey, for that matter.

On the night I heard the Chinese women's team was playing the Swedes, Buddha forgive me, my first thought was "Loser scrubs the winner's backs".

JIM, SETIAHGGA, we get signal...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: An intermission
From: vvidt.netscape.net (Viki)
Date: 26 Feb 2002 07:16:30 -0800

johnyaya137.earthlink.nospamplease.net (Sagacious Euphemism) wrote:
> And another thing, for real Greek authenticity, all the athletes have to perform nude. This might improve the male audience demographic on ice-skating.

But then again, nobody would watch the super-heavyweight lifters in the summer games, eh?

Viki


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: An intermission
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Tue, 26 Feb 2002 14:10:09 -0700

Tom Harrington said this on the eve of tomorrow:
[about super heavyweight lifters]
>Maybe female and gay viewers would like this one to be naked, though.

Speaking as a heterosexual male: no.

Let me explain.

Take a gorgeous model; any one of them will do (and you know you want to take one, so go right ahead. They come in six-packs, anyway).

Strip her naked. Nice view, right? Here, have a napkin; you're slobbering all over my nice clean floor.

Now: give her a jar to open. A jar that has had the lid welded shut. It's a cruel trick, I'll admit, but go ahead and give her the jar anyway, and ask her to open it.

I'll, um, be over here.

If this *still* doesn't bring the point across, then it's time to get into a really weird area, and those of you ... ah, hell, just #insert standarddisclaimer.h

So you've got this beautiful woman naked in front of you, and she's a little bit ticked off because you've given her a jar that had the lid welded shut. Fine, fine, just dismiss her to the bathroom while you power up your ultra-secret spy equipment to, um, "look in" on her.

And let's say that she's, well ... constipated.

The image is in your brane now, right? With you crying out "God, why?" Well, *that* (or something eerily similar) is what you would subject people to by having the super heavyweight lifters naked. And *that*, by the by, is why the olympians began wearing clothes: they were scaring small children.

--
pieceoftheuniverse - clothes: not just for strippers anymore.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Congrats - when?
From: Thomas.Koenig.online.de (Thomas Koenig)
Date: 25 Feb 2002 19:22:30 +0100

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> wrote:
>Thomas Koenig wrote:
>> Just wondering - the votes are in for some stuff of mine that made it into the digests (#1245 and #1246), and there's no congrats message yet. (Of course, I just had to look on the Web). Is this a normal state of affairs?
>You get them five digests later when they close the voting.

Uh, you know, I sort of wrote "the votes are in".

>Answered in 1.2 of the nqn TIO user FAQ: 1.2 How do I read vote codes?

So we have a case where reality disagrees with the FAQ. I'm completely aghast at that - I am sure this has never happened before in Usenet history, and will never happen again. Film at 11! Women and children first!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: and do you work?
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Tue, 26 Feb 2002 15:34:32 GMT

"Sid" <blah.blah.com> answered his own question when he wrote:
>Apparently not.

Do I work? Hell no. I've been broken for years.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Spike
From: Barry <friend.public.com>
Date: Wed, 27 Feb 2002 13:29:48 -0000

Rest in peas.

Barry


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Spike
From: Ken McGlothlen <mcglk.artlogix.com>
Date: 27 Feb 2002 22:17:31 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net writes:
| Sorry to hear - friend of yours, I take it?

Dave, Dave, Dave. Spike Milligan. The last Goon. You know, the Goon Show, with Peter Sellers, Michael Bentine and Harry Secombe?

Milligan had a difficult life---he was manic-depressive---but an inspired writer of humor. The Goons have been credited for inspiring a number of British comedy teams, including Monty Python, the Two Ronnies, and others. He wrote numerous books, including "Hitler: My Part in His Downfall" and "The Old Testament According to Spike Milligan," all highly recommended. He was also a talented musician and poet, and once referred to the Prince of Wales as a "little groveling bastard." Uh . . . hang on. Here we go, from a CNN article ( http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/europe/02/27/death.milligan/ ):

... He was renowed for his irreverant off-the-cuff public comments.

In 1992, receiving an honorary CBE, visibly frail Milligan had everyone in stitches, quipping: "I can't see the sense in it really. It makes me a Commander of the British Empire. They might as well make me a Commander of Milton Keynes -- at least that exists!"

Probably his most famous -- or notorious remark -- was in 1994 when, at the age of 76, he was receiving a Lifetime Achievement Comedy Award.

Accepting the award, he read out a warm letter of congratulations from the Prince of Wales, and then, to laughter from the audience, added: "Little grovelling bastard."

He later sent a fax to the prince saying: "I suppose a knighthood is out of the question now?" ...

I didn't agree with some of his politics, but he was a remarkable comic, and a remarkable man.

Go forth and educate thyself. Sheesh.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Spike
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Thu, 28 Feb 2002 07:30:17 +1100

Barry <friend.public.com> wrote:
> Rest in peas.

We will now observe a moment's silliness.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Spike
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 28 Feb 2002 21:03:52 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Ian Davis')...done.
> Barry <friend.public.com> wrote:
>> Rest in peas.
>We will now observe a moment's silliness.

"How goes the war?"

"Dreadful - take this banana for instance. Only eaten once, and just look at it!"

"But back in England, they told me all was well!"

"Back in England, all *is* well".

Screwtape,
...Who is Pink Oboe?



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