Jump to Navigation

We've moved! The new address is http://www.henriettes-herb.com - update your links and bookmarks!

2002 02 a.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: News and more news
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Sat, 02 Feb 2002 16:56:01 GMT

Sid wrote:
> davehinz.spamcop.net muttered:
> >Sid <sid.siddhartha.8m.com> wrote:
> >> davehinz.spamcop.net muttered:
> >>>Um. You're not the new CEO for Enron, are you? That gig, I'd stay away from personally.
> >> They're employing? I thought the general employee movement from Enron is outward and not inward.
> >Well, they *did* just hire a new CEO, guy who specialises in that sort of a gig. I suppose KMart is dissapointed they didn't snag him first.
> Or Global Crossing.

"Hi, my name's Steve, and I'll be your CEO for your bankruptcy filing. Please let me first just say how wonderful I think it is that you guys are tanking. It keeps me in paychecks."


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oldest gag alive
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Fri, 01 Feb 2002 04:06:53 -0000

davehinz.spamcop.net (davehinz.spamcop.net) wrote:
> Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
>> Found this in rec.humor.funny.reruns. The google archive must go back further than I believed possible....
>> From: DiabIosPet.aol.com
>> Subject: Todays Thoughts...
>> Keywords: chuckle, swearing, forwarded, originally appeared in Feb, 1900
> I wonder if that's not supposed to read "19100"?
> Dave "Boy, am I glad *that* is over..." Hinz

Is it safe to come out of the bunker yet? I'm getting tired of eating rehydrated rice and beans every night. Although it does create an interesting perpetual-motion kind of system; need fuel for the stove to cook the beans? Just eat some more.

From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Well, with any so-called perpetual motion, there's always some energy loss; most of the energy is used up in the smell and sound rather than actual emission. Hence why natural gas has yet to catch on as a renewable power source.

Anyway, after hearing about 1/1/2000 problems, and then about the high chance of peope screwing up the leap year thingy, I decided I wouldn't come out until February 30. It still hasn't come around and I'm beginning to worry.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oldest gag alive
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Thu, 07 Feb 2002 23:46:55 -0500

Comrade Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> begin Donald Welsh quote:
>> Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
>> >Tom "Tom" Harrington said:
>> >; Of course the real reason February 30th hasn't rolled around is that today is the 3076th day of September 1993. I should have a little more than six years left before I have to think about y2k, assuming, that is, that September ever ends.
> ; >Based on some of the users I've had to deal with recently, it's going to be September for a long, long time.
> ; It'll be okay as long as you don't feed them after midnight, expose them to bright light, or get them wet.
> ; -- D. "You didn't do any of that, did you?" W.
> Well, it is kinda hard to drown someone over the phone or 'net.

I find the monitor usually stops working when I put it in the tub.

Then I start feeling all tingly and *I* stop working.

JIM, again! again!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oldest gag alive
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sun, 10 Feb 2002 00:06:16 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Donald Welsh')...done.
> Robot Karate Man <HeySteveo.steveo.cjb.net> wrote:
>> from Jim Evans wrote:
>>> Then I start feeling all tingly and *I* stop working.
>>I wouldn't worry about it, a lot of guys fall asleep afterwards.
>If you've ever watched rabbits, the buck will just fall off when he's done. It looks like he just loses his balance.

...hence the origin of the phrase "The buck stops here", used to describe a place where rabbits frequently breed.

If your boss has a placard or poster bearing such a slogan, you might want to laugh quietly (or not-so-quietly) every time you walk past.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oldest gag alive
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 12 Feb 2002 00:19:34 GMT

Tom "Tom" Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
> begin , Donald Welsh (dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au) wrote:
>> If you've ever watched rabbits, the buck will just fall off when he's done.
> How often do you watch rabbits mating? This is a.. um.. preference that i had not heard of before.

"Nyeah...what's up, doc?"

*zip*

*SPROING*

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies don't want to know where that carrot's been


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oldest gag alive
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Wed, 06 Feb 2002 08:39:03 -0700

Jeffrey Kaplan said this:
>begin pieceoftheuniverse quote:
>; >> > But my birthday's in August...
>; And mine's in September.
>So then, you haven't aged since 1993.

Neat! So then I can accuse my ex of statutory rape?

--
pieceoftheuniverse - no, wait, *she* hasn't aged, either ...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oldest gag alive
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Wed, 06 Feb 2002 04:43:49 -0000

begin , Ian Davis (Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au) wrote:
> Just for that [actually, just for the halibut), I'm arresting you for disturbing the cod peace. Dammit, where's my pen gone?

That's Ian, always doing his part for cod and country...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oldest gag alive
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Tue, 5 Feb 2002 21:11:51 +1100

begin Richard Fitzpatrick quotation
>Jeffrey Kaplan wrote in message ...
>Jeff! Now you're doing what Screwtape's doing! Please stop... please.
>Jeez, now what am I going to do?

If it's any consolation, Microsoft's Knowledge Base article on the problem suggests workarounds like "Try to use words like 'starts' or 'commences'" and "Don't put the word 'begin' at the beginning of a line".

Of course, that doesn't really help you as a recipient..

>And no smart comments about "getting another newsreader" - that's about as helpful as the various National Motoring Associations' recommendations for consuming less fuel. Which is always, in short, "get a more efficient new vehicle and ignore all the unsavoury side-effects of huge sunk economic and environmental costs that implies".

One out of the NMA (ITYM NRMA?) or myself must be especially thick tonight, as I can't work out what "side-effects of huge sunk economic and environmental costs" means.

I imagine huge sunken economic costs are sort of the antithesis of buried treasure? Are they marked with a big X? Why would anyone bury a huge pile of anti-gold, anti-jewels, and currency marked with minus-signs?

No, scratch that last one - I *can* imagine why someone would do that. But it's the darndest method of debt-reduction I've ever heard of. I guess if you took all that junk and melted it down, that could be debt consolidation. And if you sawed it into little chunks, you could give a chunk away with every purchase of a more efficient new vehicle, even if every purchaser just ignored it.

You're weird, Richard. I can't think how you come up with these crazy ideas.

>Which is what I'm sure you're all about to tell me, in short.

No way - it's too cold, I'm wearing trakky-daks.

Anyway, regarding your original question, *yes* the proper solution is to Get A Real Newsreader, like Free Agent, Gravity, Turnpike, Agent, or a flock of homing pigeons. OTOH, there's still a sufficient quantity of people I like who are getting annoyed at my little game, so I'll stop now.

Screwtape,
...it was fun while it lasted.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Pictures
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Tue, 5 Feb 2002 22:12:45 +1100

m_init(): spawning followup('Richard Fitzpatrick')...done.
>TimC wrote in message ...
>Dammit, not you too?

Apparently, it's Open Season on Outlook users.

Screwtape,
...ITYM "et tu, timmé".


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Pictures
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 6 Feb 2002 03:26:32 GMT

Tom "Tom" Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> TimC wrote in message ...
>> Dammit, not you too?
> It's just so hard to resist exploiting an MS bug when it's so simple to do that it happens by accident, and tends to prove the maxim that using MS products is its own punishment. BTW, yes, me too, though I carefully removed the trigger on this post.

Really? It's just so silly, really. I think now that I at long last
begin to understand that MS sucks rocks.

So is this where we can talk about Richard without him seeing it?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know a thing or two about uuencoding


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oldest gag alive
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Thu, 07 Feb 2002 23:53:19 -0500

Comrade TimC wrote:
> Yay! And then there can be an April 15th still! Which this year, coincidentally, encompasses my 21nd birthday.

I've told you before, do it right the 1rd time.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The operation was a success
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Mon, 04 Feb 2002 14:05:01 -0700

TimC said this:
>pieceoftheuniverse wrote:
>>Too true. I picked up a wireless mouse the other day (from Logitech, the
>DAERTA "wireless moose"?

As opposed to a wired moose?

That would make hunting it easier, I suppose. Pull the plug and follow the cord ...

A wireless moose would be much harder, though. You'd have to block the IR port and then wait for the moose to use up its batteries. Naturally you'd have to find it, which would be easily done (all you'd have to do is listen for the sound of "Daisy, daisy," sung by a moose, and of course we all know what a singing moose sounds like).

--
pieceoftheuniverse - I must be having an odd day.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: international company is looking for entrepreneurs
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Thu, 31 Jan 2002 22:39:19 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
>Sid said:
>; >Kewl. Stupid spammer, giving valid contact info. Too bad Montreal is a long distance call. Hmm... I know SCA people in that city...
>; SCA? Society for Cruelty to Animals?

Society for Consenting Adults. Or so I've heard.

>Society for Creative Anachronisms.

Well, yes, that too. Kind of like Lane's Dagorhir lot (similar to BIF here), but heavier on the historical recreation angle.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: international company is looking for entrepreneurs
From: "Ken Adams" <kmadams85.spamcop.net>
Date: Fri, 8 Feb 2002 23:21:37 -0500

"Jim Evans" <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> wrote:
> Comrade Ian Davis wrote:
> > Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> wrote:
> > > Comrade Ian Davis wrote:
> > > > Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> wrote:
> > > > > Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> > > > > > Or the Chinese spam reply?
> > > > > What's that? Prease to be having no more spam?
> > > > No, it's where you delete it and then half an hour later you want to delete it again.
> > > ghhhy
> > Hmm. I rot13'ed this and got "tuuul." I think I've just been insulted.
> No, that's just what you get when you type with your forehead because you're giggling too hard to write something in English.

You must have an unusual keyboard if your forehead only hits those three letters. Either that, or an unusually pointy forehead.

Let's try it....

mh[u6yhun7667ytyuhn7hgbyhu76nthnyhg

Not even close. How about the nose, then?
hgbbyhghhyhy

Ahh, that's better.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: international company is looking for entrepreneurs
From: "Nassif!!" <nassifspamless.mindspring.com>
Date: Fri, 01 Feb 2002 20:44:58 -0800

Screwtape wrote:
> begin Jeffrey Kaplan quotation
> >Sid said:
> >; >Kewl. Stupid spammer, giving valid contact info. Too bad Montreal is a long distance call. Hmm... I know SCA people in that city...
> >; SCA? Society for Cruelty to Animals?
> >Society for Creative Anachronisms. Mideaval/Renissiance recreationists. Many of which like to play with period weaponry, of both the pointy and blunt kinds.
> > http://www.sca.org/
> I knew some SCAers at University, one of whom spent a lot of her time knitting various Bags of Holding for other members. There was also a thing about SCAers and JWs on ahbou a little while ago. I was thinking about joining, but they only had openings for warriors, and I just want to be a mage.

The stoic, resolved warriors line up on the battlefield. The Lords call the attack.

All of a sudden, some dreadlocked minstrels on the side of the battlefield pipe up:
"Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends...."

The warriors adjust their lines accordingly and have at the minstrels. And there was much rejoicing.

Oop, sorry...that's a "c" not a "k"

[*=THWAP=*]

Nassif!!
Whose dark brown siamese fighting ferrets wish they'd been more careful who they bought their Listerine Pocketpaks from.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: international company is looking for entrepreneurs
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.grayhoundchronicles.com>
Date: Sat, 02 Feb 2002 17:16:27 GMT

A group of monkeys in homespun chainmail claiming to be Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
>Screwtape said:
>; I was thinking about joining, but they only had openings for warriors, and I just want to be a mage.
>That would be because the SCA is based on real history, not fantasy.

See, that was my problem with the group, they kind of go against their name.

I wanted to show up to one of their historic recreations dressed as either a Neanderthal or a WWII machine gunner.


What, like they wouldn't be anachronistic?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I wish...
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 31 Jan 2002 23:42:53 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net <davehinz.spamcop.net> said:
> Kitsune Nine Tail wrote:
>> I'll see your John, and raise you an Elvi convention.
> Some day, we'll find it,
> The Elvi convention,
> The rockers,
> The Crooners,
> and me...

...all our hair's so stiff with gel,
A single match could cause something tra...gic...

"Have you been to McD's
And there did see Elvis?"
I've heard that same old refrain...

Was it that deep voice,
That bright flashy outfit,
A old rocker suff'ring weight-gain?

I've seen him too, man. He tries to ignore it
When I try to call him by name.
Some day we'll bring him
To the Elvi convention.
Then The King can be there with me.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are *really* sorry, Kermit


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I wish...
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Fri, 01 Feb 2002 10:16:27 -0600

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> Ian Davis said:
> ; davehinz said:
> ; > Some day, we'll find it,
> ; > The Elvi convention,
> ; > The rockers,
> ; > The Crooners,
> ; > and me...
> ; Now, *now*, your journey to the dark side is complete!
> It can't be. No Ewoks.

Or zinc, for that matter. Didn't even have the right number of lines, let alone syllables.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I wish...
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.despam.webone.com.au>
Date: Sat, 2 Feb 2002 13:27:02 +1100

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote ...
> Ian Davis said:
>; Now, *now*, your journey to the dark side is complete!
>It can't be. No Ewoks.

Oooooo... Now *there* is a storyline/concept. Jedi Ewoks. BAD Jedi Ewoks. Evil Jedi Ewoks. And there are always three...

Coming to a cinema near you one summer.... No more clones. No more battle-bots. No more special effects budget. You will cack yourself (laughing) at the new heights of absurdity reached in Star Wars XXIII (Episode XIX).... Darth Furry, Darth Snuggly and Darth Cuddly swap glass eyes and lint for a steely-eyed glint in _When_Teddy-Bears_Attack_.

Okay, so the protagonists names need a little work.

I just hope Messrs Lucas and Spielberg don't see this, or I'll burn in Hell forever.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I wish...
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 6 Feb 2002 03:34:51 GMT

Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> said:
> "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>>Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster.gordol.org> said:
>>> Daniel E. Macks said:
>>> ; Some day we'll bring him
>>> ; To the Elvi convention.
>>> ; Then The King can be there with me.
>>> ; dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are *really* sorry, Kermit
>>> Yeah, but are you?
>>Depends..."sorry" as in "apologetic" or "pathetic"?
> Wearing Depends *is* pretty pathetic.

Yeah...it's much more classy to have a (non-glass) catheter.

You thought that corsage that sprayed *water* was a good party-gag?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have their own Budweiser tap

From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Which way do you twist it?
.
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Clockwise for 'on', counterclockwise for 'off'.
.
From: Hetta <hetta.saunalahti.fi>
... so up here the guys have to do it vice versa?
.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
After extensive testing, it appears that both directions have the same effect.
dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder what journal he's gonna publish the results in
.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Cockwise.
dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies think with both heads

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Good: 0, Evil: 14,872,198,203
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 6 Feb 2002 03:36:43 GMT

Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> said:
> Jeffrey Kaplan <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
>>Chris Wesling said:
>>; > > Moof the Cyberdog would pee on their legs if he was still around.
>>; Um, "moof" was what the dogcow said, not the cyberdog.
>>Right. Preston is the name of the cyberdog.
> Isn't that the name of the artificial nails?

Huh?

> -- D. "Lee Preston" W.

Oh.

*THWAP*

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are a little slow tonight


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Another "who are you most like" thingy
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Sat, 02 Feb 2002 03:33:03 -0000

Screwtape (st.ferd2.thristian.org) wrote:
> Tom "Tom" Harrington schrieb:
>> Chris Wesling (cwesling.cannedmeat.prodigy.net) wrote:
>>> Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>>>> http://www.lifesupportal.com/cgi-bin/php.cgi/LOTR/intro.htm
>>>> I'm most like Aragorn.
>>> Gimli. Gimli? Why Gimli? I could see Sam or Frodo, but Gimli?
>>> Must have been because I checked "Rarely" on "Do you like the countryside?" Too much of a city boy to be a proper hobbit...
>>Either that, or you don't smoke and drink enough.
>>I got Boromir. Sigh. Anybody here have a cool ring I could see?
> Bah. You are *so* glad DMP's not here. : )

Oh my. Oh my, my, my. I hadn't even thought of that.

And BTW, thanks ever so much for making me think of that.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: A Datapoint
From: Jim Menard <jimm.io.com>
Date: Sun, 03 Feb 2002 04:57:10 GMT

tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington) writes:
> Jeffrey Kaplan (postmaster.gordol.org) wrote:
> > Daniel E. Macks said:
> > ; It is possible to survive an entire day on nothing but coffee, beer, and Thin Mints Girl Scout cookies.
> > Unless one of them is deadly in and of itself, I don't see why not.
> That depends on how strong the coffee is, doesn't it?

"Two scoops of Girl Scout in every Thin Mints Girl Scout cookie!"


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Pictures
From: Jason Willoughby <jwilloug.gate.net>
Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2002 09:46:18 -0500

Bystander try to kick her cat it chase him up a tre:
> Where would rhod be without people with entirely too much time on their hands?

Several weeks behind.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Insert random thought here.
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Mon, 04 Feb 2002 14:27:53 -0700

TimC said this:
>Jason wrote:
>>Can't you just get a CD burned of your pictures where you get them developed? I'm pretty sure there's places doing that for a small fee here in merka.
>Hmm - I wonder how much is a small fee?

Well, how about this: you send me all of your pictures and I'll scan them, put them on a CD, and send the whole lot back to you.

So that's shipping and handling, cost of goods, labor and union fees, minus the ever-present rhod discount and ... carry the five ... it comes to $98.43 (US).

But! If you act now! You'll get it all for only $9.84! (Plus additional fees). Call now! Operators are standing by!

--
pieceoftheuniverse - offervoidinseventythreecountriesandsomeminorprovidences; checkwithyourlocallawenforcementorganizationbeforecalling; feeofonehundreddollarsapplies; eighteenorolderplease; nocods; ifyouscanthemyourselfyoudsavealotofdough.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Insert random thought here.
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Fri, 08 Feb 2002 00:20:23 -0500

Comrade Sid wrote:
> TimC muttered:
> >How has the ability to hit a target in the head been going lately?
> Do limbs count? I hit a prof. with a chalk yesterday.

I once knocked an annoyingly loud clicky pen out of a student's hand with a piece of chalk from across the room.

ph34r!

> >My trip to Tasmania went relatively successfully - there were many Big Rocks(tm) to be climbed - and only one or two to be fallen off from.
> Falling off rocks is fun. That's how I discovered the pebble (tm). Oh, I haven't told you guys about the pebble.

So while Malc was on the team that developed dirt, you developed the pebble?

JIM


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Insert random thought here.
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.grayhoundchronicles.com>
Date: Sun, 10 Feb 2002 07:24:28 GMT

A group of monkeys who need to crack a window claiming to be Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> wrote:
>Comrade Jellyroll Papadopoulos wrote:
>> Also Sprach Jim Evans:
>> > Malc
>> Gronk.
>Fnerk.

Ok, that's it. No more mexican food for either of you.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Insert random thought here.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 8 Feb 2002 16:33:48 GMT

Sid <sid.siddhartha.8m.com> said:
> Jim Evans muttered:
>>Comrade Sid wrote:
>>> Falling off rocks is fun. That's how I discovered the pebble (tm). Oh, I haven't told you guys about the pebble.
>>So while Malc was on the team that developed dirt, you developed the pebble?
> Yes. And I had employed/appointed -
>
> one x head priest
> one x cleaner of the pebble (tm)
> one x head minion
> 7 x minions
>
> and one x asst. god (me)
>
> Sid, had to give up when I couldn't find any virgin dancers

Dude...you're supposed to have the cast party *after* the show.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies will be back for the second act after have a brief intromission


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Insert random thought here.
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Tue, 12 Feb 2002 20:21:11 -0500

Comrade Ken Adams wrote:
> Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au> wrote:
> > Kitsune Nine Tail <kitsune9tl.hotmail.com> wrote:
> >> >> I did. We were playing Strip Hopscotch (I was winning too).
> >> > I'm not familiar with that game - how does one define "winning" in this case?
> >> Think about that for a second. Is there a way to Actually Lose? Especially if they are willing to play. >B-}
> >Believe me, it's possible to lose. Not all horrors are creeping and fluting.
> The creepers and fluters aren't really all that bad compared to the bouncing and jiggling horrors. And don't even ask about the dribbling horrors!

Look, I said I was sorry.

JIM, furrfu...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Insert random thought here.
From: Barry <friend.public.com>
Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2002 15:46:19 -0000

nassifspamless.mindspring.com says...
> Jim Evans wrote:
> > Look, I said I was sorry.
> Bring DMPie back and we'd have jingling horrors.

Ah, you've read "Jingler At The Threshhold"? One of Lovecraft's less memorable short stories, I fear. I've often wondered whether Shambling, Eldritch, Squamous & Rugose weren't a law firm rather than just a description of the thing...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Insert random thought here.
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Tue, 12 Feb 2002 18:31:19 +1100

Kitsune Nine Tail <kitsune9tl.hotmail.com> wrote:
> > Not all horrors are creeping and fluting.
> I post on alt.devilbunnies and Alt.Sex.Cthulhu.
> I know all four origional verses to Disney's "It's a Small World."

Case in point.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Insert random thought here.
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Tue, 12 Feb 2002 20:56:10 -0700

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca> said:
> > I'll get me 'at.
> Don't forget your 'cron.

Because how else are you going to keep on schedule? Without cron, you'd get constipated.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Hide, Hetta...
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.grayhoundchronicles.com>
Date: Sun, 10 Feb 2002 07:35:19 GMT

A group of monkeys with air-gaffing tape claiming to be dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh) wrote:
> Jim Menard <jimm.io.com> wrote:
>>"Ken Adams" <kmadams85.spamcop.net> writes:
>>> "Sara M" <egk.speedlink.com.au> wrote in message
>>> > Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>>> > > begin Sara M quote:
>>> > > ; www.airguitaraustralia.com
>>> > > Is there a reason why they just +had+ to put their content in an ActiveX/Java type window instead of plain HTML like sane people?
>>> > Maybe you should ask the Tims - I'm sure they know a *lot* more about being a "Westie" than I do...
>>> Is there a reason to suspect that the sponsors of an air guitar contest are anything like sane people?
>>Sanity is relative. Just ask my rel*THWAP*
>>I can think of crazier:
>> A pudding guitar contest
>> An air guitar eating contest
>> A vacuum guitar contest (boy, that would suc*THWAP*)
>> An air accordian contest
>> Any contest involving an accordian whatsoever
>You realize that the air guitarist is accompanied by an air drummer?

Oooh, can I be an air roadie?


Aw, man, like I broke an imaginary string again. Dude's gonna kill me.

From: Jim Menard <jimm.io.com>
Yeah, but you get to *ahem* audition the air-groupies. Just don't pop them.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 11 Feb 2002 13:36:37 GMT

Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au> wrote:
> Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> wrote:
>> And where I work, I am the record-holder by only about two weeks. This is among some fifty-odd network engineers.
> I think you should hear their side of the story before calling them names.

Ian, while it's not pleasant, I think you should at least allow for the possibility that they may *be* network engineers.

Dave "OK, well, someone had to say it" Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: Jim Menard <jimm.io.com>
Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2002 22:46:17 GMT

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.despam.webone.com.au> writes:
> Ian Davis wrote ...
> > vvidt.netscape.net (Viki) wrote:
> >> Form a line to the left, please.
> >No need to tease him about it.
> Hehe. "Does Sir dress to the right or does Sir dress to the left?"

"Never you mind. Just make it baggy in the knees."


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2002 06:53:09 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>...off, that is.

You bastard. Do you have any idea how terrifying that Subject line is?

I mean, if we have to tell the world every time we get laid, some of us would have to make stuff up so we didn't look like complete *losers*!

... um, speaking hypothetically, that is.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just got laid...
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2002 14:49:33 -0700

Hetta <hetta.saunalahti.fi> wrote:
> > I can explain "Io ho un malattia contagioso" when necessary, but that's not in any of the languages you mention.
> It's not dangerous is it? It is? What? Ebona? Aaaaah! <runs away>

That was from a phrasebook's suggested statements for women trying to stop unwanted attentions. If simple things like "mi lasci in pace" and "Io sono sposata" fail, they quickly move on to claims such as the above, and thence to "tu sei disgustoso" and eventually "Chiamo la polizia".


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: Sara M <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2002 19:57:16 +1100

Ian Davis wrote:
> st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
> > m_init(): spawning followupTo('L West')...done.
> > >someone wonderful askme'd my tellme with a reference to crab canons and i wasn't sure if that was being used as a general term or as a reference to GEB:EGB.
> > >Maybe one of you could enlighten me
> > If you've read GEB, you'd know that it *is* a general term that Hofstadter applied in an endearingly literal fashion.
> > So if you reply according to GEB, even boring Bach lovers should get the drift.
> I don't know about that. I'm just trying to visualise the Evil Goodbye Bach.

It's his canTATAS, *isn't* it...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2002 22:37:53 -0600

Ian Davis wrote:
} Ken McGlothlen wrote:
} > (Screwtape) writes:
} > | I feel so sorry for everyone whose poor impulse control has led them to post in this thread. You'll all be Haydn yourselves in the morning.
} > Such a shame, too. Any time a pun-contest comes up, it just turns into all-out warfare. Sort of the feeling a Buddhist, say, would have in in Tel Aviv al di time.
} I could almost hear your screaming as the enema took effect in order to produce that one. Scared all of us. Even frightened the rack man in off the street.

It even made some of us hide in the woods afterwards amongst the dryads and nereids. We even had to show Pan why we were running away so fast.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2002 22:31:28 +1100

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Ken McGlothlen')...done.
>"Viv? What can I do with a viv?"

"Yeah, why'd your mother give you a *girls'* name, VYVIAN!"

Screwtape,
..if you want to be pronounced the Pun King, you must make a pun involving a Greater Crested Eagle.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: Ken McGlothlen <mcglk.artlogix.com>
Date: 15 Feb 2002 20:20:32 GMT

| ..if you want to be pronounced the Pun King, you must make a pun involving a Greater Crested Eagle.

It loses some of its impact when you know the target of the pun up front, but it's perfect for a shaggy-dog story nonetheless.

Recently, scientists discovered a new type of waterbird, which they named a Diaphanous Gull, because the feathers on the wings were so translucent (and it was better than the original name suggested, "Screwtape's Gull," after the discoverer). As circumstance would have it, however, the new species had a very limited range---specifically, the area around Fort Lauderdale---and that was having a very negative effect on the bird population. The birds were quite sensitive to sound, and the noise generated by thousands upon thousands of drunken college kids was impressive. It kept the birds awake. Unable to sleep, they'd fly around until exhausted, and then with an *erk*, they'd just plummet to the ground.

The scientists suggested spring break be cancelled until such time as the population could rebound, but city-officials refused---the income was too great to be ignored or refused. Eventually, though, the scientists came up with a plan. By building grates high over city streets, parking lots, and beaches, they were able to snag the birds before they actually hit the ground, giving them a chance to rest and recover.

And that's how we got the Grate Erk-Rested D. Gulls. (* ba dum bum *)

Thank yew, thank yew very much. I'd like my crown now.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: Hetta <hetta.saunalahti.fi>
Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2002 10:34:36 +0200

ossipewsk.cheerful.com (Richard Fitzpatrick) wrote:
> Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au> wrote
> > http://cgi.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/bestof.cgi?N=276-300 since Ross's engine is out of petrol again.
> Sure, 'tis one of the greatest. Not only by common acclaim, but look! It scored a 4.5! With only seventeen votes! The convergence of general opinion and small-sample polling is astounding.

Getting there, George:

49 votes for 1241
48 1242
47 1243
... I remember when digests regularly got more than 100 votes. Be that as it may, that does look like an interesting straight curve. Let's extend it a tad:
.
.
.
17 votes for


1273

.
.
.
0 votes for


1290

And, most alarmingly:
-1 votes for 1291.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Godel Escher Bach
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2002 16:31:13 GMT

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
> dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh) wrote:
>> "L West" <tigrrbaby.yahoo.com> wrote:
>> >Maybe one of you could enlighten me
>> Are you making hot dogs?
>> -- D. "If so, make me one with the lot." W.
>No! It's "Make me one with a whole lot of stuff on it!". No, that's not right, it's "A hot dog with relish, pickles, ketchup, and mustard!". No, it was "put everything you got on my wiener!"

That's what *she* ... uh, nevermind.

>Or something. Those Buddhists must really like hot dogs.

That's it. Make me a hot dog with everything.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Fossilised vomit
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2002 11:50:12 -0700

Bystander.THEGARBAGE.standing-by.com (Bystander) wrote:
> It's QUITE obvious to me that when Newton Minow said, "Television is...a vast wasteland," it was way before the advent/manifestation/infestation of the Internet.
> I mean, people should have more sense than to spend hours upon hours looking for or writing inane drivel simply for the enjoyment of seeing their own words actually printed in public.

But I LIKE posting to Usenet.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Fossilised vomit
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2002 21:27:52 -0500

Comrade Bystander wrote:
> I mean, people should have more sense than to spend hours upon hours looking for or writing inane drivel simply for the enjoyment of seeing their own words actually printed in public.

~Steve-o, TA -- if we ever start a non-soap alternative to the Episodic Review, *this* is our mission statement.

The rest of you may go about your business.



Main menu 2