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2002 07 B.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [rec.humor.oracle.d FAQ] First and Only Posting
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 15 Jul 2002 21:45:42 GMT

Chuck Linsley <nospam.nospam.invalid> said:
> sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
>>rhod is nothing if not inconsistent. Or is that "rhod is nothing if
> DARTA "incontinent?"

Oh, piss off.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are jet-propelled

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [rec.humor.oracle.d FAQ] First and Only Posting
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Tue, 23 Jul 2002 14:46:06 -0600

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> wrote:
> davehinz wrote:
> > sjc
> >> Have you ever tried spooning the brownie batter onto a cookie sheet and baking them that way? Yummy round brownies.
> > Yeah, they're called "cookies" 'round these parts.
> > Dave "OK, *this* cookie I'll accept..." Hinz
> rm cookies
> ln -s /dev/null cookies

Years ago I hacked together some Perl to randomly modify my browser's cookie file at various times. I did it in such a way that the cookie values were, as far as I could tell, syntactically correct, but containing random information (e.g. replace digits with other digits, but don't change the cookie size). I figured if they were going to save data on my system, they should at least consider that the data might get modified. I'll have to see if I've still got this around somewhere...

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d,misc.misc
Subject: Re: [rec.humor.oracle.d FAQ] First and Only Posting
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Wed, 17 Jul 2002 15:10:01 -0600

Eli the Bearded wrote:
> sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
>> >4. I've noticed that several, if not all, of the posts are off-topic.
>> Actually, no.
>> The Usenet/Internet Oracle, being a repository for all earthly (and some off-worldly) knowledge, is the main subject of conversation. By introducing new topics, one only continues to add to that knowledge-base ... and that's assuming that an infinite omnipotent omniscient being can be added to. Technically speaking, nothing is off-topic, short of spam or trolls.
>Actually, this leaves me with a driving desire

The mental image of a guy letting desire do the driving is not a pleasant picture, IMO.

>to know how rec.humor.oracle.d traffic is to be distinguished from misc.misc traffic based on topic.

A new question for the FAQ, perhaps?

The answer is two-fold:
- by the in-jokes
- by the name of the group. If you can't keep your froups straight, get a better newsreader. It won't help, but acquiring new things may distract you enough to not care.

>Having two groups to discuss the same thing is a waste of Usenet resources, and given then misc.misc is older, if there is no difference, why shouldn't r.h.o.d be rmgrouped and r.h.o discussion move to misc.misc?

I'm sorry; I'm still trying to get past "waste", "Usenet", and "resources" being used in the same sentence. What, pray tell, could all those extra clock-cycles be put towards?

Spams and trolls, of times of old,
Thanks to greater retention.
Topic drifts and links, to wit,
of URLs to horrid to mention.
Rabbit holes and shaggy dogs,
H4X0r stories and more.
Oh, what a fabulous cause!

What about cancer? What about AIDS?
What about plagues of mankind?
All topics for the groups galore,
But not a cure amongst will you find.
SETI, even, is left in the lurch
(though, granted, that's nothing new)
And work by the score is left by the door
When there are new postings to view.

>threw in a cross post there, for their side of things

"... and it's a cross-post, followed by a vicious upper-snip, and the froup is down! The sysadmin steps forward to give the count ..."

"1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ... 5 ... 6 ... 7 ... 8 ... 9 ... 10!"

"The froup is down! Rec.humor.oracle.d has claimed the championship!"

"And now, we go ring-side to Bob "Bob" Bobsley, who's talking to rhod even now. Bob?"

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d,misc.misc
Subject: Re: [rec.humor.oracle.d FAQ] First and Only Posting
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Thu, 18 Jul 2002 13:34:14 +1000

"Ken Adams" <kmadams85.comcast.net> wrote:
> Wasn't that Ian's reasoning when he voted NO on the CFV?


Interesting concept.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [rec.humor.oracle.d FAQ] First and Only Posting
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com>
Date: Sun, 21 Jul 2002 09:56:03 +1000

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com> said:
>> Jellyroll Papadopoulos wrote:
>>>Also Sprach GW De Lacey:
>>>> Surely Big Brother is just a figment of an author's imagination?
>>>Big Brother is an over-hyped piece of drek that invades Channel 4 and the consciousness of the barely conscious for a couple of months every year, giving them something to talk about during the depressingly brief period when there is no foopball being played.
>> I walked into a big shopping centre the other day. There in the middle, surrounded by glass walls through which crowds of shoppers were gawking, were a few (I didn't stop to count them) teenagers behaving "normally" in a BB rip-off.
>Do you mean "normally", "normally for teenagers", or "normally for teenagers in a BB rip-off"?

Dunno. To paraphrase a wise if not too bright mum, normal is as normal does.

There was a big sign that edged itself into my subconscious, to the effect that I was invited to watch people "behaving normally" in a Big Brother situation.

There was a temptation to throw peanuts, but that would have been both unkind and silly.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [rec.humor.oracle.d FAQ] First and Only Posting
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 18 Jul 2002 03:13:33 GMT

Viki <vvidt.netscape.net> said:
> *sniff*
> It's ok, I can take it...

You can tell his size by his aroma?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies smell like teen spirit

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [rec.humor.oracle.d FAQ] First and Only Posting
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2002 12:37:38 GMT

Chris Wesling <cwesling.cannedmeat.prodigy.net> wrote:
>"Daniel E. Macks" wrote:
>> dan, 7
>So what's with this new signoff? Seven what?

Since I first saw it in the context of Noo Joisey, I figured Dan was telling us his exit.[1] But it keeps changing, so maybe he moves around a lot. In the context of the Heisenbergmobile, that also makes a weird kind of sense.

[1] At Aussiecon Three, a member of the audience during a Q&A with J. Michael Straczynski told JMS that he was from NJ too. The two of them then stood there shouting "Which exit are you! Which exit are you!" at each other.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Outlook oddity
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Fri, 19 Jul 2002 11:38:16 +1000

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> wrote:
> Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> >Donald Welsh wrote:
> >; sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
> >; >Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> >; >>Seiji Ozawa has left the building, heading for Vienna, IIRC.
> >; >DAERTA "Vienna, Ireland"?
> >; >Hell; there's a Paris, Texas, so who can tell?
> >; And a Melbourne, Florida, strangely enough.
> >Poland, Maine.
> Toronto, New South Wales.

Work is in Heidelberg, Victoria, Australia. Sometimes my mail goes the *long* way...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: FAQ help, please
From: "Ken Adams" <kmadams85.comcast.net>
Date: Wed, 17 Jul 2002 01:53:56 GMT

"Brantley Hudson" <brantley_hudson.nospam.hp.com> wrote:
> Ken Adams wrote:
> BTDT X3 - No fluid sprays, but I've always chosen my location carefully. You got meconium (green stuff + tar) on you? _Yuck_ - does that stuff wash out?

Everything washes out, eventually. You just need the right stuff to get rid of it quickly.

Hi, Billy Mays here, with a new product you just have to SEE to believe.

> > A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.
> > -- Christopher Morley
> I never realized that making a woman angry was a fulfillment of life. Still, I've a real talent for it at times. I think it may be genetic. :)

I find that I need only to breathe in a certain manner[1], and my favorite woman becomes angry.

[1] No, not heavily on the telephone. I only do that when she's not home.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: FAQ help, please
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Wed, 17 Jul 2002 14:05:40 +1000

nospam.nospam.invalid (Chuck Linsley) wrote:
> Ian Davis <not.all.certain> wrote:
> > nospam.nospam.invalid (Chuck Linsley) wrote:
> >> >Yes. Something to do with the "Y" chromosome, obviously.
> >> Not necessarily. My wife seems to have the gene, too, when talking to her sister and mother; she's very good at it.
> >Hmm. I bet she has never competed in the Olympics, right?
> >What? No, no reason...
> No, but she has borne children. Last I checked, a "Y" chromosome prevented that.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Yet another axe falls
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 18 Jul 2002 16:04:00 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Ian Davis')...done.
> nospam.nospam.invalid (Chuck Linsley) wrote:
>> Ahhh! How do you know what I look like?
>I bet there's an interesting story behind that scar.

No, just flesh, same as everyone else.

...gosh, a *doctor* asking such questions!

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Yet another axe falls
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Thu, 18 Jul 2002 17:23:10 GMT

nospam.nospam.invalid (Chuck Linsley) wrote:
>I admit my shortcomings. Well, some of them. And no, my wife is very happy with that, TYVM.

Clearly a woman who doesn't like faking it so she can roll over and get some sleep.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Yet another axe falls
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com>
Date: Thu, 18 Jul 2002 23:05:04 +1000

Screwtape wrote:
>...if you really want the pimples, give me a minute and a red texta.

Ah memories, memories!

On a large commercial building project, the architect, as is an architect's wont, specified a particular finish to the exposed aggregate columns in the main foyer. He knew exactly what he wanted, but had difficulty explaining what that was, let alone how to attain it. All he knew was that it had something to do with sand-blasting, and was supposed to look like little black rocks in a grey matrix, uniform along the length of the column.

Each try by the workmen drew a head shaking, sad sounding no, that's not it, but eventually perseverance prevailed and a section of column was produced that drew an excited "Yes, that's it. Now do that finish uniformly along all of the columns".

The workmen, with a better knowledge of the non-uniform behaviour of concrete in a long column than the architect had, scratched their collective heads for a while, then came up with the perfect solution.

If you walk into the main foyer of the Cairns International Airport terminal building, the most noticeable feature is the soaring, perfectly uniformly finished, exposed aggregate concrete columns. If you look closely at the columns, you too can discover the secret of that uniformity in the finish.

A black waterproof texta can solve a plethora of problems.

GW DE Lacey "Shh, it's a secret".

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Yet another axe falls
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com>
Date: Tue, 30 Jul 2002 22:27:49 +1000

Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>GW De Lacey wrote:
>>There are a couple of columns with painted-on rocks at convenient eye level, near the middle of the inbound concourse at the pandamus atrium. There are plenty of others, but those are the easiest to see.
>Unfortunately, I'm unlikely to remember that detail, but I'm sure I'll see them - but blearily ;-)

Ah yes, the mezzanine bar - a temperate oasis in a tropical paradise...


>>They are a good advertisement for textas - they've been there since 1990.
>That's an awful lot of dotting, y'know.

Well yes, but not as much as you might think. It was more a case of filling in random gaps to satisfy an over-critical architect. In most areas, the effect was satisfactory off the sand-blaster.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: A man, a plan, a canal: Panama!
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 17 Jul 2002 02:25:41 GMT

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
} GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com> wrote:
}> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
}> >Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
}> >> SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au> wrote:
}> >>> Screwtape wrote:
}> >>> > m_init(): spawning followupTo('SaraM')...done.
}> >>> > >The butler did it.
}> >>> > He should keep his greasy paws out of it - I'm only paying him to buttle.
}> >>> Umm - is that your *best* reasoned rational rebuttal of your brutal butler's buttle?
}> >> And if he avoided coming right out and saying it directly, and they were all on their way to the international space station at the time, it'd be a reasoned rational subtle rebuttal of the brutal butler's shuttle buttle.
}> >But what if the whole thing was canceled because of a pool of melted margarine? Then you'd have a butter-puddle-scuttled reasoned rational subtle rebutgtle of the brutal butlers shuttle buttle.
}> Arrrghhh!
}> My brane hurts. Ma, make em stoP...
} And if the pool was there because the insane manservant had spilled the melted margarine from its small container, and said margarine had now become rancid, it'd be a bitter little-bottle-butter puddle-scuttled reasoned rational subtle rebuttal of the brutal nutter butler's shuttle buttle.

I think we should discuss this on the playing field itself, but in a more ogranized manner than usual. That way we can have a neater huddle for bitter little-bottle butter-puddle-scuttled reasoned rational subtle rebuttal of the brutal nutter butler's shuttle buttle.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Excuse me, but
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 22 Jul 2002 13:50:44 GMT

Daniel E. Macks <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> I can't say much more because I don't know yet. No, I'm not pregnant. Obviously.
> dan, 4

OK, maybe it's "Days until Dan loses his virginity"?

Dave "Make sure you use antivirus protection, Son..." Hinz

Newsgroups: alt.pub.kacees,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Doughnut road
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Mon, 29 Jul 2002 21:24:44 -0600

Ian Davis <not.all.certain> wrote:
> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> > Well, I have to say, you people in Austria certainly have strange acronyms.
> Yes, but if you wear a strategically placed cummerbund, no-one notices.

Yes, but doesn't it look more like a nappy if you wear it like that?

Newsgroups: alt.pub.kacees,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Doughnut road
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 24 Jul 2002 23:51:42 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net <davehinz.spamcop.net> said:
> Back when I used to work with really, really large magnets (GE's MRI scanners, which I got to play with for around a decade), we tried erasing some videotapes by bringing them into the field (1.5 Tesla, DC). Didn't degrade the picture in any way we could notice.
> We won't even get into the stories about flying steel balls, metal footstools, or The Hand Truck Incident. Nope, not even gonna bring that up.

I s'pose that last one is like our Oscilloscope Cart Incident, the narrowly-averted Equipment Rack Incident, and the much-less- disasterous "Where the Fuck is My Screwdriver" Incident?

dan, 2

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Doughnut road
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 25 Jul 2002 02:04:40 GMT

Daniel E. Macks <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> davehinz.spamcop.net <davehinz.spamcop.net> said:
>> We won't even get into the stories about flying steel balls, metal footstools, or The Hand Truck Incident. Nope, not even gonna bring that up.
> I s'pose that last one is like our Oscilloscope Cart Incident, the narrowly-averted Equipment Rack Incident, and the much-less- disasterous "Where the Fuck is My Screwdriver" Incident?

OK, I'll elaborate since nobody asked so nicely. Like I said, I don't work there any more, and I don't think anyone else involved does, either. This has several liberating effects in my willingness to share:

1. The statute of limitations is probably up.
B. As I may have ranted on repeatedly, the bastards already laid me off, so their ability to effect me further is limited (not bitter, though),
III. None of the others are still there, so the chance of them correcting any factual errors (or, ahem, embellishments) is slim to none.


Flying steel balls: Not much of a story. Somewhere around a 3/8" diameter steel marble/bearing/whatever, into a ramped up magnet (with no body coil or anything else breakable). Toss it anywhere near the magnet (goal was to define "near" in this context), and watch it dissapear faster than the eyes could follow. It always ended up, after somewhat noisily landing in the
bore, at either the front edge or back edge of the magnet's bore. We figured at the time that that was the place where the change in field was highest; the field within the bore was homogeneous to a few parts per million, at the ends of the bore the field fell of quickly. So, there was nothing to stop it other than the ends.

The footstool: We had a rent-a-tech that we called "Wild Bill", called such because if he said 5 words to you in a week, it would be one of his chatty- periods. Great tech, did good work, fast, but just didn't talk much. One night at 0-dark:30, he came into my work bay, staring at the floor not just at his feet, but seemingly *behind* them. "I just did something really stupid." Hm. 6 words, and all at once. This has my attention.

"OK Bill, what's wrong?" (no further words, just a walk back to his bay). 'Tis his nature. So, he had a freshly-installed magnet, that needed some up close & personal attention to get close to ready to image with. One of the tests is long, tedious, time consuming, and tedious. Not something you want to stand for, so he brought in one of those rolling footstools, the kind that roll when you're not on them, but lock when there's weight on them. Problem was, it was one of the steel ones from the assembly area (where there are no big magnets), instead of one of our normal ones.

Took 4 of us to get it out of the magnet.

Hand truck incident involved a hand truck, a line which was painted on the floor but ignored, and a pallet full of material. Everything but the painted line was pulled into the bore, wrecking the magnet (and probably the underwear of the guy who ignored the painted line). Half-walls went up soon thereafter.

So, let's hear about your O-scope, equipment rack, and then I'll trade you a knife story for your screwdriver one.

> dan, 2

Dave, still not asking.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Doughnut road
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 25 Jul 2002 13:46:01 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> ; Took 4 of us to get it out of the magnet.
> I take it then that these are not electromagnets that you could simply turn off?

Well, sort of. There is a "quench box", but these are superconducting magnets cooled with liquid helium, at a temperature of 4.7 kelvin (Juuuuuust above absolute zero). An emergency quench would, at the time, have cost around $5000 (US Dollars) in helium, and would have been, er, noticed. (Think "Huge plumes of helium, making clouds in the air above the magnet, filling much of the ceiling of the building with a large cloud. Oh, and loud.")

These electromagnets are "ramped up" with 723 amps (DC) of current, through doubled-up 0000-gage welding cables. Work some superconductor magic, the current stays there after the power supply is taken away. Really seriously cool stuff to work on. (get it? cryogens? COOL? hhaahhahaa, I crack me up.)

So, yeah, we could have just shut it down, but it would have been not a good thing. So much better, of course to risk 4 techs getting smacked around by a flying footstool.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Doughnut road
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 26 Jul 2002 18:15:05 GMT

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>> Dave "Did I ever tell the story about the dumpster full of liquid nitrogen here?" Hinz
> *Dumpster*? Having worked with liquid nitrogen a few jobs ago, this just boggles the mind. Aside from the question of how it GOT there, didn't it all just boil away?

Well, some of the MRI magnets we worked with needed some internal work done on them, so they would be allowed to come to room temperature, we'd unbolt the endcaps from the cryostat, change the braces & so on, and bolt it back up. So, it's at room temperature, and we need to get it back down to 4.7 Kelvin. Long way to go.

Method was to use a "Nitrogen precool", where we'd take liquid Nitrogen, pump it in the bottom, and start cooling down the magnet. Temperature sensors throughout the magnet to let us know how full it was, and how cold it was. Liquid nitrogen in the bottom, gaseous nitrogen out the top at a rather high rate. Eventually, liquid starts coming out the top, but it's not chilled down to 77K yet for a variety of thermal-mass, and insulation related reasons. So, the procedure gave us (x) minutes of liquid nitrogen flow thorough the magnet, and rather than try to capture it somehow, we would just run a hose out to the loading dock, and let it dissipate.

Another thing in the loading dock, are dumpsters. When one has a hose, liquid nitrogen, and something that might hold it, that sort of behavior is to be expected, I suppose. I, er, "heard stories of (yeah, that's it)" all manner of objects being experimented with. Banannas are quite interesting when quick-frozen, they actually shatter when thrown against the floor.

Dave "So I've heard." Hinz

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Oracularities
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2002 23:53:41 -0400

Wendy Withrow wrote:
> Dave,
> So you read the Oracularities? What fun! My daughter got me interested in them.
> Do you answer questions for the Oracle? Yesterday I answered 12 questions!


> I was on the proverbial roll. I got several questions which appeared to be from the same person.


> Does anyone who posts here read the Oracularities and answer questions?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: You've all been very good...
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2002 11:21:42 +1000

Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
> You, sir, are an absolute brick.

Nasty cold you've got there, Richard.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 22 Jul 2002 14:10:13 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> What, does 'vi' not exist in your computing environment?
> Dave "First question I ask someone I'm interviewing. Seriously." Hinz

Actually, the first one I ask is "vi or emacs" and let them hang themselves.

The second one is "What shell do you prefer for scripting and why?"

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 30 Jul 2002 13:24:05 +1000

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> P.S. Working on being less predictable, how am I doing so far?

I thought you'd do very well, so it's pretty much as I expected.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Mon, 29 Jul 2002 21:31:49 -0600

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> Dave "Look at that fried weasel run through the pudding!" Hinz
> P.S. Working on being less predictable, how am I doing so far?

Fried weasels are so passé. They've been done to death.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 24 Jul 2002 12:48:36 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> TechnoAtheist wrote:
> ; Figure you've got a company recruiter who can spend two to four hours . 80/hr

This is just the sort of bean-counter mentality that gets companies into trouble. He's a *company* recruiter, implying that he gets a salary for his work. That means it's not an expense unless he is *NOT* attempting to recruit someone. Unless he's a contractor and only gets paid for piecework, that is.

> : one to two hours for five engineers at 80-120 (figure 100 to keep it simple) plus loss of time from schedule (double engineering time to ramp up and down) and you've got... carry the two... add the "wheat tax" for building maintenance, etc. and you're talking around a thousand dollars just to find out the guy is a loser.
> Oh. I was working under the assumption that it's part of the job for whomever talks to the applicant, and therefor no extra money is spent doing it.

Well...except for the recruiter, the building maintenance, anything that was going to be there anyway whether you were recruiting or not. The engineers (or programmers or DBAs) get pulled away from getting their work done, so that has to be made up. But that's not an additional expense if they're getting salaries, or they are also not contractors. Then there's no added expense there because salaried employees are just expected to make up the work, and they don't get paid overtime. A lot of them don't even get comp time.

It's the same thing with "projects" and "Project Managers". They report time spent doing a task, including overtime (which isn't compensated to the employee), and put a "cost" on a project, then decide whether the project is worth doing based on that. What a bunch of shit! "Oh, lets not do this project, it's too expensive!" Then a bunch of people are scrambling around trying to find something to do to look busy so they don't get fired. Or work gets done only on visible to customer things, never mind that something could be done to make a process more efficient and save a lot of internals a lot of work and cut back on all that unpaid overtime. Furrfu.

Then to track all this nonsense, you have to do "time-tracking", which amounts to looking at a project that someone else figured out (guessed at) and saying "well, I have 30 hours left for this task, I'll put some of it there, and some of it here, and some of it in administration so I don't use up my allocated hours too fast. Of course the administration is the time spent filling out the time and writing progress reports that don't really have anything with what you are doing, and are preventing you from doing the real work involved in the project.

Err... is it too late to wibble? Sorry. That was my last nerve that got stepped on there.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Sat, 27 Jul 2002 19:47:16 -0400

Ian Davis wrote:
> TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
>> > Am I to understand that you're specifying font-sizes in *pixies*, when the output device is a star?
>> > Ian,
>> > ...who learnt his lesson when printing a full-scale black hole image at 1:1 scale, and wound up with The End Of Civilization As We Know It.
>> If you printed it out in reverse colour, you wouldn't have used so much black ink that it exceeds the neutron density limit, you doofus!
> Well, yes, I know that *now* Mr 20-20 Hindsight! Too bad you couldn't have given your advice *before* I destroyed the universe.

That was you? Jeez, wait'll Mom hears about this.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: html editor help
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Wed, 24 Jul 2002 07:38:15 +1000

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
> ... if I knew what a Freudian slip was,

You don't need to know. Suffice it to say that he kept his wardrobe for the weekends separate from the weekdays.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Unexplainable URLs
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Fri, 19 Jul 2002 14:26:32 -0600

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>sjc the result:
>; I prefer being weird in my own, special way.
>Do you dance to the beat of a different kettle of fish?

No; that would be silly.

I kettle different fish while beating dancers.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: 1274
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2002 21:40:15 -0400

Wendy Withrow wrote:
> Sorry, guys. I'm new at this.
> Is this better?
> (How did you know I was a mime?)

No, that's the acronym "MIME," which stands for "Mundane Insipid Motion Exhibitor," which actually means, now that I think of it, about the same thing as mime. Sorry.

You are in an imaginary box. Use the imaginary rope to get out of it, and then walk against the imaginary wind for a while. I'll give you some imaginary money in your imaginary hat. If you're good I'll show you the autograph Marcel Marceaux pretended to give me one time.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: From the git to the pcak
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 23 Jul 2002 07:20:10 +1000

Dear Malc,

You don't have a shell account - duly noted.

Ian - who, to be honest, doesn't care what sort of petrol you use.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Interesting Experience
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Sat, 27 Jul 2002 18:30:36 -0400

Ken Adams wrote:
> Paid a visit to the dermatologist today, and left with the most amazing divot removed from my forehead. It appears to be about 1/2 inch across and somewhere between 1/8 inch and 1/16 inch deep. He suspects it was a basal cell carcinoma.

Yeah, you need a basal cell carcinoma about as much as you need a hole in the head.

> The xylocaine has worn off, and it's starting to itch. I wonder how long I can resist the urge to scratch it?

Get a large sheet of heavy platic, and make an E-Collar. Of course, you'll suffer the embarassment of people trying to plug their TV cables into you, but you won't be able to scratch your head.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Mind Power Seduction technique for attracting the opposite sex - Free Download 8727
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Mon, 22 Jul 2002 23:36:33 -0400

qhqlme.yahoo.com wrote:
> http://seduction.&^&%$^(&^)&*.com
> FREE DOWNLOAD AVAILABLE NOW. Click the above link to get it
> Get the girl you wanted with MIND POWER SEDUCTION

Okay, now you tell me. When I wanted her I could have used this, but apparently I don't want her anymore, so what do I do now?

> Irresistible Hypnotic Mind Control

Must! Resist! Hypnotic! Mind! Control!

> Imagine being able to sensually attract anyone at will... attract women & men with subliminal mind control disciplines

What if I want to repulse them...um okay, I can already do that. Nevermind.

> Say nothing

Me? Say nothing? Hah.

> and watch as perfect strangers fall into a deep state of enthrallment...

I had no idea that "enthrallment" could be defined as "women edging away uncomfortably."

> Penetrate the minds of others and unleash charisma so potent and long lasting...

Penetrating the minds of others? NOW you're talking!

> Would you like to discover a secret that allows you to generate extreme fascination in anyone with your thoughts alone?

But if you tell me, it won't be a secret anymore. And you didn't say "morbid." I can generate extreme MORBID fascination, no prob.

> The secrets of mind control have largely been untapped. Now, the knowledge of hypnotic seduction has been revealed.

"Largely been untapped?" What the heck is that supposed to mean? That they have been tapped in a small manner? How the heck do you tap something in a small manner? Is this another one of those implant things?

> It is pure mind control power to influence, attract and more...

I can influence, and I can attract, but I want more, More, MORE!!!

> Secretly tantalize and attract women or the opposite sex with covert mind control techniques, right in their presence! Generate instant charisma! attract women & men with subliminal mind control disciplines

Women OR the opposite sex? Now I'm confused. And all that subliminal stuff just seems to slip under my threshold.

> Easily master long-range remote influence with scientifically verified telepathic mind control powers. No special skills needed!

Kirk: Mr. Chekov, activate long-range remote influence beam.

Chekov: Aye-aye, Keptin.

Spock: Captain, I calculate that these telepathic mind control powers have a probability of being scientifically verified of one in seven hundred thousand three hundred sixty four to one. A virtual certainty.

Kirk: Bones, what did Spock just say?

McCoy: Damnit, Jim! I'm a Doctor, not a whatchamacallit!

Piccard: Merde. Counselor?

Troi: I'm feeling...aroused.

Data: Rowr!

Scotty: Ach!

Wesley: Captain, I never noticed before, but that Ban-Lon tunic really accentuates your eye color.

Kirk: What. Is. This. Teenager doing. On. My bridge!?!?

> Mind Power Seduction is a uni-sex discipline that naturally infuses you with irresistible covert seduction skills in 30 days!

30 DAYS! And it has a fifteen day money back guarantee!

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Honeymoon pix.
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Wed, 24 Jul 2002 23:59:22 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Teh (tî'pô)')...done.
>Well I can't be bothered to wait until I find a post to follow up with this so I'll just come out and say it.
>You may have noticed I've been away for a few months, my excuse is that we went on a two months honeymoon to America del Sur.
>And what honeymoon would be complete without a picture of boobies??? http://teh.htmlplanet.com/images/boobies.jpg

So.. how long until you tell her you're actually a computer programmer?

...noticing the strategically placed obstructions, obscuring the view of ring-fingers.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Honeymoon pix.
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Wed, 31 Jul 2002 07:33:57 +1000

Chris Wesling <cwesling.cannedmeat.prodigy.net> wrote:
> /me takes off hat and holds it over heart for a minute.
> Chris W., whose enormous grayscale American sleeping kitties think Chris should really try that when he's actually *wearing* a hat...

...and has handy access to rib-spreaders.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just spray it on!
From: eli.panix.com (B. Elijah Griffin)
Date: Wed, 24 Jul 2002 23:24:34 +0000 (UTC)

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
> When I saw this product in a hardware store, I though of RHOD: <http://www.rustoleum.com/product.asp?frm_product_id=45> Surely there's something fun that could be done with a spray-on rubber coating?

"Dip Coating" says the page. Wonder if it would be equally effective on nitwits.

"dip in road" signs indicate their shallow roadside graves

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Hmm, trolls are tasty
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Fri, 26 Jul 2002 19:03:24 -0400

TimC wrote:
> Please, please hit these people with a clue-by-four? http://makeashorterlink.com/?T2FE12B51 It really depresses me that people are so fscking stupid.

Jeez. I don't know whether to congratulate the guy, or feel sorry for him. If I made such an obvious troll, and was taken that seriously, I'd feel both proud of my wordsmanship and sad that I was hanging out with a group of people who couldn't appreciate it.

Although, to show true appreciation of a really good troll, the best thing to do is to do your utmost to pretend you didn't *know* it was a troll, and just play along like you're outraged or something. That makes the troller feel really good...unless he really thinks you took him seriously, and now feels bad because he's hanging out with a bunch of weaklings, in which case it turns out that *he* was really being trolled too. But then again, maybe *he* is only pretending that he doesn't realize that the others are on to him about being a troll, and maybe everybody feels good because they're all trolling each other and acting all credulous and stuff.

Now I am now feeling both confused and strangely aroused.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: And the day came...
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Fri, 26 Jul 2002 09:54:19 -0600

"*Alessandro*" <inetman99.hotmail.com> wrote:
> OK, today is The Day, as it seems.
> What do you mean "What day?"!?
> Well, I don't know, but Daniel does...
> Unless, of course, that countdown was only done to fool us.
> Which, being this RHOD, is probably the case.

Counting down as he was, I can only assume that he's blasted off into orbit or something. Riding the rocket or being the rocket I could not say.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: And the day came...
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com>
Date: Sat, 27 Jul 2002 18:59:01 +1000

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>dan, Ph.D.

Congratulations. Now that you don't have the huge workload, how are you going to spend your spare time?
And now that you're a doctor, would you prescribe something for this #%*^% allergy, please?

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: And the day came...
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Sun, 28 Jul 2002 18:52:42 GMT

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>m_init(): spawning followupTo('Viki')...done.
>>Oooooooooooooh, Doctors get special smootches where I come from...
>Oh, look at this! I appear to have acquired a PhD in Usenet Sociology!

Ah, the old "surf random links for four years and write a thesis on the diversity of the web" trick.

>...very Jane Goodall, I'm sure.

... then we have Tim's .sig:

>| World's Scariest Exam Questions, #523: "7 x 5 = 35. Discuss."

Why is that scary? See, first of all you define integers using the Peano axioms, then define the usual rules and operators of arithmetic, then generalize to abstract algebra and group theory with reference to division rings, prove the usual laws such as associativity and commutativity, then prove the consistency of your system using an omega-logic, digress into consideration of Cantor's orders of infinity, pad a bit with a few paragraphs on Godel's completeness proof, and finally write an appendix in which you derive the given equation in a first-order propositional logic.


If, on the other hand, it's a different sort of course, let's say Wymyn's Studies, you might wish to deconstruct the equation instead. You could start by observing that the symbols have meaning assigned arbitrarily, and that agreement is only enforced by the mostly-male power elite of the dominant culture. Continue by objecting to the term "multiplication" as degrading to wymyn because it emphasizes procreation while simultaneously downplaying the importance of motherhood and nurturing. Point out that the equals sign is also a tool of enslaving patriarchy, denoting equality by two symbolic penises of "equal" length while omitting any representation of wymyn. If you do this right, you should be able to fill several pages, quoting Lacan/Derrida/Foucault as necessary, and have an argument that absolutely cannot be refuted as all meaning is subjective and all truth is relative. Not to mention completely avoiding any consideration of the actual question.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Digest #1273 Number Sequence
From: Sniffnoy the Swordfish <sniffnoy.optonline.net>
Date: Wed, 31 Jul 2002 15:22:37 -0400

Ken Katz wrote:
> Pardon me, but even with the answer, I don't quite understand the series.. Can some kind soul explain it to me? Thanks!
> > 1 30 2 29 3 28 4 567 888 887 886 1253 5 . . .
> And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
<more snippage>
> } 24 376 23 575 22 374 6, and so on

Look at it. It's very simple.

Firstly, there is 1. Add 19, you get 30. Subtract 18, you get 2. Add 17, you get 29. Subtract 16, you get 3. Add 15, you get 28. Subtract 14, you get 4. Add 563, you get 567.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Digest #1273 Number Sequence
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Wed, 31 Jul 2002 14:05:31 -0600

Ken Katz wrote:
>>The Almighty Internet Oracle spoke after much deep thought:
>>>The quivering supplicant humbly asked:
>>> Can you finish this number sequence?
>>> 1 30 2 29 3 28 4 567 888 887 886 1253 5 . . .
>> 24 376 23 575 22 374 6, and so on
>> You owe the oracle one TI-85 calculator and a Pentium 66 with the FDIV bug. And next time do your own homework.
>Pardon me, but even with the answer, I don't quite understand the series.. Can some kind soul explain it to me? Thanks!

Sure! As with all things, there is a short answer and a long answer.

Short answer: 'cause.

Long answer: the number sequence, at first, appears relatively simple; there's a count-up and a count-down at alternating times, starting with one and thirty. It then proceeds to get fairly complicated after four, at which point there are seemingly random digits interspersed before five. It can be no coincidence that there are five sets of numbers, thus indicating the digit following, and so hence the Oracle's meme.

As to the numbers between four and five, they're not so random after all. The FDIV bug referenced in the tribute is back when Pentium was releasing shoddy hardware [1] in the form of a nasty little bug that would occur when Pentiums were dealing with almost any sort of calculations involving prime numbers. Specifically, five hundred sixty-seven is what one gets when involving the previous numbers in an all-night kegger and then grouping them semi-randomly into an algebraic formulae (the exact positions of which is left as an exercise to the reader, though there are handy pictures floating around on the 'net for more intimate details). Eight hundred and eighty-eight is the FDIV reference to the mark of the beast -- standard fare for Pentiums at the time [2] -- and the count-down meme starts up again for a short time until the supplicant is suddenly and inexplicably reminded of the first-ever digest they were published in, and decide to reference it. The Oracle, smart as ever, picked up on the last bit (and what the supplicant was attempting to do) and referenced the three digests that particular incarnation had been in (apparently an old-timer) and resumed the meme as it should have been had the supplicant not been taking a snotful.

Short answer slightly longer than the short answer: it's a joke, silly.

[1] the phrase "back when" is purely for legal reasons, and thus (naturally) has nothing to do with reality.

[2] the phrase "at the time" is also for legal reasons, since all our lawyers are worthless prats who will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes. [3]

[3] <sigh> We didn't mean this either. There is no revolution. Fnord.

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