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2002 10 a.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I'm not really back
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 10 Oct 2002 20:44:17 GMT

Charles A Lieberman <calieber.bigfoot.com> wrote:
> Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
>> ; : >: ; >*finally* someone picks a date that is not too late.
>> ; : >: ; I'm not back yet either.
>> ; : >: I'm not gone.
>> ; : > I'm not Lisa.
>> ; : I'm not Hook.
>> ; I'm neither RST or Dumpie.
>> I'm not Rappaport.
> I'm not an animal! I'm a human being!

I'm not kidding! I'll turn this thread *right* around!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: milestone
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 2 Oct 2002 04:55:20 GMT

Viki <vvidt.netscape.net> said:
> So, last week it was my first time in court.
> On Monday it was the first time I've been reported to the disciplinary board by a disgruntled client.
> Said I hadn't had enough correspondence with him. I've had the case a week and sent him one letter.

Maybe if you'd combined that one with a few more, you could have sent him a whole word, or even a sentence! Oh wait, he probably doesn't want that...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies like doing hard time


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: milestone
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 9 Oct 2002 02:08:05 GMT

Viki <vvidt.netscape.net> said:
[snip the lawyerese]
> Viki, email me if you want to discuss this further, I don't want to bore the rhodites, iykwim

OTOH, I think a lot of the rhodites want to bore you, iykwim.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies got dishonorable discharge for thinking "drill sargeant" was a verb


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: milestone
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 4 Oct 2002 01:32:06 GMT

Viki <vvidt.netscape.net> said:
> What I want to know is why the ones that have committed the less serious [based upon any sane standard] infractions are the greatest PITAs. It's a true inverse proportionality dichotomy. [1]

It's the law of Conservation of Misbehavior. The ones who are up for doing Very Bad Things have already used up their total misbehavior on the crime itself, whereas the small-potatoes guy has a whole lot left to use. So if you find a big-time crook who's being rude to you, send 'im to the chair for using up someone else's badness.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are bad to the bone


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: milestone
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 5 Oct 2002 18:42:39 GMT

Hetta wrote:
>(Donald Welsh) wrote:
>> >; If you can use "paradigms" in a sentence, I'll give you twenty cents.
>> >This sentence contains the word "paradigms" simply so that Donald Welsh will owe me twenty cents.
>> *BZZT*
>> That's a mention, not a use.
> Here, can I borrow that paradigm? I need to make a phonecall.

That's a paradox. If it doesn't count as being used, then you shouldn't have to pay for it.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: TIO etiquette questions
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Tue, 01 Oct 2002 05:02:05 GMT

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>m_init(): spawning followupTo('Jeffrey Kaplan')...done.
>>Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>>; Tony Gies <commander_keen0.lycos.com> said:
>>; > Is it considered naughty to submit so many different questions (even if they're good ones) that you cycle everyone's questions but your own out of the queue (even if you answer quite a few of them, and answer well)?
>>; STFW: TMQD(WDQAM) DRI
>>FGSJ: GZDQ(JQDNZ) QEV
>>Damnit!
>>(Well, I can make sense of the last three letters.)
>The middle collection is 'The Midnight Queue Drainer (Wot Drains Queues At Midnight)' or similar
>I don't know what 'STFW' means, though.
>Screwtape,
>...who has mastered FOAD, FOAK and STFU, but needs STFW to complete the set.

Something to fuck with?

DRI would be D'Oracular Rescherches, Internationale.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: September Eleven
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>
Date: Sun, 6 Oct 2002 09:16:59 +1000

Screwtape wrote ...
>m_init(): spawning followupTo('TimC')...done.
>>Tim Chew wrote:
>>> Okay, so this is a month late. (I tend to drop of the face of the Earth when I have a show in production.)
>>> I prefer to remember September 11, 2001 as the day I got to explore downtown Melbourne, learned about Ned Kelly, walked the Victoria Gardens, and had a very pleasant dinner with an oncologist who shall remain nameless.
>>And a w00t goes out for Victoria!
>>Victoria is full of the coolest people. All cool people live in Victoria.
>Well, except for the cool people who live in Canberra.

*Bzzzzzzzzt*

Sorry, such an unlikely and hilarious contradiction in terms made my computer wet itself.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Lovely pic
From: Jane <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 9 Oct 2002 01:29:09 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> said:
> Daniel E. Macks wrote ...
>>Hey, now *there's* a fun idea: swap the contents of a box of tampons for fire-crackers.
>>dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have the most explosive orgasms, milligram for milligram, of any creature in the universe
> 'Cos it's the best bang they'll have all week?

Hey honey, I'll give you the most bang for your buck--guaranteed.

-jane


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Lovely pic
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Wed, 09 Oct 2002 00:04:22 -0500

> Hey honey, I'll give you the most bang for your buck--guaranteed.
> -jane

That's easy to say when you're only $0.25


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Lovely pic
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 11 Oct 2002 20:37:00 GMT

David Robley <robleyd.paradisedot.netdot.nz> said:
>> Hey honey, I'll give you the most bang for your buck--guaranteed.
>> -jane
> You can still get one for a buck?

She didn't say how much bang you'd get for a buck, just that it was more than anyone else would give you.

Kinda like when you and your friends are being chased by a bear: you don't gotta outrun the bear, just the slowest of your friends.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have the fewest "team player" awards, milligram for milligram, of any creature in the universe


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Lovely pic
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 11 Oct 2002 06:05:55 GMT

Screwtape <st.ferd2.thristian.org> said:
> m_init(): spawning followupTo('Jane')...done.
>>Hey honey, I'll give you the most bang for your buck--guaranteed.
> All I've got is a female deer. : (

So I guess you'll have to buy the more expensive beer-nuts, then.

> Screwtape,
> ...d'oh!
>
> --
> ___________ ____________________________
> | Screwtape | Reply-To: munged on Usenet |________ ______ ____ __ _ _ _
> |
> | WARNING! You are approaching the end of the message! Reduce speed now!
> |

Imagine the damage that could be done by exploiting a buffer-overflow in USENET as a whole.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if that's how we got what we have now


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Have you had a secret you kept from your family?
From: "~Steve-o" <HeySteveo.steveo.cjb.net>
Date: Thu, 03 Oct 2002 08:16:55 -0000

rt800 .joinme.com (Rob Baxter) wrote:
> Have you ever had a (preferably humorous) secret that you tried to keep from your family and if so, what was it ?

I'm adopted.

Oh jeez, now my parents are going to see this and learn my awful secret.


From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>

> Have you ever had a (preferably humorous) secret that you tried to keep from your family and if so, what was it ?

I once shot a spammer in Reno, just to watch him die.


From: Steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>

>Have you ever had a (preferably humorous) secret that you tried to keep from your family and if so, what was it ?

I don't tell them I post to rhod.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Ooo I'm so proud...
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Tue, 15 Oct 2002 13:54:01 -0600

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> said:
> > Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> >> TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> said:
> >>> Damn you people! It was a completely innocent URL! Must you mess with Viki's mind?
> >> Or mine! I was expecting this one to be a picture of a woman using a vibrator that actually worked the way it was supposed to, rather than occasionally bursting into flame like the preceeding picture of the MS-Vibrator ("Where do you want to come today?").
> > Jeez, what an awful thought. Considering the problems MS causes in terms of virus transmission...next they'll be promissing "Trustworthy Vibrating."
> "Tired of vibrators that feel artificial? Buy ours and you'll really be fucked."
> And of course every 30 seconds, you'll have to stop and buy a new OS...

Not to mention the fact that any script kiddy in the world will be able to get control of it, usually at the most awkward possible time. Assuming it hasn't just suddenly stopped working at a crucial moment, anyway.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Not sure I want to know...
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Sat, 12 Oct 2002 10:11:40 GMT

"Andrew Comeau" <usenetNO.SPAMdrewslair.com> wrote:
>"Jeffrey Kaplan" <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
>> alt.binaries.pictures.poultry
>Ironically, that's one of maybe two links I've seen posted in RHOD that I'm truly reluctant to follow ...

What's the other one?

>Andrew
>http://www.drewslair.com

Oh.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Not sure I want to know...
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 15 Oct 2002 05:42:06 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> ; Andrew Comeau <usenetNO.spamdrewslair.com> wrote:
> ; > <davehinz.spamcop.net> wrote in message news:aocees$l77in$3.ID-
> ; >> > I wish I could tell you but it seems I finally overcame my reluctance and my mental content filter blocked whatever it was that I found there.
> ; >> Something about a "goatse", perhaps?
> ; > It's not ringing even a rusty bell exept by reference ... maybe it SHOULD have been the link involving models and Italian-made coffins ...
> ; You would be well-served to remain ignorant of that which is the goatse. I am *not* kidding; don't go there.
> ... ever.

Jeez, at least you could be polite, instead of being such a pain in the ass about it. Or at least tell 'im what you think in private email, rather than spreading your view for everyone to see. Oh sure, you'll say "I would if I only wanted him to know, but everyone needs to see!" Well lemme tell you, fella: there's a gaping hole in that "but" of yours.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are off to invent an antispeculum


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: New Product idea -- sort of
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Tue, 15 Oct 2002 16:38:39 GMT

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> said:
>> Jason wrote:
>>> Brantley Hudson wrote:
>>>> File this in the "What in the WORLD were you thinking?" catagory:
>>>> http://www.dog-in-a-shell.com/
>>> Oh, I don't know. That's really no weirder than any other bric-a-brac. Probably could have chosen a bit more marketable name, though.
>> Hermit Dogs.
>Dogs? Then what the hell should I do with the crabs?

Get a lighter and an icepick.

>dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are itching to know

Set their home on fire and stab them as they run away.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: error
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Mon, 14 Oct 2002 18:25:17 -0400

Nathan F Russell wrote:
> Whoever sent the question beginning as follows:
>>> Behold the Oracle, though he has lived for eons he has the mental skills of one three times his known age! The wisdom of the Oracle is such that he could do nothing which will lower our regard for him!
> I sent a reply to your question that I meant to save as a draft.
> By all means resend the tellme, I apologize for the error.

Let me guess:

"Yes! No! Um..."



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