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2002 09 a.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: You have pottage!
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Thu, 05 Sep 2002 08:44:21 -0600

Jim Menard wrote:
>"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> writes:
>> TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> said:
>> > What, you sit on the turntable, and let the microwave do all the work for you?
>> *Finally*--something DMP can't do!
>Are you sure he wouldn't enjoy the sensation?

What, the burning pain, the constant sparks, the sizzling flesh ... ?

Hmm. You're right.

Stop giving him ideas.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: You have pottage!
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 10 Sep 2002 02:16:20 GMT

Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> said:
> "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>>Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> said:
>>> st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>>>>RFC 822 says:
> [ deleted ]
>>>>...so I guess you'd be OK if you just put in a girl's name ever time, as long as you never used the same girl twice.
>>> IIRC message IDs are only guaranteed unique for two years for a given host.
>>I can't find anything to support that, and everything I can find just says "must be unique". Ya got a cite?
> Got a cite? Jeez, handwaving not good enough for ya.

Sorry...I had trouble distinguishing it from your usual handular motions.

> I mean, if I told you I'd been raised by a tribe of wild marmosets you'd prolly believe me. At least most of you would. [0]

Well sure, because it would explain so many, many things.

> [0] Alright, maybe you wouldn't believe me in the sense that you believe in the existence of Eskimoes, but you'd be willing to go along with it for the sake of a joke.

Precisely: eskimoes do not exist.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies can feel the knowledge melt away


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I just like the way this URL sounds
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Tue, 3 Sep 2002 16:00:58 +1000

m_init(): spawning followupTo('Enrico')...done.
>> This must be a usage of the word "palindromic" that I have not encountered before.
>Ok, describe the following sentence without using the word palindromic: "Lois de Bourbon, bon Bourdelois" ...

"French".

>it is a rather famous syllabic palindrome.

TMBG's song 'I Palindrome I' has a word-palindromic verse.

>There are things beyond "A man, a plan, a canal, Panama!".

There is indeed:
http://planetx.bloomu.edu/~bobmon/readings/Palindromes/palindromes.html

Screwtape,
...a man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal, Panama!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I just like the way this URL sounds
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 6 Sep 2002 02:01:50 GMT

Scott R. Godin <mactech.webdragon.net> said:
>> ...a man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal, Panama!
> "Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog" was always my favorite for some silly reason.

/me nods

I like ones where the sentence makes a joke on its own (or at least doesn't sound forced--what the hell is a tart xerox?). Things like:

Routed all, it's still a detour.
Yo, Bottoms up! (U.S. motto, boy.)
Tulsa night life: filth, gin, a slut.
Stressed? No tips? Spit on desserts!
Plan no damn Madonna LP.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies look the same from both sides


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Not to be-labor the point but...
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 10 Sep 2002 02:27:24 GMT

Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> said:
> "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
>>"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>>: dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies were disappointed that the whole New York New York chorus-line wasn't there to welcome him into the city
>>That's because you've *left* the City of Brotherly Love.
> It's a regular Sodom and Gomorrah, is it?
>>Sorry, dan.
> -- D. "Send goat." W.

So *that's* what gomorrahry is...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies turned into a pillar of KY


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Not to be-labor the point but...
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 12 Sep 2002 01:24:47 GMT

Ian Davis <not.all.certain> said:
> "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>> So...when are y'all droppin' by my new digs?
> As it happens, I will be in NYC in a couple of weeks. Don't know how much spare time I'll have but there might be some!

Ya givin' a talk? I could sit in the back and throw tomatoes if you like.

In fact, I think I *will* do that, while wearing a dress, and ranting about how you done knocked me up and then left me. So...what's it worth to you for me *not* to do that? >:>

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wish he would choose better fathers for his children


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Not to be-labor the point but...
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.mindless.com>
Date: Tue, 10 Sep 2002 14:42:40 +0300

TimC bravely wrote:
>Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>> In case it wasn't obvious, I didn't like Philly that much.
>> So...when are y'all droppin' by my new digs?
>When you provide me with a free plane ticket, and 2 free weeks.

Easy, fly on the 9th of November^W^W^W11th of September, as for the free weeks, they're on me, hell I'll let you have a month at the same price.

I mean paying for water is bad enough, the moment they start charging me for time I'm out of here!

It would make the tax forms more complicated for one thing.
8<------------------------------------------------------
314.A/7
How many months did you have this year? (pick one)
[ ] Less than ten.
[ ] Ten or eleven.
[ ] Twelve, what are you, drunk?
[ ] Thirteen (5763 is a leap year).
[ ] Other.

314.A/8
If you haven't answered "Other" in 314.A/7 go to 314.G/0
On which planet did you spend most of the year?
Answer here: _________________________________
------------------------------------------------------>8

--
I wonder if Teh time I spend in traffic jams is refundable.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: URLish stuff
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Fri, 06 Sep 2002 04:49:35 GMT

Viki wrote:
> "Brantley Hudson" <brantley_hudson.nospam.hp.com> wrote:
> : Someone had too much time on their hands:
> : http://www.michaelmcnevin.com/sketch.htm
> Odd. I just read a novel where the main character's main talent involved re-creating famous art works on an etch-a-sketch.

That must have been a really boring book.

Although I suppose it could have its moments.
*Anguished cry*
"What happened?"
"I tripped."


Newsgroups: rec.sport.football.college,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Them tigguz was easy, quoth the Oracle
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com>
Date: Sun, 08 Sep 2002 21:50:36 +1000

Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
> GW De Lacey wrote ...
>>My cup runneth over.
>This cup is half empty!

Well, here... Have some from my over-running cup.

There.
Now it's half full.

--GW De Lacey
Whose liver and white English springer spaniel can't wait till dull Sunday is replaced by sharp Monday.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Yowza! Ibiblio on /.
From: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Thu, 05 Sep 2002 08:42:14 -0600

Donald Welsh wrote:
>> once September comes around again.
>I do not know the "again" of which you speak.

Well, it's currently the three thousandth ninety-second day of September (someone will have to double-check this; I just did some swift calculations, and they're probably off a bit), but there's the inherent problem of the D10k problem. You see, no one anticipated that civilization would ever see a day where a single month would enter into the ten thousandth mark, so naturally there are going to be some serious buffer overruns when this happens. Fortunately we've got a little bit of time -- about four thousand days -- but days are made up of mere hours, which are made up of scant minutes, which are made up of just seconds ... and we all know how fast seconds go by. The day will come upon us before we know it.

Thus it's entirely possible that when we do hit ten thousand, most programs will cycle around to zero again. While this does mean the end of civilization as we know it, at least there will be less spam.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Fighting Fishes (Was: Re: I just like the way this URL sounds)
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Sat, 07 Sep 2002 00:39:55 +1000

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> ; dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies look the same from both sides
> I saw a beautiful +blue+ Japanese Fighting Fish today.

Geez - they'll make porn out of *anything* these days...


More chicks dancing with bananas - *that's* what the world needs!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just great...
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Sat, 07 Sep 2002 00:51:32 +1000

TimC wrote:
> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> > ...more fucking road-construction.
> > http://www.edinburghnews.com/edinburgh.cfm?id=986862002
> > dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies like getting a piece of assphalt
> See, I'm ever so slightly drunk right now (heh) and my eyes wandered across the screen a bit too quickly and combined a few lines, and IRTA: "more ass-fucking road-construction", which made that even more interesting. Well, it would, if I was into that sort of thing.

Heh - I hear GW De L's had his asphalt from one end of the country to the other...


Sorry - my cat hynotised me and *made* me write that.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Just great...
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 8 Sep 2002 03:17:01 GMT

Chris Wesling <cwesling.cannedmeat.prodigy.net> wrote:
> GW De Lacey wrote:
>> GW De Lacey... gee this is fun..!
> You'll grow hair on your palms from doing that...

That is *not* true.

Dave "Er. So I've heard..." Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: looking
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 10 Sep 2002 05:26:08 GMT

Pacheco4u <pacheco4u.aol.com> said:
> Bored? Lonely? Check this out! Millions of different personal ads, one of the internet's biggest matchmaking and friendfinding service. Try it for free you have nothing to lose!

...except your virginity.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have been waiting to use that for years


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Offered without comment
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 11 Sep 2002 06:35:58 GMT

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> said:
> sjc wrote:
>> And, Al, what the devil were you thinking, grepping for that name?
> I wasn't grepping! I was massaging my colon!
> -- Al, actually, I just happened to notice it at the local Family Video rental place.

Yeah, well I guess you *could* consider _Betsey_Blows_Her_Brother_" a "Family Video"...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies come in a plain brown wrapper


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: September Eleven
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 12 Sep 2002 13:50:46 GMT

GW De Lacey wrote:
> --
> GW De Lacey... home in Austria with an Al.

Shh! You promised that you wouldn't tell.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Out of context or not?
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Mon, 16 Sep 2002 12:34:39 +1000

ossipewsk.cheerful.com (Richard Fitzpatrick) wrote:
> "[the expert] believes ostracods are very sexy animals because they have the second longest sperm in the animal kingdom. A one millimeter ostracod can produce a single sperm 10 millimeters long."
> Hmmm. Clearly, size *does* matter.
> And:
> "An ostracod has the longest sperm to body ratio of any animal known to man, so clearly it has to have special equipment to deal with the sperm."
> So *that's* what I've been doing wrong - my sperm is simply too small.

Richard, don't be so hard on yourself. Read the post again. It's obviously the ratio of sperm:penis_length that is important. Once again, you're rating way up near the top of the list.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: September Eleven
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.mindless.com>
Date: Sun, 22 Sep 2002 10:46:21 +0300

Viki wrote:
>vagina. vagina. vagina.

/me looks around.

Nope. It didn't work. Good thing too, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to bring one of those to work (although some people I know do so every day and nobody says a word, it's nothing but sexism I tell you!).

--
This is not Teh signature you're looking for.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: September Eleven
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Mon, 23 Sep 2002 11:23:33 +1000

"Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
> vagina. vagina. vagina.

In the interests of conserving bandwidth, several responses have been incorporated into this single post. Only a tiny fraction of the possible material has been included. Please select your preferred response from the alternatives below:

  1. "Hmm. Interesting effect. I thought that only worked on Chthulu."
  2. "Gee, you're big. Gee, you're big."
    "No need to say it twice."
    "I didn't."
  3. "Slimy, yet satisfying." - Timon, or maybe Pumbaa, I can't remember, but somehow I seem to manage to include it frequently in my conversations.
  4. "Just when you thought it was safe to start dating again... Revenge of the Mutants, coming soon to a cinema near you."
  5. Ian. Whoops.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: September Eleven
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Wed, 25 Sep 2002 07:48:51 +1000

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> wrote:
> >Rappelling, though, was simply the default effect I had on grils.
> Clouds of smoke and the odour^Waroma of charred flesh was the effect *I* used to have on grills.

Vaseline, Richard, vaseline.

Hmm, now *there's* a nasty invocation...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: September Eleven
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Sun, 29 Sep 2002 05:00:35 GMT

Donald Welsh wrote:
> Kegs <hotmail.jameskeasley.com> wrote:
>>It does sound like an educated Welshman (is this an oxymoron?)
> Oi! Careful there, boyo.

It's all right, I don't think you have to worry.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: September Eleven
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Sun, 29 Sep 2002 17:33:24 -0600

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> wrote:
> Tom Harrington wrote ...
> > Chris Wesling <cwesling.cannedmeat.prodigy.net> wrote:
> >> Ian Davis wrote:
> >> > Vaseline, Richard, vaseline.
> >> Yeah, and slow down a bit while you're at it. No, actually, if you're generating that much friction, slow down a *LOT*. Take Valium beforehand if necessary...
> >I think now would be a good time to mention 655-06.
> <snip much relevant Oraculatiness>
> Tom, do you know the whole archive well enough to just pull a salient Q&A out of your arse,

That's where I keep the archive, right up my ass. It's not well known, but anytime you search the archive, you're getting intimate with me.

> do you search them often to find something relevant or is that just one that stuck in your mind?
> Or is it something else entirely?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: September Eleven
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au>
Date: Mon, 30 Sep 2002 22:22:47 +1000

Tom Harrington wrote ...
> "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.NO.SPAM.webone.com.au> wrote:
>> Tom, do you know the whole archive well enough to just pull a salient Q&A out of your arse,
>That's where I keep the archive, right up my ass. It's not well known, but anytime you search the archive, you're getting intimate with me.

I always felt the guilt of an illicit pleasure when plundering the archive. Now I know why.

>> do you search them often to find something relevant or is that just one that stuck in your mind?
>> Or is it something else entirely?
>Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

Thank you - there's nothing as good as a straight answer.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: September Eleven
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 30 Sep 2002 01:53:49 GMT

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> said:
> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know the three basic rules of physics in the chemistry lab
> I know the one about hot glass looking exactly the same as cold glass.
> What are the others?

Glass breaks.

Round things roll.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies can't wait until his health insurance kicks in again


From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
>Round things roll.

And that blue stuff doesn't taste as good as it looks.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [FOAK] Web hosting?
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Mon, 16 Sep 2002 23:11:04 -0600

st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
> ...Friend Of A Kid? F*** Off And Kindle?

"Font Of All Knowledge", an expression I picked up when I was dating another newsgroup. It refers to the fact that, with a sufficiently diverse group of readers in a group, you can count on there being at least 2 or 3 people who know something about everything.

But if you prefer "Fuck Off And Kindle", I certainly won't try and stop you. :-)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [FOAK] Web hosting?
From: Brantley Hudson <brantley_hudson.nospam.hp.com>
Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 13:17:28 -0500

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
>> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>>>We should probably take this to email, it's getting to sound much more off-topic for RHOD.
>> Heh. Heh. Heheheheheh.
>> BWAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! *kerplop*
> OK, yeah, you're right, but it started sounding like a potential business deal, which to me is more of an email thing than a usenet thing. I didn't want anyone to think I was trying to solicit the group for a money-making scheme or something. Even though I don't think anyone would take it as that, it's just something I don't want to be misunderstood on.

/Pssst!/ *Yeah* you! You wanta watch bub? Looka dis 'chere. Now datz QUALITY and I gots to let it go for ... (measuring glance) 65 bucks. Waddya think?

*NO?!??!?*

Wait .. Come back here!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [FOAK] Web hosting?
From: "~Steve-o" <HeySteveo.steveo.cjb.net>
Date: Tue, 17 Sep 2002 18:38:29 -0000

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
> Quick everyone! Lets jump on ~Steve-o's connection, and see whether it falls over!

Is this where I say "I've never heard it called that before!" ?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [FOAK] Web hosting?
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Sat, 21 Sep 2002 13:31:05 GMT

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
>Heh. Stalker : )

If you believed that, you wouldn't keep leaving your window unlocked.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [FOAK] Web hosting?
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 23 Sep 2002 04:00:04 GMT

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> said:
>> If you believed that, you wouldn't keep leaving your window unlocked.
> Arh - so it's you who stole my 19" monitor

Next time make sure you have enough cash.

> and left my laptop

Sorry, but something kept poking me in the back.

> in my dream lastnight!

Yeah..."dream". I guess you can consider the monitor as a down-payment for the negatives...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know how to keep the Fotomat boys talking


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [FOAK] Web hosting?
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 19 Sep 2002 02:25:24 GMT

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> said:
> Did I mention that I have access to 2 TB of RAID from my webhosting? ;)

Wow...you expecting a giant roach infestation or something?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are off to stock up on vitamin E


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [FOAK] Web hosting?
From: "~Steve-o" <HeySteveo.steveo.cjb.net>
Date: Tue, 17 Sep 2002 18:37:25 -0000

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
>> I'm paying $20 for 250 megs of space and 7 gig of traffic. I know that's not a lot, but it's more than I need right now.
> They list this plan as $19.95, y'know...

Dammit! I'm getting overcharged by .05!!

The Canadians must be involved somehow, I just know it.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: [FOAK] Web hosting?
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 17 Sep 2002 12:32:42 +1000

[deletia - I am a kind person.] wrote:
> Tom Harrington wrote:
> > Given the high geek quotient in this newsgroup, I thought someone might be able to help out:
> > Do you use a web hosting service, and if so, would you recommend it?
> Yep. My university. Definitely recommend it, especially if you want a free PhD out of it! Hosting is cheap too, I get paid A$20,000 a year, just for surfing the net, and hosting my crappy website!

[checks for no-archive - missing]

I wonder how long it will be before our superiors decide to google their employees as part of their evaluations?

We're all doomed, I tells ya.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Useless URL.
From: "~Steve-o" <HeySteveo.steveo.cjb.net>
Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 17:36:24 -0000

"Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.mindless.com> wrote:
> I mean even if someone taped his mouse down and dedicated a computer to this site, did it exist three years ago? and if so has it had 100% uptime?

You don't have to have 100% up time with a Shockwave app, the server just has to be up when the score is submitted.

That's the beauty of downloading stuff: the server doesn't have to keep running for you to keep seeing it.

Well, unless you're in Hollywood. And then applications on your computer close whenever someone deletes the file on the server, when someone blows the server up, when someone trips on the power cord, when the server becomes sentient, or when someone types "TERMINATE OUTSIDE ACCESS" on any terminal attached to the server.


From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>

> or when someone types "TERMINATE OUTSIDE ACCESS" on any terminal attached to the server.

Oh, come on. Since when does the terminal need to be attached to the server for this to work? Any terminal, anywhere, seems to be sufficient.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Useless URL.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 19 Sep 2002 02:12:46 GMT

Hetta <spamtrap.hetta.saunalahti.fi> said:
> st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape) wrote:
>> ...the best way to keep miscreants out of your house is not to have any doors or windows.
> So I took all the doors and windows away, but then I couldn't get in or out, so then I took the walls away, too, and now it's _cold_ here. What should I do now?

Well of *course* it's cold...you left the skylight open again, dammit.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have an open mind also


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Theory of account numbers
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Wed, 25 Sep 2002 16:37:16 -0600

Theory: The length of any account number, with any organization, is inversely proportional to the importance of that account. "Importance" here is measured by the simple test of "How much would my life be affected if I just stopped paying that bill every month?". Umm, collection agencies aside, I guess.

My own observations reveal the following examples:

Mortgage: 5 digits.
Home insurance: 7
Utilities [1]: 7
Auto loan: 8
Social Security [2]: 9
Telephone: 10
Trash pickup [3]: 11
Long distance: 12
Credit card: 16
Cable TV: 18

Software prices are still generally one-time fees rather than monthly charges, but they support the theory by having registration numbers of from 20 to 40 characters.

Although I've yet to find an exception to the rule, further research is clearly warranted. For example, how long are account numbers at pr0n sites, and does this length support or contradict the theory? No doubt this varies depending on the user.

[1] Electric, water, natural gas, and of course the jello pipeline.
[2] Not technically a "bill" to be paid in the sense of the others, but included because it's necessary for income taxes. Ranking as less important than other items is consistent with the theory despite the Internal Revenue Service, as indicated by the fact that Willie Nelson got away with it for so long.
[3] Where I live, government-provided trash collection services are apparently considered a commie plot, so we have to either pay private companies, take it to the dump ourselves, or live with it.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Theory of account numbers
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 26 Sep 2002 17:50:47 GMT

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
> Theory: The length of any account number, with any organization, is inversely proportional

Wasn't this covered in AIR a year or three ago?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if, when publishing plagiarized results, one acknowledges one's own or the original's source of funding


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: milestone
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 26 Sep 2002 23:58:45 GMT

Eli the Bearded <*.eli.users.panix.com> said:
> <davehinz.spamcop.net> wrote:
>> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>>> Yabut the other tenth is the IMPENDING DOOM THAT AWAITS HIM OR HER
>>> WHEN I FIND THE ONE WHO STOLE THE LAST PEN OFF MY DESK TODAY!!!!!!
>>> DO YOU HEAR ME???? YOU WILL DIE!!!!!!!
>> Um, that was me, sorry. And, er, after what I used it for, I don't think
>> you're going to be wanting it back.
>> Dave "Y'see, the drain was clogged, so I dug it out with your pen." Hinz
> That is in interesting choice of euphemism there: "the drain was clogged".

Maybe Dave related to the constipated mathematician I keep hearing about...

> wonders if that's what happened to all the rest of Daniel's pens

Well we'll know for sure when he gets to the cayenne-pepper one, no?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have self-igniting farts


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: milestone
From: "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net>
Date: Sun, 29 Sep 2002 03:50:45 GMT

"Ian Davis" <not.all.certain> wrote:
: sjc <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
: > But belief doesn't really enter into it, does it? IIRC, counsel can only go off of what their client tells them is the truth
: No, Viki's been known to go off from pretty much anything.

Would that that were true. The amount I spend on batteries would be so much less.

Viki


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: milestone
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 29 Sep 2002 13:08:20 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.NO.spam.webone.com.au> wrote:
> phlllbbbbbbbt :-P""""""""

That's the first time I've seen that spelled correctly.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: milestone
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Sat, 28 Sep 2002 13:01:31 GMT

"*Alessandro*" <inetman99.hotmail.com> wrote:
>*, back from cornea transplant (that is why you did not see me in a while - and, of course, that is why *I* did not see *you* in a while, I guess)

So, did you thank the doctor for clearing things up?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I'm not really back
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Sat, 28 Sep 2002 19:59:42 +1000

Ken Adams wrote:
> "Charles A Lieberman" <calieber.bigfoot.co.m> wrote:
> > "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> > > > As others have in the past, I express my pleasure in announcing I've gone from being a not-employed person (or rather a sporadically-employed person) to being an employed person.
> > > Yay!
> > I'm going to say, for the remainder of my life, that I got the job through nepotism (my mother is head of the dept.), but I got the job through my obvious ability. I got the *opportunity* through nepotism.
> Obvious ability must be some kind of super-power, right? I have this image of Obvious Man identifying things and situations in a really deep voice.

"Eww - stand back, everybody - that stuff all over the timbre - it's *pitch*..."


From: Hetta <spamtrap.hetta.saunalahti.fi>
> "Eww - stand back, everybody - that stuff all over the timbre - it's *pitch*..."

Ooh. Perfect!


From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
>Ooh. Perfect!

Perfect pitch? Sara sure knows how to throw a curve ball.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I'm not really back
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: 29 Sep 2002 20:18:03 GMT

Mondariloth Lehamonyiru <mondiliham-spam.lycos.com> said:
> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> Charles A Lieberman wrote ...
>>>They've temporarily put me at the broken computer,
>> Ah, so no cyber-sex then?
> Shhh! Just because he's got a disabled "computer" doesn't mean you can tease him like that!

Yeah...cripples need to get laid too.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies think limbs just get in the way


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I'm not really back
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Fri, 27 Sep 2002 04:36:05 GMT

Charles A Lieberman wrote:
> As others have in the past, I express my pleasure in announcing I've gone from being a not-employed person (or rather a sporadically-employed person) to being an employed person.

This is great news! We've been getting tired of not finding any spare change in your couch.

> I'll be really back as soon as I'm able to catch up on Usenet.

You mean you've had all that time off, and you *haven't* been keeping up on Usenet?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: TIO etiquette questions
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Sun, 29 Sep 2002 17:38:18 -0600

"Tony Gies" <commander_keen0.lycos.com> wrote:
> Is it considered naughty to submit so many different questions (even if they're good ones) that you cycle everyone's questions but your own out of the queue (even if you answer quite a few of them, and answer well)?

I think the general guideline is that as long as you're making an effort to be good, go ahead and do as many questions and answers as you like. We do get annoyed with queue-drainers, but usually just when they're running through the question queue quickly without even trying.

> And how big in bytes (or kilobytes, if it's that big of a number) should the raw text of an Oracular answer be at maximum?

It's not how big it is, it's what you do with it that counts.

Answers can be as long as they need to be. Just keep in mind that if the answer's really long, it should be really good. Otherwise you're likely to make the reader lose interest.

> Also, a non-etiquette question: is it a common occurrence that one person gets like 7 of their questions/answers in one digest? Thanx.

You should try switching to decaf.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: TIO etiquette questions
From: Chris Wesling <cwesling.cannedmeat.prodigy.net>
Date: Sun, 29 Sep 2002 19:10:27 -0700

Tony Gies wrote:
> Tom Harrington wrote:
> > You should try switching to decaf.
> I'm on decaf.

Then you should try switching to Quaaludes...

Chris W., whose enormous grayscale American sleeping kitties don't need drugs to relax, man...



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