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2003 02 B.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I have WAY too much time on my hands
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.mindless.com>
Date: Mon, 17 Feb 2003 14:59:28 +0200

Screwtape wrote:
>You may live, mortal.

You say that like it's a good thing...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I have WAY too much time on my hands
From: Daniel Glick <rhod.danielglick.com>
Date: Mon, 17 Feb 2003 20:01:48 GMT

Screwtape wrote:
[snip]
> *a megawatt laser blast from the shadows incinerates Mr. Glick*

Well that's got to be the shortest resurrection in the history of rhod!

--dg, who's feeling very warm inside


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: 0wnz0r!!!1!!
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Sun, 16 Feb 2003 11:26:52 +0000

Richard Fitzpatrick <ossipewsk.hotmail.com> writes
>Bloody brilliant, I thought. Of course, beating Bangla Desh now qualifies Canada to beat England. Which would be the ultimate colonial revenge.

Good Lord, RF - where cricket is concerned, beating Luxembourg qualifies you to beat England.

It is a cruel twist of fate that the powers that be have decided that certain trivial pursuits like football, cricket and tennis are somehow more significant and reportable than others. Thus it is that those stirring athletic enterprises at which we Brits excel - like the aforementioned tiddlywinks, not to mention bar billiards and gurning - don't receive anything like the adulation and air time they deserve.

Actually, now that I think about it, it's probably a conspiracy. Colonial revenge, in fact. The Illuminati were no doubt transported to Botany Bay for starting the great fire of London and inserting Guy Fawkes's brain into Nell Gwynn.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*---And we're pretty good at pocket billiards, too--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: 0wnz0r!!!1!!
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Mon, 17 Feb 2003 17:28:25 +0000

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> writes
>Richard Wilson wrote:
>> --*----*---*---*---And we're pretty good at pocket billiards, too--
>Izzat anything like pocket pool? 'Cause in the States, we're no slouches at that either.

Different game entirely. Billiards involves two balls and a cue. Admittedly, I have negligible in depth knowledge of male USAn anatomy, but ISTR pool involves balls in significant quantities, and there's got to be a limit to how much you can pack into a tight pair of Levis.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*----Rudolf Nureyev, OTOH, could have played--
--*-----*--*----*----*----pocket beach volleyball if he'd wanted---


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: 0wnz0r!!!1!!
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Mon, 17 Feb 2003 19:01:39 +0000

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> writes
>Andrew Hood wrote:
>> Soccer - Australia 3 England 1

Irrelevant - we only care about beating people we've recently had wars against, ie Germany and Argentina (and, in a few months' time no doubt, Iraq). The rest of the time our hearts just aren't in it. And, even then, we're still better than Scotland.

/manfully resists temptation to launch into a David Beckham gag.

>>> cricket
>> World Cup - Zimbabwe 1 England 0 !

By means of the cunning ploy of not turning up. (And you forgot Holland.)

>>> and tennis
>> Davis Cup - Australia 4 England 1 (after letting the two guys who make up the numbers play the reverse singles so Hewitt could have the day off and Philipousis could catch an earlier plane to the US)

I refuse to be goaded into another discussion of the great white hopes of British tennis and how young Timmy is going to win Wimbledon any day now, just you want, because I'd then have to go and sit in the corner with a warm towel wrapped around my head for an hour or two until the fit passed. And, hey, we beat Ecuador! What more do you want?

>Aww, don't listen to him, Richard. Where were the Aussies in ski-jumping When Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards made his appearance in the Winter Olympics in Calgary. The IOC even instituted a special rule in his honor, and Finland had a number two song "Mun Nimeni En Eetu" about his feats of daring.

Thank you, Al, though you need only go back to last year's effort in Salt Lake City and, without any irony, point to Alain "The Highlander" Baxter's bronze medal in the men's slalom. I concede that irony makes something of a comeback when the poor sod has it taken away again because USAn nasal decongestants consist largely of banned steroids (you got rhinoviruses the size of longhorn cattle over there or something?), but surely his only mistake was not competing in the snowboarding, where being blasted out of your mind on a cocktail of illicit chemicals is not so much tolerated as mandatory.

But the truth is that we Brits just love being plucky losers. If we accidentally started winning things on a regular basis, we'd feel compelled to reconquer the Empire, and then Tony'd be a towering world leader telling Dubya who to attack, and Charlie, who'd probably be king by then, would be Grand Poobah of a large chunk of the known universe, and we'd force you all to drive on the left and wait for trains that never arrive and eat soggy chips and... pass me that warm towel.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*---who enjoyed Ice Dream's coverage of the short-track skating--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Yet A Nother URL
From: Mike Fleming <{mike}.tauzero.co.uk>
Date: Mon, 17 Feb 2003 13:31:10 +0000

Che Gannarelli <che.gannarelli.ucl.ac.uk> writes:
> Btw, are there any NY-ers here? I heard Saturday's protest was broken up by police. Details anyone? In London we had 1-2 million. If you assume 1.5 million, that's one in every 40 people from the UK marching on London, with more in Glasgow and Belfast.

A friend of mine was in Noo Yoik, and tried to get to the peace rally. He said the city was blue - filled with cops stopping people getting to the rally. Even when he left, after three hours (in which he managed to get within a few blocks), there were thousands trying to get in.

The irony, of course, is that Blair had just said his little bit about people not being allowed to demonstrate in nasty undemocratic countries like Iraq.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Yet A Nother URL
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Mon, 17 Feb 2003 17:20:22 +0000

Che Gannarelli <che.gannarelli.ucl.ac.uk> writes
>Hmm, undemocratic countries, like good old Blighty, where the prime minister has (and merrily involks) the medieval power of royal perogative,

Ya know, for a minute there I read that as the medieval power of droit de seigneur, which conjured up all sorts of unwanted images and sent me wobbly at the knees.

It was probably due to the parenthetic typo, which my mind parsed as "and merrily in folks".

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*--That, and the current crescendo of dim innuendo here in rhod--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Wave your pants in the air
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 17 Feb 2003 06:05:17 GMT

TimC wrote:
> Ha ha! RF has a small monitor.

So you're saying he has pixel envy? That there aren't many electrons produced in his stream? Possibly that his electron gun is out of ammo altogether? Or maybe he does a lot of flickering, but his redraw capability just doesn't cut it?

Boy, is he going to be mad at you!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Wave your pants in the air
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Mon, 17 Feb 2003 19:09:19 +1100

Al Sharka wrote:
> So you're saying he has pixel envy? That there aren't many electrons produced in his stream? Possibly that his electron gun is out of ammo altogether? Or maybe he does a lot of flickering, but his redraw capability just doesn't cut it?

AND his horizontal hold is all wrong, he doesn't seem too keen on the clamp position, and the moire I see of his side bow the less I like it.

> Boy, is he going to be mad at you!

Girl, actually 8)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Return and FOAK: I think I've got a problem here...
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Sun, 23 Feb 2003 16:31:35 +1100

Ian Davis wrote:
> SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au> wrote:
> > Sometimes it hurts to think.
> Most of us try to avoid this wherever possible.

Ah yes, and quite rightly so - I can w--l see how the use of the w--d "t--s", being a f--r-letter w--d, could really distress and alarm s--e of the m--e delicate, sensitive f--k h--e in R--d...


<backs out of r--m slowly, r--s off to f--d nurse>


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Return and FOAK: I think I've got a problem here...
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Mon, 24 Feb 2003 11:50:43 +1100

Screwtape wrote:
> SaraM wrote:
> ><backs out of r--m slowly, r--s off to f--d nurse>
> Why d--s the nurse n--d to be fed?

Not fed - *forded* - <helpfully tosses gumboots>.

She's a wet nurse.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Yes! Oracle book!
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Thu, 27 Feb 2003 13:52:39 +1100

cml246.nyu.edu (carla) wrote:
> > Next thing ya know, I'll say "pickled turnips" and Carla will appear.
> A pickle once turnipped my sister.

There's a turnip for the books.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Which is worse?
From: sc.pffcu.com
Date: 19 Feb 2003 13:51:33 GMT

Misty Devine <mdevine3.uwo.ca> wrote:
> sc.pffcu.com wrote:
>> I can't see why that would be a problem. Shirley you'd just heat the cans until they exploded.
> What, just stand near the cans with your mouth open hoping to catch some of the flying food? And don't call me Shirley....

That's ridiculously dangerous due to flying shrapnel. What you do is lie on the ground with your mouth open, so as to minimize your profile. The food that is propelled upward in the explosion will settle gently into your esophagus.

It's all documented in this book I read once, _How to Survive if You're Not Right_. It was approximately 187 pages long and had pictures, and a table of contents, and an inflamed appendix. I then spent eleven months memorizing the book and another three days copying the pictures, I keep them in my safe deposit box along with a box of safety matches and five Sacagawea golden dollars. They were inexpensive, and after civilization collapses I can tell everyone that they are really gold. For now I just use them to prop up my fish collection. I'm not going to starve, nosir.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Which is worse?
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Thu, 20 Feb 2003 07:18:17 +1100

Brantley Hudson <brantley_hudson.nospam.hp.com> wrote:
> sc.pffcu.com wrote:
> > Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> >> sc.pffcu.com said:
> >> ; Sacagawea golden dollars. They were inexpensive, and after civilization
> >> I have never seen one of those.
> > I have one in my pocket.
> </lurk mode=off>
> You have a *civilization* in your pocket?
> </lurk>

Note to self: do laundry.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Which is worse?
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Wed, 26 Feb 2003 07:52:31 +1100

ossipewsk.hotmail.com (Richard Fitzpatrick) wrote:
> > So, each denomination is 7mm longer than the previous.
> There also used to be a width issue (ST may be too young to remember this), which ceased after the introduction of polymer film currency. Notes were not just progressively longer with value, but also progressively wider.

My uncle used to make big money. Sadly, it was 1 cm too big. 5 to 10, time off for good behaviour.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Which is worse?
From: sc.pffcu.com
Date: 20 Feb 2003 20:16:40 GMT

Omar <nospam.omar-at-omar-dot-org.nospam.com> wrote:
> Quoth sc.pffcu.com "Nevermore. And furthermore:
>> Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
>>> sc.pffcu.com said:
>>> ; Sacagawea golden dollars. They were inexpensive, and after civilization
>>> I have never seen one of those.
>> I have one in my pocket.
> <NNNNNNNNNGHH!>
> Me too!
> </NNNNNNNNNGHH!>
> I was just discussing how silly it is that they're about the size of a quarter. Shame they didn't adopt the model of the UK pound coin-- you could actually tell them apart from the rest of the dross in your pocket by feel.

When I visited London I wound up walking in circles because the weight of the pound coins in my left pocket anchored me to the ground. I can tell the difference between a quarter, a sacbuck and the mini-screwdriver I received in my stocking one year by feel, but I frequently am beswozzled by the SBA dollars.

It seems from my limited perspective that the Mint let themselves be led by the nose to design the SBA dollars so that vending machines would accept them easily; the vending machine manufacturers then en masse proceeded to continue building machines that would not accept the coins. The sacbuck then was designed to be identical in size and weight as the SBA so that all of the vending machines that do not accept SBAs would also not accept these new coins.

I have a lo-cal source of sacbucks and I make it a point to keep one or two handy at all times; I mostly wind up using them to:
- Take out and look at occasionally.
- Have refused at newsstands.
- Leave as tips.
- Have refused by vending machines.

So in the history of the world's most useful currencies they do not seem destined to score very high above the West Elbonian 2-Viox Antipersonnel Mine, which suffered from rapid inflation.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Which is worse?
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.mindless.com>
Date: Wed, 19 Feb 2003 13:29:44 +0200

sc.pffcu.com wrote:
>Misty Devine <mdevine3.uwo.ca> wrote:
>>> The absolute worst is having a virtually unlimited supply of food, but it's all in cans and at the end of the episode you discover that you *broke your glasses!!!11!!!!!1*.
>>> Or so I've been told.
>> Even worse - you broke your glasses and cant find a can-opener!
>I can't see why that would be a problem. Shirley you'd just heat the cans until they exploded.

Last year after a week of training in the reserved forces we were cleaning up our camp and we had a big pile of garbage we were burning (what can I say the IDF is a bit slow on ecological matters). As usual some bullets made their way into the fire, we try to avoid it but it's not too big a deal, if there's no rifled barrel to direct the bullet they are pretty harmless. Still people try to stay out of line of sight to the fire.

Suddenly there was an earth shattering kabooom, well I exaggerate, the earth didn't actually shutter, but it was stronger than the occasional bullet going off. Something flew into the air, we went to examine the landing place and found the remains of a can of tuna.

Which just goes to show you something that soldiers have known since Napoleonic times....

Teh army's food is much more dangerous than it's weapons.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Rhod to Hell
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 18 Feb 2003 19:53:40 +0000

Here ya go, FL. One less thing to worry about.

Well, you're sitting at your PC, and you're surfing on the Net
You visit every website you can think of
But you fancy interaction, so your newsreader you get
And before you know it you're lost deep down in rec.humor.*
Where the perverted sense of logic burns out brain cells by the score
Common sense is ringing its death knell
This ain't no halfway rational newsfroup
Oh no, this is the rhod to hell

And so you join in all the cascades, and the tired old in-jokes too
It's all just wasted packets, flying away from you
Oh look out, son, take a good look where the time goes
You should make your exit fast and make it well
This ain't no semblance of a real life, son
Oh no, this is the rhod
I said, this is the rhod
This is the rhod to hell

<molerat freaks out on air guitar>
<fade>

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*-What next? King of the Rhod? Hit the Rhod, Jack? Rhod Stewart--
--*--singing Country Rhods? How Many Rhods Must a Man Spod Down?---


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Rhod to Hell
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Sun, 23 Feb 2003 17:16:11 -0700

Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> Jellyroll Papadopoulos <Never_Read.email.com> writes
> >Also Sprach Donald Welsh:
> >> >Misty *better late than never* Devine
> >> Said the old man who fell off the roof.
> >Rhod Hull.
> Wasn't he married to Diana Rhod, the chanteuse famous for such hits as "Jumping Jack Flush" and "Up Around the U-Bend"?
> -Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
> --*-About to discover British plumbing humour doesn't travel well--

What, do they have indoor toilets over there now? That flush and everything?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Rhod to Hell
From: Phil Smith <pas51.NOSPAMcam.ac.uk>
Date: Wed, 19 Feb 2003 19:55:07 +0000

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> Screwtape said:
> ; Richard Wilson wrote:
> ; > -Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
> ; > --*-What next? King of the Rhod? Hit the Rhod, Jack? Rhod Stewart--
> ; > --*--singing Country Rhods? How Many Rhods Must a Man Spod Down?---
> ; Spoil the Rhod and spare the child?
> Good-bye yellow brick rhod?
> Nowhere Rhod?
> Grand Funk Railrhod?
> Middle of the rhod?
> Rhod to nowhere?
> Rhodhouse blues?
> Love is a long rhod?
> The long and winding rhod?

RHOD CLOSED

DETOUR ->


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Molerette at Large
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Thu, 20 Feb 2003 18:49:46 +0000

Somebody or other courteously asked after the molerette shortly after my rejoining the froup.

They may be pleased to learn she has just been offered a job (disgustingly, after only her first interview) after she qualifies, in the rehab ward of the psycho hospital where she's currently on placement. At the moment, she's in the ward where they pump the patients full enough of drugs so they don't kill the staff. Rehab is where they stop the drugs until it looks like the patients are just about to wake up, at which point they're hastily reintegrated into society.

At least, that's how she explained it. Banishment to Australia can't be far off now.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----I'm very happy for her, of course, but then---
--*-----*--*----*----who wants to see me with my legs uncrossed?---


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Molerette at Large
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Fri, 21 Feb 2003 17:24:42 +0000

GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com> writes
> Richard Wilson wrote:
>>At least, that's how she explained it. Banishment to Australia can't be far off now.
>So they want to reward her with a free trip to Godsown. Do the Poms do likewise with all of their recalcitrant medical staff?

Yes. It is my firm belief that all Strayan hospitals are staffed exclusively by stroppy poms blacklisted over here, who are too busy blowing the whistle on each other to notice the patients. So, in order to remain healthy, Strayans generally rely on a steady supply of pills from their mums.

HA HA HA HA! Ahem... sorry.

>GW DE Lacey 'and what ever happened to the Welfare State'

We waved it farewell.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*--Fair's fair - you laugh at _all_ our cricketers--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: A more serious URL
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 21 Feb 2003 11:40:20 GMT

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> One_Pierced_One said:
>> If you want to see pictures I took today of the memorial that is growing outside of the Johnson Space Center (less than 5 minutes from my house), go to http://danielparker.is-a-geek.com
>> It is truly work safe.
> YKYBRRHODTLW...you know, deep down, that this is a serious post, but you still can't help laughing that DMP has a website paying tribute to a johnson.

And that it's growing.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Thinking things through
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 24 Feb 2003 21:32:32 GMT

carla wrote:
> Tom Harrington wrote
>> Oh, hell, why not be honest? They should call them "Arab oil fries".
> I know that olive oil is manufactured by loading thousands of olives into a giant press and then squeezing them hard between steel plates so that the oil just oozes on out into a drip pan beneath the press.
> I'm not sure I want to think about how "Arab oil" is made.

Just like they make "baby oil". And adding extra virgins to olive oil is just a waste of natural resources.


From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>

> Just like they make "baby oil". And adding extra virgins to olive oil is just a waste of natural resources.

Baby oil isn't made from babies, it's used on them. And olive oil is used to keep your olive running smoothly. And of course you need to use peanut oil to keep your peanuts nice and slick. Yep, there's nothing quite like well-oiled peanuts...


From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>

>Baby oil isn't made from babies, it's used on them. And olive oil is used to keep your olive running smoothly. And of course you need to use peanut oil to keep your peanuts nice and slick. Yep, there's nothing quite like well-oiled peanuts...

Gumboil, OTOH, is used to lubricate brains and stop them from hurting.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*---Seeking to induce some Pythonic turmoil---


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Thinking things through
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Wed, 26 Feb 2003 13:38:34 -0700

cml246.nyu.edu (carla) wrote:
> "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> > Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> said:
> > > Just like they make "baby oil". And Adding extra virgins to olive oil is just a waste of natural resources.
> > Nah, baby oil is for use on babies, so extra virgin olive oil is for use on any extra virgins you may find laying around.
> no, no, no.
> baby oil : babies :: extra virgin olive oil : extra virgin olives.
> So extra virgin olive oil is for rubbing on your extra virgin *olives*. And if you don't have any of those lying around, well, that's just perverted.

How does an olive lose its virginity?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Your Back or You're Back (was..."i'm back...")
From: motar.operamail.com (MOTAR the imperious)
Date: 23 Feb 2003 20:16:25 -0800

Random832 <random832.rcbooks.org> said:
>>> guess again. hint: i _was_ gone for a long time
>We ain't seeed MOTAR in quite some time, who IIRC was in southeast US somewhere?

Cut.... halt.... stop.

MOTAR is not here, that is why you do not "seeed" MOTAR.

MOTAR grows weary of self-aggrandizement. The world cannot revolve around MOTAR as much as everyone else would like it to do. Occasionally MOTAR has to hand over the reigns of all that is imperious and let others subsist at some impoverished spiritual level that is the byproduct of their own mental efforts.

To clarify the issue....MOTAR is still in Atlanta. MOTAR was in the nations sewerpit called Baltimore last week. That nasty slimepit of a city had the roads all plowed like as "S" over the lanes. The brilliant drivers kept zipping past everyone at 60 mph despite the fact a 6 foot wall of snow danced back and forth in and out their chosen lane. MOTAR prefers to stay in Atlanta. Atlanta has better weather. Good dirt. A decent amount of sunlight. MOTAR does not like too much sunlight or it makes his skin green and poisonous. Atlanta fit the balance.

MOTAR has spoken.

MOTAR the imperious


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Aliens were covered up. However, They do not exist. The CIA, NSA and Pentagon *now* know this too.. what to do.. what to do..
From: "One_Pierced_One" <1_pierced_1.cheapcunt.net>
Date: Mon, 24 Feb 2003 22:14:10 GMT

"Misty Devine" <mdevine3.uwo.ca> wrote:
> One_Pierced_One wrote:
> > "Misty Devine" <mdevine3.uwo.ca> wrote:
> > > Misty "sexy, funny, intelligent" Devine
> > Oh forget the restraining order, wanna fuck?
> Yes. Yes I do, and I am going to.

OMG! I'm SO excited....I can't believe someone actually went for that line, I've been trying it for years, but to no avail...

> Done work now, going home to get me some!!

something seems to be going awry here, but I can't quite figure out what...

> Oh.... did you mean with you??

DOH! Dammit, foiled again.

> ; ) Misty


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Philm Phun (Kritixs Qorner)
From: "One_Pierced_One" <1_pierced_1.cheapcunt.net>
Date: Tue, 25 Feb 2003 02:20:40 GMT

"Jeffrey Kaplan" <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> sc.pffcu.com said:
> ; Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> ; > I'll settle for getting my new car fixed. Was rear ended.
> ; Oh horror! Didn't you just get a Mazda?
> Yep. My brand=spanking new Mazda6 was spanked by some ditz who forgot what the brake pedal is for. I was stopped in line at a red light, she just drove right into me fast enough to shove my Mazda into the next car.

So you failed to keep enough distance between yourself and the car in front of you at the stop light Mr. Kaplan. Now as I recall we covered that in the second week of driver's ed, were you asleep at the time we went over that material Mr. Kaplan, or did you simply feel this rule didn't apply to you?

I want you to back up and do it again!


From: Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org>

; second week of driver's ed, were you asleep at the time we went over that material Mr. Kaplan, or did you simply feel this rule didn't apply to you?
; I want you to back up and do it again!

I can't. There's a Toyota attached to the ass end of my car.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Philm Phun (Kritixs Qorner)
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 26 Feb 2003 20:58:17 GMT

Laurent wrote:
> Gosh. I am confused/stuck/astonished/admirative towards producers.

That URL doesn't work at all.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Philm Phun (Kritixs Qorner)
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Wed, 26 Feb 2003 17:03:03 GMT

Tony Gies wrote:
>> Most good scifi
> "The One", starring Jet Li, directed by John Woo, is good.

You've got to be kidding. If it were possible to fit a steering column and wheels to Eurasia, you could drive it through the plot hole in this flick.

> This guy, Yulaw (Jet Li), is going to parallel universes to break out the Wu Tang on the parallel-universe versions of himself (all played by Jet Li). If he kills them, the Magic Energy Whatnots allocated to them are redivided among the remaining parallel versions of himself (including himself).

And that's the piece that's going to have you saying "WTF?" for the entire movie. If you subscribe to the parallel universe theory, said parallels would be *infinite*. Thus, any subsequent gathering of power would be infinitesimal. Heck, anyone who's watched _Sliders_ for all of fifteen minutes will know this.

> It's all quite good.

If you ignore the large gaping hole, yes. Quite spiffy action sequences, decent acting, good ending. Could have been a classic if only they had done some basic research into the premise. But then, if they had done that, they would have had to come up with a new plot.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Philm Phun (Kritixs Qorner)
From: "One_Pierced_One" <1_pierced_1.cheapcunt.net>
Date: Wed, 26 Feb 2003 20:20:21 GMT

"Misty Devine" <mdevine3.uwo.ca> wrote:
> One_Pierced_One wrote:
> > "Misty Devine" <mdevine3.uwo.ca> wrote:
> > > <snipperoo>
> > > yep, they know bad movies - This is a review of the WORST movie EVER.
> > > http://rinkworks.com/badmovie/reader/416.shtml
> > > I know, we all think we have seen the worst movie ever, but you really haven't unless you have seen this atrocity. Don't even try to top it until you have seen it!!
> > I have actually seen this movie. I kept trying to figure out if there was something I was missing...a deeper meaning...
> > > not that I recommend watching...
> Of course.... one more thing we have in common.... Wanna fuck

Now was that really wise?

> Ha ha I beat you to it!!!

Of course that's part of foreplay...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Philm Phun (Kritixs Qorner)
From: sc.pffcu.com
Date: 27 Feb 2003 14:45:59 GMT

Misty Devine <mdevine3.uwo.ca> wrote:
>> Of course that's part of foreplay...
> Is anyone else distrubed by this conversation??
> 'what have I gotten myself into?'

From here it looks like you went into it with eyes wide open.

More popcorn, anyone?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Philm Phun (Kritixs Qorner)
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Wed, 26 Feb 2003 10:42:12 -0700

Tony Gies <commander_keen0.socyl.moc> wrote:
> One that I like is Godzilla's Revenge. One of the most fearsomely odd scenes is where the police come into some guy's house to tell him that his car lights are on. As the silly-helmeted Japanese Law Enforcement nutcases leave, one of them stops for a moment to POKE a GLOVE which was ALREADY in the guy's HOUSE. The glove begins to CRAWL and say "Support your local police!" in a child's voice.
> Terror.
> I have a feeling that this scene made sense in the original version of the movie.

I own a copy of this movie, and watch it from time to time for the sheer surreality of it all. It was apparently stitched together from scenes taken from a bunch of other Godzilla movies, with a minimal plot to sort-of-but-not-really tie the monster scenes together. I especially enjoy the scenes with Godzilla Jr., who is apparently a close relative of Barney the dinosaur. Godzilla as a loving father figure is almost too weird to comprehend.

Anyone who's enjoyed MST3K can use this movie as a good DIY version of the show.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Official Rhod Time Trials: Test 4
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Thu, 27 Feb 2003 21:57:18 +1100

Butter?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Official Rhod Time Trials: Test 4
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Thu, 27 Feb 2003 22:33:17 +1100

; )^^~o< + <=~~]~<(-; = ?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Official Rhod Time Trials: Test 9
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Thu, 27 Feb 2003 22:15:52 +1100

French ....?



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