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2003 07 a.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Sat, 05 Jul 2003 03:44:11 GMT

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>One_Pierced_One <dmporker.dmparker.com> said:
>> "Chris Wesling" <wesling.nospam.invalid> wrote:
>>> YKINMK,BIO... <Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But It's OK>
>> EIEIO?
>Of all the people whom I would expect to have seen "YKINMK" in replies...
>dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies haven't "had" a whole farm yet

But there's always room for Jell-O.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Who is Michael Cai?
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2003 20:37:01 +0000 (UTC)

steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net> said:
> Donald Welsh:
>> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>>>One_Pierced_One <dmporker.dmparker.com> wrote:
>>>> "Henriette Kress" <spamtrap.hetta.spamcop.net> wrote:
>>>>> --
>>>>> Hi, I'm the .sigvirus killer. Please copy me into your .sig and
>>>>> help me exterminate the .sigvirus. Thanks!
>>>> Hi, I'm the .sigvirus killer killer. Please copy me into your
>>>> .sig and help me exterminate the .sigvirus killer. Viva La
>>>> .sigvirus!
>>>That's not a sig.
>>>Dash Dash space newline
>> Dash dash space newline
>> Four-line witty quotation
>> Perfect message end
>> -- D. "Dash is not hyphen. Wibble." W.
> Dash is not hyphen.
> Wibbles wobble, but don't fall.
> Now that's just eerie.

But what type of dash?
En? Em? Fuck that, man. Double
Hyphens forever!

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are off to stretch Strunk's colon


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Who is Michael Cai?
From: "Asidonhopo" <ossipewsk-SPAM.BLOCK-hotmail.com>
Date: Fri, 04 Jul 2003 23:02:26 GMT

TimC wrote...
> Conclusion to my thesis -- "It is trivial to show that it is clearly obvious that this is not woofly."

Garn. I *dare* ya.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 1 Jul 2003 00:52:20 GMT

One_Pierced_One <dmporker.dmparker.com> wrote:
> <davehinz.spamcop.net> wrote:
>> Didn't we just do this? (checks headers...) Oh wait, mostly the same folks, but different group. Carry on.
> Wait a second...you go to a different group? You *cheat* on us?

It's more of a "most of us cheat on you", I'm afraid. (Hey - he's on to us...cool the phone calls for a while...)

> I bet you're going to say you think of us when you're with them....

Well, since most of "them" are also "us", well, damn. This is confuzzling.

OK, OK, fine. Here goes.

As a result of these developments, I am far less gruntled than I was.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Thu, 3 Jul 2003 06:55:04 +0000 (UTC)

Ken Adams <kmadams85.comcast.net> said:
> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>> Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
>>> One_Pierced_One said:
>>> ; So this isn't the first time we've discussed the peccadilloes of the perverts in here?
>>> Of course not. You've been here before.
>> I doubt DMP needs this now, but if anyone else is in the market for one:
>> http://www.alfi.com/knives_cutlery/FD8135630.html
>> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wish his bookmark folder was a link to /dev/null
> Damn glad that it's only for 12 inchers.

I'm sure we can just line up you and five of your twins...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know a thing or two about math


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: Rick Dickinson <rtd.notesguy.com>
Date: Tue, 01 Jul 2003 07:48:47 -0700

steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net> wrote:
>I've noticed an odd trend; monks seem to be drawn to news.admin.net-abuse.email, alt.religion.kibology, and here. I'm attempting to come up with a Unified Theory of Usenet, but this kind of aberrant behaviour really throws a wrench in the works.

It's just an odd quark^Wquirk.

- Rick "Top, Charmed, and Strange" Dickinson


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2003 20:34:04 +0000 (UTC)

One_Pierced_One <dmporker.dmparker.com> said:
><davehinz.spamcop.net> wrote:
>>"pro wombat-shit composting league"
> Is there one?

Would that depend if you mean "pro" as professional or as advocacy (consider pro golf vs. pro choice)?

You're right--probably not.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are off to register a domain


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: Rhodnius <erik.SPAMFILTER-dos486.com>
Date: Mon, 07 Jul 2003 19:42:01 -0400

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>> There it is. If you find yourself dealing with the users, occasional or not [1], then you're not recovered.
>Yes, but it doesn't annoy me, oddly enough. Just got a real head-scratcher escalated to me

While we're on the topic of tech support stories, I got this gem in email today:

"I have a problem... When the users enter Hebrew characters in the web form, they (the characters, not the users) get turned into gibberish and question marks"


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Thu, 3 Jul 2003 16:25:50 +0000 (UTC)

steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net> said:
> Donald Welsh:
>> steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net> wrote:
>>>To paraphrase the great one, you can consider yourself well recovered once there are no colliding packets on the network.
>> Ah, now I get it! Backhoes *assist* recovery!
> With the added benefit that you can drop an extra users you may have lying around into the hole where the cabling used to be.

And thus the added *added* benefit that you might find that, deep down, some of them are decent people. </old-monastery-joke>

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies need more fiber in their diet


From: Kegs <me.privacy.net>
> And thus the added *added* benefit that you might find that, deep down, some of them are decent people. </old-monastery-joke>

What, the deeper they are, the better they get?


From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
>What, the deeper they are, the better they get?

Yes, for values of deep >= 6 feet.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Thu, 03 Jul 2003 16:29:23 -0600

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
> > Ah, now I get it! Backhoes *assist* recovery!
> Actually, I'd have to agree with that; I was out playing with my backhoe/loader last evening. I take it I've mentioned it here?

Didja cut any fiber-optic cables? I hear it's impossible to use one of those without cutting at least one or two.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 7 Jul 2003 15:59:00 GMT

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
> Didja cut any fiber-optic cables? I hear it's impossible to use one of those without cutting at least one or two.

Nope, none of those in my back yard...or my front yard, for that matter. I'm putting a deck on the back of the house, and to go down 4 feet for the footings, the easeist way to do that [1] is to scoop it out with the 2' wide shovel on the backhoe. This "manual labor" thing is overrated.

So, the footings are in, the holes are backfilled, and the torrential downpours we had this weekend have them settling quite nicely. Now, to work *up*. Right now, all the work is pretty much invisible, there are 5, 8" diameter concrete dots in the back yard, surrounded by a sea of mud. Visible progress is important to me in any non-work project, so seeing 251 square inches of concrete after all that work, just isn't doing it for me.

Funny thing is, for about the same amount of work as it's taken, I'll have the full deck finished.

Dave "trying but failing to make a Max Planck reference" Hinz


From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
> Dave "trying but failing to make a Max Planck reference" Hinz

How about: "Not even the entire staff at Max Planck Institute could figure out where that footnote reference goes!"?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies won't make any jokes about Dave not playing with a full deck


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Mon, 07 Jul 2003 15:25:44 -0600

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> Nope, none of those in my back yard...or my front yard, for that matter.

And here I thought it was a federal law or something that required backhoes to be used in close proximity to fiber-optic lines. You sure this was legal?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net>
Date: Tue, 08 Jul 2003 02:00:19 GMT

<davehinz.spamcop.net> wrote in message
: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
: > And here I thought it was a federal law or something that required backhoes to be used in close proximity to fiber-optic lines. You sure this was legal?
: Um. Define "legal", as it applies in this context. Nobody got killed, at least nobody that didn't need killin', if that's what you mean.
: Dave "Vicki? I might need your phone number..." Hinz

Oh, sure. Like I'm falling for that one again.

Viki


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: David Robley <robleyd.ozemail.com.oz>
Date: Tue, 08 Jul 2003 14:06:48 GMT

spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net says...
> David Robley robleyd.ozemail.com.oz :
> > spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net says...
> >> Monks are never truly recovered; they just deal with a smaller subset of users.
> > s/users/lusers/g
> Ah. You must be fortunate to work in a place where a distinction such as that makes any sort of difference.

As it happens, I am recovered so work is no longer a source of hypertension; but there was a slight distinction between he two categories (approximately the difference between needing to use a .38 or a .45 as LART)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Wed, 02 Jul 2003 02:38:45 GMT

Rick Dickinson <rtd.notesguy.com> wrote:
>Remember, when it comes to commercial TV, the program is not the product. YOU are the product, and the advertiser is the customer.
> -- Mark W. Schumann

Thank you, Captain Obvious.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net>
Date: Mon, 07 Jul 2003 22:51:15 GMT

GW De Lacey:
> Donald Welsh wrote:
>> "Asidonhopo" wrote..
>>>Tom Harrington wrote...
>>>> I would've expected RHODites...
>>>Go wash out your mouth...
>>Purple monkey dishwasher?
> Black flys are invisible in red wine.

s/lack/leeding/


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I'm BAck!!!
From: "One_Pierced_One" <dmporker.dmparker.com>
Date: Wed, 02 Jul 2003 23:11:35 GMT

<kitsune9tl.hotmail.com> wrote in message
> And I know you all missed me, I can tell by the bullet holes in my wall.

Oh? You were gone?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Anutter URL for you
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Thu, 03 Jul 2003 04:00:11 GMT

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
> Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> > http://www.colorado.edu/physics/2000/applets/satellites.html
> > Click to place a satellite, click and drag to place a satellite and give it velocity.
>Unfortunately I think I may have wiped out life on planet Earth after pummelling it with several hundred asteroids.

Was that you? I was ready to blame John Howard.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Anutter URL for you
From: "Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <CGray2.kc.rr.com>
Date: Mon, 07 Jul 2003 19:50:50 GMT

Jim Menard wrote:
> "Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <CGray2.kc.rr.com> writes:
> > Ben Fisher wrote:
> > > >>I had one that wandered out to the Oort cloud and back for 5 minutes. I haven't seen it for a while, so maybe it finally hit escape velocity.
> > > I got one to make five orbits of the moon. Hooray for me!
> > ooh, cool, that's about my limit too. I've managed to get seven orbits of the moon, if you count figure-8s that went around earth and moon. Pretty, but not longlived.
> I got one to make figure eights around the moon and the earth.

Stable? I've got seven figure-8s, but then it took out Sao Paulo.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Anutter URL for you
From: Mike Thompson <ferret.qis.net>
Date: Mon, 07 Jul 2003 19:53:43 -0400

Lane Gray, Czar Castic wrote:
> Stable? I've got seven figure-8s, but then it took out Sao Paulo.

This is, in my estimation, not a biggie, even for the Brazilians...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Anutter URL for you
From: Rhodnius <erik.SPAMFILTER-dos486.com>
Date: Mon, 07 Jul 2003 23:41:23 -0400

Ben Fisher <benjaminx.l.fisher.spambuster.intel.com> wrote:
>>>>>> http://www.colorado.edu/physics/2000/applets/satellites.html
>Do you have any revolving in the same direction as the moon? All of my stable orbits are retrograde.
>I had one that wandered out to the Oort cloud and back for 5 minutes. I haven't seen it for a while, so maybe it finally hit escape velocity.
>I've got one that's been going for about an hour and seven for 1/2 hour.
>This must be addictive for the same reason watching fire is.

At the risk of spoiling the fun with science...

The scale is wrong, if it's meant to simulate our Earth-Moon system. The distance between the two objects should be about 30 times the diameter of Earth, rather than about 8. Based on Earth being ~4 times too big, the closest orbit available in the applet is pretty close to geosynchronous altitude - and notice that a low-orbiting object revolves in about 1/30 the time of the moon's orbit. (Real LEO is a period of 90 minutes, or 480 times faster than the moon.) And it's true that real physics has a fairly restrained set of stable configurations beyond geosynchronous altitude.

The moon's also way too big, which is why it's impossible to get a stable orbit around it. Real-life stable Lunar orbits require a distance from the object's center on the order of less than 2500 miles, but the object in the sim already has radius of circa 4000.

And yes, retrograde orbits are much more stable in the sim than prograde. The likely explanation is that prograde orbits are more likely to be gradually pulled into tidal resonance with the moon and get repeatedly perturbed on the same vector, out of their orbit. Retrograde orbits are more likely to get slightly different perturbations from the moon each time the two pass and it averages out to zero. Real-life prograde orbits don't succumb to this nearly as easily because 1) the moon's orbit is irregular (the sim appears to orbit it in a circle) and 2) the sun pulls as well and it's much harder to get into tidal resonance between three objects than two.

Lagrange appears to be a no-go simply based on resolution of the sim. Note that you have to launch the satellites with the correct velocity vector for the orbit in Lagrange; they don't start with zero velocity.

No, I haven't wasted too much time with it... It's educational, really!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Anutter URL for you
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 3 Jul 2003 19:05:02 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> http://www.colorado.edu/physics/2000/applets/satellites.html
> Click to place a satellite, click and drag to place a satellite and give it velocity.

You bastard. You have completely sidetracked our entire department from anything productive for the morning. By the way, did you check out the contents of the parent directory?

Dave "um, just kidding, Doug..." Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Anutter URL for you
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Tue, 8 Jul 2003 07:02:27 +0000 (UTC)

One_Pierced_One <dmporker.dmparker.com> said:
> you forgot the polar orbital plane
> My anus smells

We're trying to have a discussion about astronomy, not the composition of the rings around Uranus.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are don't want to know why they're so brightly colored


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: VERY FUN FREE ADDICTIVE RPG 1727
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net>
Date: Thu, 03 Jul 2003 17:44:58 GMT

Lane Gray, Czar Castic:
> okay, does anyone know if uu.net has improved their spamming policy and enforcement, or would it still be a waste of electrons (that might better be spent playing Marbles) to complain about this hopeless dork?

s/improved their/created a/

As far as I can tell, all mail to abuse. for uu.net are tipped, ever so gently, into a singularity. It's with stuff like this that I'm beginning to think wide-area blocklists like SPEWS are a pretty neat idea.

Ah, good .sigmonster. Have a cookie.

--
"Basically, no matter what you compare spammers to, that object will be insulted." Chris Pickett, in the Monastery


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Truth stranger than fiction
From: David Robley <robleyd.ozemail.com.oz>
Date: Tue, 08 Jul 2003 14:12:28 GMT

georgew.dnet.take_this_out.aunz.com says...
> Ben Fisher wrote:
> >Elected as sheriff of Aiken County, S.C., in May was a fellow named Mike Hunt, whose campaign slogan was "Mike Hunt / Accessible for You."
> The same guy had a brother named Eric and a sister with the rather strange name of Imac.

Didn't he have a cousin Yorke?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: bread molds (url)
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Wed, 9 Jul 2003 19:46:07 +0000 (UTC)

Timothy W Chew <twchew_raspberry.mindsring.com> said:
> hh_hhh_h.yahoo.com (Mr. H) wrote:
>>You are homosexual, You like munkey eaters
> Mmmm... Monkey.

Funny, I'd've thought he'd be more interested in his banana.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies hope it isn't yellow and mushy


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
From: "Rob" <phstpok.cold-hot-warm-tepid-mail.com>
Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2003 11:53:46 +1200

"Ben Fisher" <benjaminx.l.fisher.spambuster.intel.com> wrote:
> We're all gonna die.
> < http://www.planetx2003.com/html/overview.html >

Pinky, they've seen through my devious plan.

And why are you wearing that tin hat?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Wed, 09 Jul 2003 20:42:04 -0600

Ben Fisher <benjaminx.l.fisher.spambuster.intel.com> wrote:
> We're all gonna die.
> < http://www.planetx2003.com/html/overview.html >

Planet X orbits two suns? Bullshit! Everyone in this newsgroup has firsthand experience in how hard it is to get an object to orbit two celestial bodies.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2003 04:33:50 +0000 (UTC)

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
> Planet X orbits two suns? Bullshit! Everyone in this newsgroup has firsthand experience in how hard it is to get an object to orbit two celestial bodies.

Yabut many of us also have firsthand experience screwing up a few sendmail configs and accidentally getting email to perpetually circle between two Suns.

Just imagine how surprised some astronaut is gonna be when he hands on Planet X and finds it inhabited by dozens of rich relatives of dead Nigerian government officials, with giant penises and breasts and a brand new septic system...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if the rocket will be propelled by inkjet cartridges


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
From: "Daniel Parker" <daniel.technical-voodoo.com>
Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2003 06:47:38 GMT

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> Yabut many of us also have firsthand experience screwing up a few sendmail configs and accidentally getting email to perpetually circle between two Suns.

I sometimes have nightmares about old networks I set up when I only knew half of what I know now (which is still only about 18% of what I need to know) and wonder if there's some horrible configuration option that is allowing mail to cycle between two boxes...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 03:02:13 +0000 (UTC)

Mike Thompson <ferret.qis.net> said:
> Ben Fisher wrote:
>> We're all gonna die.
>> < http://www.planetx2003.com/html/overview.html >
> (*Snorts*) Of course we're all going to die, now it's just been conveniently arranged so that there are no survivors left to suffer.

Oh there will be survivors. Didja think DNRC operatives would've forgotten escape pods? At the appointed time, each person will be judged as whether he or she is worthy to join us as we establish Earth2 in whatever galaxy is nearest when the time comes. As such, Everyone will be issued a either Personal Earth2 New Inhabitant System or a Cosmic Lead-Inhabitant Transporter. You will then have five seconds to read and follow the escape instructions: "Press Any Key". As a result, anyone who is too stupid to figure out how to work their PENIS or CLIT will be left to perish, much to DNRC's relief and amusement.

dan, Executive Vice President for Missed Deadlines


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2003 16:17:55 +0000 (UTC)

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
> Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
>> Ben Fisher said:
>> ; We're all gonna die.
>> Not me. I plan on living forever.
> Shall we call you "Hob", then?

I think we should call him "Forever Young", 'cuz Aplhaville was clearly addressing him with their question: "Do you really want to live forever, Forever Young?".


Okay, I admit it, that *sucked*, even for me and even for RHOD.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies think somebody needs to engage the brain before posting


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Molerette Cum Laude
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 16:15:08 +0100

50% of my genes just got first class honours in their mental health nursing BSc degree. This proves, as I've always suspected, that my crap performance at this level was all down to the equally crap environment provided by my parents. Did they subsidise my extravagant student lifestyle to the tune of 400 quid per month? I think not.

Anyway, as you can tell, I'm quite pleased about it, as is the molerette herself. She can now tell the patients on her ward, with total authority, "Your trouble is, you're weird."

-Granville Wilson-----*----*----*----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*----No, no, Mrs Molerat's genes had nothing to do--
--*-----*--*----*----*---with it - mine are dominant, I know it!---


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Molerette Cum Laude
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 11 Jul 2003 15:49:56 GMT

Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> 50% of my genes just got first class honours in their mental health nursing BSc degree.

Fantastic.

> Anyway, as you can tell, I'm quite pleased about it, as is the molerette herself. She can now tell the patients on her ward, with total authority, "Your trouble is, you're weird."

She, er, doesn't come here at all, does she?

Dave "Please tell me that I wasn't in her thesis." Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Molerette Cum Laude
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 15:53:15 +0000 (UTC)

Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk> said:
> Anyway, as you can tell, I'm quite pleased about it, as is the molerette herself. She can now tell the patients on her ward, with total authority, "Your trouble is, you're weird."

Well then a half-hearted congratulations each to you and the Mrs. : )
And a whole-hearted one to the little'un.
Maybe a more advanced degree could entail a study of RHOD?

You're right, that would probably be a Bad Idea for everyone.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are better off not knowing


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Molerette Cum Laude
From: "Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <CGray2.kc.rr.com>
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 16:31:15 GMT

Richard Wilson wrote:
> 50% of my genes just got first class honours in their mental health nursing BSc degree.

Tell your mum we're proud of her for going back to school, and that she's done so well.

What, not *that* sort of 50%?
Oh, well, your daughter oughta have ample experience with wierd. Congrats, and don't expect any direct return on your £400/mo.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Molerette Cum Laude
From: Jellyroll Papadopoulos <Never_Read.email.com>
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 16:53:31 GMT

Also Sprach Richard Wilson:
> 50% of my genes just got first class honours in their mental health nursing BSc degree.

Mazel Tov! Final proof that recombination really can work.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Molerette Cum Laude
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.mindless.com>
Date: Wed, 16 Jul 2003 14:15:05 +0300

Timothy W Chew wrote:
>> 50% of my genes just got first class honours in their mental health nursing BSc degree.
>Congrats to the Molette. Currently, 50% of my genes are spitting up on his mother.

Well that settles it then, it's definitely yours.

--
Isn't it cute Teh way they take after their parents in such a tender age?!?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Molerette Cum Laude
From: cmtlevy.yahoo.com (carla)
Date: 11 Jul 2003 14:16:12 -0700

Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> 50% of my genes just got first class honours in their mental health nursing BSc degree.
>
Smashing! all of that practical experience she had, living with you, clearly paid off.

carla, knows an observation opportunity when she sees one


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Molerette Cum Laude
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2003 17:10:09 +0100

Mike Fleming <{mike}.tauzero.co.uk> writes
> Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk> writes:
>> 50% of my genes just got first class honours in their mental health nursing BSc degree.
>Which parent was that, then?

Don't be silly, dear boy - my parents don't have 50% of my genes, I have 50% of theirs.

Unless, I suppose, I were to genetically modify them with some of my DNA. Upon which they might develop a sudden urge to start hanging about rhod, regaling all and sundry with hilarious tales of what I used to get up to with a toothbrush and the contents of a soiled nappy when I was a little baby, in between haranguing me for hanging out with this sort of riffraff.

By and large, I think you'll agree this is best left as a thought experiment.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----Not to mention, they wouldn't let them back---
--*-----*--*----*----*-into the EC without being clearly labelled--


From: Jellyroll Papadopoulos <Never_Read.email.com>
> Don't be silly, dear boy - my parents don't have 50% of my genes, I have 50% of theirs.

OMG! Richard is haploid? Quick, someone, give him some colchicine before he tries to meiose. I'm not sure the world's ready for semiploidy outside the House of Lords.


From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
>OMG! Richard is haploid? Quick, someone, give him some colchicine before he tries to meiose. I'm not sure the world's ready for semiploidy outside the House of Lords.

The truth is out - I'm not a molerat, I'm a hymenopteran. Not a lord, though - they only meiose with the aid of a slice of orange, a plastic bag and some fishnet stockings.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*----*---*-*----*----*--Mmmm, colchicine--*---


From: Ben Fisher <benjaminx.l.fisher.spambuster.intel.com>
> The truth is out - I'm not a molerat, I'm a hymenopteran. Not a lord, though - they only meiose with the aid of a slice of orange, a plastic bag and some fishnet stockings.

Yet another reason I like rhod: The only part of my daily life that I regularly come in contact with people that are demonstrably more intelligent than I am. O, at least, have more edukashun than I do.

And like play with language. That may be the best part. <grouphug>


From: not.all.certain (Ian Davis)
>The truth is out - I'm not a molerat, I'm a hymenopteran.

Now *there's* a specialised religion.


From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
> Now *there's* a specialised religion.

It's the only one I know of that where you're happy to kneel down and prey.




Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Molerette Cum Laude
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 17:33:43 +0000 (UTC)

Viki <vvidt.netscape.net> said:
> "Richard Wilson" <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>: 50% of my genes just got first class honours in their mental health nursing BSc degree.
> Congrats to the molerette, and kudos also to her proud mama and papa. :)
> Viki, hoping to have something to crow about in about a year and a half or so...

So...you and Sam are gonna knock boots next April...?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know what a cock'll-do-to-you


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Molerette Cum Laude
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Sun, 13 Jul 2003 11:12:32 -0600

"Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
> Nah, that's when the oldest [hopefully] gets accepted into MIT. Or Harvard. Or CMU. Or Penn State, or even Pitt.
> Hey, start at the top and work your way down, I say.

There's always McDonald's Hamburger U.

< http://www.mcdonalds.com/corporate/careers/hambuniv/ >


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: My own proud parent moment
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 23:22:37 +0100

Ben Fisher <benjaminx.l.fisher.spambuster.intel.com> writes
>> Ben Fisher <benjaminx.l.fisher.spambuster.intel.com> wrote:
>>>My oldest child lost her first tooth last night. Woo-Hoo!
>>>While not as momentous as the molerette's, still it's a milestone.
>Did I say milestone? I meant millstone. Yeah that's it. Ten feet high, twenty-five tons... No, wait.

It's the later ones that are millstones. That's when they're old enough for the iffyness of the logic of the situation to start getting through to them, and they start asking questions.

"Why does the Tooth Fairy give you money for your teeth? Well, you see, best beloved, the Tooth Fairy is a rehabilitating ivory poacher subsidised by the Worldwide Fund for Nature, who are weaning her off her habit. It's sorta like selling the Big Issue..."

>Of course, I'm sure she's human, why do you ask?

I never rise to jibes of this nature. I know the milkman comes from Epsilon Centauri, but I trust Mrs Molerat implicitly. And, anyway, lots of kids these days have gills.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*--"...and he drove the fastest milk cart in the quadrant"--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: tcejbuS sihT oT tnioP oN sI erehT
From: "Daniel Parker" <daniel.technical-voodoo.com>
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 19:15:22 GMT

It occurred to me the other day how long I've been a fixture around here...and there were many parts of my life you never knew anything about...you've been with me through two marriages, six jobs, 12 personal computers, simply thousands and thousands of work computers, three major networks, and numerous perverted sexual liasons. Now I'm planning on marrying an alien in December...I just want to thank you all for being here.

There was also the period that I studied and went to school to become an onocologist but got fired because I got caught dating some of my patient.

Then I went to India and pretended to be a fakir.

I was a Baptist Missionary for a while, but I prefered to be part of an organized religion.

I tried to be a chicken farmer, but I found the task foul.

Finally I came back home and settled into a career as a Network Engineer, which is the new Euphemism for unemployed actor, it replaces the older, dated, Waiter...it also removes the stigma that the holder of the Euphemism actually have a job.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: tcejbuS sihT oT tnioP oN sI erehT
From: Ben Fisher <benjaminx.l.fisher.spambuster.intel.com>
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 13:26:40 -0700

Daniel Parker wrote:
> I tried to be a chicken farmer, but I found the task foul.

He also practice animal husbandry. Until They caught him at it one day.

He almost went into marine biology, but didn't see the porpoise. Although he had a whale of a good time.


bored? no, no, I have plenty to do.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: tcejbuS sihT oT tnioP oN sI erehT
From: Mike Fleming <{mike}.tauzero.co.uk>
Date: Sun, 13 Jul 2003 18:29:29 +0100

"Daniel Parker" <daniel.technical-voodoo.com> writes:
> I tried to be a chicken farmer, but I found the task foul.

The pay is rather paltry, too.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: tcejbuS sihT oT tnioP oN sI erehT
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Sat, 12 Jul 2003 17:13:58 +0100

Screwtape <st.ferd2.thristian.org> writes
>Daniel Parker wrote:
>>Now I'm planning on marrying an alien in December...
>You Captain Kirk wannabee, you.

The wording conjured up a slightly different image of the wedding in my mind.

<ripley>
"I do, you bitch!!!"
</ripley>

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*--My advice: don't tell her you want to have children--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: smart US cities?
From: "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net>
Date: Fri, 11 Jul 2003 23:43:52 GMT

According to some study done in Minneapolis, I live in a pretty smart place. hmmmmmmm... wonder if they were actually HERE or what? lol

The 10 most literate U.S. cities are:
1. Minneapolis, Minnesota
2. Seattle, Washington
3. Denver, Colorado
4. Atlanta, Georgia
5. San Francisco, California
6. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
7. Washington, D.C.
8. Louisville, Kentucky
9. Portland, Oregon
10. Cincinnati, Ohio

The least literate cities are (in descending order): Los Angeles, California and Toledo, Ohio (tie); Fresno, California; Jacksonville, Florida; Memphis, Tennessee; Santa Ana, California; San Antonio, Texas; Detroit, Michigan; Long Beach, California; and Corpus Christi, Texas. And the least literate city in the United States is El Paso, Texas.

I'm not commenting on these ones, no, no, no...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Sleep? We don't need no stinking sleep.
From: Timothy W Chew <twchew_raspberry..mindsring.com>
Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2003 12:41:15 -0400

I've been obseerving my two week old son, and I've come to some conclusions.

First - He really is nothing but a eating-sleeping-pooping machine. (emphasis on the last one.)

Second - Space Ghost: Coast to coast puts him right to sleep.

Third - He is an evil genius. He keeps putting his pinky to the corner of his mouth. Sure, his mom says he's just trying to get his thumb into his mouth, but I know better. I bet his first words will be "One Million Dollars"


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Sleep? We don't need no stinking sleep.
From: Mike Thompson <ferret.qis.net>
Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2003 19:10:37 -0400

Timothy W Chew wrote:
> thumb into his mouth, but I know better. I bet his first words will be "One Million Dollars"

Not 'Sharks with frickin' lasers!'?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The Philosophical Oracle :)
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.mindless.com>
Date: Tue, 15 Jul 2003 15:45:46 +0300

David Read wrote:
>This thing freaked me out!!!
>http://[xpost-deletia]/index.php?pageid=44
>Its pretty cool : )

Pop it in Teh microwave for a couple of minutes then.



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