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2003 06 B.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: URLS (was Re: the comfy chair^H^H^H^H^Hthrone)
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Wed, 18 Jun 2003 06:23:57 +0000 (UTC)

Viki <vvidt.netscape.net> said:
> I hope the rainclouds stop their tour of Pittsburgh soon.

I was walking a few blocks from Central Park on Saturday, when I got caught in a shower with a bunch of random folks. It was all over in a few minutes, and I was left to walk home all wet and sticky.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if that's what they mean by the joys of Lex


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net>
Date: Fri, 20 Jun 2003 22:43:11 GMT

Daniel E. Macks dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu :
> Nothing like haiku
> Brings old-timers back to RHOD.
> Arise, dear FC!
> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are amused by how some initials are pronounced, others spelled-out

Those pronounced are called
acronyms; the other type,
abbreviations.

(I can't help but think
I've miscounted one of the
syllables up there.

(My haikus scan ter
ribly, don't you think? Of course,
editing would help.)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: Ben Fisher <benjaminx.l.fisher.spambuster.intel.com>
Date: Tue, 17 Jun 2003 12:05:04 -0700

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> Mike Fleming <{mike}.tauzero.co.uk> said:
>> SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au> writes:
>>>Screwtape wrote:
>>>>Siilus wrote:
>>>>>Sorry about that it happens sometimes!
>>>>A lot of boys your age have that problem.
>>>Are you sure he's a boy? If he's going around calling himself Mr Fat Arse, he *could* be a wombat...
>>><sharpens eating implements>
>>Or perhaps he wants to be a fundamentalist Muslim, but couldn't remember how to spell "fatwas".
> Kinda like yesterday's Sunday drossword puzzle's infatuation with switched-letter puns (eating less seafood="low-crab diet", etc.).
> Okay, so I couldn't think of anything very funny to post, but felt the need to say something to break the awkward silence. By which I mean my swerver's fucked again, and I'm just wondering if RHOD is working.

To my knowledge, RHOD has never worked a day in its life.

Ben
back after a hiatus


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Wed, 25 Jun 2003 15:54:38 +1000

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au> wrote:
> Yabbut, if you look carefully, you'll notice Tom didn't say "scooter". The picture he showed was clearly a "step-through". Show me a step-through with those sorts of displacements and I'll show you a conveyance with a serious rotary torque problem.

I love it when you torque badly.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 25 Jun 2003 14:03:22 GMT

Phil Smith wrote:
> Ian Davis wrote:
>> I love it when you torque badly.

How can you tell? I thought all you Austrians torqued the same, just like Paul Hogan.

> Give me a moment, and I'll have a witty response.
> (Geddit?)

My inertial response was to just groan.

With the recent appearance of DMP, DAER "moment" as "movement"?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Tue, 17 Jun 2003 11:54:39 +1000

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies added more blank pages, milligram for milligram, than any creature in the history of academia

"This brain intentionally left blank."


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What have you been doing on Usenet, Little boy? (worksafe URL)
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Wed, 18 Jun 2003 22:05:44 +0000 (UTC)

Kegs <me.privacy.net> said:
> Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> writes:
>> Kegs said:
>> ; Yeah, it is scary, I am working up the courage to try it with DMP's posting address, but fears for my sanity are stopping me right now.
>> Nothing found, actually. He may have started using his current posting name after this thing went online.
> Thus the server that runs the site was saved from a nervous breakdown.
>> You, otoh...
>> alt.baldspot?
> That, sir, is a foul canard, I have a lustrous head of hair I'll have you know!
>> Go ahead, try to track me!
> spoilsport, using a seperate addie for each froup you read, just so you know which group the spammers harvested the address from.
> You're no fun
> /me goes off to sulk

/me goes off to `find /var/spool/news -name .overview | xargs grep -l gordol`

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies refuse to do that for the DMP variants


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What have you been doing on Usenet, Little boy? (worksafe URL)
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Thu, 19 Jun 2003 16:08:25 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>"The Eternal Usenet Thread Which Shall Never Die"

Okay, kids, is it about:

(a) abortion,
(b) gun control,
(c) homosexuality,
(d) Heinlein, or
(e) all of the above?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What have you been doing on Usenet, Little boy? (worksafe URL)
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Fri, 20 Jun 2003 00:47:11 -0500

Viki wrote:
> "Donald Welsh" <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
> : davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
> : >"The Eternal Usenet Thread Which Shall Never Die"
> : Okay, kids, is it about:
> : (a) abortion,
> : (b) gun control,
> : (c) homosexuality,
> : (d) Heinlein, or
> : (e) all of the above?
> I thought it was about my luscious breasts.

Nah, you can't carry on a conversation about those. It gets to the point where everybody stares off into space for a while, and then have to run to the bathroom.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What have you been doing on Usenet, Little boy? (worksafe URL)
From: Ben Fisher <benjaminx.l.fisher.spambuster.intel.com>
Date: Fri, 20 Jun 2003 13:53:09 -0700

Jason wrote:
> Nah, you can't carry on a conversation about those. It gets to the point where everybody stares off into space for a while, and then have to run to the bathroom.

Excuse me, I have to go to the ba^w ... um ... nevermind.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What have you been doing on Usenet, Little boy? (worksafe URL)
From: Kegs <me.privacy.net>
Date: 19 Jun 2003 22:51:56 +0100

davehinz.spamcop.net writes:
> Kegs <me.privacy.net> wrote:
> > davehinz.spamcop.net writes:
> >> He's also trying to explain to the same groups how this magic car that runs on air is going to save the world. Little minor details like "show us any evidence that it works" are overlooked, his claims that there are thousands of them in use in Mexico City seem to be a bit difficult to verify.
> > I think he has got air confused with alcohol[1], there are quite a lot of cars running on, IIRC, ethanol in Mexico City, most of them old-style Veedub Bugs.
> Oh, no, he's emphatic that it's compressed air that he's all on about. The finer points of physics (particularly TANSTAAFL) seem to go right over his head.

Air, alcohol, its an easy mistake to make if you are intellectually challenged

What do you mean alcohol isn't a basic human need like water and oxygen?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What have you been doing on Usenet, Little boy? (worksafe URL)
From: cmtlevy.yahoo.com (carla)
Date: 23 Jun 2003 17:16:39 -0700

"One_Pierced_One" <dmporker.dmparker.com> wrote:
> "Jason" <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> wrote:
> > As I recall, her most recent appearance here ended after a run-in with Ian and his outrageous display of moral turpitude and gross lewdness. At least, it outraged her.
> That wasn't really a return though, more like an alcoholic having a 'slip.' Not really full-blown drunken behavior.
> The RHOD addiction is very hard to shake and it requires ongoing support
> throughout the addicts life.

I have absolutely no idea what you mean.

carla


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What have you been doing on Usenet, Little boy? (worksafe URL)
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sat, 28 Jun 2003 13:02:18 +1000

Donald Welsh wrote:
> "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> wrote:
>>oooooooooh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
>I'll have what she's having.

...a yearly vowel-examination?

Screwtape,
...ah eh ee oh oo.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What have you been doing on Usenet, Little boy? (worksafe URL)
From: "One_Pierced_One" <dmporker.dmparker.com>
Date: Fri, 20 Jun 2003 03:09:58 GMT

"Jeffrey Kaplan" <rhod.gordol.org> wrote in message
> Daniel E. Macks said:
> ; /me goes off to `find /var/spool/news -name .overview | xargs grep -l gordol`
> I'm scared. Or maybe scarred. I understood that, and I haven't touched UNIX to that degree in a year. And even then, I didn't fully grok the 'find' command.

Did you know that Greg Grep the original author of the grep utility was an paranoid-schizophrenic suffering from delusions of persecution, he was frightened by the letter "j" and believed it was out to get him. He was so obsessive about removing this letter from all correspondence and system files that he engineered the grep utility to help simplify the task. Later he came to believe that his own tool was working against him and instead of removing the letter "j" as it was designed to do it was instead randomly replacing words with the word "pants."

If you don't believe me ust ask the pants....


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: What have you been doing on Usenet, Little boy? (worksafe URL)
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 28 Jun 2003 19:09:49 GMT

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
> Kegs wrote:
>> Go there type in the email address you use to post, and be very very afraid, this site is run by MS (or onw of it's subsidaries)
> I think I crashed it.

Gee, you must be very proud - you crashed a server running Windows.

Dave "OK, show of hands..." Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The sheep are delightful, so I'm told.
From: "One_Pierced_One" <dmporker.dmparker.com>
Date: Thu, 19 Jun 2003 11:47:00 GMT

"GW De Lacey" <georgew.dnet.lusersgohome.aunz.com> wrote:
> The furnace is mounted on a pedestal some forty feet in the air, and weighs about 2000 tonnes.

That's what she said...

But in all honesty am I just being dense from the lack of sleep or is everyone else missing the point of putting the pedestal waaay the fork up there? (I am very worried that the moment I press send The Knowledge Fairy (that meddling little queer) will wave his magic wand (his wand of wood you know) and bestow upon me an answer so purely simple that even a retarded child knows it (ooooh! no comments you lot)).


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The sheep are delightful, so I'm told.
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net>
Date: Thu, 19 Jun 2003 13:57:14 GMT

One_Pierced_One:
> "GW De Lacey" <georgew.dnet.lusersgohome.aunz.com> wrote:
>> The furnace is mounted on a pedestal some forty feet in the air, and weighs about 2000 tonnes.
> That's what she said...
> But in all honesty am I just being dense from the lack of sleep or is everyone else missing the point of putting the pedestal waaay the fork up there?

There are two possibilities that spring immediately to mind:

1) Glass, when melted, is lighter than air. Even with the weight of the furnace, a glass-filled container will naturally float upwards. One could bolt it down, but then there's teh very real possibility of the entire factory lifting off the ground, which is problematic for getting the workforce to, well, work.

2) It's easier to melt the glass and pour downwards than to melt and attempt to distribute the hot stuff around the factory as needed. I'm imagining a system a bit like an aquaduct, but probably more enclosed.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The sheep are delightful, so I'm told.
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 19 Jun 2003 17:21:47 GMT

Tom Harrington wrote:
> "One_Pierced_One" wrote:
>> Jeffrey Kaplan is a liquid at room temperature.
> Wheras I am a gas at room temperature.

Have you tried Beano?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The sheep are delightful, so I'm told.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Thu, 19 Jun 2003 18:22:56 +0000 (UTC)

davehinz.spamcop.net <davehinz.spamcop.net> said:
> Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
>> "One_Pierced_One" <dmporker.dmparker.com> wrote:
>>> Jeffrey Kaplan is a liquid at room temperature.
>> Wheras I am a gas at room temperature.
> Yeah, Tom, about that...
> Dave "Sheesh. Go light a candle or something, willya?" Hinz

NOOOOOOO######  ####### ####### #     # ### #     # #     # #     # ##   ## ### #     # #     # #     # # # # # ### ######  #     # #     # #  #  #  # #     # #     # #     # #     # #     # #     # #     # #     # ### ######  ####### ####### #     # ###

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The sheep are delightful, so I'm told.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Fri, 20 Jun 2003 08:33:25 +0000 (UTC)

Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> said:
> Jeffrey Kaplan wrote
>> GW De Lacey said:
>>> Glass is a liquid at room temperature.
> For some reason, my newsswerver never received GW's original message, and I can't find it on Google, either. This worries me.

Same for my swerver. Maybe GW never actually posted it?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if Jeff knows what they're thinking right now


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Who is Michael Cai?
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Tue, 24 Jun 2003 07:17:10 +0000 (UTC)

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au> said:
> Jason wrote...
>> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> > Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti would like to remove the spammers/virus-writers legs, just quietly.
>> I'd like to do it with a dull axe.
> But-but-but then it wouldn't be quiet!

Naw--the enclosing rectal membranes would muffle the screams.

> I'd say be careful, but your name's not Eugene.

Besides, it's not like it would be a huge loss (both meanings intended) if he were deshlongified in the process.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are off to clean the gene-pool


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Kibo in space
From: "One_Pierced_One" <dmporker.dmparker.com>
Date: Mon, 23 Jun 2003 17:21:12 GMT

"Tom Harrington" <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
> "One_Pierced_One" <dmporker.dmparker.com> wrote:
> > http://jem.tksc.nasda.go.jp/iss/kibo/develop_status_09_e.html "Kibo is designed so that the probability of its wall not being penetrated due to impacts of space debris or meteoroids during its ten-year operation period (no-penetration probability) is more than 97 %. To confirm whether Kibo's wall was manufactured as designed, a series of tests were conducted to simulate debris impacting with high speed on the debris shield of Kibo's pressurized module wall."
> > Sounds oogy
>
> I never thought I'd see _you_ say that.

Well this isn't your normal piercing, they're talking about firing simulated space debris into his pressurized module wall at approximately 16,000 mph. Which is something like 43007968 furlongs per fortnight....

And I must say that's gotta hurt like hell...

Kibo looks nothing like I expected, how does he use an office chair?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Kibo in space
From: "One_Pierced_One" <dmporker.dmparker.com>
Date: Sat, 05 Jul 2003 21:57:40 GMT

"Jeffrey Kaplan" <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> Lane Gray, Czar Castic said:
> ; > ; space debris into his pressurized module wall at approximately 16,000 mph. Which is something like 43007968 furlongs per fortnight....
> ; > 4,300,791.4483587, actually.
> ; > ; And I must say that's gotta hurt like hell...
> ; > Yea, verily.
> ; > And c is 1,802,610,073,312.095 furlongs per fortnight.
> ; You're a shedlurker, aren't you? Or are you in the shed under a pseudonym?
> Neither. I thought Daniel was pulling numbers out of his butt, and then elsewhere today I saw a link that converts damn near any measurements from one unit to another. And damn, "furlongs per fortnight" is one of them.

Would I pull numbers out of my ass? Good lord...and I said it was something like...

My Father's Furlong Per Fortnight story:

My Dad worked at the White Sands Missile range from the late fifties to the late sixties. Although he was a civilian he was over seen by a military guy who in my dads words "was a prick".

Apparently the Military officer had a hard time putting his pants on in the morning much less understanding things like orbit analysis or ballistic re-entry trajectories. He was a real stickler for doing things by the book, and decanting data down to minute samples so small they were worthless (the idea of a anomaly in a data stream was beyond him, and considering the type of telemetry equipment they had back then irrelevent data was common.)

Anyway he was always looking for data in a format he could understand so my dad and the other engineers sat down and tried to figure out a system that would make sense to this old man. They came up with Furlongs Per Fortnight, and ever since it has maintained a small but loyal population of devotees, normally in sectors of physics where it is really not very accurate. Sometimes in the current space program you'll see it referenced...

All of this is true, whether they were the original inventors of it as a useful measurement or not is questionable....


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Cause I'm bored, that's why
From: Jim Menard <jimm.io.com>
Date: 27 Jun 2003 14:36:31 -0500

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> writes:
> Ben Fisher said:
> ; Troll
> Orc

Kobold. I bid two zorkmids.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Its Not A Black Fly In Your Chardonney
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 30 Jun 2003 04:52:46 GMT

Chris Wesling wrote:
> Tom Harrington wrote:
>> Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>> > Chris Wesling said:
>> > ; Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>> > ; > Well. Isn't +that+ ironic.
>> > ; While I appreciate the irony, I still have no clue what the title of this thread means...
>> > http://www.alanis-morissette.com/lyrics/jlp.html#Ironic
>> > "Ironic"
>> > An old man turned ninety-eight
>> > He won the lottery and died the next day
>> > It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
>> > It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
>> > And isn't it ironic...dontcha think
>> I knew that, but I still don't see what's ironic about a fly in your wine. Gross, maybe, but ironic? Now, wine on your fly could be either a mess or kinky, or both depending on the situation, but still not ironic.
> Thanks to all who helped fill in this gap in my knowledge of pop culture. I'd heard the song on the radio while it was popular, of course, but never paid much attention to the lyrics.
> Someone I knew, who actually listened to the whole song, once told me that *nothing* in the song is really ironic, according to the definition of irony.

Well, isn't _that_ ironic?



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