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2003 06 a.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: URLS (was Re: the comfy chair^H^H^H^H^Hthrone)
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Wed, 4 Jun 2003 23:52:19 +1000

Sid wrote:
>Happy Bird Day!

Thanks!

(and also to Fitzy and Viki!)

>Sid, ST's 6 months older than me!
>--
>This too shall change.

I bet it won't.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: URLS (was Re: the comfy chair^H^H^H^H^Hthrone)
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net>
Date: Mon, 09 Jun 2003 18:30:52 GMT

TimC wrote:
> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> Screwtape wrote ...
>>> I bet it won't.
>> You're assuming Sid isn't planning to kill you.
> Does time stop when you die?

Relative to the deceased, yes. Relative to the relatives of the deceased, no.

That's the great thing about relativity: Einstein changed the question from "Who's right?" to "Who matters more?"


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: URLS (was Re: the comfy chair^H^H^H^H^Hthrone)
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Mon, 9 Jun 2003 21:20:55 +0000 (UTC)

steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net> said:
> Relative to the deceased, yes. Relative to the relatives of the deceased, no.
> That's the great thing about relativity: Einstein changed the question from "Who's right?" to "Who matters more?"

And then there(where?)'s Heisenberg, who brought us "who knows?"

All of which was foisted upon the teeming masses of p-chem students, who responded with a collective "who cares?".

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have the highest zero-point energy, milligram for milligram, of any creature in the universe


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: URLS (was Re: the comfy chair^H^H^H^H^Hthrone)
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Wed, 11 Jun 2003 09:54:47 -0600

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
> > And then there's the Government, who brought us "you don't need to know that, you'd never understand it anyway, and that's why we're not even going to discuss it in public."
> See also: "who can we fuck over with this?"
> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are off to buy a radio station

Betcha can't have just one!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: URLS (was Re: the comfy chair^H^H^H^H^Hthrone)
From: "Teh (tî'pô)" <teh.mindless.com>
Date: Mon, 09 Jun 2003 13:36:21 +0300

Viki wrote:
>Viki, who's tired of getting yelled at at work for no reason

I had the same problem, but then it struck me! I could give them plenty of reasons!

Plus I'm building up this awesome collection of pretty pink pieces of paper.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Sun, 01 Jun 2003 00:50:39 +1000

Screwtape wrote:
> Siilus wrote:
> >Sorry about that it happens sometimes!
> A lot of boys your age have that problem.

You should listen to Screwtape - when it comes to youth issues he's a real exspurt...

Yes yes - I know - that was a terrible pun and I *should* be ashamed of myself...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au>
Date: Sun, 01 Jun 2003 01:19:48 +1000

Screwtape wrote:
> Siilus wrote:
> >Sorry about that it happens sometimes!
> A lot of boys your age have that problem.

Are you sure he's a boy? If he's going around calling himself Mr Fat Arse, he *could* be a wombat...

<sharpens eating implements>


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: Kegs <me.privacy.net>
Date: 31 May 2003 16:33:11 +0100

SaraM <egk.speedlink.com.au> writes:
> Are you sure he's a boy? If he's going around calling himself Mr Fat Arse, he *could* be a wombat...

Nah, Wombats make more sense than that, might be a drop bear though.

> <sharpens eating implements>

Hey that's not allowed, I remember Fatsoin A country Practise, Star of the show he was, acted all the other actors off the screen, such conviction and feeling are rarely seen in a dodgy aussie soap, I never was able to spot the zip down the back of his suit though, the costume spods must have surpassed themselves that time.

Wombats are cute, and fluffly and not for eating, even if you are starving.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: Kegs <me.privacy.net>
Date: 01 Jun 2003 00:37:53 +0100

Chris Wesling <wesling.nospam.invalid> writes:
> Kegs wrote:
> > Hey that's not allowed, I remember Fatsoin A country Practise, Star of the show he was, acted all the other actors off the screen, such conviction and feeling are rarely seen in a dodgy aussie soap, I never was able to spot the zip down the back of his suit though, the costume spods must have surpassed themselves that time.
> Between the erratic capitals, the occasional absence of spaces, and the misspellings (not to mention my complete lack of familiarity with any soap operas, aussie or local), it took me a while to parse what you're trying to say here. I take it this was a wombat named "Fatso", on a soap called "A Country Practise"?

Yeah that would be what I was attempting to say, through a haze of sleep deprivation, he was great, one of the Doctors in the aforesaid Practise had rescued him after he had some sort of accident, and adopted him.

When they realised that the Wombat was stealing all the scenes he appeared in, they tried to Kill him of, by "reintroducing him to the wild"[1], but they had to bring him back in the end though.

> > Wombats are cute, and fluffly and not for eating, even if you are starving.
> Really? Hmm. I've seen them described as slow, stupid, and bad-tempered, rather like lethargic badgers. The slow and stupid part would seem to make them easy prey, even for someone weakened by starvation, so you'll have come up with more substantial reasons than "cute and fluffly" to convince *me* not to eat them (should I ever be unfortunate enough to need to, of course)...

Well they also have a vicious bite, wickedly sharp claws, and, if the are anything like Koala's, smell worse than three week old herring left in a car during an Arizona summer[2]. On the plus side Wombats are one of the three animals found in Australia that aren't inherently poisonous[3], which is handy if you do fancy eating one, cos you are weak and starving.

[1] As in dropping him off 10 miles from his home in the bush and driving away, rather than the "Here's Mr. Dingo, say hi to Mr. Dingo Fatso.

[2] They probably taste worse too.

[3] The other two animals are the Koala and one of the breeds of sheep.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: "One_Pierced_One" <dmporker.dmparker.com>
Date: Mon, 02 Jun 2003 03:24:22 GMT

"Kegs" <me.privacy.net> wrote:
> [3] The other two animals are the Koala and one of the breeds of sheep.

All sheep are poisonous...sheep have a nasty bite you know...big sharp pointy fangs....look at the teeth!

Actually I have been trying to champion the legend that the Chupacabra is a really a sheep....in wolf's clothing of course....


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net>
Date: Wed, 04 Jun 2003 21:20:35 GMT

Kegs me.privacy.net:
> steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net> writes:
>> Chris Wesling wesling.nospam.invalid:
>> > Kegs wrote:
>> >> [3] The other two animals are the Koala and one of the breeds of sheep.
>> > Only one breed of sheep there is *not* inherently poisonous? Remind me not to have lamb chops if I ever visit Strine...
>> (or is that "poisonous if it bites you" not if "you bite it"? In that case, is milk the anti-venom? Which would be too bad for the lactose-intolerant, I suppose, unless soy substitutes work just as well.)
> That is poisonous if it bites you rather than poisonous if it eats you,

I would think that, at the point at which you are being eaten, the matter of whether or not the beast digesting you is poisonous is purely academic.

> it may be an urban[1] myth but, IIRC, due to its diet the Koala is apparently poisonous to eat, which is why an apparently crap animal has managed to survive for so long.

Hmm. A google search doesn't reveal the truth to this, one way or another. Koalas were apparently hunted to near extinction, but more for their fur than for eating. They appear to have no natural predators, which only serves to confuse the issue further: is it because no predator could adapt to the koala's poison flesh, or because lack of food kills them quicker than anything else could?

There's a lot of mention of the poison inherent in eucalyptus leaves, and that the Koala's digestive tract is able to move this harmlessly to the liver, but not much else. So would it be okay, hypothetically speaking, to eat everything but the liver? Which would be fine, as I'm not a big fan of liver, anyway. Not that koala steak would be on my dinner table; I prefer bovine.

If any of our resident 'strines would like to risk a (minimal, I'm sure) jail sentence and/or fine and/or life, please kill a koala and have it for dinner so that we can get this matter settled once and for all.

> [1] outback?

I believe that's where rhod keeps the garbage cans and recycling containers, same as any other froup.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Thu, 05 Jun 2003 07:38:37 +1000

steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net> wrote:
> If any of our resident 'strines would like to risk a (minimal, I'm sure) jail sentence and/or fine and/or life, please kill a koala and have it for dinner so that we can get this matter settled once and for all.

Tastes like tetrapod.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Fri, 6 Jun 2003 00:20:15 +0000 (UTC)

steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net> said:
> I would think that, at the point at which you are being eaten, the matter of whether or not the beast digesting you is poisonous is purely academic.

Well if you're planning on being swallowed whole (or only minimally chewed) and then goofing off in the whatever-creature's stomach for a while, you wouldn't want to be suffering from additional toxic effects of being eaten.

> If any of our resident 'strines would like to risk a (minimal, I'm sure) jail sentence and/or fine and/or life, please kill a koala and have it for dinner so that we can get this matter settled once and for all.

Heh...one RHODent telling another he has a minimal life.

>> [1] outback?
> I believe that's where rhod keeps the garbage cans and recycling containers, same as any other froup.

Strangely, these seem to be attached to the message-posting mechanism.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies reuse and reuse and reuse


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au>
Date: Mon, 9 Jun 2003 11:45:38 +1000

Mike Fleming wrote ...
> stevencjc writes:
> > Hmm. A google search doesn't reveal the truth to this, one way or another. Koalas were apparently hunted to near extinction, but more for their fur than for eating. They appear to have no natural predators, which only serves to confuse the issue further: is it because no predator could adapt to the koala's poison flesh, or because lack of food kills them quicker than anything else could?
> Because the only large carnivore in the area was the thylacine (not sure if it was confined to Tasmania though), so there weren't any predators to be poisoned. That's if my memory serves me right.

Behead that servant. Thylacaleo and whatever that meat-eating kangaroo was called (Macropus Rex?), not to mention at least 50,000 years (possibly much longer) of Homo sapiens.

The main reason such a "crap animal" [sic] managed to survive that long is that they have a you-beaut set of claws, they can climb trees higher and faster than any carnivore big enough to take them on, they're *surprisingly* hard to locate even when you know they're there and they sleep all the time.

"Sleep?" you say, "how is sleep a defence mechanism?" Easy. Even the most dedicated predator gets sick of having its ears shredded and eyes scratched out just because it woke Mr or Mrs Koala and didn't bring them a cup of coffee.

--
Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti remembers that the Koala-tea of Mersey is not strained.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Thu, 12 Jun 2003 19:05:11 +0000 (UTC)

Phil Smith <pas51.NOSPAMcam.ac.uk> said:
> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> Tom Harrington wrote...
>> > Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> > > "Sleep?" you say, "how is sleep a defence mechanism?" Easy. Even the most dedicated predator gets sick of having its ears shredded and eyes scratched out just because it woke Mr or Mrs Koala and didn't bring them a cup of coffee.
>> > I would have expected said predators to evolve helmets in response to this behavior. Either that or mobile espresso machines.
>> They have. The latter. Australia is one of the few industrialised countries where you can still find a decent coffee-shop after the bitumen/asphalt road peters out.
>> Now you know why.
> I'd make a reference to Starbucks's World Domination plans, but you specified "decent coffee-shop".

That, and he was talking about a location "after the bitumen/asphalt".

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies prefer not to feel like they licked an elephant's ass first-thing-in-the-morning


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au>
Date: Fri, 13 Jun 2003 07:06:15 +1000

Daniel E. Macks wrote...
> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies prefer not to feel like they licked an elephant's ass first-thing-in-the-morning

Words to live by, really.

Especially since they seem to leave open the possibility that there is a time of day when they wouldn't seem to mind it...
--
Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti would leave absolutely no doubt. Not the band, you understand - just the concept.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net>
Date: Mon, 09 Jun 2003 18:25:14 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au :
> steven wrote...
>> ...is milk the anti-venom? Which would be too bad for the lactose-intolerant, I suppose, unless soy substitutes work just as well.)
> Bzzzt.
> Soy substitutes never work as well, for anything.

Which brings us to our Helpful Cooking Tip for the day:

Do not use soy milk when making pudding. It will not set, and you'll end up with slow-pour chocolate milk -- yes, even if you were making vanilla.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: Mike Fleming <{mike}.tauzero.co.uk>
Date: Mon, 02 Jun 2003 07:50:34 +0100

therealsiilus.yahoo.com (Siilus) writes:
> OK, I don't understand your crap. See if you can work this one out. Silflay hraka! Hrai et zorn u tharn embleer Fitzpatrick elil.

Well, you don't seem particularly versed in either the language or the actual eating habits of rabbits. Silflay is to forage, and the eating of hraka is a later part of the process, rabbits being copraphages.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: Kegs <me.privacy.net>
Date: 02 Jun 2003 13:51:02 +0100

"One_Pierced_One" <dmporker.dmparker.com> writes:
> "Mike Fleming" <{mike}.tauzero.co.uk> wrote in message
> > Well, you don't seem particularly versed in either the language ot the actual eating habits of rabbits. Silflay is to forage, and the eating of hraka is a later part of the process, rabbits being copraphages.
> You Ms. Spelt corporophage. And I didn't know rabbits were kinky like that.

Well they are very shy about it, unlike some people in the vicinity.

But yeah those hard little round bunny droppings, that look like chocolate drops[1] have been through the bunny twice.

[1] Hours of fun to be had with other peoples children ; )


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: Phil Smith <pas51.NOSPAMcam.ac.uk>
Date: Mon, 2 Jun 2003 20:08:14 +0100

Tom Harrington wrote in rec.humor.oracle.d:
> therealsiilus.yahoo.com (Siilus) wrote:
> > Help me im drowing. I HAVE NO LEGS I HAVE NO LEGS! I need elephantcata for my bunghole. I like vegetables, vegetables are my friends, I do not eat my friends. For this reason the so called green backs of east putney may be found when walking on a saturday afternoon in welwyn garden city. The inoccent carrot. HELP ME I CANNOT FIND THE CHILDREN. Paul Bridge. Kinky mr woo says. "You order a egg fryed rice, I don't want no beef, I just want my money."
> A can't EMBARREL of think I'm have the something in Tenafly, wait all someone I am a GARBARA STRA... I wonderstand the HIGHBALL disaste!

[etc.]

I have diagnosed your problem: you are employing insufficiently many monkeys and/or have not allowed them sufficient time for the task. There are three available options:

1. Expand the size of the department to aleph-null monkeys.
2. Extend the timeline another aleph-null years.
3. Abandon the project and downsize the monkeys.

Unfortunately, alternative (1) would involve substantially exceeding the office equipment and payroll budgets, and alternative (2) is longer than the CEO or investors are prepared to wait for meaningful results. Accordingly, I am forced to recommend the adoption of alternative (3).


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net>
Date: Thu, 05 Jun 2003 23:41:54 GMT

Donald Welsh dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au :
> "One_Pierced_One" <dmporker.dmparker.com> wrote:
>>I have to either lay you or jack off....
> You'll have to jack off. I want to keep our relationship platonic.

DAERTA "plate tetonic"? And then think "Wow, the Earth moved"?

No? Just me? Should I bugger off, then?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am Mr Fat arse
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Mon, 9 Jun 2003 17:57:44 +0000 (UTC)

One_Pierced_One <dmporker.dmparker.com> said:
> "Earl E.T. Off, Esq" <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au> wrote:
>> Kindest regards,
>> Earl E.T. Off, Esq.
> Are you Earl the Extraterestrial with the Extra Testical?

I can't figure out if TestiCal is some new dietary supplement or a medical device.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder how many one needs, such that Earl has one more


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: You know...for kids
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net>
Date: Wed, 04 Jun 2003 21:24:07 GMT

One_Pierced_One dmporker.dmparker.com :
> My new invention...Marconi Macaroni....pasta in the shape of famous inventors.

Could work.

Of course, it reminds me of my ill-fated bout with "Looky Loos", a breakfast cereal with marshmallows in the shape of eyeballs. Apparently people don't want food that looks back.

> It comes with a prize, Eddie the Extrestrial with the Extra Testicle...fully posable!

I'm not going to ask *what* is posable, as that would play into your twisted little hands.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Thu, 5 Jun 2003 19:37:50 +0000 (UTC)

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
> "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu> wrote:
>> One_Pierced_One <dmporker.dmparker.com> said:
>> > I want to start a petition to send Martha Stewart to the electric chair for completely lacking a sense of humor. I'm certain I can get enough people to sign...who should I send it to?
>> The show where she has Cookie Monster as a guest was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Cookie would start playing with things and make jokes and sarcastic comments, and she became visibly shaken.
> Transcript at < http://www.toughpigs.com/anth02janpt3.htm >. From just reading it, I have to guess it was all planned, but maybe her responses seemed less polished on video.

Maybe she should've used a different brand of polish?

> Cookie Monster seems a bit out of character-- offering to get Stewart a date with Bert, for example.

Yeah--he should've know Bert is gay.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder what exactly "rubber duckie" is a euphemism for, that it "makes bathtime lots of fun"


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Fri, 6 Jun 2003 20:54:00 +0000 (UTC)

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
> dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh) wrote:
>> Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
>> >"...when I squeeze you, you make noise!"
>> >Sounds like Bert.
>> Yeah, it's Elmo that vibrates.
> Really it's more like "Epilepsy Elmo", but I suppose the distinction is lost on many.

Hmm...I always thought of Elmo more as having bipolar disorder. What with whole periods of maniacal giggly-laugh, alternating with deep depression and killing sprees. Maybe the shaking is a side-effect of one of his meds? Or maybe his transformation into a vibrator is what they mean when they say an antidepressant has "sexual side-effects"?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have the most unusual rug-burns, milligram for milligram, of any creature in the universe


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh)
Date: Sun, 08 Jun 2003 03:17:27 GMT

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
> dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh) wrote:
>> Yeah, it's Elmo that vibrates.
>Really it's more like "Epilepsy Elmo", but I suppose the distinction is lost on many.

You must have given him more than two test tickles.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Wed, 11 Jun 2003 13:09:29 +1000

dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au (Donald Welsh) wrote:
> Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
> >Really it's more like "Epilepsy Elmo", but I suppose the distinction is lost on many.
> You must have given him more than two test tickles.

Soon after he came on the market, when he was in such demand you could only buy him for about USD$2000, I remember seeing a news article about a group that had trapped a T-M-E on top of a tower somewhere and would only release him if people donated to a charity. People duly donated and the Fire Dept was called in to set him free. The film at 11 showed a clearly agitated and frightened Elmo being carried away on a stretcher, shaking with shock and relief.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: Eli the Bearded <*.eli.users.panix.com>
Date: Thu, 12 Jun 2003 20:15:26 +0000 (UTC)

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au> wrote:
> Viki wrote...
> > Shhhhhhh... my kid thinks she's just left Elmo over at the neighbor's house.
> Damn. This comment is so full of clever parental evil and self-serving pleasure-seeking that I am just in AWE.

<sfx: a slithering squish, like pushing a pint of slugs through a collander>

Well, with that added to my quotes file, let me just say it looks great right after the quote that ends with:

"Please quit [...] or I will shave off all of my body hair and send it to you via fedex overnight."

Elijah
------
left out the unimportant (here) bit about what Cory should quit doing


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 12 Jun 2003 23:37:59 +1000

Al Sharka wrote:
>Tom Harrington:
>> and he now spends most of his time in "Elmo's World" (<http://www.sesameworkshop.org/sesamestreet/elmosworld/>) accompanied by his goldfish, a collection of talking furniture, and the now-deceased Mr. Noodle.
>Mr. Noodle died? Nooooooooooooooooooooo! My 6 year-old son will be devastated.

Hmm.. Sesame Street characters I've never heard of are passing on, and being mourned for their long years of service.

I must be getting old. :<

Screwtape,
...BUT WHO WILL MOURN FOR MR. HOOPER, ANSWER ME THAT!!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net>
Date: Thu, 12 Jun 2003 19:21:04 GMT

davehinz.spamcop.net :
> Tom Harrington wrote:
>> davehinz.spamcop.net wrote:
>>> Yeah, about that. Whatever happened to Rufus the dog, ca. 1972-ish or so? He just disappeared one day, no explaination at all.
>> Davy, it's like we said, Rufus went to live on a farm with some nice people. They let him herd the sheep, and gave him his very own dog house.
> In other words, he snuffed it.

Why, no, of *course* not! He ...

... okay, okay, you've got us. Rufus the Dog had what was termed at the time as a "little problem" with snuff films. It all started as a simple but effective way to eliminate his stage fright before a performance, but soon turned into a full-blown dependancy. Fortunately for Rufus, he had decent, caring co-workers who helped him identify his problem, and get help. While his "snuffing it" was, in fact, the reason why he left the show, you'll be happy to know that Rufus was completely rehabilitated. He currently lives with his wife and seven wonderful pups, two of which have gone on to win the Nobel Peace Prize.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: davehinz.spamcop.net
Date: 12 Jun 2003 19:48:51 GMT

steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.net> wrote:
> While his "snuffing it" was, in fact, the reason why he left the show, you'll be happy to know that Rufus was completely rehabilitated. He currently lives with his wife and seven wonderful pups, two of which have gone on to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

You can't lie to me. He'd be 31 years old, which is 217 in dog years. I think there's a vast conspiracy here. Now, to cross-post this to a bunch of fringe groups...yes...that would be, er, what's the word I'm looking for?

Dave "Unwise. I think that's it." Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Thu, 12 Jun 2003 23:43:49 +1000

Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti previously thought the epitome of such behaviour were hesitant assertions that one's offspring's ball of "Sooper Gooey Schtuph" had been accidentally flushed or that the ancient, renal-collapsed, cancer-riddled cat was going away to live on a wharf and have fresh fish every day.

Because death is a difficult subject, it's easier to teach your child that people they love will happily abandon them for material gain.

Screwtape,
...dammit, I think I forgot my anti-cynicism meds.


From: Phil Smith <pas51.NOSPAMcam.ac.uk>
> ...dammit, I think I forgot my anti-cynicism meds.

You mean the govt doesn't put them in your water supply?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au>
Date: Fri, 13 Jun 2003 07:22:47 +1000

Screwtape wrote...
> Because death is a difficult subject, it's easier to teach your child that people they love will happily abandon them for material gain.

Never ones to take the easy road, in the end we were all there at the moment of passing. Then my daughter shamelessly exploits the event in a class-winning "recount" the following term.
--
Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti hopes Ms Davis may, just possibly, have competition for those Miles Franklin and Booker thingummies. Or it could just be comparing Tim Winton(sp?) with Matthew Reilly.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Martha Stewart
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu>
Date: Tue, 17 Jun 2003 01:14:07 +0000 (UTC)

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
> Screwtape said:
> ; ... kids
> ; often take a while to realise why flies are called flies.
> By that logic, anything with wings should be called a "fly", and things without wings but with legs should be called "walks".

They are. Haven't you ever seen a description of some kind of multi-{cultural,national} event mentioning "all walks of life"? They aren't talking about birds or fish...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies will evolve when they're good and ready, dammit


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Now that's seriously obscure
From: Eli the Bearded <*.eli.users.panix.com>
Date: Fri, 13 Jun 2003 00:03:00 +0000 (UTC)

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> wrote:
> I get the impression that J.G. Ballard might take inspiration from this book, but that comment's probably not much less obscure than the book itself these days.

"The national flower of America is the concrete cloverleaf."
-- James G. Ballard

> Since it's "greatest mistakes", I was hoping for something like this:
> "There are a few places where irregular lumps in the middle of the road cause traffic to slow. Sometimes they resemble a speed bump, while other times they're aligned at angles to the road. This is because one of the workers building the highway was overcome by asphalt fumes at this point, and was simply paved over on the spot."

Don Martin in Mad Magazine, mid 80s. Dip dies. Dip gets paved over. Sign put up: "Dip in Road."

Elijah
------
Ballard? Obscure?



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