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2003 11 a.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Hello everyone
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Mon, 03 Nov 2003 04:15:59 GMT

I'm back, at least temporarily. My next two weeks involve doing work that I can mostly do with my eyes shut, and so I've decided to do some lurking. I'm terrible at lurking, since I can't just sit idly by and not say anything, so actually, I won't be lurking, I'll be back in the thick of things for at least two weeks.

If anyone is interested, here's what's been happening in my life the past year or so:

1. Work has been keeping me extremely busy. I have lost count of how many times I have flown this year, but I think overall I have been out of town something like twelve times. I went to France for a week, and Niagara Falls (the Canadian side), so I guess I sorta qualify as an "International Business Traveler" now. I might be going to the Netherlands or Belgium next year...keeping my fingers crossed. I'm hoping we can eventually translate some of this software I support into Australian, so I can visit down under. I hear the edelweiss are delicious.

2. We went to Hawaii on vacation. Sheesh, there's a reason they call that place Paradise, you know. We went snorkeling in Hanauma Bay, where I got closeup underwater pictures of a green sea turtle. Very cool.

3. I've started working out at the gym. I'm almost 42 years old, and I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I haven't lost more than 5 pounds, but I can tell I'm making progress. My goal is to eventually become qualified to govern the state of California. We'll see.

4. The family is doing great. Charlie is now in high school, Alex is in middle school, and Beverly is still teaching. Charlie has discovered paintball. We have discovered that paintball is very expensive. Alex is playing oboe, and is getting very good at it.

I realize this is starting to sound like one of those Christmas card letter thingies, so I'll stop now. I know I haven't been around here in a while, and I see that there are some new folks here, but I also see that some things simply have not changed a bit. For now, I'm happy to be home : )

--
Putain de 2CV, who has nothing significant to .sig right now.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Hello everyone
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Tue, 04 Nov 2003 15:55:18 GMT

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> said:
>> I'm back,
> Yay!
>> at least temporarily.
> Riiiiight.

Yeah, they all say it's temporary, then the shackles and hadcuffs come out and next thing you know, we've got another priest.

>> My next two weeks involve doing work that I can mostly do with my eyes shut,
> You get *paid* to do that?
> But if your eyes are shut, how the hell you gonna RHODize?

I'm pretty sure more than two-thirds of us post that way, anyway.

Hmmm. Better make that s/us/Usenet/

>> If anyone is interested, here's what's been happening in my life the past year or so:
> <rm .fcsh_history>

Great. I hope that command wasn't global, because otherwise you've just vaporized thirty to forty years of this man's life (er, I've forgotten how old you are, FC. Let's just split the difference and say thirty-five). Which means he's got to meet his wife for the first time again (well, at least this time around he'll know who he's looking for), not to mention go back to school, retake his driving test, re-raise some kids ... sure, they *say* "life begins at forty", but I don't think they meant that literally.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Hello everyone
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 06:36:41 -0000

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> said:
> steven wrote:
>> Great. I hope that command wasn't global, because otherwise you've just vaporized thirty to forty years of this man's life (er, I've forgotten how old you are, FC. Let's just split the difference and say thirty-five). Which means he's got to meet his wife for the first time again
> And that is why they are currently have frantic sex in the pantry.

I thought having sex for the first time involved being _de_floured...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder who's cumin' first


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Hello everyone
From: "Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net>
Date: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 01:23:20 GMT

"Fierce Cookie" <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> wrote
: I'm back, at least temporarily.

Welcome back, you've been missed.
My aim sucks since that incident with the ice pick.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Hello everyone
From: Dave Hinz <davehinz.spamcop.net>
Date: 11 Nov 2003 01:23:06 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick <ossipewsk.hotmail.com> wrote:
> Fierce Cookie wrote ...
>> I'm back, at least temporarily. My next two weeks involve doing work that I can mostly do with my eyes shut...
> Speaking of which, do you have any viper milk?

I've never heard it called _that_ before...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: That's not optimal...
From: Phil Smith <pas51.NOSPAMcam.ac.uk>
Date: Mon, 3 Nov 2003 08:36:09 +0000

David Corbett wrote in rec.humor.oracle.d:
> No Bloody Nose wrote:

> > This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how
> > quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it?
> > It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong
> > with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is
> > unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you
> > still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it
> > a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any
> > coaching!

> My goodness! There are no v's in that paragraph!

No x's either. And the word 'it' is overused.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: That's not optimal...
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Mon, 03 Nov 2003 22:52:09 -0000

No Bloody Nose <nobloodynose.dmparker.com> said:
> This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how

Taking the first letter of each line and changing a few spells out "Prilosec".

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies aren't surprised that DMP has ulcerior motives


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Something to ponder
From: kencomer.kencomer.com (Kenneth Comer Jr.)
Date: 3 Nov 2003 06:29:28 -0800

Che Gannarelli <che_dot_gannarelli.ucl.ac.uk> wrote:
> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
> > For example, in the question above about electoral systems the argument is in fact assuming "People who win elections are never the right leaders", but actually argues that "What is wrong with the electoral system is its competitiveness" is the cause of never getting the right leaders.
> Afraid I have to disagree. The postulates are:
> A. Ambition is necessary to succeed in a democracy.
> B. Ambition is undesirable in a political leader.
> C. Humility is a hinderence in a democratic contest.
> D. Humility is desirable in a leader.
> A.B => Certain undesirable traits are seen in political leaders. = E
> C.D => Certain desirable traits are not seen in political leaders = F
> From E and F the argument concludes that democracies do not produce the right leaders. (Note: Even if one accepts the postulates, this does not necessarily follow.)

I disagree, and my basis for disagreeing does not involve disputation of the minor premises stated above in anything other than wording. The word "right" is either a value judgement (i.e., we are assuming that having the leader who is most apt to attempt to perform according to the wishes of those whose votes elect him is necessarily a "right" thing) or a judgement as to the leader's fitness to the putative goal of the election system. Restate these premises A-D in the following form (which are more directly derived from the paragraph of evidence):

A. Ambition is necessary to succeed in a democracy.
B. Ambition is undesirable in a responsible leader.
C. Humility is a hinderence (sic) in a democratic contest.
D. Humility is desirable in a responsible leader.

A.B => Certain undesirable traits for a responsible leader are rewarded by the election system. = E
C.D => Certain desirable traits for a responsible leader are rewarded by the election system. = F

P. A responsible leader is one who ignores matters of personal ambition and personal pride to formulate the correct policy.
Q. A responsible leader is the right one.

Z = "People who win elections are never the right leader."

No sweat. I'd buy E.F.Q = Z as a conclusion any day of the week. The problem with that train of argument is that P is an assertion supplied by the reader instead of what has been written. In point of fact, it would be equally logical to assert the converse of P, and this would coincidentally reflect reality more accurately:

P. The right leader is one whose personal ambition and pride can be used as a tool to allow wealthy parties to manipulate him.
Q. A responsible leader is not the right one.

Now, not( Z ) = E.F.Q.

If we supply a value system not present in the original discussion, we are perforce making conclusions based on arguments not present in the paragraph as presented. If we are to avoid *unacknowledged* extrinsic considerations, then we must define "right" in terms of fitness to the purported intent of the electoral system, which means that we are now free to assert which intent was purported. Clearly, the use to which the words "desirable" and "undesirable" were put imply that it is proper to assert that an intent to choose a responsible leader is the goal of the electoral process.

Now we get A-F as I stated earlier, plus

P. The goal of an election process is to choose a responsible leader.

We can also state

E.F.P = The electoral process rewards are antithetical to the process goal.

Now we have introduced an element which says nothing about the leader. Instead, we now have an argument about the process, rather than the results of the process. Further--based on a statement present in the paragraph--we can also add these:

Q. The fact that the system is competitive causes persons possessing virtues more appropriate (less inappropriate) to the goal of the election to *not* emerge as winners.
R. The conditions "winner of competitive election" and "a person possessing characteristics antithetical to the goals of the process" are logically congruent. (This may be deduced from the fact that the first implies the second in the first sentence of the paragraph, and the use of the word "conversely" in the last means that, despite the content of the sentence, we are intended to understand that the coincidence between the non-undesirable and the lack of success in elections to be causative. This deductive process is permitted only once we make the assumption that the electoral process has a goal to select a responsible leader. If we instead assert that the electoral process has a goal to select an irresponsible leader, then this reasoning process is no longer viable. By the definition of "logically congruent," "if and only if a syllogism and its converse are both true, then the clauses of the syllogism are logically congruent.")

Substituting "winner of competitive election" for the logically congruent "person possessing characteristics antithetical to the goal of the election" in proposition Q yields "competitive elections cause results inconsistent with the goals of the electoral process." This seems to be the same as the statement "What is wrong with the electoral system is its competitiveness." This means that the answer is "E" and not "C."

The important thing, though, is that a person who was truly intelligent wouldn't put even 10% this much effort proving this meaningless bullshit to a bunch of people who really do not care. By that test, I'm an idiot.

Hope this helps.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Something to ponder
From: "Daniel Practicing" <thisismunged.dmparker.com>
Date: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 23:08:15 GMT

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <ossipewsk.hotmail.com> wrote
> No Bloody Nose wrote...
> > Henriette Kress wrote...
> > > Hetta (Printed on soft paper?)
> > Is any of it soft enough? I mean really?
> > That brings up something I've been pondering of late--do rich people have access to better toilet paper than the rest of us? You know like spun from damascus flax fiber, ultra-combed, 100 thread count to the inch, Swedish milled, double ply, toilet paper?
> Yes, that's what they have to put up with, the sad buggers.
> OTOH, we - the Perfectly Rich[1] - are much more comfortable with what *we* use[2].

Yer left 'and guv'ner?

Actually I don't want to be anything more than Comfortably Middle Class.

> Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti fluffs and folds, not crinkles.
> [1] Thanks to JG Ballard, I think.
> [2] Don't ask - your life would always feel more inadequate than it ever has.

My life is adequately inadequate...I am not afraid...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Something to ponder
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 10:20:33 -0700

"Daniel Practicing" <thisismunged.dmparker.com> wrote:
> Actually I don't want to be anything more than Comfortably Middle Class.

Well then, if you should ever happen to win a lottery or something, I'd be glad to take all the excess cash off your hands.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Something to ponder
From: Donald Welsh <dwelsh.melbpc.org.au>
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 13:39:01 +1100

Viki wrote:
> For instance, I had never heard of a first year "baby bar" before.

Does the beer taste better than cat piss? Still, drinking before you can walk is impressive. Usually it's the other way around; you drink until you can't walk.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Something to ponder
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 19:01:24 -0000

Ian Davis <not.all.certain> said:
> Ian, sitting back with the popcorn and the asbestos undies.

Make sure you don't mix those up.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies like the hottest chili, milligram for milligram, of any creature in the universe


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Now this is a nifty "404" error page
From: Phil Smith <pas51.NOSPAMcam.ac.uk>
Date: Mon, 3 Nov 2003 20:58:27 +0000

spam.sc.pffcu.com wrote in rec.humor.oracle.d:
> >> Today Jeffrey Kaplan wrote in rec.humor.oracle.d:
> >>> How about, "George W. Bush has a deep and comprehensive understanding of international affairs."
> I don't think it's as unlikely as "Yes, Your Holiness, I would like to watch the Infantas' spanking video."
> But that's really just me.

"The most scandalous charges were suppressed; the Vicar of Christ was only accused of piracy, murder, rape, sodomy and incest." - Gibbon, on the deposition of John XIII in 1415.

Ah, the good old days...


--
"The vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice." - George W. Bush (Washington DC, Oct 27 2003)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: So proud
From: spam.sc.pffcu.com
Date: 4 Nov 2003 21:36:09 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> Must be the researcher with the extra marital affair with the lemur. Kibo has this thing for marshmallow peeps.

If anyone has an extra marital affair s/he can spare, could you call me at work?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Clothes line at the back... and a pumkin vine over the dunny.
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com>
Date: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 22:14:37 +1100

Just arrived back in Australia after a rather incredible 6 months in other places.

New Zealand is full of sheep, but less so since the Government stopped paying people to grow them. Why do you suppose a Government would they do that? Mysteries, mysteries.

China is amazing - my mind is still boggling. Progress in the cities after only 11 years of open door policies staggered me. The countryside, on the other hand, is in a 2000 year old time warp. Dichotomies abound!

The next project should be a bit of a doddle - coupla bridges in the NSW Northern Tablelands. That means I move to Armidale, a small town with a big university. There should be plenty of material here to keep me amused.

It's good to see rhod hasn't changed, and great to see the return of some prodigals.

The dog recognised me after 6 months away. What a blast!

--
GW De Lacey
Whose liver and white English springer spaniel is on a diet, you betcha.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Clothes line at the back... and a pumkin vine over the dunny.
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com>
Date: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 20:31:31 +1100

TimC wrote:
>> China is amazing - my mind is still boggling. Progress in the cities after only 11 years of open door policies staggered me. The
>For closed values of "open"

And therein lies one source of my amazement.

In the districts that I visited (Beijing, Xian, Guilin, Shanghai and Guangzhou) I saw no sign of the mind bending state presence that one associates with stereotypical police states. Sure, there was plenty of "security" at all of the venues, but not a great deal more than one sees every day in Sydney and Auckland. The difference was that most (not all) were in uniform and thus very obvious. Those who weren't in uniform were also obvious (think pox doctor's clerk1)even though they were not meant to be (think "secret" ASIO types talking to their arm-pits). Regardless of this police presence, the hustlers still hustled, the sharks fed, and the gangsters plied their trade, all in the Chinese way (think larger than life).

As for us, we were free to go anywhere we liked. We were not required to carry travel documentation, and the only caution was not to get conned by the street hustlers.

Unless the rest of China is very different from the areas we visited (unlikely, I think), Chinese society is as free as any other society in these troubled times.

The Chinese are actively encouraging visitors, tourist and trader alike. Again, this is different from what we are generally asked to believe.

--
GW De Lacey

(1) An Australianism - 'done up like a pox doctor's clerk' means dressed formally, somewhat over the top.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Clothes line at the back... and a pumkin vine over the dunny.
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com>
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 22:36:49 +1100

Lane Gray, Czar Castic wrote:
>The government seems to have a ubiquitous presence, but only turns heavy-handed when someone starts wanting things like human/civil rights, ideological freedom, that sorta thing. So long as nobody wants freedom to change things, nobody poses a threat to the current powers in charge, and the powers are happy, and leave folks alone.

This is true.

The issues are very complicated though. For instance, the explanation given for the Tiananman Square incident is that a radical group of students from the nearby university was being monitored in case they decided to cause trouble. The country was just emerging from the craziness of the Cultural Revolution, and the need for a period of stability was paramount in the minds of majority of the population and those of the government.

When the trouble finally occurred, the government reaction was of the knee-jerk type, and the situation quickly escalated out of control. By the time the troops realised that they were firing at students and refused to obey orders, the damage was done.

There seems to be a genuine regret for the incident, and there was absolutely no attempt to glorify it or to cover it up. The guide was happy to take my photo on the spot where the student vs tank confrontation occurred, just to the right of the Gate of Heavenly Peace.

There seems to be an amount of respect for the bravery of the students, but this is tempered with regret at the foolishness of whatever cause they were trying to espouse.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Clothes line at the back... and a pumkin vine over the dunny.
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 17:43:33 -0000

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
> GW De Lacey said:
> ; The next project should be a bit of a doddle - coupla bridges in the NSW Northern Tablelands. That means I move to Armidale, a small town
> NorthSouthWest Northern?

Yes. Actually doing the project is a doddle; figuring out *where* is the difficult part. If that were easy, the job would be done already. But it's not, which is why the issue is still on the table.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know a thing or two about maps


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How embarrassment...
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Wed, 5 Nov 2003 23:38:19 +1100

'TimC' wrote:
>Paul McCue wrote:
>> Worse than Australian beer ? Surely you jest...
>Um, you're talking about Fosters, aren't you? Hint: Fosters is not a beer. Notice the flourescent green colour coming from it? Notice the way it wobbles?

Note to TimC: Not everything you find in a physics lab, stored in old Fosters cans, is a representative sample of Fosters beer.

Screwtape,
...the department-head likes using them as lime-jelly moulds, or so I've heard.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How embarrassment...
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Wed, 5 Nov 2003 17:01:08 +0000

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au> writes
>Paul McCue wrote...
>> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote...
>> > I think that last person *really* needs to get out^W^W stay in more - there are sooooooooooooooo many more repugnant things than that on TV.
>> Worse than Australian beer ? Surely you jest...
>Had any decent 80/- lately?
>How about Australian TV? Should I subject you to hours of Neighbours and Home & Away just to make my point?

You mean you actually have those on OzTV? I thought they were only sent to the old country in lead-lined containers as part of the Convicts' Revenge.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*-Could we have another Jason Donovan please? This one's broken--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How embarrassment...
From: ossipewsk.hotmail.com (Richard Fitzpatrick)
Date: 5 Nov 2003 14:16:48 -0800

Richard Wilson wrote...
> --*-Could we have another Jason Donovan please? This one's broken--

Yet another sentence I never, ever, thought I'd read.

At gunpoint, let alone by choice.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How embarrassment...
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Wed, 05 Nov 2003 19:33:47 -0000

No Bloody Nose <nobloodynose.dmparker.com> said:
> I declare that from now on this a pointless newsfroup.

From now on?!?!?!

Of course IRTA "pantsless", but my response is still the same.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have safety scissors


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How embarrassment...
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 05:29:11 -0000

Donald Welsh <dwelsh.melbpc.org.au> said:
> Lane Gray, Czar Castic wrote:
>> I thought we had agreed not to bring up Dumpie's cooler (okay, so it belonged to someone else) anymore.
> Yeah, *belonged*. Talk about marking your territory ... for all time.

We'll always have Google copies of the chronicle of events, even if DMP didn't both to keep the original log.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if he kept a paper trail


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Another Cherished Notion Bites the Dust
From: TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au>
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 17:06:32 GMT

Richard Wilson wrote:
> http://www.susanscott.net/OceanWatch1999/mar22-99.html

When my doctor heard about our jellyfish study he said, "Great. I hope you tell people to stop urinating on every cut and sting they get in the ocean."

> I hardly see any point in travelling to Oz now.
>
> -Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
> -And RF's dgKlg will have to find some other excuse to pee on him--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Another Cherished Notion Bites the Dust
From: "Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <CGray2.kc.Pb.rr.com>
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 20:00:26 GMT

Tom Harrington wrote:
> Chris Wesling <wesling.nospam.invalid> wrote:
>> Tom Harrington wrote:
>> > Of course, the jury's still apparently out on the use of other precious bodily fluids. So readers should feel free to experiment with whatever else comes out of whichever bodily orifice is handy.
>> Earwax is surprisingly useful; the trouble is getting enough of it...
> You just need to save it up in advance of the need. If the need never arises, you can always make a candle with it.

This reminds me of a bit from Gilbert Gnarley (a character from Gary Burbank, one of the funniest guys on radio, who has a show on WLW in Cincinatti - Gilbert is an old coot who calls people and yanks their chains [1]), in which he called up some guy from the EPA to talk about recycling, and nearly made me wreck the truck when he said "I believe in recycling all recyclable materials. Did you know that the human body exudes enough earwax annually to polish the chrome on a 1963 Rambler American II? (bit of a pause) See, I happen to own a 1963 Rambler American II..."

[1] My favorite bit was when he called up a department of Fish and Game, asking them if he had a fishing license, but not a hunting license, if he could still take deer. I pulled over to listen, due to the hysterical nature.
"See, my friend Myron Flatts said if I were to bait a hook with an ear of corn, and cast it out into a school of deer, when the Game Warden came by and asked to see my hunting licence, I would have an adequate defense by saying "Sir, I am not hunting for deer, I am *fishing* for deer." And the game warden nearly lost it when Gilbert said "Okay, so you're saying that if I *were* to have a ten-point buck on the line (and I hear they fight like the dickens), if the game warden were to come along, the only thing I could do would be to cut the line?"

If you google Gilbert, they've got a couple of tapes for sale, but not all of the calls bear any relation to their title. The call entitled "Renting a Bus" features Gilbert trying to arrange a sightseeing bus in Nashville, and he almost immediately veers into what they want to see.
Webb Pierce's guitar-shaped swimming Pool;
Jimmy Dicken's mansion;
Hank Williams' caddy;
Porter Wagoner's grave (note-Porter's still alive, plays the Opry every weekend).
He repeats the bit about the grave, and the woman says "we can work in any sight in Nashville you want to see"
"So, where's Porter buried? The folks in the St. Pia Zadora Golden Buckeye Retirement Home feel a trip to Nashville wouldn't be complete without seeing that."
<sounds of paper shuffling> "Sir, Porter Wagoner isn't dead"
"Well, is he sick? A trip to Nashville just wouldn't be complete without seeing his grave."
"Sir, we can show you his mansion in Nashville"
"Well, can you just call us back *after* he's buried?"


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Another Cherished Notion Bites the Dust
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 12:25:59 -0600

TimC wrote:
> When my doctor heard about our jellyfish study he said, "Great. I hope you tell people to stop urinating on every cut and sting they get in the ocean."

Well that's a relief. What if you had gotten stung on the back?

From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Pee in a cup, and then douse yourself with it.

From: The Dumpster <daniel.doesnt.want.spam.dmparker.com>
Stand on your head and pee...no wait...OK do a handstand then lean your feet against a wall so you're at an angle with your back facing the floor...

From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Simple enough. Just whip it out, toss it over your shoulder, and commence to pee.

From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
> Well that's a relief.
Actually, the article says *not* to relieve yourself.
dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies cross their fins and wait


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Another Cherished Notion Bites the Dust
From: ossipewsk.hotmail.com (Richard Fitzpatrick)
Date: 10 Nov 2003 17:32:55 -0800

Sid wrote...
> Daniel E. Macks writes:
> > dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies won't get into a lighting-farts discussion right now
> Talking about farts and discussion:
> http://www.cbc.ca/stories/2003/11/05/herring_fart031104

Hmph. It says:
"The fish tend to make noise more often when in the company of others, which suggests it plays a social role, the researchers say."

Twit. The nature of herrings being what it is, the only time they're not "in the company of others" is if they're the last kipper in the tin.

--
Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti prefers sardines.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Another Cherished Notion Bites the Dust
From: TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au>
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 07:03:22 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
> Twit. The nature of herrings being what it is, the only time they're not "in the company of others" is if they're the last kipper in the tin.

That's a bit of a red herring, isn't it?

> Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti prefers sardines.

Not me. Neither.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Politcal Rant (Was: Re: Congrats)
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Thu, 06 Nov 2003 19:33:47 -0000

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au> said:
> Daniel E. Macks <dmacks.netspace.org> wrote:
>> %%
>> Yeah, fourteen glockenspiels led the RHOD brigade
[...]
>> %%
> Bluddy hell, Macks - under which bushel have you been hiding that glaring halogen lamp of talent, and why?

Every time a muse strikes me, some zero-tolerance do-gooder gets a restraining order on my behalf. I mean, what's the big deal? So sometimes she's had a bit of wine and does things that are normal in her society but we deem to be inappropriate. She doesn't mean to hurt. Besides, I think I can help her work through her feelings.

Here, let me show you on this doll where she gives me inspiration...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies think actually falling down a flight of steps might do him some good


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Matrix Revolutions World Premiere thingie
From: Donald Welsh <dwelsh.melbpc.org.au>
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 10:45:10 +1100

TimC wrote:
> Sid wrote:
>> I saw it and, contrary to my expectations, wasn't disappointed. It was actually pretty decent. Won't reveal anything about the plot. See it for yourself.
> He takes the red pill.
> No! Not the red pill!

The first pill tasted sort of like chocolate, so I took the second one, too.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Geekiness test
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 01:18:48 GMT

Henriette Kress attempted to infuriate me by saying:
> I got 18 %, so I don't have geekish tendencies, I'm a geek. Wheee.
> http://www.innergeek.us/geek.html

40.8284% Major Geek

I'm somewhat disappointed, although I suppose if I had scored higher I might never had sex with another human.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Geekiness test
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 18:58:58 GMT

And Henriette Kress wrote:
> Fierce Cookie wrote:
>> I'm somewhat disappointed, although I suppose if I had scored higher I might never had sex with another human.
> I have to admire your extremely precise use of language there.

I thought the predicate qualifier was unnecessary, but I suppose he wants to dismiss out-of-hand [1] the encounters with various barrels, livestock, etc.

[1] Er, so to speak.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Geekiness test
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 01:21:36 -0000

Donald Welsh <dwelsh.melbpc.org.au> said:
> Viki wrote:
>> We did it in the woods already.
> IJWTSTA. <I just wanted to see that again.>
>> We'll do it in a church prolly sometime next summer for all the family and friends.
> YKIOKIJNMK. <Your kink is OK it's just not my kink>

It's not???

So how do you explain this video of Mrs. DW chasing you around the choir loft and eventually catching you by the organ?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies think Quasimodo wasn't the only thing that was humped that night

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Geekiness test
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 2003 22:04:00 -0700

Eli the Bearded <*.eli.users.panix.com> wrote:
> TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> wrote:
> > For a test, I went through and ticked all boxes, and got "100% liar". Surely going to that sort of effort affords me an extra 2%?
> You have to leave at least one unchecked to get Dysfunctional Geek.
> No, I didn't check them by hand, I have software do that for me:
> "Toggle checkboxes" http://www.squarefree.com/bookmarklets/forms.html

Surely using such a tool should be worth a few extra percentage points on its own.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Geekiness test
From: Phil Smith <pas51.NOSPAMcam.ac.uk>
Date: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 17:37:37 +0000

Tom Harrington wrote in rec.humor.oracle.d:
> Phil Smith <pas51.NOSPAMcam.ac.uk> wrote:
[snip]
> > There's an obvious cascade here, but I'd be tar(1)ed and feather(5)ed if I perpetuated it.
> No entry for feather in section 5 of the manual

feather(5)

SYNOPSIS:

feather -[abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ] [--help]

DESCRIPTION:

Clutters specified directory with randomly generated data files; renames pre-existing files (except those beginning with '.') to randomly generated 10-character strings.

If no directory is specified, the current diretory is assumed.

SWITCHES:

-a identical to -ijk; retained for backwards compatability
-b identical to -af; retained for backwards compatability
-c identical to -ixyz; retained for backwards compatability
[...]
-i identical to -A; retained for backwards compatability
-j identical to -d; retained for backwards compatability
[...]
-r recursive mode


BUGS:

Not all switches implemented.
Occasionally overwrites some .* files; this bug is not always reproducible.
Executing feather -r as root is not recommended.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Solar flare
From: Donald Welsh <dwelsh.melbpc.org.au>
Date: Sun, 09 Nov 2003 17:27:35 +1100

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> I prefer strawberries in mine, but given that .au thinks vegemite is food I had no doubt y'all'd have some weird breakfast foods.

Vegemite is either axle grease masquerading as food, or food masquerading as axle grease, I'm not sure which.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Snow!
From: Donald Welsh <dwelsh.melbpc.org.au>
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003 11:47:55 +1100

Tom Harrington wrote:
> Donald Welsh <dwelsh.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
>> I'm sorry, I'll come in again.
> Quick! Lock the door when he steps out!

At least I don't have to worry about you losing respect for me.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Amazon patents the online order form
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 17:42:54 +0000

Richard Fitzpatrick <ossipewsk.hotmail.com> writes
>Of course, as with the Strine who patented the wheel, patent =/ IP ownership rights. Having the patent merely means that you were (probably) the first or only person to file a patent for that thing. If anyone can prove[1] that they had the idea before you did, the patent has no standing[2].

True, but it must be borne in mind that large corporations patent not to protect original ideas but to scare the crap out of people with less money than they. The bigger you are, the less it matters that your patent is a load of foetid dingo's kidneys and manner for the preparation thereof.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*---who has in his time worked with the patent agent brother of--
--*--the author of the archetypally dingo's kidneylike "Boudicca"--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Christmas with the Carat-Hinners
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 23:42:43 GMT

"Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <CGray2.kc.Pb.rr.com> wrote:
> Such is the value of innuendo properly done, and all and sundry should mourn its apparent passage.

Even predator-raptors have standards. That one is too easy.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Lunar eclipse
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 04:11:07 GMT

Henriette Kress wrote:
> 'kay, so we had a lunar eclipse last night. I go out 11ish (at night) and watch the sky - beautiful full moon, twinkling stars, wonderful, I'll stay up to wait for the full eclipse (around 3 am). They've promised northern lights, too, so this could be a nice night of skywatching.
> I continue working, and in between things remember to go check a Finnish astrology site for local times again, oh, the moon enters the half shadow a bit after 12? Right, it's half past now, lemme go out and have a look.
>
> Clouds. Clouds clouds clouds. Lots of them, high up, so thick that you can't see the moon through them.
> Blah. I went to bed.

Cloud cover also prevented me from seeing that the moon was not visible.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: fscking cluster headache
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 05:38:11 -0000

Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> said:
> Urrrrgggggggggggggghhhh.
> This reminds me that it's better to have a song stuck in my head than to have a steel spike in same.

Whoa, talk about crappy health insurance! But anyway, what song would you like?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are going to leave ARHODA


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Internet Oracularities Digest #1343
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Fri, 14 Nov 2003 17:32:22 +0000

Henriette Kress <spamtrap.hetta.spamcop.net> writes
>Staying aliiiiii-iiii-iiiiii-ive!
>Hetta (Anybody else wonder how come these guys are so beardy? They're so high-pitched that they _must_'ve been clipped...)

You clearly weren't wearing trousers in the 1970s. Well, not wearing trousers AND having to pack a lunchbox in there at the same time.

"Does Sir dress to the left or to the right?"
"I'm not sure..."
"Doesn't matter. Sir will be dressing up around Sir's collar bone when Sir tries to zip these little beauties up."

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*----*----And was that me making a guest appearance in 1343-06?--
--*-----*---*--If so, I'm duly flattered. If not, I'm obviously-*--
--*------*--*---*--not so vain as to have ever imagined it was--*--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Internet Oracularities Digest #1343
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Sat, 15 Nov 2003 08:56:27 +0000

Henriette Kress <spamtrap.hetta.spamcop.net> writes
>Richard Wilson wrote:
>> You clearly weren't wearing trousers in the 1970s. Well, not wearing trousers AND having to pack a lunchbox in there at the same time.
>Ow. 'kay, now for the truth:
> ever ride a bike wearing one of those?

I'll have you know I drove a moped all decade. Which probably explains why we only ever had the one daughter.

Okay, I know what you're thinking: remarkable how the molerette takes after her mother. But you can see lots of me in there too. For a start, we've got the same ... number of heads.

... Almost.

>Hetta (I just remember that I couldn't wear brand new jeans out of the store because there was no room to lie down to zip up in the fitting booth ... long long ago.)

And so you narrowly failed to invent a new spectator sport.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*----*-Who needed a piercing when one had the Levi crotch stud?--



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