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2003 10 a.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Zeit! Its a Geist!
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Wed, 01 Oct 2003 02:27:22 -0000

Ken Adams <kmadams85.comcast.net> said:
>> one_pierce_one wrote:
>>> Now its analyzing its own thought paterns.
>>> http://www.google.com/press/zeitgeist.html
> I'm surprised that the unusual queries section failed to include the triplet squid herpes basketball. I'd love to see their selection criteria for unusual.

I guess I forgot to invite you to my "let's all get drunk and search Google for 'squid herpes basketball' party". Sorry if it screwed up your meta-research.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are a bit concerned that "underworld" is coming up on "miss europe 2003"


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Counting
From: spam.sc.pffcu.com
Date: 1 Oct 2003 14:05:27 GMT

I feel that I should mention that I just stopped by the IO SETI.Home team page and the count was 33333 units processed. I feel that this is significant, somehow.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Close to the edge
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Wed, 01 Oct 2003 10:53:06 -0500

Lane Gray, Czar Castic wrote:
> Chris Wesling <wesling.nospam.invalid> wrote:
>> Yup for the bugle, dunno what a Shofar is. You can play bugle calls quite nicely on any brass instrument[1] by just changing your lips without moving the keys/slide.
> Shofar is a ram's horn. It got its name from the battle of Jericho, when someone came up to Joshua late on the sixth day and asked "How's the siege going?" and Joshua answered "Shofar, So Good."

Maybe he should have taken the horn out of his mouth, first.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Close to the edge
From: "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au>
Date: Sun, 5 Oct 2003 07:43:24 +1000

Screwtape wrote...
> Eh, slowly. I'm at that awkward time where if I think about what I'm doing too much, I type QWERTY, if I think about it just right, I type Dvorak, and if I don't think at all, I type QWERTY.

Mine.

--
"... if I don't think at all, I type QWERTY."
-- Screwtape, rhod, reveals his inner calm.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Close to the edge
From: "Zebras Cabaret" <zebras_cabaret.ev1.net>
Date: Sun, 5 Oct 2003 14:13:10 -0500

"Chris Wesling" <wesling.nospam.invalid> wrote
> Aw, crap. Sorry about all the extra sigs, folks...

Nope I'm sorry, but we've looked the other way before, this time we're going to make an example of you...You'll have to pay the fine...


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Close to the edge
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Wed, 08 Oct 2003 18:04:35 -0000

The narrowminded Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> said:
> "Lane Gray, Czar Castic" wrote:
>>> TimC wrote...
>>>> "So what note is the Perseus Cluster playing? Estimates of the distance between the wave peaks and sound speed in the cluster gas suggests the cosmic note is about 57 octaves below B-flat above middle C."
>> Ummm, I come up with .00000000000000030531133177191804861649870872498 Hertz (and this is actually rounding it down slightly, as I don't recall the frequency of Bb, and therefore used the 440 of the A right next to it). I find it nearly incomprehensible that, at those frequencies, they could get any sort of accurate measurement of pitch. After all, I mean, how far could it be to the next note? Hang on, let me do the same calculation using the E660-.00000000000000045796699765787707292474806308746 Hertz. I think we've got a sound wave with a period of one cycle per each Jehovah's Witness making a conversion (218356345569478.59393939393939394 seconds, or 218356345569478.6 second = 6,924.0342963 millennium, maybe three conversions from door-knocking) Hell, I don't even think it's made a second complete vibration, has it?
> Given that most humans can't hear anything below 20 Hz, it's kind of like the tree falling in the forest question, no?

Oh sure, limit the discussion to *humans*.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are off to buy a dog-whistle


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Big News
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Wed, 1 Oct 2003 17:17:05 +0100

Daniel Parker <dmparker.dmparker.com> writes
>First off, I love you guys. But I have to admit that over the last few years I've felt kinda dumb around you lot.

Did I ever mention I was once turned down for the job of bus conductor?

>So I may not be a lawyer or a doctor or a nuclear fizzicist or whatever other fancy things you guys are....but I got naked chicks in my office--so HA!

Speaking as one whose working life has on occasion involved manhandling chicks in large numbers (I refer the interested to http://groups.google.com/groups)
(how do you get Google Gropes links short enough so they don't wrap?), I am of course unimpressed. However, I wish you great joy of your new job and I'm sure I am not the only one here expecting an invite to the world premiere of your first blockbuster pr0n flick, which cannot now be far away.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*----*---I was going to say "chick flick", but that sounds like--
--*-----*--something disgusting finger lickin' chickens get up to--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Big News
From: Jellyroll Papadopoulos <jellyroll.the.pope.INVALIDpotnoodle.net>
Date: Wed, 01 Oct 2003 22:55:13 GMT

Also Sprach Daniel Parker:
> Yes, I have a new office and a new job. I'm doing computer work and diagnostics from the back of a strip club.

Sound! Well done.

I work in a power station surrounded by semi-naked Scottish ex-submariners.

Swap?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Big News
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Thu, 2 Oct 2003 17:14:05 +0100

Jellyroll Papadopoulos writes
>Also Sprach Richard Wilson:
>> (how do you get Google Gropes links short enough so they don't wrap?),
>You use a proper newsreader instead of Turdpuke, of course.

You malign poor TP, which allows me to set margins anywhere I like. Previous experience suggests many other newsreader promptly stick extra line breaks in at or around the 70 character mark, hence my query.

Or am I thinking of email readers? I get confused. I'd barely mastered typewriters before all this newfangled technostuff came along. What's wrong with quill pens, I want to know? You write your message, use the quill to pin it back onto the goose, and the goose crosses the Atlantic in less time than it takes His Imperial Majesty's fastest barquentine to do the same. Unless it's near Yuletide, and some rapscallion shoots the goose down for his festive dinner, of course. But that rarely happens. Anyway, I digress.

You kids today, you need instant gratification, that's your problem. Humbug!

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*---It has to be said, maligning TP is something of a challenge--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Big News
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Mon, 06 Oct 2003 14:37:53 GMT

And Charles A Lieberman wrote:
> "Daniel Parker" <dmparker.dmparker.com> wrote:
>> Yes, I have a new office and a new job. I'm doing computer work and diagnostics from the back of a strip club.
> I gotta start telecommuting.

I think in DMP's line of work, that's called a "webcam", and it'll cost you about $24.95 a week.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Arrgh, it's the evangelicals
From: Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au>
Date: Thu, 02 Oct 2003 14:21:43 +1000

Che Gannarelli wrote:
> fashion ("Would God find this too revealing or too suggestive?").

Of course not. God already knows what you look like naked. Duh.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Nobel News
From: Sid <notme.hotmail.com>
Date: 03 Oct 2003 07:27:01 +0800

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org> writes:
> How many times did each of you misread the Lit winner's name?

J M Coetzee? No, what am I missing?

> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies didn't know there was a prize for excessively-visual arts


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Nobel News
From: Dave Hinz <davehinz.spamcop.net>
Date: 7 Oct 2003 02:53:48 GMT

Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
> I hear there's no Internet access in the Big Room.

I disagree. The city of Mille-wa-kay (Ojibwa for "the good land") has more than a few "hot spots" in the parks, so you can sit with your laptop in said room, and continue to have connectivity.

I'm not sure that's a good thing (said Dave, while planning to relocate the linksys so I have better coverage on my newly-built deck...)

Dave "Wot, me, consistant?" Hinz


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Nobel News
From: Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au>
Date: Fri, 10 Oct 2003 13:36:42 +1000

Dave Hinz wrote:
> Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
>> I hear there's no Internet access in the Big Room.
> I disagree.

I hear the Day Star burns your skin. "Skin burn" they call it.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The new and improved Oracular Priest 2003!
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com>
Date: Sun, 05 Oct 2003 11:31:13 +1300

T Gies wrote:
>T Gies makes the following unlikely claims:
>> Hey hey hey. I'm here to toot my own horn.
>> Takey gander at 1337-10. Hooyeah.
>Um, the point of that was the Selected-By: line. You know, in case I didn't make that obvious.

Um... Congratulations. Good... er... choice.

[thinks]
I wonder how much *this* one will cost me to ensure my fair share of publication.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The new and improved Oracular Priest 2003!
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 6 Oct 2003 03:24:05 GMT

T Gies wrote:
> I didn't make my mark on 1337 very well.

Hmmm, I wonder... New Priest, or just another P3r1 H4x0r?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The new and improved Oracular Priest 2003!
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 7 Oct 2003 17:07:23 +0100

Richard Fitzpatrick <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au> writes
>Mark Lawrence <lawrence.4.osu.edu> wrote
>> Tony the new guy who really really wants everyone to know it opined:
>> > Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>> > > I didn't even get a bluddy acknowledgment, let alone a response.
>> > The trick may be to make as many weird jokes as will fit in the context of your E-mail. Worked for me. Also, mental telepathy helps.
>> More to the point, you have to touch upon Steve's pity factor. Worked for Tony, worked for me, and it could work for you.
>I think I'm below pitiable, well into detestable - possibly execrable.
>> Old and decayed Oracular Priest 1996
>Oooo... you should remember Cassy, Pythia and Sibyl - how many did *you* get?

And yet he wonders why Kinzler doesn't answer his emails. Honestly, FL, this mealymouthed attempt to turn to the Light Side gives evil masterminds everywhere a bad name.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*--Though evil masterminds everywhere probably wouldn't want a---
--good name, say, something like Chastity Pureheart, would they?---


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The new and improved Oracular Priest 2003!
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.aunz.com>
Date: Wed, 08 Oct 2003 22:57:03 +1300

Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>Y'know, some months ago I sent the Kinzter an inquiry about whether he had enough active Priests and if/when he might consider enlisting more - and offering to be available. And it's not like it came out of nowhere - we've corresponded in the past and he knows I have had... certain... "interests"... in things Oracular.

I'm hoping the other Eeevil members see the real message encoded in this post. Our FL has his... reasons... for wanting to join the 'good' side.

And(heh heh) you can bet those reasons do not include things that are of 'benefit' to said minions of light.

So, all you Eeevil backsliders, come back and rally around our Fearless Leader. What seems like a betrayal of us and all we stand for is in reality another Eeevilplan, even more Eeevil than the last one.

Of course, like any good Evil Overlord, he will tell us about his Plan when he is good and ready, and not a moment sooner.


Hurrah for our FL!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: How much wood would a w**dch*ck climb...
From: Sniffnoy the Swordfish <sniffnoy.optonline.net>
Date: Sun, 05 Oct 2003 01:09:11 GMT

Yes... I return... actually I returned a while ago and was just lurking this whole time... but then again I suppose I'm lurking most of the time, amn't I? Anyway, that's not the point.

Recently I've been seeing, in my backyard, groundhogs climbing trees. You'd think something so fat couldn't stay in a tree - it was on some pretty thin branches, which were bending quite a bit - but they didn't break, and it didn't fall off, although it did appear several times that it was about to. One of the times it did fall down while trying to climb down, but other times it climbed down succesfully.

Has anyone else ever seen this before? Do groundhogs normally climb trees? Or is this the beginning of a new race of tree-climbing groundhogs, which will eventually <something bad> us all? And what horrible new variations on the w**dch*ck question will this spawn, besides the one in the subject, which I probably never should have written?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How much wood would a w**dch*ck climb...
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sun, 5 Oct 2003 12:54:58 +1000

'Sniffnoy the Swordfish' wrote:
>Has anyone else ever seen this before? Do groundhogs normally climb trees? Or is this the beginning of a new race of tree-climbing groundhogs, which will eventually <something bad> us all?

I, for one, welcome our new arboreal-hog overlords.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How much wood would a w**dch*ck climb...
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Sun, 5 Oct 2003 11:40:17 +0100

Sniffnoy the Swordfish <sniffnoy.optonline.net> writes
>Has anyone else ever seen this before? Do groundhogs normally climb trees? Or is this the beginning of a new race of tree-climbing groundhogs, which will eventually <something bad> us all?

Yes, but only the beginning. Their actual Evil Plan <tm> requires them to become fully airborne, but over here another species is beating them to it. Last spring I planted a Japanese maple in the garden, only to have all its leaf buds devoured by some unseen pest the moment they started to open. Subsequent buds met the same fate, despite being liberally sprayed with insecticide. Our neighbour, upon being called in for an expert opinion, said it looked like slug damage. Since the buds were some five feet off the ground, there were no trails up the trunk and we'd never seen the culprits, we concluded this must be some new breed of invisible flying slug. This raises up the image of a malevolent, unseen invertebrate which, like the green thing in the restaurant scene in the original 'Ghostbusters', flies up to you at great speed and slimes you when you are least expecting it. Stay indoors, is my advice.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
-What can the outside world offer you that the Net can't, anyway?--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How much wood would a w**dch*ck climb...
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Tue, 07 Oct 2003 15:01:57 GMT

And Donald Welsh wrote:
> Daniel Parker wrote:
>> "Sniffnoy the Swordfish" <sniffnoy.optonline.net> wrote
>>> I, for one, welcome our new invisible-aeroslug overlords.
>> Brown-noser
> Buncha suckups.

Sure, you say that now, but little do you realize that with careful supplication, he shall be in the perfect place to assist the rebel faction in their eventual overthrow of the New Slug World Order.

This post has been X-No-Archived to remain hidden from our overlords until it is too late. Long live humanity!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How much wood would a w**dch*ck climb...
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 7 Oct 2003 16:52:20 +0100

Sniffnoy the Swordfish <sniffnoy.optonline.net> writes
>I, for one, welcome our new invisible-aeroslug overlords.

Aeroslug? Didn't they use to front for Gasping Pterodactyl?

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*----*---*---*---Recycling obsolescent TOIJs for fun and profit--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: A URL for your amusement
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Tue, 07 Oct 2003 14:55:55 GMT

Henriette Kress wrote:
> Eli the Bearded wrote:
>> also likes the nukeimage extension
> The one that goes "block images from this server?" Yes, that's cool.

Even better is "block images from other servers besides the one I'm on." Bye-bye to a good chunk of advertisements.

> I want the same for flash. Too many sites use flash so they can have forevermoving ads, and forevermoving ads are the MOST ANNOYING THINGS THERE ARE AND WHOEVER PUT THEM UP WILL BE BEATEN TO A PULP WITH A BLUNT SPOON! AAAAAAH! .. ahem. (wipes drool off face.) Once we find them, that is.

Heh. Can I quote you on that? The marketing department over here has decided that Flash is teh "One True Path," and I'm this close | | to finding a way to get her fired. Or, failing that, to at least prove her wrong.

> Can you tell I've set my images preferences to "show animations once only"?

Judging from the above, I would think the option would be called "show me animations and die", but you'd probably need to recompile the source.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Dangerous competition
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Tue, 07 Oct 2003 11:24:17 -0600

So while reviewing my spam-filter's decisions, I see signs of an interesting sort of competition. I am by now accustomed to ads for Viagra, hawked by spammers who apparently have trouble spelling and/or typing (e.g. "V1.GR.!!!!").

But recently someone's pushing "Super Viagra" (their quotes, not mine), the "weekend pill". "It last[sic] all weekend!", they breathlessly proclaim. I suppose it must be "super" if it lasts all weekend. I don't know how long regular Viagra is supposed to last, but it can't be more than a few hours. For that matter, who'd want to be "up" for a full weekend? Wouldn't Mr. Happy be getting pretty sore by then?

Where can this be leading? Competition for the longest-lasting Viagra-like pill? Why buy a pill that gives out after just a weekend when you could have the week-long pill? Why goose the dolphin (so to speak) for just a week when you could be carrying around a tent-pole in your pants for a month at a time?

I've decided to get the jump on them. Not that I actually have any pills to sell, but I can at least claim a conceptual lead, and then of course file a patent and sue the spammers for whatever profits they might make. Some might think this is a pretty flimsy pretext for a patent, but they only need review those awarded to amazon.com to see that this is apparently the norm anymore.

Yes, it's the latest lifestyle drug: Priapon (tm). The big flesh-colored pill. It's the ultimate Viagra-ripoff substitute: Take it once, and Mr. Happy will stand up at attention for the rest of your life. Priapon (tm) will of course be expensive, but then it has to be if it only requires a single dose in a victim's^Wpatient's lifetime.

I picture an ad filled with suspiciously virille-looking men, walking around sort of hunched over, as though they've just been kicked in the crotch. The women in the ad (the best modern surgical technique can create) all seem to love them.

The announcer intones, "Ask your doctor if Priapon (tm) is right for you." Then he cuts into overdrive, speaking fast enough that he sounds like a chipmunk, and adds, "Side effects include extreme penile pain, redness, swelling, and discomfort, spinal injuries, torn pants, cardiac arrest, and death to both those using Priapon (tm) and their partners."

[Anyone at all confused by this should see query=priapism]


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Dangerous competition
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Thu, 09 Oct 2003 09:48:49 -0600

Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> wrote:
> Tom Harrington wrote:
> > The announcer intones, "Ask your doctor if Priapon (tm) is right for you." Then he cuts into overdrive, speaking fast enough that he sounds like a chipmunk, and adds, "Side effects include extreme penile pain, redness, swelling, and discomfort, spinal injuries, torn pants, cardiac arrest, and death to both those using Priapon (tm) and their partners."
> Don't forget urinary dysfunction. How long does it take before someone's bladder would explode?

I was thinking I should have added "difficulty with urination" to the list. It'd be possible for a Priapon(tm) user to pee, it'd just be hard, err... difficult for them to aim properly.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Dangerous competition
From: Kegs <me.privacy.net>
Date: 09 Oct 2003 21:34:04 +0100

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org> writes:
> Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com> said:
> > Don't forget urinary dysfunction. How long does it take before someone's bladder would explode?
> One could insert a catheter first. Or else syringe through lower abdomen.

That's just taking the pass though ; )


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Dangit, Daniel E. Macks
From: Kegs <me.privacy.net>
Date: 09 Oct 2003 21:37:11 +0100

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org> writes:
> Lane Gray, Czar Castic <CGray2.kc.Pb.rr.com> said:
> > Look what you made me do....
> Of all the things I can take blame^Wcredit^Wblame for, that selective-quotation technique isn't one of them. I found it here when I came to RHOD.
> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are scared to think of him as a RHOD elder

Well it gives you an excuse for any of life's little accidents and under performances.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Yay! VeriSign shuts off SiteFinder
From: Kegs <me.privacy.net>
Date: 09 Oct 2003 21:39:56 +0100

"Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org> writes:
> TimC <tconnors+slrn.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> said:
> [moderation sucks more and more]
> > I will soon stop reading the comments, and just look at the stories, I think.
> I started doing that a few months back, except for the occasional Ask that sounds interesting.
> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies haven't even seen a good MS flame recently

Find a luser who is infected with swen, douse in petrol, add a liberal dose of match (lit), stand well back, rinse, repeat.

I'm not bitter, oh no ; )


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: How much asphalt would an Echidna dig into? (was Re: How much wood would a w**dch*ck climb...)
From: ossipewsk.hotmail.com (Richard Fitzpatrick)
Date: 9 Oct 2003 20:14:02 -0700

Joseph B. W. Shane wrote...
> Sniffnoy the Swordfish wrote:
> > Has anyone else ever seen this before? Do groundhogs normally climb trees? Or is this the beginning of a new race of tree-climbing groundhogs, which will eventually <something bad> us all?
> While living in IN, I never actually saw them climb, but would see them atop rough masonry walls, or on second-story balconies or ledges of building with such walls at night. I have no clue as to what they were after. The question may turn out to be no less baffling than the one about the chicken's motivation for crossing the road.
> So, the question that fascinates me is not "how much?" but "why?" Because it's there? Because it's cool?

Last night I gave a cow-orker a lift home. Waiting to turn at the last set of traffic lights before her house, she suddenly says "There's an echidna[1] on the road!" This is Drakeford Drive in Canberra - three lanes each way and arguably one of the busier main roads here.

Eventually I see it - diagonally across the intersection, on one of those triangular traffic islands formed when you have one of those "Turn Left/Right Any Time With Care" lanes. It's attempting to cross the first of six lanes of traffic and a very wide median strip. Fortunately the side it's starting from (the way into the city) is almost empty.

The lights for the traffic going past the echidna turn red, a car pulls up in the first lane and the echidna promptly crawls under the car. The driver is aware of this and doesn't know what to do, other than not move.

I should point out here that Australians may well have more affection for the echidna than almost any other of our native fauna. It's right up there with the platypus and wombat - well ahead of koalas, wallabies and kangaroos.

The lights allow us to turn - I do so and pull up onto the verge. By now the echidna is tightly ensconced against the inside of the car's rear tire. I can reach it, but there's a reason these things are called *Spiny* anteaters. Bluddy sharp spines, too - at the base they're about the thickness of a cheap drinking straw. And no, unlike quills, they don't come out at all easily.

I can sort of get hold of the echidna by a spine on each side, but pulling on these to lift it is obviously not popular with said critter and (this is where the new Subject: line comes in) it starts scrabbling at the road surface with its claws and a few tiny bits of asphalt (bitumen, blacktop, tarmac, what-have-you) start breaking off. For something that would comfortably fit on an average dinner plate, it is *incredibly* strong.

I managed to get it around to the front of the tire, but there was no way to pick it up. Its claws, spines and frantic struggling are just way too much. It's not even trying to run - at least that way we could have herded it. Natasha (aforementioned cow-orker) suggests "Can you use your jacket?" Hmmm. This is my best suit, the only one that fits... Oh, what the hell.

To cut an already long story short, we manage to wrap the little bastard up in the jacket - and yes, the spines are sharp enough to poke through, so sharp that they didn't cause permanent holes - and lug it over to the trees and undergrowth on the embankment between the road and the houses. We release it and it does its normal defence thing of digging itself slightly into the ground, leaving only the spines sticking up - this is what it had been trying to do on the road, of course. We left it alone and it showed no sign of wanting to return to the road, at least.

On the way back home after dropping Natasha off, I saw the little blighter merrily scampering up the embankment - away from the traffic. Phew.

I love Canberra.

Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti knows the connection between an echidna and the difference between a son and a daughter.

[1] Tachyglossus aculeatus - http://home.mira.net/~areadman/echidna.htm


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: How much asphalt would an Echidna dig into? (was Re: How much wood would a w**dch*ck climb...)
From: "Lane Gray, Czar Castic" <CGray2.kc.Pb.rr.com>
Date: Sun, 12 Oct 2003 14:02:30 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
> Lane Gray, Czar Castic wrote...
>> Tres cool, other than the bit about the jacket.
> S'okay, the spines were effectively like needles - when they came out, they left no permanent holes.

Yeah, I saw that, and was thinking that they must sorta hurt going into skin being that thin and sharp. Well, they wouldn't hurt if they went *straight* in, but that's not likely to happen, one of you is gonna be moving.

>> Trumps our story of having a great blue heron in our camp for breakfast at the local nudist camp.
> You had blue heron for breakfast? I bet it tasted like whooping crane - or spotted owl...

Naah, they all taste like chicken.

But I'll tell the tale anyway.

I suppose it's already known in here that Hippie and I are naturists (the modern word for "nudist"), and spend as much time during the summer as we can out at lake Edun ( http://www.lakeedun.com ).

One morning, shortly after rolling out of our tent, we were sitting down on our towels, having breakfast, and waiting for the water to boil to have coffee, and a female Great Blue Heron walked up the path into our campsite. I saw her coming up the path, and quietly told Hippie not to move, and we just sat there watching her walking up the path. She stopped dead in her tracks when she finally saw us, and spent the next full five minutes preening, stretching, and generally making sure we weren't a threat, all no more than about 15 feet from us.

Then the water boiled, and the lid on the pot rattled, which panicked the bird, and she took off the other way down the trail.

Just a really cool way to start the day.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Question
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Fri, 10 Oct 2003 04:05:25 -0000

Kegs <me.privacy.net> said:
> "Daniel Parker" <dmparker.dmparker.com> writes:
>> He's new, you can still smell the new-user smell on him...they sell that in stores now...
> I love the smell of n00bs in the morning,

Yeah, but I prefer b00bs.


Or at least I would.


Okay, so I think I would.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wear a size-AA mansiere


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Badger Mushroom Snake
From: ossipewsk.hotmail.com (Richard Fitzpatrick)
Date: 12 Oct 2003 20:23:50 -0700

GW De Lacey wrote...
> Jellyroll Papadopoulos wrote:
> >Also Sprach GW De Lacey:
> >> Perhaps I'll just have another cupcake.
> ><sigh>
> That's some malcontent grepper you have there. Can I have a pup from it?

You'll just have to wait for your cue.

Cue. That's "cupcake" when you take the pcak out of it.

Oh, leave me alone.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Congrats
From: Dave Hinz <davehinz.spamcop.net>
Date: 13 Oct 2003 12:02:48 GMT

Henriette Kress <spamtrap.hetta.spamcop.net> wrote:
> Dave Hinz wrote:
>> Henriette Kress wrote:
>>> to t'guys down under, I guess. What with Schwarzenegger making gov'nor and all.
>> {applause} Well done, Hetta.
><beam>
> See? Politics is as easy as geography.

Well, as long as you realize that he's the governor of .ca, not .au, right?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Congrats
From: Henriette Kress <spamtrap.hetta.spamcop.net>
Date: Mon, 13 Oct 2003 20:14:58 +0300

Tom Harrington wrote:
> God Rudy <rudy.mail.attic.ccc> wrote:
>> Henriette Kress wrote:
>> > Yes but from .au, right?
>> But Arnold Schwarzenegger is from .at NOT .au !
> Despite the accent, he's not German. But .au is right next door and speaks the same language.

That can't be right. Strayans speak a weird sort of English, but to go so far as to call it German -- nah.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Congrats
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2003 17:21:34 +0100

Henriette Kress <spamtrap.hetta.spamcop.net> writes
>Tom Harrington wrote:
>>> That can't be right. Strayans speak a weird sort of English, but to go so far as to call it German -- nah.
>> It isn't the vocabulary or the grammar that make it so different from normal English, it's just the accent.
>Mmmm yes. And if they don't understand you right away, . . YOU . . JUST . . HAVE . . TO . . SPEAK . . SLOWLY . . AND . . LOUDLY.
>That always works.

Works for Arnie, evidently.

But, yes, it's a well-known fact that we British used to rule the known world and, while doing so, taught the natives how to speak proper. So any attempt by some curmudgeonly Johnny Foreigner to pretend he doesn't understand the Queen's English when you address him, is best countered by taking out your riding-stock and giving the blighter a dem good thrashing.

This also works on Americans. Well, small ones, anyway.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*---It should not, however, be tried on Geordies or Glaswegians--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Congrats
From: Henriette Kress <spamtrap.hetta.spamcop.net>
Date: Mon, 13 Oct 2003 20:16:24 +0300

Dave Hinz wrote:
> Henriette Kress wrote:
>> Dave Hinz wrote:
>>> Henriette Kress wrote:
>>>> to t'guys down under, I guess. What with Schwarzenegger making gov'nor and all.
>>> {applause} Well done, Hetta.
>><beam>
>> See? Politics is as easy as geography.
> Well, as long as you realize that he's the governor of .ca, not .au, right?

Oh that's right. I think we should congrat the Canananadians too, for their new gov'ner. Finally somebody who can make a splash in t'press!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Congrats
From: Donald Welsh <dwelsh.nospam.melbpc.org.au>
Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2003 08:50:54 +1000

Henriette Kress wrote:
> Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
>> ; Well, as long as you realize that he's the governor of .ca, not .au, right?
>> No, he's not. .ca has a Prime Minister, not a Governor.
> That can't be right - he was just elected, it was all over yahoo news, with a slideshow and everything.

That's pretty convincing. If somebody on Usenet saw a slideshow on the Web, it must be true.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Congrats
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2003 17:12:53 +0100

Che Gannarelli <che_dot_gannarelli.ucl.ac.uk> writes
>P.S. As you've probably guessed, I don't think much of the Queen as a HOS full stop; abroad or here in Blighty.

You need to view these things in perspective... King Charles III.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*----*---*---*-----*----*---AAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAArrrgGGgH!!!--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Congrats
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2003 13:49:44 -0600

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> Che Gannarelli said:
> ; Commonwealth countries like .ca, .au, who still seem to think a foreign, unelected HOS is a good idea have, in addition to their own governments,
> Apparently, so do a majority of The Supremes, as they installed an unelected HOS here a few years ago.

Damn you, Diana Ross! Damn you, Mary Wilson! Stop, in the name of love, already!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Congrats
From: Henriette Kress <spamtrap.hetta.spamcop.net>
Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 20:08:23 +0300

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> Daniel E. Macks said:
> ; > As you've probably guessed, I don't think muck of George II at all.
> ; Oh I think you do in fact.
> Eitker someone swapped the K and H heys on my computer, or my Freudian Slip is skowing.

Yes, I've been meaning to talk to you about that, young man. You might feel that it's "cool" to have your trousers hang lower than your, umm, "fork", but it's Just Not Done here.

So if you want to continue to attend the Delphic School of Higher Learnings you better get a belt and suspenders, and use them. Both.

Miffedly,
Your headmaster.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Congrats
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2003 09:31:05 -0600

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> Dave Hinz said:
> ; Henriette Kress <spamtrap.hetta.spamcop.net> wrote:
> ; > Dave Hinz wrote:
> ; >> Henriette Kress wrote:
> ; >>> to t'guys down under, I guess. What with Schwarzenegger making gov'nor and all.
> ; >> {applause} Well done, Hetta.
> ; ><beam>
> ; > See? Politics is as easy as geography.
> ; Well, as long as you realize that he's the governor of .ca, not .au, right?
> No, he's not. .ca has a Prime Minister, not a Governor.

Does so have a Governor. See http://www.gg.ca/ . The page probably won't be updated until Arnold takes office.



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