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2001 08 B.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other title
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Sat, 18 Aug 2001 19:48:48 -0000

Screwtape (st.ferd2.thristian.org) wrote:
> Tom "Tom" Harrington schrieb:
>>Screwtape (st.ferd2.thristian.org) wrote:
>>> Tom "Tom" Harrington schrieb:
>>>>Tom Badmintonims Sevenburg O'Descending von Hiatt van Waitressestensmartest di Trustfully Jackdaw (tom.badmintonims.sevenburg.odescending.vonhiatt.vanwaitressestensmartest.ditrustfully.jackdaw.yoyodyne.com)
>>> Dammit, now I have to find something nameless so I can call it Sevenburg.
>>Glad to be of service.
>>For more of the same, see http://home.pcisys.net/~tph/johnname.cgi
> Tee hee! That's fun! Man, you should have seen some of the-
> Wait, I bet you log those form submissions, don't you?
> Aiee!

I promise to not tell anyone about Screwtape Enraging O'Reamer. Or Screwtape Adobe van Muff Stoppage. Oops!

> Screwtape,
> ...uh.. no, those entries must have been from... uh.. JIM, yeah, that's it! Blame JIM!

OK, I accuse JIM.

[No, there's no log, you think I want random web surfers filling up my quota?]


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other title
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001 08:30:59 -0600

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>Henriette Kress <hetta.saunalahti.fi> said:
>>dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks) wrote:
>>>dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder if women have an analogous response to men's turtle-reflex
>>Do tell.
>I see you seem to have finally figgered it out? If not, please followup to this post with a statement to the effect of "I have no idea what happens to a man's peniswhen he gets into a cold bath."

s/peniswhen/peniswren

Peniswren, n.:
A short, uppity bird that goes about making a nuisance of itself until it gets consumed by a feline. Surprisingly, this particular species seems to live for that final moment.

>dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder why guys haven't evolved a hard shell.

What, like an M&M?

--
pieceoftheuniverse - I have nothing against a temporary candy coating, as long as it gets eaten off GENTLY.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other title
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2001 16:55:26 +0100

pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com> writes
>Peniswren, n.:

Is that anything like a dicky bird?

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----Hangs head and makes his way slowly to rhod Hall of Shame---


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other title
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com>
Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2001 20:24:12 -0700

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> wrote:
>Screwtape wrote:
>} Jim Evans schrieb:
>} >El Gordollo wrote:
>} >> Jellyroll Papadopoulos said:
>} >> ; Maybe I'm just pining time for a nym-shift. Should I? If so, to what? Let the vote commence.
>} >> Bartholomule Jehosephat.
>} >Gesundheit O'Flanahan.
>} Sevenburg Greppingstein.
>Jugged Fishbreath
>Welsh Rarebit
>Haggis the Horrible

Norman Clature
Michelangelo Bonaparte
Blind Lemon Chiffon
Erik the Beige
Rothgar the Adequate

And I suppose if you wish to appear more Welsh: Yhexre Cencf


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Other title
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 27 Aug 2001 15:21:14 GMT

Jellyroll Papadopoulos <Never_Read.email.com> said:
>Maybe I'm just pining time for a nym-shift. Should I? If so, to what?

If you want to be root for a while, maybe you want a sudo-nym.

>Let the vote commence.

I vote for you to bring us all beer. Any seconds?

I mean for the voting. There will obviously be seconds for the beer.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are disturbingly sober for this time of the morning.


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 16:59:34 -0400

Gordol <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
>MOTAR the imperious said:
>; Gordol <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
>; >Ah, so you've seen DMP then?
>; What is DMP? Is that the source?
>Let's just say that he has a hard time going through metal detectors.

Now THAT is a double entendre if I ever saw one.


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001 10:47:03 -0600

God wrote:

Hmm. I just realized that my attribution line has some eerie cross-thread possibilities, but we won't go there.

>"Sid" <sid.siddhartha.8m.com> wrote:
>> I don't think RST quite qualifies as "woman"
>That depends on a strict definition of "woman". Although I note the small 'w' prepending the vernacular.
>God
>cryptic as ever and just as wity

Figures. Lord of all creation, power and might to humble all, and She still can't spell worth a damn.

--
pieceoftheuniverse - no longer worried about what it says in the Bibble.


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2001 02:59:52 -0000

MOTAR the imperious <motar.motar.corn> wrote:
> pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com> wrote:
>>>Vern-acular: Phrases used by that 'Ernest goes to camp' guy.
>>That's wonderful. I was referring to "wity," but ...
>>>As in, "Yunno waddeye mean, Vern?"
>>$DEITY, I haven't seen one of those in years. It must be a decade since I've seen one of those. The last one I saw was ... I think it was "Ernest Goes to Jail." I distinctly remember enjoying seeing him get electrocuted, but not much else.
>>--
>>pieceoftheuniverse - is it bad when you like the supporting characters more than the hero of the tale?
> The last one was "Ernest Dies", it was a bit sadder than all the rest. No sequels have been made since then.

Um, that wasn't actually a movie, thought MOTAR plainly knows what he's talking about here.

It turns out that there were far more Ernest films than even the USA's usual standards of taste can reasonably explain:

Knowhutimean? (1983)
Hey Vern, It's My Family Album (1983)
Ernest Film Festival (1986)
Ernest Goes to Camp (1987)
Hey Vern! It's Ernest! (1988)
Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)
Ernest Goes to Splash Mountain (1989)
Ernest Goes to Jail (1990)
Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)
Ernest Rides Again (1993)
Ernest Goes to School (1994)
Your World As I See It (1994)
Slam Dunk Ernest (1995)
Ernest Goes to Africa (1997)
Ernest in the Army (1998)

Judging by this list, I think MOTAR's only mistake was in the title of the last one, which by rights would have been "Ernest Goes to Hell".


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 27 Aug 2001 22:21:51 GMT

pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com> said:
>Dave Zero wrote:
>[about my opinion on Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back]
>>you're on fucking crack.
>I wish. Could you imagine a drug that made you think you were getting laid?

So now I'm supposed to fantasize about something that will make me think I was living out my fantasies, instead of just fantisizing about 'em? Seems like a lot of effort.

>--
>pieceoftheuniverse - looking for a fsking crack dealer.

Exactly.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies think any crack'll do


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2001 20:40:32 -0000

In rec.humor.oracle.d lab~rat <chase.cheese.net> wrote:
> No it doesn't, it's ALL fiction. (Cept maybe the part about flooding the world... oh yeah, the whole world wasn't discovered yet).
> And astronomically speaking, what happens when the sun is stopped in the sky?

Well...

Of course the apparent movement of the sun across the sky is caused not by the sun's motion, but by the earth's rotation. Stopping the sun's movement therefore means pausing the earth's rotation for a bit.

Given the size of the planet, and the length of the day, the linear velocity at the surface is roughly 1000 miles per hour. We don't notice it, because it's constant (or at least nearly enough so), and because the atmosphere moves more or less right along with it. But if the planet suddenly came to a screeching halt, you can bet you'd know something big was up. Mainly because you'd suddenly be thrown slightly upward and toward the East at 1000 miles per hour.

I can't really calculate how far you'd fly, because I don't know the angle of curvature of the planet's surface. Simple projectile calculations, of course, but only if you know the angle of launch. Realistically, though, you'd have other, more pressing problems. Mainly, of course, the question of obstacles. If you were standing just westward of any relatively-immobile object, you would in all probability slam right into it at a speed significantly exceeding that of most commercial airliners.

Air pressure would likely not be an immediate problem for now-airborne people, as the atmosphere would also be moving eastward at the same speed. But this is where the "relatively" part of "relatively immobile" comes into play. Many otherwise stationary objects would survive the sudden eastward jerk to one degree or another. But they'd then be innundated with 1000 mph winds out of the west. You think hurricanes cause damage? Hurricanes don't get anywhere near that fast, even one that was only 1/5 as strong would be a storm of staggering scale.

And then, of course, there are the oceans. Any body of water would, at its eastern edge, produce tidal waves large enough to cover entire continents. For starters, at least. After the inital wave, the water would slosh back toward the opposite edge and produce another wave of nearly the same scale. So, every land mass in the world would suddenly be overrun with Everest-sized tidal waves from both coasts. Followed shortly by smaller, but still tremendous waves at both coasts until the oceans settled down a little.

Which, since you mention it, might just account for ancient stories of worldwide floods and destruction.


From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
So where should a surfer stand such that the initial 1000 mph eastward flight will land him exactly on the crest of the 1000 mph westward-moving wave reflected from an ocean splattering into some east-laying lately-drowned continent?


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2001 16:46:28 -0000

Henriette Kress <hetta.saunalahti.fi> wrote:
> repo23 <illitrateatonetdotcodotuk.fubar.com> wrote:
>> it matters not when the earth's rotation is stopped, i imagine there'll be no gravity produced to hold us all down.
> Yep, that's right. Once the gravity factories get torn up by the tornados and tsunamis, poof, we'll all be weightless.

Gravity's not made in factories. Gravity is the LAW, baby. Violate it at your own peril.

I broke the law of gravity a few times when I was younger. I knew I'd gone too far when I was pulled over by a police helicopter, arrested, and sentenced to 12 years weighted down with lead.


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2001 16:51:13 -0000

MOTAR the imperious <motar.motar.corn> wrote:
> Does anyone here speak in tongues?

I do, but only when I'm speaking to an ice cream koan.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Wed, 29 Aug 2001 02:40:21 -0000

[Listen! It's the sound of a portal being closed!]

In rec.humor.oracle.d Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au> wrote:
> dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks) wrote:
>> dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are prosemite
> Lovely on toast.

I know that was meant to be read as "pro semite". But I can't shake the idea that it's really "prose mite", which I assume would be some kind of literary insect. What it'd be doing on toast I cannot imagine, but perhaps one needs to be Australian to understand.


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: johnyaya.usa.nospamthanks.net (Sagacious Euphemism)
Date: Tue, 28 Aug 2001 21:29:32 GMT

lab~rat <chase.cheese.net> wrote:
>Incidently, Pluto and its companion (or moon, depending on what side of that argument you sit on) Charon have a similar arrangement, but because Charon is so proportionally large compared to Pluto, the sides that face each other always face each other in synchronous orbit. In essence, one side of Pluto will always see Charon and vice versa.

Makes high-tide pretty boring, I'd bet.

>The question is, how does that affect real estate on Pluto?

How much money would unscrupulous real estate agents make from fleas who confuse astronimical references with Disney references?

John -- whose brightly colored kribensis cichlids tried to sell a certain bridge


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2001 22:18:20 -0400

Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com> wrote:
>Gordol wrote:
>> pieceoftheuniverse said:
>> ; pieceoftheuniverse - is it bad when you like the supporting characters more than the hero of the tale?
>> Depends on the movie. Think about what the following movies have in common:
>> Die Hard
>Hans Gruber
>> Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves
>Sheriff of Nottingham
>> Galaxy Quest
>Alexander Lane/Dr. Lazarus
>> Dogma
>Metratron
>Also appears/will appear in:
>Search for John Gissing ... John Gissing
>Harry Potter and the Sorcer's Stone ... Severus Snape

Brilliant casting for Snape, IYAM. Of course, Rowling might have written Snape with Rickman in mind.

I know when I write a mega-bestselling kids novel that adults can enjoy too, I'll be writing it with an eye towards what actors and actresses I'll want in the movie version. Only problem is this: how do I write a kids story with Miss July as the main character? Maybe she can be the school marm.


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: Kitsune Ninetail <kitsune9tl.hotmail.com>
Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2001 17:22:18 -0700

Daniel E. Macks dropped in my litter box:
<big snip>
> I'll see you using mushrooms to finally understand quantum mechanics and raise the spin state of a non-rotating object.

I'll see you hypnotized by the washing-machine, and steal all of your quarters.


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Sat, 25 Aug 2001 23:18:24 -0000

In rec.humor.oracle.d Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> wrote:
> You don't really know that, since if there are any NOT found, you wouldn't really know about them, now would you? You only know about the ones that ARE found. That tells you nothing about the ones that are good enough at hiding to prevent themselves being found.

Actually it does. Potatoes are extremely bad at hiding. Although they get into the ground and out of sight, they quickly give themselves away by sprouting large, flowering plants above the surface. You don't need to look underground to find them, because they basically put up a big green sign saying "POTATO LOCATED HERE".

In order for any significant number of potatoes to remain undiscovered, they'd have to hide in regions completely uninhabited by humans, or indeed any vegetable-eating animals. Antarctica, perhaps. Though anecdotal evidence indicates no green plants there, so the odds are vanishingly small.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am back
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Mon, 20 Aug 2001 13:30:21 -0600

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know what the hurricane said to the palm tree

Probably the same thing the prison inmate said to the newbie.

--
pieceoftheuniverse - but with less invectives.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am back
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2001 21:47:48 -0400

dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks) wrote:
>But I could have also just been drunk and a breeze came by and I thought I'd tell y'all about it but then forgot to tell y'all anything more than the sound effect of a drunk getting blown by the wind.

Glad to hear your sex life is improving.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I am back
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2001 08:33:38 +1100

Jason <jbeasley.primary.net> wrote:
> Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
> > Fierce Cookie wrote:
> > >Glad to hear your sex life is improving.
> > Couldn't get worse, from all reports.
> So...things are looking up?

Number 16 in the things you don't want to hear from your gynecologist.

Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Giving good answers
From: Jellyroll Papadopoulos <Never_Read.email.com>
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 06:23:48 GMT

Also Sprach Screwtape:
> I expect few of you have had close encounters with kangaroos or echidnas.

Listen, pal, one doesn't become the sole member of the Monotreme Anti-Defamation League (and keeper of the September Chicken) without encountering an echidna or two. They're the ones with the webbed noses and poisonous testicles, right?


From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Reverse that.
Thank you.
--
pieceoftheuniverse - whatever you do, don't feed them pepper.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Good news in lawyerland
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com>
Date: Fri, 17 Aug 2001 15:04:11 -0700

Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> wrote:
>GW De Lacey <gdelacey.byronit.com> wrote:
>> 'Cici in Texas' wrote:
>>> Sid <sid.siddhartha.8m.com> wrote:
>>>>>Do you think anyone would become a fizixcist for the money? Not in Stayla, anyhoo...
>>>>You could build a time-machine, go back in time and patent TIO/TUO.
>>>Which brings up a question we were discussing here the other day -- if you could use a time machine to go back and attend any concert you liked, which one would you attend?
>>That's easy. Beethoven's concert introducing the Ninth Symphony. The great man, blind and almost deaf, conducting his last masterpiece...
>I'm right there with you on that one. I still get chillbumps and can't speak for half an hour after listening to it.

I'm sure it would be fantastic.

Once you ignore the guy up front waving the stick and screaming for the mops to play louder.

>>It would make great TV today.
>Wow, look, a triple oxymoron.

I prefer to think of myself as more a nitro-moron, but thank you none the less.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Good news in lawyerland
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 21:14:47 -0400

HeySteveo.steveo.cjb.net (Robot Karate Man) wrote:
> Gordol wrote:
>> ; I don't think Marcy's Playground even got that far.
>> Sex & Candy. Didn't Paul's daughter start singing it in the car once?
>Does having the progeny of an Oracular priest sing your song mean it's a hit?

Well sheeeit, Steve. If not that, then what?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Good news in lawyerland
From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2001 08:31:31 +1100

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.webone.com.au> wrote:
> Fierce Cookie wrote:
> >"Lord Insidious, World Dominator" <calieber.bigfoot.com> wrote:
> >>My girlfriend once asked me who, if I were stuck on a desert island with a celebrity, I would want the celebrity to be. I said Richard Hatch. Then I reconsidered and said Bob Denver.
> >No no no no no. Dawn Wells.
> Who?
> Richard F.

Dear Mr Uckwit,

The Australian Competition and Consumer Commission has determined that you are engaging in anticompetitive practices with the village of Accident-upon-Potty in Northern Tasmania. Their idiot is unable to compete with this level of ignorance. Please make yourself available for legal proceedings immediately.

Yours etc,

(Illegible scribble)
Deputy Assistant Director
ACCC InfoCentre


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Good news in lawyerland
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Mon, 20 Aug 2001 13:58:45 -0600

Tom "Tom" Harrington wrote:
>Daniel E. Macks (dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu) wrote:
>> Tom "Tom" Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> said:
>>>Dave Hemming (surfbaud.allyourclothes.waverider.co.uk) wrote:
>>>> Cici in Texas <cclovis.mindspring.com> wrote:
>>>>>Hm. Tell you what, let's have them in order of priority. That way, if anything in the time machine's works goes aft-agley, you'll have already attended the most important concert(s).
>>>> That could well happen if you're using Microsoft TemPort instead of one of the Open Source Chronix variants.
>>>I prefer to stick with Macintime travel.
>> Izzat the app where you just click somewhere on a map and are instantly transported there?
>That's the one. Click on the Apple and you can go back to Eden to witness the fall from grace. Or even interfere with it, if you like.

Nah. Last time I did that, I was stuck crawling on my belly for six thousand years.

Geez, a guy tries to be nice and offers a woman something pleasant to eat, and this is the thanks I get. Serves me right for being chivalrous before chivalry was invented.

>The hard part is getting _back_ from prehistoric societies. Best you can hope for is to locate the legendary Chronan the Barbarian, <TOIJ>who is a friend of Og</TOIJ>.

I hereby submit, now that the Oracle is well over a decade old, that Lisa, Og, Zadoc and even the Anti-Oracle all be removed from the status of Tired Old In-Joke and be relegated to Ancient In-Joke.

The acronym is to be pronounced as "age," just to drive the point home.

--
pieceoftheuniverse - all in favour, do nothing!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Good news in lawyerland
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 21 Aug 2001 21:29:12 GMT

Lord Insidious, World Dominator <calieber.bigfoot.com> said:
>Tom "Tom" Harrington:
>>That's the one. Click on the Apple and you can go back to Eden to witness the fall from grace. Or even interfere with it, if you like.
>If I were there Eve would've been...distracted...

..."I know it's supposed to be here somewhere"...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies wonder how the universe would be different if Eve had died of laughter before getting around to eating an apple.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Final (Hono[u]r's) year project woes
From: Gordol <postmaster.gordol.org>
Date: Sat, 18 Aug 2001 21:26:48 GMT

Rhodnius said:
; >I'm probably going to spend as much, if not more, on the monitor as I will on the CPU/Motherboard combo. Oh yeah, I'm planning on getting the fastest AMD possible.
; Me Too. I just spent about $400 to build a new system (case, motherboard, Athlon 1.1, 384 meg RAM.) Guess it's AMD month in Rhod.

Maybe we-all just realize that AMD makes better chips? I don't have any empirical evidence myself, but I'm told that the Athlon 1.4G outperforms the P4 1.7G.

; Unfortunately, I rather had an accident involving said Athlon 1.1, an awful lot of smoke, and no heat sink. So I'm trying again today with an expendable Duron 850.

Duh, install a heat sink (and fan)! You gotta keep that smoke +in+ the chip.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Final (Hono[u]r's) year project woes
From: tcon.no.physics.spam.usyd.accepted.edu.here.au (TimC)
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001 11:43:41 +1000

Rhodnius (aka Bruce) wrote:
> Sid <sid.siddhartha.8m.com> wrote:
>>>>Duh, instal a heat sink (and fan)! You gotta keep that smoke +in+ the chip.
>>>Of course I had one. The situation went something like this: because of the shape of the case and wires and all, the easiest sequence to follow was 1: install CPU, 2: plug power supply into motherboard, 3: install heatsink. Unfortunately, the damn thing powered up after step 2! In the 1.85seconds it took me to realize what was happening, all the smoke leaked out of the Athlon. :( Damn ATX soft-power-on. Damn it to hell!
>>You were installing a heatsink on a machine that was powered on?
>>Sid, sigh
> *sighs too* Let's try this one more time. The computer powered itself up for some strange reason when I plugged in the ATX power block into the motherboard, when the heatsink wasn't yet on the CPU. I do not know why.
> Gordol asked why I was working on a plugged-in machine... well, the simple answer is that I always do. I've been known to do stuff like plug and unplug ISA cards in a fully-running DOS machine. This particular power supply didn't have a hard on-off switch like most do (and I always turn off), so it just sorta slipped my mind to unplug it.

Hmmm - new meaning to the words "hot swap":

<ZAP> Ow - this 240 <zap> ow volts is <zap> ow hot!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Final (Hono[u]r's) year project woes
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 21 Aug 2001 00:07:01 GMT

Rhodnius <erik.SPAMFILTER-dos486.com> said:
>[...] didn't have a hard on-off switch like most do

Me neither!

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies don't need Viagra to keep Mrs. Dole happy


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Final (Hono[u]r's) year project woes
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Sat, 18 Aug 2001 13:55:11 +0000

Sid schrieb:
<snip "do not break this seal or your warranty will be void" sticker on a Sid's new computer>
>Well, I did something smarter. The sticker is only on one side. So I opened the casing from the other side. But, now I was facing the bottom of the motherboard. So I then proceeded to remove the entire front panel and unscrew the motherboard from the casing. Now I have an extra hard disk and a sound card.

A friend of mine did something similar at University. It was only a RAM-swap, but he didn't remove the case at all - just the front drive-bay covers. It was late at night (projects due soon), it was cold, he was kneeling on the thin carpet floor, swearing, and had his arm, up to the elbow, groping around inside this PC.

I was standing by, watching. I said "You know who you remind me of, right now?"

He said, "No, who?" as he stifled an expletive.

"James Herriot" I replied.

He cried "You utter, utter bastard!" before shuddering visibly.

Screwtape,
...more people should read James Herriot. It's fascinating.


From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Your friend was right.
Thanks for spoiling the magic of veternary medicine for me.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Explained (sort of) URL
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001 08:21:39 -0600

Screwtape wrote:
>I have a decent collection of SNES games on my PowerBook, but am far too scared to open the laptop on public transport, which makes mobile gaming somewhat difficult.

It's only on planes do you have to worry about interfering with public transport's navigation systems.

I always thought it'd be interesting if some game programmer were to find out how to control the frequency modulation of a laptop so the interference allowed total takeover of navigation, rather than making the systems -- and the plane -- crash and burn.

Of course, knowing programmers, they'd have to make it interesting by bundling that feature with, say X-Wing Alliance or some other flight sim. Can you imagine it? The plane's ducking and diving, the stewardesses are flying backwards through the rows, coffee and soda spilling everywhere, the passengers taking on four g's as the player initiates a barrel roll...

Suddenly, the pilot comes on over the intercom. "All right, would the gamer in seat 47C please power down; we're coming in for a landing. Everyone, thank the nice gentleman for getting us here in record time. [pauses for groans and cheers] The stewardesses will be passing out barf bags and oxygen tanks just as soon as they regain their feet. Thank you for flying American Airlines."

Heaven forfend the gamer gets shot down in the game, though, or loses a primary engine. That could be bad.


Anyway, I'm pretty sure buses and underground trains don't require computer navigation, so you'd be just fine playing on your Powerbook without fear of dying in the next turn.

Well, in real life, anyway. I can't help it if you're a lousy gamer.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Explained (sort of) URL
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001 17:10:36 +0100

pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com> writes
<snip some fanciful notions>
>Anyway, I'm pretty sure buses and underground trains don't require computer navigation, so you'd be just fine playing on your Powerbook without fear of dying in the next turn.
>Well, in real life, anyway. I can't help it if you're a lousy gamer.

In which case Deathmatch could be a major bummer for your fellow passengers.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*---*---*-----*--Duke Nukem 5, stopping at Clapham Common,--
--*-----*--*----*----*----*-Balham and Tooting Bec (hopefully)--*--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Away for a while...
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Mon, 20 Aug 2001 08:31:33 -0600

Dave Hemming wrote:
> Cici in Texas <cclovis.mindspring.com> wrote:
>>And speaking of Mormonism --
<snip>
>>I have a jillion questions (like 'What IS "temple underwear," anyway?), but the questions will keep until I find a knowledgeable someone to ask.
>Well, if you read Schlock Mercenary ( www.schlockmercenary.com ) you could ask the author on the Forum, as Howard is a Mormon.
>And you should read it anyway, because it's very good.

Indeed. One of my favourite comics thus far.

In an interesting side note, Howard Taylor actually works for the same company I do (Novell) on the same campus, but I have yet to see him anywhere in a semi-official capacity. I thought briefly of seeking him out and asking for his autograph, but that could just freak him out. Next thing you know I'd be hearing "ominous humm"...

On a note that's a bit more on topic [1], you could ask me what certain things are, as, being in Utah, everyone expects that I'm Mormon by default (I'm not. I'm resolutely non-denomenational [2][3]. I'm one of those blokes that believe that organized religion has the same effect as a pre-frontal lobotomy, with the added effect of a weekly drain on the pocketbook).

>"In a series of over 700 operations he sliced, flipped, shuffled, subtracted and even minced the brains of his hapless subjects, but always when he replaced what was left of their brains, their behaviour returned to normal."

(Yes. Quite like that.)

That said: temple underwear is what the devout Mormon wears when going to service -- or door-to-door, which amounts to pretty much the same thing. Oddly enough, it looks exactly like a two-piece suit, and thus the average Mormon finds no reason to wear anything else. As such, they find the term "debrief" very disturbing.

--
pieceoftheuniverse - or, alternatively, it's what the devout Mormon wears so the priests don't get any ideas.


[1] Not to the topic of the froup, but on-topic to the thread ... well, not the original topic of the thread, but more like the topic that the topic turned to when it was realized that the original topic wasn't really going anywhere.

[2] I first tyoped that as "non-demonational," but fortunately my spell-checker realized that made too much sense.

[3] I've been trying to tell the "Elders" [4] this for quite some time now, but they seem to think that Their Way is the Only Way, no matter how many of them I shoot.

[4] "Elders" are a lot like missionaries, except without all the fun of the position and the fact that they go door to door like salesmen, rather than out into the jungle to find native tribesmen who would sooner eat them alive than listen to their preaching. Rather than find some nicer people who don't practice cannibalism, they've decided to stick closer to home and convert everyone within a twelve-block radius. Once they've taken over Utah, they'll start on the other forty-nine states.

And then -- THE WORLD!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Away for a while...
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Mon, 20 Aug 2001 16:22:58 -0000

pieceoftheuniverse (potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com) wrote:
> And then -- THE WORLD!

This conjures a pretty scary image-- of H.P. Lovecraftian Elder Mormons (Elder Clods, maybe?), coming to your door, with no intention of taking "no" for an answer. If any of them say they're named Cthulhu, run away screaming.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Away for a while...
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Mon, 20 Aug 2001 20:32:55 +0100

Tom "Tom" Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> writes
>pieceoftheuniverse (potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com) wrote:
>> Actually, what's really odd is that none of these folks seem to have first names. It's always "This is Elder Whisinhower, and this is Elder Copacabana. What's your name?"
>"I'm Elder Berry. And this old guy here's my buddy Elder Lee. And please meet my friend, Beldar the Welder. He's from France."

And let's not forget their extremely wealthy colleague, Elder Ado.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*----*-----*-richard.molerat.demon.co.uk-
--*----*--Wealthy / Church of the Latter Day Saints: an oxymormon--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: This is a test
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com>
Date: Sat, 18 Aug 2001 17:40:42 -0700

marcj.zwallet.com wrote:
>test

Very well, but be aware that this will be 20% of your final grade.


Solve the following, (Show your Work)

1) Gordol has 10 cans of lunch meat he is selling for $4 each (each can provides three servings), 32 sodas at $0.75 each, 16 bags of chips at $1 each, eight loaves of bread for $3.00 each. Hetta is buying lunch for the 18 people in her band, but she only has $20. What is the optimal distribution of ingredients in order for Hetta to feed the band.

2) Diagram the following sentence:

It's not that I don't mind the smell, Gordol thought as she lit the flamethrower and set the fuel to maximum, it's just that the molerats had just finished painting the fence.

3) Out of Band data can best be referred to as:

[ ] Additional signal carrier that contains undefined information.
[ ] Packet noise that can be safely discarded at the IP layer.
[ ] Erroneous loss of content resulting from harmonic disturbances.
[ ] The end of Brent Spiner's singing career.


4) Complete the following sequence

Maple Ridge : San Fransisco : Boise :

5) Translate the following:

Go gcreime maorlathaí míthrócaireach do chuid calóga arbhair.

6) Compare and contrast the following:

Beach Cooler TA


You have 10 minutes, good luck!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: This is a test
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com>
Date: Sun, 19 Aug 2001 08:29:27 -0700

Gordol <postmaster.gordol.org> wrote:
>TechnoAtheist said:
>; 2) Diagram the following sentence:
>; It's not that I don't mind the smell, Gordol thought as she lit the
>I had a sex-change operation and no one told me?


Well, two that I know of.


It was a particularly good party.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: The ultimate question
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001 20:14:32 -0000

Lemon Fresh Muffet (cosmic_muffet.hotmail.com) wrote:
> Lamb: mint jelly? or not mint jelly?
> I personally am undecided but lean towards either a tiny amount of jelly or none at all.

I was under the impression that K-Y was preferred.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: I need a help about oracle installation and managing database
From: GW De Lacey <gdelacey.byronit.com>
Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2001 20:12:17 +1000

'Computer LENA' wrote:
>I installed oracle 8i client and oracle server...

Well, there's your mistake. The Oracle is neither client nor servant. May I be incredibly helpful and suggest you delete both and install Oracle Omniscient?

From: "Computer LENA" <lena_sas.iol.it>
Sorry, I don't understand.
What is Oracle Omniscent?

From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
There are Oracle modules available to store physical attributes as data. For example, the Pheromone patch allows the encoding, storage, retrieval, and recreation of a virtually unlimited number of distinct aromas. This enhanced database system is called "Omniscent".

HTH,
dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies smell a newbie


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Explained URL
From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
Date: 28 Aug 2001 01:58:52 GMT

Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> said:
>>>> Dave Hemming wrote:
>>>>> http://www.selectsmart.com/PRO/beliefnet/index1.html
>It says I'm 100% Secular Humanist with a 10% chance of becoming a Jehovah's Witness.

You're gonna go door-to-door warning that nobody is coming?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know why female Jehovah's Witnesses are so flat-chested


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Explained URL
From: Jim Evans <jevans.physics.uottawa.ca>
Date: Sat, 25 Aug 2001 22:41:52 -0400

Comrade Lord Insidious, Dominator of Worlds, wrote:
> And, Mormons over Sikhs?

You got it. Five card stud, Mormons over Sikhs, Catholics are wild.

Place your bets.


From: dmacks.mail.sas.upenn.edu (Daniel E. Macks)
You got it. Five card stud, Mormons over Sikhs, Catholics are wild.
And how!
I mean, um...
dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies start much too late


From: Ian Davis <Ian.Davis.ludwig.edu.au>
You got it. Five card stud, Mormons over Sikhs, Catholics are wild.
Wild? They're bloody furious!
Ian.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Explained URL
From: pieceoftheuniverse <potu.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2001 14:43:07 -0600

Tom "Tom" Harrington wrote:
>Jim Evans (jevans.physics.uottawa.ca) wrote:
>> Comrade Lord Insidious, Dominator of Worlds, wrote:
>>> And, Mormons over Sikhs?
>> You got it. Five card stud, Mormons over Sikhs, Catholics are wild.
>> Place your bets.
>Wait a minute. First, what constitutes a flush in this game?

That depends on what suite you want the flush in.

Mormons: One King, four Queens. There are no Mormon Aces, Jacks, or Tens.

Catholics: One King, One Queen, three Jacks (or two Jacks and one Jill) (allowed six cards to complete a flush if necessary). There are no tens in the Catholic suite; there is a Pope, that serves as an Ace, but it's not allowed to be in any hand (ever play Old Maid?).

Sikhs: Any sequence, in or out of order, since rules are nothing but the followings of blind rituals and superstitions. There are no Kings, Queens, or Jacks in this suite.

Liberal Unitarian: Royal flushes only: Ace, King, Queen, Jack, Ten.

--
pieceoftheuniverse - don't start me on what constitutes a "full house."


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Redivivus!
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: Sun, 26 Aug 2001 10:25:24 -0500

Screwtape wrote:
} >> Am I the only one who has to think for a few seconds to remember who Paul Hogan was?
} >Unfortuately, probably not.
} Does North America know any other people famous for being Australian?

Well, there is that "Foster" guy that's always trying to teach us a foreign language.

Oh, and that "Paulene Hansen" person, as well.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Redivivus!
From: st.ferd2.thristian.org (Screwtape)
Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2001 21:17:16 +1000

JIM Evans schrieb:
>Comrade Screwtape wrote:
>> Jim Evans schrieb:
>> >Comrade Screwtape wrote:
>> >> Jim Evans schrieb:

Well, paint me pink and extrapolate my reputation, what a coincidence that is!

>> >> >Zounds and Gadzooks.
>> >> I've said it before, but obviously prematurely:
>> >Oh my Gawd, Screwtape had a premature interjection!
>> The ol' trigger finger gettin' a bit rusty, I'm afraid.
>Lubrication is the key.

Next time I'm locked out of my house, I'll remember to grease the palms of the guards.

>> >> Of course, you're looking for the word "ricochet", bouncing around all over the world as one does.
>> >That's more Sid than I.
>> *cough*Oxford*cough*
>Does one trip constitute "bouncing"? No matter.

How turbulent can you make your flight?

>> 'sides, that's more Hetta than Sid, non?
>In terms of proximity, I suppose. Yay! Rhoddite convention in Oxford! We'll show the Moessbavarians a *real* "poster session".

Is that the sort of session that results in a "poster child"?

>> >> Am I the only one who has to think for a few seconds to remember who Paul Hogan was?
>> >Unfortuately, probably not.
>> Does North America know any other people famous for being Australian?
>Well, there's Barry Humphries, who's famous for being Australian and dressing up like a woman.

I hear he's sleeping with Dame Edna.

>And there's that guy who used to do the Energizer (or was it Duracell?) commercials in the 80's, who was famous for being an Australian version of Mr. T.

IIRC, I only ever knew him by the unusual epithet of "Jacko" - luckily, I never heard from him again.

Unfortunately, much of Being Australian is about avoiding being famous. If you try and get famous, you're regarded as a drongo and get The Boot. If you simply can't avoid being famous, (politicians, entertainers, etc) you have to give the public a plausible reason for being a drongo - being wishy-washy, or weird, or whatever, so you don't get lynched.

It's a firm belief in Australia that famous people are drongos, and we feel very strongly about attempts to upset the status quo.

>> >> Vroom!
>> > JIM, Screwtape is a tractor?
>> Err, no, but it's the only word of the Old Tounge I learned, and thought you might appreciate the gesture.
>Very kind of you. That's about all there is, really, except for those sounds where you imitate driving through slurpy, sloppy mud.

I don't think you can truly pronounce those words properly unless you can identify with the emotions involved. Sadly, nobody's ever forced me to drag a heavy load in the rain.

>But then I assume rhoodites have mastered that noise.

Not with the mouth, though.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Test Message
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com>
Date: Mon, 27 Aug 2001 20:46:23 -0700

homer_mclennan.excite.com wrote:
>Test message. Thank you,

I did, and it failed miserably.

I mean it hardly lasted an hour in the microwave.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: "Duh" quote of the week
From: tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net (Tom "Tom" Harrington)
Date: Tue, 28 Aug 2001 16:08:29 -0000

Gordol (postmaster.gordol.org) wrote:
> From the SciFi Wire news, http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/art-main.html?2001-08/27/11.00.film
> | Pop star and actress Aaliyah, slated to co-star in the two upcoming Matrix sequels, died in an airplane crash over the weekend, throwing into question her role in the two films, wire services reported.
> If the actress dies, doesn't that mean that she can no longer star in the movie? Sure, it may be a breach of contract, but who can they sue?

Being dead didn't stop Bela Lugosi from starring in "Plan 9 From Outer Space", so I don't see why it should stop this woman.

They just need to make a few adjustments to deal with this ability impairment. She can still do scenes that involve lying on a bed, for example. Or floating in a swimming pool. And there's the old favorite dead-body-falls-out-of-cabinet-scaring-someone shot. Combine that with a few scraps of her alive, from the cutting room floor of a previous film, and you've got yourself a star.


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: TechnoAtheist <TA.SpamIsBad.delphicresearch.com>
Date: Wed, 29 Aug 2001 08:11:53 -0700

"Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.webone.com.au> wrote:
>Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti wonders if Unitarian Universalists follow one track or all of them.

Now if you'll please turn your Hymnal to page three thousand eight hundred and sixty two, let us rise and sing "Oh Mighty Vrlorqk, who doth Gronk our Vzeebledweps".

Oh Mighty Vrlorqk, who doth Gronk our Vzeebledweps, to thee we blurble our twallgars,
Who moistens our blorfnars..

Yes Brother Thomas?

Vrlorqk is the deity of the Lesser Grixlar. Their planet is located near the far side of the core. Now let us continue

To thee we squirt our lurrblbags..

Yes Brother Thomas?

Well, since we have decided to be truly Universal Unitarians, we didn't really want to leave anyone or thing out, well, Ok so I removed the Orthodox Zzrkqks from the Wheel of Religion, but that's only because it took two days to fumigate the place the last time. And I made the w'EElIEEE a bit smaller than the rest because we got complaints from the neighbors about the four hours of high pitched squeeling. Now, if we may continue..

Oh keep us safe from snarglefargs
and folks with sans-a-belt slacks...


Newsgroups: alt.fan.jessica-alba,rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: If jessica is so hot...
From: Gordol <postmaster.gordol.org>
Date: Wed, 29 Aug 2001 05:57:33 GMT

lab~rat said:
; For contrast? Notice there has never been a Pam Anderson plastic action figure?
; Well, except for one.

Herself, in "Barb Wire".


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Explained URL
From: Carla Miriam Levy <cml246.nyu.edu>
Date: Wed, 29 Aug 2001 11:40:31 -0400

GW De Lacey wrote:
> 'Dave Hemming' wrote:
> >http://www.selectsmart.com/PRO/beliefnet/index1.html
> >Find out what religion your personal beliefs are most compatible with.
> >Bear with me if I act a little strange, it's quite a shock to find out at my age that I'm Jewish.
> >Dave (Put the knife down and back away slowly, Rabbi)
> Hmm.
> Imagine _my_ surprise when I discovered that I'm a Sikh.

well you know what they say, "Sikh and ye shall find."



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