Jump to Navigation

We've moved! The new address is http://www.henriettes-herb.com - update your links and bookmarks!

2003 12 B.

Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Leave Paris Alone!
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2003 19:29:54 -0000

RestInParadise <nikola1tesla.aol.com> said:
> The next generation could use their thinking skills...

Yeah, 'cuz $DEITY-knows, this one can't.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are off to buy healing magenets


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Leave Paris Alone!
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2003 20:53:30 GMT

"Joseph B. W. Shane" <jbs2.njit.edu> wrote:
> I was sad
> that I had no shoes,
> until I met a man
> wearing high-tops
> printed all over with
> pink and periwinkle mushrooms.

Words we can all live by. Thank you.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Leave Paris Alone!
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 21:53:43 GMT

Lane Gray, Czar Castic wrote:
> Has anyone else seen the late 70s-early 80s porno called

Okay folks, new game. The above phrase starts each sentence, and the object is to finish it up with something that doesn't make you sound like you trade tapes with Peewee Herman. My contribution:

Has anyone else seen the late 70s-early 80s porno called "Biker Babe Zombie Vixens?" Me neither.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Leave Paris Alone!
From: Jason <jbeasley.shadowknife.com>
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 21:52:58 -0600

Fierce Cookie wrote:
> Has anyone else seen the late 70s-early 80s porno called "Biker Babe Zombie Vixens?" Me neither.

Has anyone else seen the late 70s-early 80s porno called "Insatiable"? Erm, hang on, I may have misread the rules.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yeah, I better not send this.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Leave Paris Alone!
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Sun, 21 Dec 2003 03:30:47 GMT

Viki wrote:
> Has anyone else seen the late 70s-early 80s porno called "Starsky and Hutch, Viki, and Huggy Bear Do the Dirty All Night Long?" Me neither.

I think I saw part of that one. I walked out when David Soul started singing.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Leave Paris Alone!
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 09:31:14 -0700

Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> wrote:
> Has anyone else seen the late 70s-early 80s porno called "Biker Babe Zombie Vixens?" Me neither.

Has anyone else seen the late 70s-early 80s Christmas catroon porno called "The Grinch who Poled Christmas"? Or maybe "Frosty the Hole Man"? Or how about the Rankin-Bass ripoff, "Santa Claus is Coming in Town"?

Me neither.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Saddam
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 18:55:33 -0000

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
> Richard Fitzpatrick said:
> ; > You know the opening of Pink Floyd's "Time"? That's my ring tone. In glorious MP3...
> ; But-but-but you can't play those bass guitar notes properly (let alone gloriously) with anything less than a 12" woofer... you just *can't*!
> No, before the bass kicks in.

Right, 'cuz we know when clocks and drums stop, is bad.

> Think... it's a RING tone...

I refuse to analyse the resonant frequencies of DMP's wang.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies weren't expecting his cord to be so diminished


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Saddam
From: Daniel Glick <news.danielglick.com>
Date: Sun, 21 Dec 2003 00:29:57 -0700

Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
[snip]
> And I don't believe your mobile/cell phone has a 12" woofer, nosiree.

Of course not. Doesn't your woofer shrink in cold water?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Bad time to be Lazarus
From: google.unitedheroes.net (TechnoAtheist)
Date: 16 Dec 2003 12:37:48 -0800

Ok,

So I take it folks are taking an early holiday or something? Sure, I go play dead again for a few years and the group implodes. Well, just spiffy. Here I was ready to describe in intimate detail the digestive tract of a Grue and there's no one here to share it with. (Well, I mean, there are, but they'd keep asking questions about whether that's a spleen or just a polyp, and really the camera doesn't do justice to the smell)

Ah well, I'll simply tottle off back to the hoary crypt from whence I came. All I can say is that if you kids don't stop playing with Gabriel's horn, there's going to be trouble.

Don't make me turn this group around.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Bad time to be Lazarus
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 20:56:44 -0000

TechnoAtheist <google.unitedheroes.net> said:
> Ah well, I'll simply tottle off back to the hoary crypt from whence I came.

Sorry, crypt() is a one-way thing; there's no going back. Mwahahahaha!

> All I can say is that if you kids don't stop playing with Gabriel's horn, there's going to be trouble.

Yeah, a whole load of trouble, if ya wanna call it that.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies like to blow until the walls come down


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Bad time to be Lazarus
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 15:47:54 -0700

google.unitedheroes.net (TechnoAtheist) wrote:
> Here I was ready to describe in intimate detail the digestive tract of a Grue and there's no one here to share it with.

We already know what the digestive tract of a grue looks like. It is very dark. If you continue you are likely to be eaten by a grue.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Bad time to be Lazarus
From: Kegs <me.privacy.net>
Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 22:49:47 +0000

Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net> writes:
> We already know what the digestive tract of a grue looks like. It is very dark. If you continue you are likely to be eaten by a grue.

Grues are recursive? RMS must love them then ; )

You know, that means it must be Grues all the way down


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Bad time to be Lazarus
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2003 11:09:31 -0000

Kegs <me.privacy.net> said:
> Grues are recursive? RMS must love them then ;)
> You know, that means it must be Grues all the way down

Wrong direction: a Grue recurses upwards endlessly.

dan, whose bright red siamese fighting fishies aren't Unix either


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Bad time to be Lazarus
From: Daniel Glick <news.danielglick.com>
Date: Sun, 21 Dec 2003 00:43:18 -0700

Daniel E. Macks wrote:
> Wrong direction: a Grue recurses upwards endlessly.

Unless it suffers from a terminal condition.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Bad time to be Lazarus
From: René Torenstra <r_torenstra._hotmail_.com>
Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2003 01:45:59 +0100

TechnoAtheist wrote:
> Here I was ready to describe in intimate detail the digestive tract of a Grue and there's no one here to share it with.
<snip>

If you go
>n
you'll find a Troll. He's not much of a conversationalist, but he'll listen.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Bad time to be Lazarus
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 09:47:08 -0000

TechnoAtheist <TechnoAtheist.unitedheroes.SPAMISBAD.net> said:
> Oh, and thanks for the scantily clad maiden, although I'm having a very difficult time explaining to my wife why my face was there. (Note too self: next time, don't claim to be playing a very oddly shaped harmonica.)

%%
I got the wife up-and-left
'Cuz-she-caught-me-with-my-deft
Tongue-in-someone-else's-cleft
Blues...yeah...
%%

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are off to eat the taco of a belle


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Spotlight (Worksafe URI - Flash)
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.lusersgohome.aunz.com>
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 11:13:00 +1100

Ian Davis wrote:
> Donald Welsh <donald.nospam.melbpc.org.au> wrote:
>> Would you say they're *evil* obtuse docs?
>"They're evil."
>Disclaimer: there's actually only one of me.
>Ian.
>If there were two, it would be a paradox.

I'm wondering how two Ians would constitute a couple of wading birds.

--
GW De Lacey... well someone had to say it [ducks twice].


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Spotlight (Worksafe URI - Flash)
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 02:32:07 GMT

GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.lusersgohome.aunz.com> wrote:
> I'm wondering how two Ians would constitute a couple of wading birds.

Just put it on my bill.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Elvis is back
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2003 22:33:36 GMT

And Sid wrote:
> It's the Return Of The King!

So Aragorn develops a Southern twang and re-invents rock and roll music?

Wow, talk about a departure from the source material.

I suppose I should put spoiler tags up above, but ... nah, too lazy.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Elvis is back
From: TechnoAtheist <TechnoAtheist.unitedheroes.SPAMISBAD.net>
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 04:46:35 GMT

A group of monkeys who have a really bad jewelry fetish claiming to be Richard Fitzpatrick wrote:
>Sid wrote...
>> It's the Return Of The King!
>> I just saw it today. Truly amazing. Will write about the show tomorrow evening.
>Please be VERY careful with your spoilers[1]. It doesn't open in Australia until Boxing Day (26 December).
>At least it's Boxing Day 2003, I s'pose.
>Richard F.
>[1] Not about the storyline so much, as about all the neat stuff the movie is sure to have.

Sauron dies.

Although I did find the dance number at the end a bit distracting.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Elvis is back
From: René Torenstra <r_torenstra._hotmail_.com>
Date: Sat, 20 Dec 2003 01:58:46 +0100

Sid wrote:
>It's the Return Of The King!
>I just saw it today. Truly amazing. I need to sleep now. Will write about the show tomorrow evening.

I can't wait. I have a movie date after christmas, but can barely resist the urge to go and see it on my own first.

(Shh... I am a role-playing freak on a MUSH. Yeah, point and laugh. Lamathinn doesn't care.)

In RL I am a musician, though, and sometimes play at weddings. A few years ago we played at the wedding of a guy named Frodo. Born in the late 60s, obviously.

He must have hated his parents when the sentence "Will you take this ring..." was spoken and a frantic murmuring could be heard in the crowd.

I don't remember her name, but the bride didn't look like Elrond. Or Arwen, unfortunately.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Elvis is back
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Sun, 21 Dec 2003 12:26:35 +0000

Sid <notme.hotmail.com> writes
>To bowl a maiden over:
>i. Remove Cover and Extra Cover.
>ii. Move fine leg to square leg.
>Hmm, I can't seem to think of a way to finish this.

Neither can I, but I think stroking the ball down to gully comes into it somewheres.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*----*---*---*-who's always getting trapped with his leg before--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Elvis is back
From: ossipewsk.hotmail.com (Richard Fitzpatrick)
Date: 21 Dec 2003 19:27:23 -0800

Sid <notme.hotmail.com> wrote
> "Richard Fitzpatrick" <fitzmor.webone.NO.SPAM.com.au> writes:
> > Richard, whose dull green Kampuchean loving ghoti bowls maiden overs.
> To bowl a maiden over:
> i. Remove Cover and Extra Cover.
> ii. Move fine leg to square leg.
> Hmm, I can't seem to think of a way to finish this.

[NB: the preceding and following are actually terms that you could, sort of, use legitimately in cricket.]

iii. Move slip of of the way of the gully?
iv. Move short leg to long leg?
v. Check the wicket for opening cracks?
vi. Ensure the point is where you thought it should be?
vii. Protect your stump(s). [Really!]
iix. Polish your ball. [Really!]
ix. Put it right up in the block-hole. [Really!]
x. A good one comes off the meat of the bat?
xi. If you get a bouncer, decide whether to hook or duck?
xii. It one sits up on you, either drive or pull. [Really!]
xiii. Stay within the crease, or you risk getting out. [Really!]

I think I've said about enough.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Elvis is back
From: Brad Beyenhof <bbeyenhof.SPAM.sbcglobal.SUCKS.net>
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 16:27:09 GMT

Richard Fitzpatrick at ossipewsk.hotmail.com wrote on 12/21/03 6:57 PM:
> Sid <notme.hotmail.com> wrote
>> Warning (for Richard and others who may want to watch this movie "fresh"):
>> The rest of this post contains spoilers of all sorts - visual elements, plot, best seats in the house, what kind of popcorn to buy etc.
>> Single-word synopsis :
>> Mind-blowing. Okay, so that's two words.
> Is this what you're trying to say, Sid?
> http://www.pvponline.com/archive.php3?archive=20031217

I actually heard a report on the radio this morning outlining the best places to take a pee break during the movie:

I. 26 minutes: when Liv Tyler shows up there are three minutes of non-essential romantic stuff.
II. 1 hour, 15 minutes: when Liv Tyler shows up, you have 72 seconds before a major plot development occurs.
III. 1 hour, 45 minutes: when Frodo says "I have to destroy it, for both of our sakes," there are 90 seconds with which to take a break.

The radio host also recommended NOT getting a large drink, sitting on the aisle, and making sure you know where the nearest bathroom is BEFORE the movie starts. Being closest the the center of the movie, possible break #3 is the best and most essential.

Just thought I pass the info along.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Elvis is back
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 11:20:38 -0700

Sid <notme.hotmail.com> wrote:
> The rest of this post contains spoilers of all sorts - visual elements, plot, best seats in the house, what kind of popcorn to buy etc.

I thought that ROTK had the potential to be a great film, but that it was ruined by all the product placement. I mean, whose idea was it to have Sam and Frodo eating Power Bars instead of lembas? And where the hell did Gollum get those cans of tuna fish from?

And this scene at Edoras was just plain inexcusable:

Aragorn : Everyday Frodo moves closer to Mordor.
Gandalf : How do we know Frodo is alive?
Aragorn : He called me on his Verizon cellular phone a few minutes ago, and sent me some pictures of Minas Morgul.
Gandalf : Verizon?
Aragorn : Nobody else has coverage in that part of Middle Earth.

And if that wasn't bad enough, there was Frodo, climbing up the mountains, constantly popping open the phone to say "Can you hear me now?".

Whoever put the Zales logo on the one ring should be shot. Along with the person who conceived the scene where Legolas is doing his hair with Miss Clairol Blond #2. And the person who got the "Bud Light" neon sign into the party scene at Edoras.

Sam is supposed to kill Shelob with a frickin' SWORD, dammit, so why did he use a can of Raid?

Geez, they even managed product placement for things that didn't even appear in the movie:

Eowyn : My lord, what manner of horse is this you ride?
Theoden: It is a Mustang. Fast, powerful, and beautiful, I would ride nothing but a Mustang. Ah, we approach a stream. Ford, Mustang!

And, um, OK, so Denethor's a messy eater. But I didn't see any Carl's Jr. franchises in the aerial shots of Minas Tirith, so I don't know where that big drippy sandwich came from.

I thought that the first two films had been successful enough that they would have been able to avoid this kind of thing. It's too bad, it ruins what was otherwise an excellent trilogy.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Wouldn't it be fun?
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 02:45:56 GMT

The Dumpster <daniel.doesnt.want.spam.dmparker.com> wrote:
> I never said that!

No, I did.

> > Your Pig-latin really needs work.
> > Ian.

See?

Have a nice lie down, now.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Wouldn't it be fun?
From: Al Sharka <asharka.my-deja.com>
Date: 18 Dec 2003 14:42:19 GMT

"Daniel E. Macks" wrote:
>GW De Lacey said:
>>The Dumpster wrote:
>>>Ian Davis wrote:
>>>> The Dumpster wrote:
>>>>>I never said that!
>>>> No, I did.
>>>No--Qusay or Uday
>> No no -- It was me who didn't say that. You said it.
> No, it was not only not you: I didn't say it either. Though I confess that I did not think to say that I did not say it until you said that you did not say it.

It was not only you and George; I didn't say it either, and also didn't think to confess that I did not think to confess that I did not think to say that I did not say it until you said that you did not say it until you confessed to not thinking of confessing that you did not think to say it. However, I did think of adding an additional dimension to this cascade, mentioning that this was indeed a cascade, and that the dimensions are now denial, confessing, not thinking, and the subject of cascades.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Wouldn't it be fun?
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Thu, 18 Dec 2003 20:38:33 GMT

The Dumpster <daniel.doesnt.want.spam.dmparker.com> wrote:
> Ian Davis wrote:
> > The Dumpster <daniel.doesnt.want.spam.dmparker.com> wrote:
> >> I never said that!
> > No, I did.
> No--Qusay or Uday

They didn't either. Please try to keep up.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Wouldn't it be fun?
From: David Corbett <dcorbett42.yahoo.co.nz>
Date: Sat, 20 Dec 2003 06:34:30 +1300

Ian Davis wrote:
> "Joseph B. W. Shane" <jbs2.njit.edu> wrote:
>>Ouday or Qusay?
> Your Pig-latin really needs work.

Pig-latin, eh? So their real names are Du and Squ?

If they teamed up with cousin eBay they'd be Squ-Be-Du.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: From my Dad
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Wed, 24 Dec 2003 17:38:18 -0000

spam.sc.pffcu.com <spam.sc.pffcu.com> said:
> Daniel E. Macks <dmacks.netspace.org> wrote:
>> Lane Gray, Czar Castic <CGray2.kc.Pb.rr.com> said:
>>> But has anyone confirmed the specific gravity of wet socks as 1.000?
>> Socks can vary considerably, so asking for specifics for such a general case is meaningless. But anyway, the density of a wet sock seems to depend on whether it is alive or dead.
> How charming yet repulsive.
> Socks can "play possum" (marsupiologists prefer to refer to it as "socking out") quite convincingly, even to the point of altering their apparent density.

It's true, but it's something of a misnomer. Marsupials become *more* dense when they enter this state, unlike socks, which become less dense when they die. This is thought to be some sort of defense mechanism. By becoming solid and dense, they become inedible. At first glance, a predator will mistake the creature for a rock. If by chance the predator figures out what's going on and tries to eat the poor creature, he will find it nearly unchewably-tough and move on. In fact, though the layman's term is "playing possum", this behvaior is thought to have first arisen in kangaroos. Kanga is quite a muscular beast, and when in this ultra-dense state is hard enough that a predator can crack his teeth! An encounter in the morning can produce a pain that lasts until night-fall. And so the knowledge to avoid eating marsupials is passed from predator-parent to predator-child: "you will roo the day you try to eat that thing."

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies know a thing or two about evolutionary bioetymology


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Happy festive season of your choice
From: TechnoAtheist <TechnoAtheist.unitedheroes.SPAMISBAD.net>
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 02:45:18 GMT

A group of dusty monkeys claiming to be Ian Davis wrote:
>Dear rhodents,
>My work area is to be renovated and my office is about to be demolished, after which I'll be on leave till mid-January. I'll still be deleting spam, I mean reading emails, but I probably won't be on rhod much till I get back.

Ah, nice of them to renovate before they tear it down. Demolition guys are rather touchy when it comes to having to deal with old carpeting.

>Whatever your faith, your friends, your festive season preferences, I hope that it is a safe and happy time for you. Whatever calendar you follow, I hope that next year (whenever it begins; Eternal Septemberers have a slight problem) is more wonderful than you can imagine.
>Ian.

May the all purpose holiday season bring you great joy and happiness and may the new year be the worst of the best years of your life.

(Hmm... You know, I've really got to work on that one.)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Bush Lied, Americans Died
From: spam.sc.pffcu.com
Date: 19 Dec 2003 19:13:04 GMT

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
> The Dumpster said:
> ; And we are no safer from the capture of Saddam Hussein.
> ; Get a grip America, wake up and smell the coffee.
> ; www.moveon.com
> ; www.alternet.org
> www.smirkingchimp.com

WAKE UP PEOPLE!

Ben Stiller is going to the HOSPITAL with ferret bites! Doesn't anyone see the CONNECTION?

Meanwhile Hellen Millen and Diane Keaton both have nude scenes in major motion pictures.

It's TIME!


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Bush Lied, Americans Died
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 23:11:13 -0000

GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.lusersgohome.aunz.com> said:
> --
> GW De Lacey
> Whose liver and white English springer spaniel can remember the time when the trolls weren't this lame .

AOL. I had to install a pre-amp on my troll-o-meter a coupla months ago.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Bush Lied, Americans Died
From: Ian Davis <not.all.certain>
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 01:45:29 GMT

Sid <notme.hotmail.com> wrote:
> That's a common misconception.

As the gynecologist said to your mother.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Be Excellent To Each Other
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 21:19:54 -0000

The Dumpster <daniel.doesnt.want.spam.dmparker.com> said:
> I'm out for a few weeks...

Let us know when you want to pretend you're straight again.

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies are glad he's giving the skeletons some room


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Today, I am the answer...
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Sun, 21 Dec 2003 03:40:04 GMT

Viki wrote:
> "Fierce Cookie" <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> wrote
> : ...to Life, The Universe, and Everything.
> : And tonight I get to see ROTK for the second time. Woohoo!
> : And yes, the movie is FANTASTIC.
> and a big b-day *SMOOTCH* to you, FC. Congrats. [on surviving this long, seeing the film twice, and the new house too]
> Viki

Thanks. The new house is going to be a major project, mainly because of the whole "moving" thing. We have boxes to pack, walls to paint, carpet to replace, and probably other things to do we haven't thought of yet, before we can show our old house. And then if we can't get enough money out of *this* house, we're toast. But if it all works out, we'll have THE dream house. I'm thankful that Beverly has made a place on a lake such a high priority -- I think she has visions of me heading out the back door to go fishing and de-stress anytime I need to. Come to think of it, I'm having the same visions : )


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Today, I am the answer...
From: Daniel Glick <news.danielglick.com>
Date: Sun, 21 Dec 2003 00:47:41 -0700

Fierce Cookie wrote:
> ...to Life, The Universe, and Everything.
> And tonight I get to see ROTK for the second time. Woohoo!
> And yes, the movie is FANTASTIC.

Happy Cosmological Significance Day! Don't go collapsing into a singularity or anything.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: My broadband just got broader
From: Daniel Glick <news.danielglick.com>
Date: Sun, 21 Dec 2003 00:45:42 -0700

Jeffrey Kaplan wrote:
> My broadband just got broader

Are you saying those pills actually work?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: House "hunt" is over
From: steven <spam.pieceoftheuniverse.com>
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 16:14:29 GMT

And Fierce Cookie wrote:
> I suppose that if you decide to build a house, you can't really say you bagged it in a house hunt. We are going to build a house on the 2.2 acre lot, on the lake, out in the country.

I know real estate is expensive, but to build out in the lake? Well, I hope you're at least out in the middle, and that you don't mind the whining of boat motors. And I hope it's *floating* concrete.

> Alex wonders whether we'll be able to see more stars.

Yup; for the first five to ten years or so. Then, as the population of the nearest city grows, not so much. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Unless you really *are* out in the middle of the lake, in which case, you'll have that view for a good, long time.

> We chose a different plan from the one we liked originally. We like it better, and it's going to be less money. Check it out at http://www.dreamhomesource.com/(snip)

Very pretty, but where's the basement laboratory? The secret passages? Sure, you have a "bonus room", but the door to it is out in plain sight; how are you going to hide that? A large tapestry might work, but it's still kinda obvious. And I'd suggest turning the garage into an astronomy center, maybe cut a hole in the roof -- yeah, straight through the bonus room. That can be your cover, anyway; naturally, such a direct line would only be necessary for launching missiles ... but I don't see any place in the plans to put 'em.

I can only deduce that a) you're not a real evil genius or b) all your evil-genius-type-things are at work. Even if b is the case, you should probably have lasers, not to mention a boat dock (you know, for quick get-aways). No telling when they might come in handy. Oh, and seal up those skylights; heroes seem to have no regard for normal things like "doors," and will smash through a skylight at the slightest opportunity.

> Now we spend our Christmas holiday getting the current house ready to sell. Whee.

*sigh* You're not an evil genius at all, are you? You don't just leave your previous lair; you have to blow it up. Or at least trick a passing hero-type to blow it up for you, and then you can claim it as a tax write-off. Plus you get to avoid having to keep the house clean for three straight months for strangers to disapprove of. You don't really think that all the lairs in all the movies/shows/etc really had their doomsday devices tied into structural integrity or self-destruct systems without a good reason, do you?

(seriously, though, FC: congrats, and I hope your house is everything you want it to be and more)


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: House "hunt" is over
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 2003 23:38:04 -0000

Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> said:
> TimC wrote:
>> Fierce Cookie wrote:
>>> We are going to build a house on the 2.2 acre lot, on the lake, out in the country.
>> Barstido.
>> When is the house warming?
> Late April. Bring your pool cue, and darts if you have them.

Okay. I assume you've already gotten felt, and have balls and a rack for us to play with...

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies have the worst case of rug-burn, milligram for milligram, of any creature in the universe


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Holiday Splurge
From: Richard Wilson <richard.molerat.demon.co.uk>
Date: Tue, 23 Dec 2003 17:36:10 +0000

Michael Hamm <mhamm.artsci.wustl.edu> writes
> Sid <notme.hotmail.com> wrote:
>> To add on to all the other extravagant spending that I have done in the past couple of months, I went and bought a 20 GB iPod.
>That's not so extravagant. 20 Great British pound come to only about US$35.

No, no, no, no, no. You're confusing them with New British pounds, which bear about as much relation to Great British pounds as New Labour does to the Labour Movement - i.e. zilch.

The exchange rate for one Great British pound (circa Victoria Regina) was around 386 dollars, 5678 deutschmarks or 1.7 Rhode Islands. In its heyday, one Great British pound would buy you a hearty 4-course meal, two flagons of ale, after-dinner cigars and brandy, and you'd still have change left over for a string of polo ponies, a peerage and a 120-acre estate in rural Berkshire.

In contrast, the exchange rate for one New British pound (circa Blairus Grindemonicus) is around 3.4 lire, 0.06 dollars or 2.8 Californias (ho, ho, ho - just my little joke). It'll just about buy you 3 individual Burger King fries or a train ticket from Birmingham New Street Station to the far end of the platform of Birmingham New Street Station (off peak rate).

You Americans really need to start paying more attention to international currency markets.

-Richard Wilson-*----*----*-----*---richard killfiled, use rwilson-
--*----*---*---*-----*----*--And don't get me started on the euro--


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: In the cart
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Wed, 24 Dec 2003 04:15:15 -0000

Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
> Today at the supermarket, some kid in the next aisle over kept crying "I don't want to get in the cart." The lady in front of me didn't know why I thought that was funny.

Did you hit the kid in the head and toss 'im in the cart?

That's what I would've done.

Anybody wonder why I'm not a parent?

dan, whose bright red Siamese fighting fishies can think of a few reasons


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: In the cart
From: "Daniel E. Macks" <dmacks.netspace.org>
Date: Wed, 24 Dec 2003 06:20:41 -0000

TimC <tconnors.no.astro.spam.swin.accepted.edu.here.au> said:
> Daniel E. Macks wrote:
>> Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> said:
>>> Today at the supermarket, some kid in the next aisle over kept crying "I don't want to get in the cart." The lady in front of me didn't know why I thought that was funny.
>> Did you hit the kid in the head and toss 'im in the cart?
>> That's what I would've done.
> That's what we *all* would have done. Unfortunately, the world is not full of RHODites.

That would have been an opportunity to bring us one closer to that goal. But anyway, I thought the real goal was only to have complete control, which we alre...hold on a sec, a black helicopter just dropped off some well-dressed gentlement who want to talk to me...

NO CARRIER


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: In the cart
From: Sid <notme.hotmail.com>
Date: 26 Dec 2003 11:21:42 +0800

"Viki" <vvidt.netscape.net> writes:
> I would not have done that.
> And I don't get the joke.
> This is not unusual, I know.

Monty Python. Holy Grail. Sequence in the beginning. The dead being collected. Man wants to send off father. Father not quite dead. Doesn't want to get into the cart. Man clocks him in the head and throws him in the cart.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: In the cart
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Mon, 29 Dec 2003 11:52:20 -0700

Henriette Kress <spamtrap.hetta.spamcop.net> wrote:
> Sid wrote:
> > In my continued holiday splurge, I have bought myself the Fawlty Towers DVD set.
> Which I find to be forced humor, much like the Belgian slapstick that used to be on t'telly here (dunno if it still is).
> Or perhaps I just can't find incompetence amusing.

And yet you continue to hang out in RHOD?


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: In the cart
From: Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com>
Date: Wed, 31 Dec 2003 16:02:02 GMT

Lane Gray, Czar Castic wrote:
> Jeffrey Kaplan <rhod.gordol.org> wrote:
>> Also, don't forget that if it wasn't for Lucille Ball, we never would have had Capt. Kirk et al.
> Right, as a result of her attempting to turn a small fortune into a largish one. I'm just glad they didn't end up combining things
> "Khan, you gotta lotta 'splaining to do."

That episode where Spock got a job at the candy factory, and was stuffing bonbons down his shirt, and had to eat bunches of them because the conveyor was moving too fast, now THAT was classic humor!

But then again I always thought it was kinda sad and cruel how Kirk would never let Bones sing on his show.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: In the cart
From: Tom Harrington <tph.pcisys.no.spam.dammit.net>
Date: Wed, 31 Dec 2003 10:22:14 -0700

Fierce Cookie <putain.de.2cv.mindspring.com> wrote:
> But then again I always thought it was kinda sad and cruel how Kirk would never let Bones sing on his show.

I personally thought it was just bizarre when the captain got pregnant from one of those alien babes, and eventually they added "Little Kirky" to the show.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Re: Our gummint at work
From: GW De Lacey <georgew.dnet.lusersgohome.aunz.com>
Date: Tue, 30 Dec 2003 16:16:22 +1100

Lane Gray, Czar Castic wrote:
>This just in from the Associated Press, regarding our dear friends at the FBI and Homeland inSecurity.
>http://tinyurl.com/2b4d2
>Apparently a little knowledge seems a dangerous thing.

I'm reminded of a time during the height of the cold war, when as members of the Armed Forces, we were often subjected to the heights of stupidity presented as information for our enlightenment. For example, a well known national newspaper (named for want of a better phrase, "The Australian") was often critical of the Government Anti-Communist line. We were advised, in all seriousness by Army Intelligence (heh), that the newspaper was a Communist organ. This was of course very obvious, we were advised, because part of the paper's masthead consisted of a map of Australia.

The map was always blocked out in red ink.

Nothing much changes in the fear and loathing stakes.


Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
Subject: Cat or Dog....
From: "Justin L Croonenberghs" <danruiid.702com.net>
Date: Wed, 31 Dec 2003 09:08:29 GMT

I was thinking of getting a pet, and I am stuck between cat or dog. While a dog is loyal, obedient and intelligent, a cat is spiteful, willful, hates you, and doesn't seem to understand when you point at a bowl of food.

But then, I like pain. What should I do?



Main menu 2